Are you all hungover or something?
there's more life in Joanna Yeates knickers than in here.

I'm about 3 minutes from unleashing a torrent of bile and fury on my mother. I'll be so freaking glad to go home, even if it is freezing cold and dreary in my flat. Perhaps I'm being a terrible daughter and a downright cunt, but I'm inclined to believe it's at least 70/30 her fault. I suppose I should make more of an effort to not get annoyed by little things, but meh, effort.

What are YOU going to change this year?

disclaimer: I don't give a toss how lame this thread is, I'm bored out of my teeny tiny mind and if I go back downstairs I am likely to commit GBH if not murder
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:22, 219 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm watching Iron Man
nananananana na na na

I'm quite enjoying it, actually.
I felt much the same wiht my sister. Keep calm, and scream all the way home.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:26, Reply)

I have it on dvd
would quite like to have watched it but my parents wanted to watch american football. Another reason why I'm sensibly camped out upstairs...
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:27, Reply)

American Football.
I mean, what the fuck.

Though admittedly some men look good in Lycra.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:28, Reply)

Yes
When they came home they switched off Top Gear, which I had been watching, and put skiing on instead. For FOUR FREAKING HOURS. And then it was some cop drama thing, spin off of Morse I think, and then american football which it will likely be for many hours more.
They complain that they never have time to do any hobbies or owt but then sit in front of the tv like zombies, even whilst complaining that there's nothing on. Turn the fucking thing off and go and do something else, then!
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:30, Reply)

Why don't they go out walking? Or rock-climbing?
You can have all the joys of broken wrists, broken fingers, smashed in faces, shattered ankles and crushed vertebrae.
my parents are bonkers
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:33, Reply)

Exercise? My parents?
Pfft. You might get them out to marshall for car racing but that's about it.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:35, Reply)

I guess.
My parents have no hobbies other than walking now, though. Actually, my dad bakes bread and my mum is having an affair with her job, so I guess that's their hobbies.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:39, Reply)

An affair with her job
or an affair with someone she works with? :S
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:40, Reply)

With her job, goodness me.
She's a teacher.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:41, Reply)

Oh, phew!

(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:43, Reply)

this ^^
it's basically all my folks did when I was there. Soap operas, crime shows and the odd good bit of comedy.

Even worse, my mum watches episodes of soaps more than once as she doesn't follow them well
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:36, Reply)

It's CSI (all the various different ones)
Bones, NCIS, Law and Order, anything like that... plus the skiing and american football here. I can't bear to sit through an entire evening of forensics programs because I get so aerated at the inaccuracies.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:39, Reply)

I love CSI though :D
But that's cause I'm very unscientific nowadays.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:41, Reply)

I don't mind it occasionally
but incessantly? My mum will cheerfully watch it from getting in until going to bed, and frequently does. She also tends to talk over the tv in a kind of 'ooo, look what he's doing, that's naughty' kind of way as well, so I just get more and more restless with her chuntering and the blatant factual inaccuracies until I have to do what I'm doing now, and hide from them all.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:43, Reply)

Oh god I hate it when my mum does that.
"Ooh, why is he doing that?" I don't know! It's not been revealed yet! God!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:44, Reply)

"who's that?"
"isn't he whatsit from that thing?" "you know ____ from down the road, well, she said..." "blumin heck this is rubbish, I don't know what's going on" "can you turn it up, my hearing aid isn't working"...
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:47, Reply)

Everyone in my family is deaf
mother was raised speaking very loudly, father has tinnitus.

MAKES FOR ENTERTAINING DINNERS
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:49, Reply)

This
not quite so middle aged, but this. Nnnnnng even thinking about it is making my brain itch.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:50, Reply)

I tend to do that, on an average day each week I watch
- 3x hollyoaks and the next day's one on E4... or the whole lot on +1
- 1x hollyoaks and the next day's one on E4... AND the whole lot on +1
- about 1/3 of one of the omnibuses on a weekend.

