A couple really dumb ones
I was one of the first people to cash in on the revival of black framed glasses. They came back in style about ten years ago when I was in university and I was one of about five people on campus who had them. Somehow it made us all kind of celebrities and everyone would remember our faces easily. Anyway, one time in a bar, a girl came up to me and made the strangest comparison I could imagine: "You look like Jim Carrey." Jim Carrey? When did he ever wear glasses, let alone, oh I don't know, BUDDY HOLLY glasses? I guess in hindsight she wanted to sleep with me, but I was working a girl upstairs.

On Halloween one year I found a hilarious mohawk wig at a second-hand store. I got my old jean jacket and some red plaid pyjama bottoms and decorated them with patches borrowed from my friend. I wore the costume to a party where I tried to start a mosh pit with a band practicing in the living room, and was caught stealing beer from an old skinhead who took mercy on me when he saw I wasn't really a punk. I also wore it to a bar on Halloween night. After I left there, I had to walk about two blocks to my car. In those two blocks, I had three individual jackasses tell me I looked like Sid Vicious. What's wrong with people? I've never seen a picture of Sid Vicious with a mohawk. Dumbasses.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Fri 8 Jun 2007, 3:00, Reply)

Sorta on topic...
I almost mistook Klaus Nomi for either the lead singer of Prodigy or a very strange looking woman...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELknoJC2WEQ
www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_A6IR58Htg

(Actually, the second clip is weirdly beautiful...)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 8 Jun 2007, 2:49, Reply)

Job interview
I'm in my dorm, in college. The phone rings.

"Allo please, izz ziss Herr Ennui Kissinger?"

If my lame attempt at phonetic spelling doesn't cut it, the chap is speaking in what is clearly an extra-fake germanic accent. Obviously, its my friend Todd, who can't make a single call without turning it into a joke. I decide naturally to play along.

Me: "Hoo vood like to know? I say nuzzink!"

"Todd": "Vas? I sink you are confused, mein herr..."

Me: "Ich promise you, alles klar!"

"Todd": "Do you know mit whoms you are spikking? I sink you do
not know ziss!"

Me: "Oh, ich can say nuzzing! But you hevv vays of making me talk, ja?"

This goes on for some time, getting sillier and sillier. Eventually I get tired of the game.

Me: "Hey Todd, what going on man..."

"Todd": "Ahh, I am correct, you hevv no idea whom it izz you are
spikking mit.."

Me: "yeah yeah enough of the shit man, hows things..."

"Todd": "You hevv no idea who I emm...."

Me (getting nervous): "Uhhhhhh....."

"Todd": "You appliet to me fur ein job."

Oh shit.

Oh shit.

Well, its unlikely I'm going to the get job now I suppose...

Indeed, it was an odd little guy who ran a museum in the middle of nowhere that I had applied to for an internship. There was an embarrassed silence for a while and then I tried to apologize. Actually, he was nice enough to send me an application, but that turned out to have no questions about my interests and experience but only items like "what do you think of homosexuals?" and "if you were left a large sum of money how would you spend it?" Between that and the interview I thought it better not to apply. I should really go and visit the museum someday.

Since then I never speak to anyone on the phone without being sure of who they are.
(Ennui Kissinger, Fri 8 Jun 2007, 2:41, Reply)

1982?
I'm guessing that that was the year you were born?

Fucksocks. Now I really feel old...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 8 Jun 2007, 2:17, Reply)

that is the sound of me reading all this and being speechless. which, frankly, hasn't happened since about 1982...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Jun 2007, 2:10, Reply)

*snerk*
I'm really trying hard here not to make any slams on English cuisine...

(Actually, I've had several very good English dishes that my ex girlfriend made...)

