Went to a party Saturday night
Drank too much too quickly and my body betrayed me. No matter what I did I couldn't stop falling asleep
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 16:57, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

You're getting old.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 16:58, Reply)

So are you
You're just some way behind me. Physically, at least
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:01, Reply)

Apparently I'm in the prime of my life.
Apparently.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:02, Reply)

I assume you're athletically vaulting your sofa in between posting replies

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:05, Reply)

I just walked all the way from the computer to the microwave
To get some more mulled wine.

That's enough exercise for one day.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:08, Reply)

It annoys the fuck out of me that you're not fat

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:09, Reply)

It annoys the fuck out of me that you're not straight

(Bazongaloid, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:11, Reply)

No it doesn't
You enjoy talking about your erroneous perception of my sexuality far too much
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:13, Reply)

^ classic 'bender talk'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:13, Reply)

Hang about
Are you - YOU - implying that elaborate wordplay and the use of several syllables where one will suffice are symptoms of Bumderism? Don't let the closet door hit you on the way out
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:18, Reply)

No,
I'm saying anything you post is 'classic bender talk'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:20, Reply)

You weren't though, were you
Not originally.

*knowing grin*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:21, Reply)

Stop trying to bumder Monty
You know he's easily suggestible.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:24, Reply)

He's going to be getting a faceful of hot meat tonight
and I know for a fact that his arse will be sore tomorrow morning.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:21, Reply)

But if you were straight
we'd have nothing to tease you about.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:13, Reply)

I'm sure we'd manage somehow.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:15, Reply)

Categorically untrue
I am straight, and it doesn't seem to be stopping you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:15, Reply)

Well now we're going to tease you for lying about your sexuality.
You need to meet Janice Battersby and come clean

www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/2010/12/20/tory-mp-nigel-evans-reveals-he-is-gay-after-confessing-secret-to-coronation-street-star-vicky-entwistle-115875-22795115/
(Bazongaloid, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:19, Reply)

Eeh!
You'd never think it to look at him, would you?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:22, Reply)

Yeah, by rights I should be a heffalump.
The best thing about burgeoning alcoholism is that you often forget to eat :)
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:11, Reply)

Ironic
It's the booze, rather than food, that stops me from becoming thin
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:13, Reply)

Yeah, but it's much more fun
Plus, Guinness is a meal, right?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:17, Reply)

So you can do one or the other and stay thin... tough choice
Are you sure it's not just because, in the words of Arnold Jonathan Judas Rimmer BSc, SSc, up until a certain age you can eat and drink whatever you like and your metabolism just handles it?

If this theory is true, I want words with my metabolism for waving Rimmer's little white flag at the age of 13
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:20, Reply)

It certainly applied to me up until about the age of 32.
My marriage crumbling and a sudden diet of junk and booze didn't help, either.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:24, Reply)

But all I do is drink and eat junk food
I've never been properly fed, I'm from the North.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:29, Reply)

It was a short period in my life.
Unfortunately it made its mark. And I'm a lazy fucker when it comes to exercise.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:49, Reply)

21 years and counting
*looks smug and waits for inevitable comeuppance in the next ten years*
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:52, Reply)

I hope not
Although you get some points for quoting Red Dwarf.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:27, Reply)

Thought you'd like that
Shameless pandering, there
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:28, Reply)

Well I like pandering and Red Dwarf
Double points.

You bumder.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:30, Reply)

Cheers
You flangemonkey
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:33, Reply)

S'alright
you big screaming queen, you.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:36, Reply)

Not screaming so much any more
It gets looser with practice
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:44, Reply)

Your neighbours will be pleased to hear that
Or rather, not hear it.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:46, Reply)

Once the nightmares stop, they will be
Could take a while
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:48, Reply)

My friend was in the other night
and heard her next door neighbour screaming, so she called the police. The police popped round after they'd checked in on her and explained to my friend that the neighbour was ok, they'd just got a bit 'over excited' at SCD. This confused me, I thought you lived down South?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:52, Reply)

That is preposterous
I live in Norwich, which is East rather than South, but certainly South to the likes o' you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:53, Reply)

If it's not in Yorkshire or above
It counts as the South.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:54, Reply)

Having made the journey most August Bank Holdays over the last decade
I can tell you that Norwich is 200 miles south-east of Bradford

Fascinating, eh
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:56, Reply)

Unfortunately
they are 'Pratchett/Simpsons tie internet twat' points, but hey ho.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:29, Reply)

I'm a massive geek though
So it's ok.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:31, Reply)

No it isn't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:31, Reply)

Points are points
In my tragic, pathetically needy corner of the internet, they're the only currency that matters
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:34, Reply)

It's ok to me.
The world at large can make their own judgement.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:34, Reply)

I'm lifting towels
with my penis
(Bazongaloid, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:10, Reply)

That's age, that is.
Long, long ago I used to want to dance or shag when I was drunk. Now it's almost impossible to stop myself from passing out.

