8 years working in an operating theatre
I've seen most things being cut out/off/replaced.

one of the strangest was an ovarian cyst that was approximately 6 stone and about 30 inches across.froma 70 year old woman with a total weight of about 8 stone who had been bedbound for a year due to the weight of the thing.

the operation was going so well. carefully excising teh tissue aroud it with out bursting it etc, until just as tey are bringing it out of the abdominal cavity *POP*

imagine a waterfall of oily brown liquid that had the consistency or lamp oil and smelled like 6 week old tramp piss,cascading out of a corspe in operating stirrups. (she wasnt dead, just looked it)

now imagine being the surgeon who is trying to desperatly not vomit into the cavity as all this brown gank flows down his legs....

we sucked about 14 pints of fluid off the floor that day. not bad for a cyst.

then there is the time we pulled a dermoid cyst complete with teeth hair and what looked worryingly like an eyeball in it. i swear that fucker moved as we put it in formaline....

we had a cyclist who got sucked under the back wheel of a speeding scania (big fuck off truck) and had complete dermal degloving from just above his nipples to just below his knees. (bizzarely enough. no other injuries to speak off. just had all his skin ripped off)

ive caught everthing from fingertips to legs during amputations. in fact there isnt a part of a body you can remove that i havent assisted taking off some poor fucker. breast reductions. amputations. trauma surgery. and on one memorable occasion a bicycle spanner out of a whores asshole.

i have an awesome prosthetic bone that we took out of a patient because it went septic. it looks like party of the T1000 skeleton from terminator and cost a staggering 28 thousand pounds to make.



it was in there for about 3 weeks. the wound went minging and so we had to remove it. far too nice to throw away so i scrubbed it down and stuck it in some glutaraldehyde to sterilise it. used to use it as a tv ariel. 3 kilos of pure hospital grade titanium gives a great pickup....

yep, 8 years in the operationg theatres at UCLH london will give you an interesting perspective on life.

and very fast relfexes when it comes to avoiding sprays....
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 9 Jun 2006, 6:07, Reply)

ski feet!
i am amazed at how i missed this, but I had the weird birth defect of having my feet grow in two directions, so basically it looked like i had very small ski's on my feet (can't remember the scientific name for this, but i doubt the doctors can either) at the age of 2 this was very good, I had twice as much balance as those show offs trying to walk. so after much deliberation, surgeon decides to lop off the back of my heel. have massive f***-off scar there now, looks like I had spurs on my feet.

insert length/girth joke here
(scarydylan has lost his scare :(, Thu 8 Jun 2006, 22:47, Reply)

THE BONE!! OH GOD THE BONE!!!!!
i had to have a small pointles bit of bone on my wrist removed as it prevented me from playing tennis, or something equally as crappy. i don't even play tennis!! also its the only bone I had broken more than twice:D

Not excactly removed either, but I did have the middle bone in nearly all my fingers moved out of place when i got them all caught in a church door (great massive wooden and cast iron thing). hurt like god knows what, but i can do the worm with my fingers now :D

also not me, but once in a game of rugby, me being the cumbersome prop that I am, rucked over someone at the bottom of a ruck. I just saw the scrum half throw up in disgust as i turned around to see what the problem was. my god i had taken a lump the size of my lower arm out of this boy's leg! you oculd see right down to the shin bone. game was called off. I was seen as a match winner, coz we got through to the next round of the cup like that.

also, frioend of mine in anoterrugby game snapped the tendon in his finger, and it is now much shorter than it should be after healing too well. it's a shame, now he just looks like a freak when he shows me the finger for taking the piss...

apologies for length, but you love it
(scarydylan has lost his scare :(, Thu 8 Jun 2006, 22:08, Reply)

nose picker
Not about me, but an ex-girlfriend's dad who had lost half an index finger in an industrial accident, used to enjoy freaking people out by sticking the abbreviated digit up his nostril, looked like he had is finger in there right up to his brain...

Early in my career I worked at a texile mill where I don't think anyone one the shop floor had a full complement of 10 fingers.
(conkerking, Thu 8 Jun 2006, 21:41, Reply)

I have a hole in my heart, but that's not the exciting bit.
The interesting bit isn't missing but I do have a couple of extra ribs on the left side of my body that had to be surgically implanted there as my heart is a bit lower down than it should be.