And speaking of fannies: www.b3ta.com/questions/meettheparents/post31885/
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 8 Jun 2007, 1:56, Reply)

Fanny
is definately front bottom, not back bottom.
Whenever I hear the Bee Gees song 'Fanny' I giggle like a loon.
Not to mention 'The Magic Faraway Tree' series.....
(Monkee girl not a monkee, not a girl, Fri 8 Jun 2007, 1:54, Reply)

That reminds me....
...I'd like to share with all you Brits that I'm the proud owner of a very popular American kitchen staple: The Fannie Farmer Cookbook.
(RDT <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <><, Fri 8 Jun 2007, 1:51, Reply)

Fucksocks
Has been added to my vocabulary since I have been perusing B3ta.
Plus others, too many to mention. (can't think of them right now anyway)
Being an Aussie, I've got my own language issues.
Btw, arsehole is sooooooooooooo much better than the merkin version.
(Monkee girl not a monkee, not a girl, Fri 8 Jun 2007, 1:50, Reply)

Or for that matter...
...there's the use of the word "fanny". Over here it means one's bum, not a woman's vag...

Oh, and a bum is someone who sleeps on park benches, not one's arse.

Speaking of arse- why no new QOTW? Can't be arsed?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 8 Jun 2007, 1:47, Reply)

If we're going to discuss langauge comparisons...
I'd like to talk about pants. In England, pants are underwear, whereas in America, pants are trousers (In America, by the way, only grandparents use the word trousers). Imagine, to amuse yourself while waiting for this QOTW to change, the hilarity that ensues when an innocent American makes friends with a group of Brits and isn't aware of this double meaning....
(RDT <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <><, Fri 8 Jun 2007, 1:40, Reply)

More
.
Briticisms.

Happy-Clappy - evangelical churchy-person
God-Botherer - an excessively religious person

There should be more but my brain is shutting down due to drinking, singing and waiting for this damm QOTW to change.

Cheers

P.S. We've been sing "I Will Survive", drunk, in a recording studio. I just know that some bastard will have been secretly recording it. And they promised they wouldn't.
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 8 Jun 2007, 1:27, Reply)

Was once mistaken for an Australian
....by a Canadian (in Canada). He asked me and which part of Oz I was from.

Returning the compliment, I asked him which part of the states he was from.
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Fri 8 Jun 2007, 1:14, Reply)

Hmmm....
Well, we've had some transatlantic comingtogetherness... And we've also established that there has been some group Rachelswipe lovin' going on (when she reads this thread there is going to be hell to pay).

As for slang: You ass - you sir, are a Jackass
You arse - I am comparing you to someone's derriere.
I still think "arsehole" flows better linguistically than "asshole".

I know which insult I prefer...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 8 Jun 2007, 1:01, Reply)

Not terrifying or
irritating.

I've enjoyed my learning of British slang on B3ta. I find myself using these colorful terms to looks of blankness.

Referring to one of our assholes in 6 or more new ways is very satisfying.

Despite what you may think, most things do not need to be explained to us American members who have read just about every post on every QOTW. At least me anyway.

A lot of the celebrities mentioned here I've never heard of but still get it.

To stay on topic, I've never been confused with a Brit. but have been called a chav twunt on occassion (with different wording of course)

I feel I could enter any English pub and understand at least 80% of what was being said, thanks to B3ta. I've often dreampt of an English barmaid calling me "luv". Ah, the joy it would give me.
(barrycounty, Fri 8 Jun 2007, 0:37, Reply)

Tree shop ???
I used to work in a big factory with over 800 workers, all the different workshops had reference numbers and mine was A03. All colours and creeds worked there and I remember a North African guy called Manu who worked in the stores, probably because his nickname was Man United. Anyway, in the days before I had a car, I used to walk quite a distance to reach the bus-stop on my route. One day there was this coloured guy already waiting at the stop, who acknowledged me as I turned up. I was convinced it was Manu and started having the craic, coming out with all the usual factory banter until he stopped me dead and asked who the hell I was!? I laughed and said, "It's Neal from 03 shop". He just looked at me real funny, shaking his head and declared that he didn't know anyone who worked in a tree shop! After a pregnant pause, my bus arrived and I went home very confused...

...months later I recalled this story to the real Manu, and do you know what? He casually admitted that he already knew all about this case of mistaken identity, from his identical twin brother Pinu !!
(minky, Thu 7 Jun 2007, 23:32, Reply)

...
//I'm not quite sure why Rachelswipe first became so famous in here- but in my case, her answers always made me chuckle, and I've since had a number of very pleasant exchanges with her, so yes I'm a bit of a fan.