I still can't tell you what's going on at the moment in any detail.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:17, Reply)

Oh Gonz
*shakes head sadly*
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:19, Reply)

I donno why I watch it really, I used to watch it 'cus it gave me routeen in my life where I had none.
I now think I like it because after that my brain is turned off work-mode for the day.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:22, Reply)

and for letching the pretty girls in it?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:23, Reply)

I don't think I'm a normal bloke, I don't really do that, and I'm not just saying it.
It's very rare that I see a pretty girl on the telly and think to myself "Cor, look at the tits on that, the things I'd do to them would be frowned upon by law", I generally think "Cor, look at the tits on that, that must give her terible back ache, I wonder if she uses ibupurphame cream".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:28, Reply)

That's the batman theme.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:27, Reply)

No, Batman theme is dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna BATMAN
Alright, Gonz?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:28, Reply)

No it isn't, here, give it a listen again.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrIp3k5pJQM

Not to shabby thanks Lamps, just looking on www.uniformdating.com to see if I can score me a traffic warden.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:36, Reply)

Oh lord.
Do you reckon you'd settle for a prison warden if they don't have a nice traffic one?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:39, Reply)

I'd be happy with both, or eaither.
They got a one year's subscription, but I think that's quite pessimistic, I think I might get the 1 month one.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:42, Reply)

much sympathy to you
after 3 days at my parents, I was ready to kill. Breathe, go out for a walk and keep it back just a little longer.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:31, Reply)

I'm hiding in the spare bedroom
no doubt in about half an hour this will elicit an enquiry as to whether I'm ok, do I want anything, followed by a 'we hardly ever see you, why do you have to skulk off upstairs, have we said something?' BECAUSE I WILL KILL YOU IF I DON'T, YOU IDIOTIC WOMAN.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:38, Reply)

I think we have similar families
:(
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:39, Reply)

Then Crunchy, you have my deepest sympathies

(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:40, Reply)

I only spent 3 days with mine
I was meant to stay another day, but used the snow as an excuse to go back.

fair play for sticking it out this long
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:41, Reply)

I have nowhere else to go!
and it would be pout-a-rama if I went back early. She whined so long and loud about me going back tonight that I agreed to stay. This was earlier in the week though, before my car broke...cos if it hadn't, I would probably have fucked off already.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:45, Reply)

I think somehow that I'll struggle a bit when I get home for similar reasons.
I've gotten used to doing what I want on my trip now, going home will be nice at first, then get tedious...
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:09, Reply)

I imagine this will indeed probably be the case
sorry :( still, you'll be off uni in a few months, won't you? Are you moving far enough away that you'll have to move out of home?
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:12, Reply)

yeah I get home on the first of feb, start uni on the 21st.
and yeah!
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:19, Reply)

This year I am going to get a real job.
Instead of being the most overqualified barmaid in Bradford. I realised today that I'd actually be better off on benefits than in my job.

I used to have really bad trouble with my mum too, I know how shit it can be. When do you get to go home?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:31, Reply)

Not til tuesday
but my car is a wee bit fucked, and I don't know if I'm going to be able to get back for work on wednesday. Which would be deeply shit and annoying.
I'm not fucking staying here much longer regardless though, for I will go INSANE. Normally over christmas I get to get out and see my mates and stuff, but there has been nothing on, and nobody has really responded to my increasingly desperate urgings to go to the pub, go shopping, do something, anything, to get out of the house, so I have been stuck inside with my family going slowly mad...
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:34, Reply)

Uuurgh that sounds awful.
My deepest sympathies. I only ever have to put up with mine for a few hours. I can see how you have gone insane :(
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:38, Reply)

*twitches and gibbers*
I really can't take much more of it, I really can't

EDIT - haven't you got a law degree? If so, why are you doing bar work?
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:41, Reply)

When I split with my ex
I was supposed to move in with my mum for a bit. I lasted one night (which I spent out on the piss), until I escaped by going to Scotland for a week while I frantically sorted out renting a new place. You're like some kind of hero for sticking it out!
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:48, Reply)

Haha, epic
when I graduated I had to move back to live here for the better part of 3 months. I got a temping job within 24 hours of being back, she annoyed me that much, and I stayed out as long as I could each evening which just about made it bearable. This close quarters stuff, though, gets right on my tits.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:52, Reply)

Yeah it's just too mad at my mum's
She's always up in my shit too. "Get a job" "stop drinking so much" "who's sneaking out of my house?" Blah blah blah.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:56, Reply)

I do have a law degree.
But the government are sods! It's a long story, and I'm on my phone. I'll rant properly about that some other time.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:51, Reply)

claim you are meeting someone in a pub
you can hide out there with a book for at least an hour or two
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:45, Reply)

I have looked in to it
and the buses have pretty much stopped for the evening, so that's out :( tomorrow evening, however...
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:46, Reply)