Woe =(
( Kroney, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Yeah I tried everything
Kept eating chocolate, had coffee, walked around, I even fell asleep leaning on a bannister. Annoying
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:02, Reply)

MDs would have sorted you out.
My 'chap' has things that would rouse the fucking dead at the moment.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:08, Reply)

Monty in 'almost zombie reference' shocker!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:10, Reply)

Monty likes those MDs the best
He likes walking around off his head going "NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM NOMBIEZOMBIES COMING THROUGH NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM"
(Bazongaloid, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:11, Reply)

Those crazy undead Managing Directors.
What will they do next, eh?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:14, Reply)

almost zombie penis is a drug dealer
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:12, Reply)

Bugger.
I just posted that!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:13, Reply)

in your face!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:16, Reply)

Hang on a sec...
You're saying that your penis is a drug dealer?

Fucking hell that's enterprising.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:13, Reply)

I'm his biggest customer.

/Tommy Chong
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:14, Reply)

Gaz me his name and number,
I've got to DJ NYE and have no intention of doing it sober
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:14, Reply)

Haven't they got drugs in Norfolk yet?
(apart from Thalidomide, obv - your mum clearly had plenty of that)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:19, Reply)

I'm not from Norfolk and have no idea what Thalidomide is so that joke falls flat on two counts
Ironically, firstly on the misconception of my inherent stupidity and secondly on my gross ignorance of all things scientific.

And yes, we do have drugs here, but my usual sources are useless shitehawks these days
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:23, Reply)

Thalidomide
Issued to young mothers in the Seventies, interfering with the gestation of foetuses, thus causing massive handicaps where limbs failed to form fully or at all.

Root word of the derogotary "Flid", meaning "spastic".

I think it was the Seventies, anyway.

Edit: Oh, and I shoudl probably mention that they didn't know it was going to cause deformity, it wasn't some sort of Mengele style social pogrom.
( Kroney, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:26, Reply)

Well that's my new thing learned for today
Cheers to the both of you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:27, Reply)

It was the early sixties.

(Cave Duck, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:27, Reply)

Ah cheers, I knew it was one or t'other.
couldn't be arsed to Google.
( Kroney, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:29, Reply)

And shouldn't be confused with the condition Pub-flid.
One whose arms appear to be normal length yet fail to reach into their pockets at the bar.
(Cave Duck, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:29, Reply)

Isn't that the lesser-spotted
"Scrounging cunt"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:37, Reply)

I thought it was the 50's?

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:28, Reply)

You are Mark Lamarr AICMFP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:30, Reply)

*stops listening to psychobilly christmas album*
I have no idea what you're talking about.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:33, Reply)

Cock though he undoubtedly is,
his taste in (and knowledge of) music cannot be faulted.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:35, Reply)

Someone posted much the same about you earlier

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:37, Reply)

I stopped watching Buzzcocks when he left.
I miss him.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:38, Reply)

Amstell was brilliant

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:41, Reply)

He was quite good
I watched a bit. But the final straw was when they brought that utter, utter cunt Fielding in as a judge. I can't even look at the fucker without wanting to punch something.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:44, Reply)

Fielding is simply not funny.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:47, Reply)

Agreed
I was forced to watch an episode the other week where Paloma Faith was on it too. They were going on about how fucking 'zany' and 'random' they both were. Watching those two cheb-ends pandering to each other is enough to turn anybody on to the idea of eugenics.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:50, Reply)

No need with me.
I genuinely think eugenics is a good idea.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:52, Reply)

Yeah, but I say this as a lefty
I really, really want to prevent those two from polluting the gene pool.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:54, Reply)

It's far too late for that
Gillian McKeith has already been allowed to breed. The species is fucked
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:55, Reply)

Not if we kill her kids too it isn't,

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:58, Reply)

A plan with no drawbacks
*fetches chainsaw*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:59, Reply)

Told you I was clever.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 18:00, Reply)

He was fucking shit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:46, Reply)

you just don't like Jews.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:47, Reply)

Nazi lols.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:50, Reply)

I think Monty was commenting on Simon Amstell's sexuality
As a practising homosexual, he probably was fucking shit whilst employed as the host of Buzzcocks
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:55, Reply)

^ Yeah, this.
Also the subject of a recent joke I heard.

Three expectant mums in the ante natal waiting room are all knitting away furiously. One reaches for her handbag, takes out a pill and swallows it.

"What was that?" asked one of the other mums to be. "Vitamin D supplement" she replied, explaining that she wanted her child to have the best start in life, and go on to become to become healthy and strong boned. She goes back to her knitting.

Second mum to be also reaches for her handbag and she too pops a pill into her mouth and swallows.

"Folic acid. Say no more", she says, spotting the other women's quizzical looks. They nod, approvingly, and return to their knitting.

Third woman reaches for her bag and like the others, takes a pill and swallows. "Thalidomyde", she explains.

"Thalidomyde?? Are you fucking mad?"

"No", she says, looking up from her knitting, "I can't do sleeves".
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:39, Reply)

Hahahahah
*forwards to brother*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:40, Reply)

Thalidomide
is the originator of the terms 'flid' in its most literal sense, i.e. a person born very short arms / limbs. Drug given to pregnant women some time ago to prevent morning sickness (I think, I can't be arsed to look it up).
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:26, Reply)

tinyurl.com/2eunmvd
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:26, Reply)

I was calling you a flid.
You flid.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:27, Reply)

Whatever
Drugs please
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:34, Reply)

hahahaha
You flid.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Dec 2010, 17:24, Reply)