The story goes that this was discovered when I was taken to the hospital as a toddler and was having various test for something or other, and the doctor began to look puzzled. My mother asked what was bothering him and he replied with 'I don't think it's much cause for alarm, as your daughter is obviously alive, but I can't seem to find her heart.'
( Fluffy elephants, Thu 8 Jun 2006, 19:54, Reply)

I Lost My Patience
Waiting for the QOTW to change so I'm off to the pub where I'll probably get....
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 8 Jun 2006, 17:57, Reply)

Heart
i left it in ohio with that whiny emo kid
(torture bunny lives under the kitchen sink, Thu 8 Jun 2006, 17:53, Reply)

Arse
My best friend has Crohn's disease, and eventually had to have her colon and rectum removed. As I couldn't be there to share in the gorefest, she helpfully posted me the staples from her operation, so I could feel involved. Bless.

Anyway, she told me she was being featured in 'That's Life' magazine, talking about her illness in an informative and positive way. 'Great' I thought, a chance for her to raise awareness about this disease, and perhaps provide help and reassurance to other sufferers.

I merrily skipped off to buy the magazine, and found her article. There was a big picture of her with the following headline slapped across it: "My bottom's been sewn up!"

Good old That's Life.
( Pachey, Thu 8 Jun 2006, 17:38, Reply)

The vanishing bone
When I came off my bicycle last July, breaking my wrist and finger, the surgeon took some bone out of my hip to make my finger and wrist bones whole again. But I hadn't broken the skin on either my finger or my wrist. So where did the bone from the finger and wrist go? Or do I now have too much bone in my finger and wrist (not to mention the titanium plates and screws (aka adamantium claws))?
(arml, Thu 8 Jun 2006, 16:19, Reply)

Rugby is a lovely sport
Playing in a game a few years back my mate Matt was playing fullback, when a very high Gary Owen (high kick) is launched in his general direction.

Matt being a good little No.15 holds his ground and only looks at the ball. Waiting, waiting the ball finally gets close to him and he tries to jump - only to have an opposition player use his thigh as a launching pad.

Queue Matt rolling around in alot of agony. I go over to check whats wrong, when I notice a chuck of leg meat about the size of wine cork on the ground.
He played on the hard man. We lost the game.

He has a fantastic scare and can use the hole to balance golf balls on his leg.
(Slatts If you cant remember it didnt happen, Thu 8 Jun 2006, 16:15, Reply)

Took my finger tip off
Once at work was cutting through some sheets of paper (design company).

It wasn't until I pulled my hand away to collate the paper that I noticed the tip of my finger still on the table actually still upright.
Cue slight panic and much wrapping of finger.
Eventually got to hospital to be greated by a mad nurse who quickly ripped off any 'make do' bandage and steadily wiped the top of my finger with what can only be described as a barbed wire substance.
I shouted quite loudly at her at this point to which her calm reply was 'it's just to clean out infection'.

Finally the doctor told me it would all grow back, and it has, including nail, quite a strange feeling though.
(Opanoid Look sweats dripping off them, Thu 8 Jun 2006, 16:13, Reply)

Not me...
but my mate Sadam allegedly had arms of mass destruction, never did find them.
(The Horizontal Monster Mash Mr. T Pitties Me, Thu 8 Jun 2006, 16:06, Reply)

I once had a few verrucas on my foot for about 2 years
now I also had a wart on my thumb which for some reason bugged me more. So I got some of that bazooka stuff and put it on my thumb wart. The strange thing is not only did I lose the wart but all my verrucas dissapeared too in a few days even though I didnt put the stuff on them, wierd.
(Absynth&Cheese Have you tasted my Jesus, Thu 8 Jun 2006, 15:53, Reply)

Somewhat worrying
Took off my top this morning to put on another one (didn't realise it had dinner down it) and a little white thing flew out of it. Hmm, thought I.

Now you know those skin tag things you get when you get a little bobble of skin? I had one of those in my armpit- had it for years. It's one of those- perfectly fine, no blood on me or the taggy thing. And it even feels fleshy- I've looked at my armpit now and it's definitely that that's come off. It's now sat on my side table until I can think what to do with it. I'm contemplating cooking and eating, but it'd shrink to nothing.

Sad thing is that the first thing I thought once the whole 'Bits are falling off me, and I'm only 21' thing had blown over was an intense wonderment about whether this question had closed yet.

Nobody ever does apologise so i'm most awfully, terribly and quite unabashedly sorry about the length/girth/width/depth/volume/manageability/shine/psychicness/Derek Acorah of this answer. M'lud.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 8 Jun 2006, 15:32, Reply)