I love going home spent a week in the shire and got quite drunk. My mum is awesome
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:47, Reply)

show off

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:48, Reply)

I thought you had a big falling out with her about moving down to London?
or is she just awesome now that you don't live there anymore?
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:49, Reply)

It was more moving to london without a job as soon as I had one she was cool with it
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:51, Reply)

Ah I see

(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 19:54, Reply)

My mum's dead.
Beat that you fuckers!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 2 Jan 2011, 21:00, Reply)

I'm such an ace cookologist, I just did a "Fuck it, it'll work" meal that's in the oven now.
- Guiny Fowl with a chorizo/garlic/rosmary butter stuffed into slits I made on the breasts and legs, and then covered in sundried tomarto paste.
- Butternut Squash and Potato rough-cut-with-skin chips/wedges covered in olive oil, rosmary and oregino.

I think it should work well, I'll see in about an hour and a half.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:20, Reply)

Oh man, I'm seriously good !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 22:21, Reply)

Change this year- diet
I'm not even going to pretend to drink less though.

Also as to the family thing, I'm quite glad that I managed to elicit both disgust, slight amusement and minor incomprehension from my mother with the worst joke I've ever told.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:21, Reply)

tell it to us, then

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:22, Reply)

It's really awful
What does the Yorkshire Ripper take to a picnic? A tart-en rug
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:26, Reply)

that is pretty terrible

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:29, Reply)

No apologies
I did actually think of a good joke but I'm saving it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:32, Reply)

I told my mum Jeffs Batman/T'Pau joke
she hit me round the back of the head with a roll of tinfoil.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:24, Reply)

What is this joke?!

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:26, Reply)

Oh, erm, I can't remember exactly
but it was something along the lines of:
Batman and Robin are having a punch up with some bad guys in Batmans mansion. Batman grabs a vase and smashes it over a bad guys head, saying, T'PAU!
Don't you mean KAPOW?, asks Robin.
No, replies Batman. I had china in my hand.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:30, Reply)

oh jesus christ

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:30, Reply)

hehehehe
it's so awful it's great, isn't it?
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:31, Reply)

Pretty fucking good.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:31, Reply)

You'd better thank Jeff for that one
I get the feeling he's underappreciated. Mind you, with puns like his it's not hard to see why.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:33, Reply)

I love Jeff.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:50, Reply)

*Blushes*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 21:19, Reply)

That is almost a compliment berk.
Thanks!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 21:19, Reply)

Foiled!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 21:18, Reply)

Hello LOVELY!
how're you?
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:26, Reply)

alright Poppet
I'm good. Started my diet now! How are you?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:27, Reply)

oooo how's it going? what sort of diet? You don't need to be on a diet you're gorgeous!!!
I'm tiiiiiiiired. On the couch. LOVE COUCHES.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:32, Reply)

It's going okay
it's just a 'eat less food/no crisps/no sweets' kind of diet!

When do you set off then?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:34, Reply)

that's a bad kind.
Eat more meals, but make them smaller and lighter, and you can still eat a bit of junk and you'll still lose weight. :)

I go to Berlin on the 5th. WOO.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:42, Reply)

Nah I have to regulate myself
I find it difficult to stop when I start- I can't just have a few crisps or a piece of chocolate
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 21:02, Reply)

I might just prove myself rubbish here but
Who is Joanna Yeates and why do I care about her knickers?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:22, Reply)

she's dead
so it depends if you have a thing for necrophillia
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:23, Reply)

That lass who was found dead in Bristol over Christmas
I imagine her knickers aren't seeing a lot of activity, similar to OT when I posted.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:23, Reply)

won't there be maggots?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:25, Reply)

That's the OT posters

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:28, Reply)

Probably not
too cold.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:28, Reply)

Depends if she was wearing them.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:29, Reply)

and who wears maggots these days?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:30, Reply)

Exactly.
They are soooo 2010.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:31, Reply)

Luckily for her
mind you, if she was alive in 2011 she probably wouldn't have maggots in her undercarriage.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:32, Reply)

You would certainly hope not.
Unless she's into that sort of thing.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:35, Reply)

I was going to say that I can't imagine many people are
but then again, I read Bizarre magazine the other day, and it never fails to astonish me the strange kinks people have...
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:38, Reply)

that magazine irritates the shit out of me

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:40, Reply)

How come?
it just amuses and baffles me. I don't read it often though.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:41, