Brown Sauce!
As long as I can remember my mum used to have a bacon or sausage sandwich at night time. Whenever I asked for some she used to lift up the top slice of bread and show me the brown sauce, and then tell me that it was her medicine and that if I ate it it would make me bad. Thanks mum it put me off brown sauce for life!!!!!!!
(Cups, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 13:57, Reply)

now I come to think of it...
when i was about 7 or 8 my oldest sister got a perm and my middle sister got her hair dyed. Well I wanted my hair permed but my mum told me that I was too young 'the hairdresser won't perm your hair because she says it'll all fall out' so i decided i'd dye it a different colour...my mum says 'they'd dye your hair if it was blonde ot brown but because it's red it'll just turn green...and fall out' I believed this untill i was about 15. I guess she was just trying to stop my hair getting all messed up. mY mum also used to tell me that thunder was god moving his furniture and rain was god watering his garden
( Roxy_Hart is so so old, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 13:35, Reply)

Lies (Sweet Ones Though!)
My Dad used to tell my sister & I, during woodland walks, that we shouldn't touch any of the fungus growing on tree trunks because we'd 'catch' the fungus & it'd then grow all over us.

Oh and Mum used to say that thunder was just God moving his furniture about.

If I ever have kids, then no doubt these stories will be resurrected!
(brighton_lanes, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 13:20, Reply)

oh god. i'd buried this one deep in my subconscious...
I trusted my parents implicitly, as they weren't the lying type at all - being Jewish, I was the kid who marched into school and confidently informed all of my little friends that Santa wasn't real and their parents were making it up, for instance.
However, we had a very elderly and ill cat, who I loved dearly. Eventually he became incontinent and stuff, and my parents evidently couldn't face telling a cute little 7-year-old girl that they were off to kill him. So they told me that they were going to take him to live at the vet's, with the justification "with both of us working, we don't have enough time to look after Marmie properly, but the vet looks after animals all day so he'll like taking care of him." This made perfect sense at the time, and was also completely acceptable to me because I liked the vet. I even remember having a quite elaborate set-up in my head where Marmie lived in the basement beneath the vet's surgery, and when customers came in he would ask them if they'd like to have an elderly and ailing ginger cat for free, which to my mind was a great deal, so someone would be bound to take him home.
It was another of those long-runners, it was several years before I casually asked my parents whether they'd ever heard back from the vet about anyone taking Marmie home. In retrospect, I guess the lie was rather transparent, but like I said, I trusted them.

Thanks for opening up old wounds, b3ta.
(pinky shminky, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 13:11, Reply)

This wasn't me
but a woman I know admitted that, having been driven insane by her 4-year-old's repeated viewings of Mulan on video, she and her husband told the poor girl the TV was broken and then - this is the best bit - hid it in a cupboard. At night, after she's gone to bed, they get it out of the cupboard and watch it. That poor child, she's going to be scarred for life when she finds out... "Mummy, can I have a glass of mi- wait a minute - YOU'RE WATCHING TELLY!!!"
(pinky shminky, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 12:43, Reply)

my dad was a viking.
when i was about 7 my dad used to do battle re-enactments and stuff. Him and his friends were vikings, every sunday they`d get their horned helmets and armour and swords and run around shouting.
The thing he didn`t tell me was that it was all pretend. He told me he was a real viking. When i went to school and the subject of vikings came up, surely enough i mentioned my fathers job. Mrs smith told me to stop being silly, i said no, he`s a real viking with a sword and shield and everything. Anyway, it ended with a screaming match and me being sent to the headmaster (mr gummery believe it or not) and getting a hiding with a slipper.
I`d like to say my dad went into school and gave him an eric the red sized beating, but he didn`t, i just got told to behave myself in the future. :(
(onspeed, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 10:58, Reply)

Awww
My boyfriend was tolf by his mum when he was just a toddler that babies came from the freezer department in Tesco, just behind the potato chips... She even used to point out the other babies that other mummies had just bought in their trolleys :) As he couldn't actually see inside the freezer's he believed it for years...

Cute x
(Calypso, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 10:27, Reply)

My dad is so weird...
he once told me that all the ladies in red dresses in that RobertPalmer (Addicted to Love) video were all men dressed as women. I believed him! and for years any time that video came on I would say "you know those women are actually men?" and look all smug with myself for knowing something other ppl didn't know.

Another funny thing my Dad did - when my parents first got married (30years ago) he wanted to bring my Mam to the GreyHound Racing for the evening, for the laugh like, she had never been before, so on the way there she asks "How do they get the dogs to race one another?" and my dad replied "Just like in horse racing, except the jocky is a small monkey."