*waves at rswipe*//

Heh, just realised the significance of the name now...

So - last? Woo yay?
(Home Bargains was last seen wanking like a safari park chimp:, Thu 7 Jun 2007, 23:02, Reply)

Sanity
I've mistaken my current reality and situation for a really, really bad soap opera.

True story.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 7 Jun 2007, 22:56, Reply)

I think

I've mistaken today for Thursday.
(cs1ca, Thu 7 Jun 2007, 22:49, Reply)

Wish I could say bollocks without sounding like a twat...
English slang is just more fun... We enjoy being able to use it here and actually be understood (as opposed to using it at home and getting blank stares).

That said, there's a big difference between reading posts using English terminology which will be used in many many future posts, and thus should be learned, and sitting through an entire week of people we haven't heard of, and who we don't need to know about. It would be whiney to complain at the beginning of the QOTW. It's fair game at the end...
(RDT <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <>< <><, Thu 7 Jun 2007, 22:46, Reply)

Well...
I'm not quite sure why Rachelswipe first became so famous in here- but in my case, her answers always made me chuckle, and I've since had a number of very pleasant exchanges with her, so yes I'm a bit of a fan.

*waves at rswipe*

And BTW, for those who might remember me from before- I used to be granitewitch, but tired of that name and found one more fitting.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 7 Jun 2007, 22:45, Reply)

Loon et al
Not another member of the Rachelswipe fan club? She truly is b3ta royalty!

It's good to see our slang is travelling stateside.... I long to hear an American say "Bollocks!" without it sounding like "Bohl-ahhks" and losing much of it's impact.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 7 Jun 2007, 22:38, Reply)

I Was Once
Mistaken for a merkin

So I shaved my beard off....

Cheers
( Beve The Spaniard broke off his horse's head, Thu 7 Jun 2007, 22:36, Reply)

Last!
(I hope, anyway...)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 7 Jun 2007, 22:34, Reply)

First!

Woooooo!

huh?

ah, shit!
(cs1ca, Thu 7 Jun 2007, 22:31, Reply)

Um
Someone who gives a...

Didn't I do that gag first :-P

Edit - I've picked up a few terms from Ms Swipe too

**cough**
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 7 Jun 2007, 22:31, Reply)

I try to use the predominant slang myself...
I know this is mostly a British site, so I try to keep my references reasonably universal, or to use British terms like "lorrie" or "shag" when applicable. And since I've been hanging out in here I've picked up a lot more of them, like "chav" and "scouser" and "ginger", and I've often gotten strange looks when I use the term "twatted" to mean "smacked upside the head". Rachelswipe has also given me a few new terms to use as well which have made it into my everyday speech...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 7 Jun 2007, 22:25, Reply)

Resident Loon
Actually, I converse with a few Americans here and in a sense of fairness feel compelled to stick up for them. The guilty parties (you know who you are) have demonstrated an unexpected awareness of British comedy and culture, not to mention a sense of irony and self-mocking humour.

One of them has even switched to using British English in their messages (ie mum not mom etc). I think we're breeding a bunch of transatlantic anglophiles here.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 7 Jun 2007, 22:19, Reply)

I Was Once
Mistaken for an American

Somebody shoot me....

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 7 Jun 2007, 22:11, Reply)

Yeah...
Sometimes I'll make a point of tossing in the British term for something if I think the point might be lost- for instance,a "lorrie" is called a "semi" or a "tractor trailer" or an "18 wheeler" over here- so sometimes the answers to the QOTW send me off to urbandictionary.com or some such to try to make sense of them, which really ruins the joke after a bit. That was my point- we don't all have the same frame of reference, and it really shows in the current QOTW. I mean, I still haven't bothered to look to see who Russell Brand is...

As for not understanding American movies and TV shows- don't feel bad, neither do most of us, at least those of us outside of southern California.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 7 Jun 2007, 22:10, Reply)