not so much lying...
but accidentally handing in a c.v written in german.

i didn't have a printer at the time, so i gave it on disk for my friend to print copies out for me. he decided to translate the entire thing into german, "for a laugh" , printed a german copy out and put it in the middle of the normal copies. without realising, i handed the copy in german to a well know high street retailer, and shortly got a call back saying they couldn't understand a word of it.

i said i'd bring in a normal copy, but didn't bother because my chances were pretty much already ruined.

so i say to my friend, thanks you german-obsessed fuckwit.
(wayneofthedead Dale Winton was my dad, Thu 13 Jul 2006, 20:56, Reply)

Working at the Holborn Jobcentre in London, now closed
Had a few laugh there at the expense of some Jobseekers though. Quite often we'd have to receive application forms on behalf of employers.

My favourite application form was from a guy who'd applied to be a baker for Gregs. The form was generally fine, except when he wrote about his duties in a previous job...

...where he had alot of experience 'Raping cakes' at a Tescos bakery.

yum yum.
(radio_shak has questions, got answers, on, Thu 13 Jul 2006, 20:20, Reply)

I got in a lorry trouble...
I put on my CV that I had a full HGV license, but on my first day I reversed the truck into my boss' car.

I couldn't back it up, you see.

Boom, and indeed, boom again, just for good measure.
(Georgie Porgie, Thu 13 Jul 2006, 14:20, Reply)

IT Sales Recruitment
This guy should have lied....I advertised for a Hardware Sales Person (specialising in Compaq Servers)....I had someone from B & Q apply....

3 years track record of being top salesperson on the floor in the hardware department.
(essbeenz there done that, Thu 13 Jul 2006, 13:33, Reply)

Bit late
But that apple picking thing reminds me of when I applied for a job as an orange picker in Australia.
I said that although I had no experience picking oranges per se, I had considerable experience of apple picking.
When i turned up on my first day I was given a complicated looking bag to collect the oranges in. I tried to wear it as a pair of trousers and was instantly relieved of my post.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 13 Jul 2006, 12:11, Reply)

When I were a yoof
I was working in a store in dublin during the summer. We were looking for some extra staff and received a load of CV's. The one that sticks in my mind was a girl who's CV read perfectly normally until you got to her hobbies.
Reading - ok
Cycling - nothing strange there
Dog loving - hmmmmm

Despite my begging the manager to invite her in to ask her to clarify 'dog loving' he refused. I'll never know how she loved dogs now. That's a regret I'll have to take to the grave unless anyone else can shed some light on what 'Dog loving' is exactly.
( sneep used to date Freddie Starr's hamster, Thu 13 Jul 2006, 10:55, Reply)

I've never lied on my CV.
I wonder how different my answer would be if my boss wasn't a b3tan.
(Darrage, Thu 13 Jul 2006, 7:51, Reply)

I may have inadvertantly given the impression

That I wanted their fucking job.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 13 Jul 2006, 2:47, Reply)

Chicken Sexers
A chicken sexer is someone who stands in a poultry abbatoir identifying rooster chicks and throwing them away (see the film Baraka, or possibly Koyannisqatsi, which portrays such throwing in rather a balletic way). He probably really did have a good eye for detail and he needed to bullshit through clothing a bit more.
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Thu 13 Jul 2006, 2:19, Reply)

More Lying Required
Advertised a position for an electricity trader, with background in business analysis. Strong attention to detail necessary.

Got an application from a bloke, including opening personal statement expounding excellent analysis skills, detail etc.

Then got to previous roles over last 15 years:

Current: Offal Sorter
Previous: Apple Picker
Previous: Pear Picker
Previous: Chicken Sexer (????)
Previous: Tomato Picker

MMmmm....more lying required. Gave him an interview anyway for a laugh. He turned up in shorts, wellington boots and a vest.
(Mandrill, Wed 12 Jul 2006, 23:37, Reply)

I've never had to lie.
I'm a full time barmaid. Getting a job for me involves drinking in a pub, drunkenly asking if they have any jobs, then answering two questions:

1. Are you over eighteen?

2. Can you pull a pint?

Although I imagine that if I ever wanted to move out of the industry, I'd have to do a bit of lying on my CV as working in pubs since you dropped out of college doesn't count for much when you want a 'proper job'.
(who_cares_a_lot, Wed 12 Jul 2006, 22:55, Reply)

One thing worse than lying on your CV...
Is being told you've lied when you're actually telling the truth.

I was once accused by an interviewer of fabricating my GCSE results & lying about the positions I hold on two boards.

Quite understandably, I told the interviewer in no uncertain terms to shove the job up his arse.

Whilst I could have politely offered to show him proof of the aforementioned, I'm not going to work for anyone dumb enough not to spot the years of fake experience listed on that CV...
( Sylia Stingray is pilfering the biscuits on, Wed 12 Jul 2006, 21:52, Reply)

i'm 15 so never had a cv but....
from readin some of these posts i've realised
you can make anything sound good:
watching tv = enjoys media studies
playin on the ps2 on tekken = involved in self defence activities
knows how to make a pot noodle = talented chef
(i eat crayons, Wed 12 Jul 2006, 18:22, Reply)

I told them I was eleven feet tall and made of solid bronze.
I couldn't back it up.
(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Wed 12 Jul 2006, 17:48, Reply)