Of course, she believed him.
(visigoth, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 10:25, Reply)

My sex education
What's sex Mum?
Something you do when you're married, AND NOT UNTIL!!
(boukha, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 10:17, Reply)

Mine where typical
Santa, tooth fairy...usual suspects really. But me and my sister still get stocking presents, so we get extra presents for no apparent reason, just tradition!
(insane....moi?, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 10:09, Reply)

Bike Licence
My dad told my older sister that she needed a bike licence to ride her bike on the road so she never rode her bike on the road again until she found out he was lying. that was about when she was 13!
(breakersbiggestfan, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 9:57, Reply)

Bacon
My mum told me that the stripy bit at the end of a bacon rasher was the pig's tail, and it was stripy because the butcher had had to uncurl it.
(whydobirdssuddenlyappear, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 9:27, Reply)

My brother...
...told his kids that when the ice cream van man plays his tune it means that he's run out.
(The Fretful Porpentine, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 9:24, Reply)

religion is fun
i once had to visit a church with a 4 year old who asked Who is God. If you answer slowly and nod, little ones just join in nodding like they understand. So you can get away with an answer like God is an esoteric eclesiatical anachronism.
(clanger, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 8:39, Reply)

A variation on the belly button theme
I was about 4 when I was obsessed with my belly button. My mother told me to stop poking at it, otherwise it would bleed and she would have to rush me to hospital.

This didn't work.

So one day, after a particularly interesting belly lint expedition, I fell asleep. When I awoke, there was "blood" in my belly button. She still hasn't come clean about why that blood had the consistancy and smell of my little brother's apple and blackcurrent baby jelly.

Dad also had the "got your nose" thing and "if you swallow watermelon seeds they'll grow..." etc, but his particular personal best was convincing me that Star Wars was real and that the monster that Luke had to battle in the pit on Tattooine would come and get me if I lagged too far behind on family walks.
(Firestarter, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 6:47, Reply)

Don't pee in the swimming pool
because the water turns purple and we'll know. Enforced by the fact that we were told this as we watched them pour powdered chlorine in the pool; supposedly the tell-tale chemical.

However a few years later - much older and wiser, we used this parent-con to good effect with the other kids that would use our pool (or at public centres on some occasions). A small amount of Condy's Crystals (Potassium Permangenate) in the pockets of the unsuspecting victims board-shorts before they jumped into the pool would leave clouds of purple water behind them. Closely followed by all of us in on the gag yelling and pointing - URGH!!! Mum, Mum, *******'s peed in the pool!
(.o0o.Purple-Circle.o0o., Sat 17 Jan 2004, 6:45, Reply)

For me it is reverse
Sure, my dad told me plenty of crap, mostly like what a sign on the road said. An example of this is when he wanted to spend some time with me one day so he decided to take me to see the rocketeer movie and i really didnt want to. we were in the car and didnt talk for a few minutes, but then i got curious and started asking him what a few signs said. he told me that one of them said "Dad and Robbie need to go see the rocketeer right now" i was 6 but believed it, saw it, and loved it. Also, while im on movies, my mother told me that after i went to see batman returns there would be a stand sellign all the action figures and i got so pumped up and talked about it constantly and when we finally went to see it i hardly paid attention to the movie and when we wlaked out i about screamed. there was no stand. i was fucking pissed. i dont remeber what i did after that.
BUT, as i said, for me it is reverse. My mother is one of the most gullible people on earth. An example of this is when this summer my best friend and I had jsut gotten back from a day of great paintball and she was asking all this stuff about it. it was a long car ride back and it got a bit annoying so i told her that this one kid who she had said looked suspicious (hes a goth with a bike and a jacket that says "born in sin") had brought this gun that shot out little mini saw blades. i was basically describing unreal tournament's "ripper". She got really freaked out and asked his last name so she could call his parents. i went on to tell her that he had been shooting at us with them and that a tree had actually gotten sliced in two right beside me. now, this is normally when someone goes "nuh uh" but she goes "oh my god!" i then proceeded to show her a cut on my leg that was bleeding and said tht he had done it. after a while, we told her the truth and after she cursed me for 20 mins i told her that i actually hadnt been lying and that the truth was actually a lie. she fell for the same thign all over again. it was great. i have some more good stuff but im watching pirates of the caribbean and it has most of my attention.
(wampa_stompa, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 2:07, Reply)

at about age 8 or so
I was told the dog had eaten some poisonous meat out of the neighbour's trash and died. somehow I got the idea they had deliberately killed him. after that I regularly vandalised their property until age 17 when I overheard my mother talking about her having had to put the dog down as it had turned vicious.

luckily I was never caught.
( sosumi, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 1:46, Reply)

almost the truth
We had a dog once that went crazy after being fixed (because of too much knockout gas) and my parents told my younger sister that she ran away. all was well until my older sister mentioned how they found poor Sadie (the dog) in a garbage bag at the side of the road after someone shot her. Needless to say, my sister cried for a very long time.


my parents also told us dad hit us because he loved us and didn't know how to show it. nice.
(spamcicle, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 1:35, Reply)

Training Wheels
My boyfriend decided to help my neighbors son learn how to ride his bike without the training wheels. He told us not to get rid of them because he might want them back. Well, his mom threw them out anyhow. So after the lesson was done the little boy asked for them back, saying he wasn't ready to ride his bick All THE TIME with no training wheels. His mom told him that she couldn't find them. However, Michael, my boyfriend told him a story, that I thought was so cute. Here it goes... Training wheels are very special. They are givin to little kids to help them while they learn how to ride thier bikes. So when your training wheels saw you riding your bike so well without them, they realized it was time for them to move on. So they rolled down the street to go find a new little boy to help and the little boy replies "Somebody stole them?" Needless to say, he bought it and hasn't ask for them since.
(Tibbles, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 1:14, Reply)

Wanking
Makes you blind...
oh! who turned out the lights...

*bump*
( Dave - KneHigHbOb talks, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 0:55, Reply)

i asked my mum once if
all the stories in the bible were true. Especially the one about Noah's Ark.

She thought for a bit and said yes. We weren't a religious family, but i guess she was playing it safe.

But I reckon filling a child's head full of religious nonsense is wrong.
(phantomboner, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 0:54, Reply)

when the quo play that song
it means the meme has run out
(kiwanotree Meh, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 0:38, Reply)

Sure Mom
She says she reads Playboy for the articles.
shiver

-told me this last month. bit crap, but it's my first post!
(spamcicle, Sat 17 Jan 2004, 0:07, Reply)

I remember
when I was very young (and still at primary school) my friends and I overheard the word "Condom" being spread about the school, as an older kid had recently found one, lying about the school grounds. At the time I had no idea what a condom was (I was only 8 and innocent although I did swear a lot back then). I then decided to ask my parents "What's a 'condom'?". My parents looked at each other for quite a while, wondering what to say to me. My dad replied (after a five minute pause)"A Condom is the full name of a Condo, which is like a big house." Well, being very young I decided to tell all my friends this and pretty soon we were each calling our houses "condoms". Conversations then became things like "Hey, can I come over to your condom tonight?" "No sorry, I've been grounded and my mum tells me I have to stay in my condom and tidy my room." All because we thought the word 'Condom' basically meant 'house'. This all went well for a few days until one of my friends parents heard him saying this and they explained what it REALLY was. Soon after my freinds all hated me for saying this and after this I never trusted my parents again. The bastards...
(Mr. Roboto, Fri 16 Jan 2004, 23:57, Reply)

New Years Eve
I only found this out over this new year but my dad said that once when i was young (probely about 6 or 7 or sommet) i was around his house and i wanted 2 stay up to see the new year but i was really tired so he said go to sleep and he would wake me up just before midnight to see the new year in but when i was asleep my dad changed all the clocks in his house and woke me up so i thaught it was midnight but it was noware near. O how much i love my father
(Steal This Person!, Fri 16 Jan 2004, 23:50, Reply)

I don't think my parents really lied to me
When I was 9 my dad told me a joke 'How do you get down of an Elephant?...you don't you get down off a duck'


I was 14 before I understood it.

My mum is the 4th oldest of 10 children, all of whom have blue eyes...except the youngest one. My mum told her she was found wrapped in blankets on the doorstep with a note begging my grandma to take her in...my mother even when so far as to write the note herself and age it by burning the edges etc...my auntie believed her until she was 15 years old
( Roxy_Hart is so so old, Fri 16 Jan 2004, 23:40, Reply)

My mother
When I was about 3, poured me a bowl of Rice Crispies and said "Listen, they're talking to you!" I started crying and said I couldn't eat them if they were going to talk to me. Twenty years later, I still can't bring myself to eat Rice Crispies. I had WAY too active an imagination for something like that.

My aunt used to tell my mother, nine years younger, that their real mother was a princess who would come to pick them up eventually. My mother spent hours waiting by the window.
(puttysan, Fri 16 Jan 2004, 23:34, Reply)

My parents never told me any porkies of note
But once a friend came to stay the night. The next morning was a saturday, so I jumped out of bed to watch the cartoons and Timmy Mallet. He asked me what I was doing, so I said I was going to watch TV, and he said "but there is no TV in the mornings".

So I proved him wrong, and demonstrated his parents were fibbing. They must have got a seriously bad time when he got home.
(wilesy, Fri 16 Jan 2004, 23:27, Reply)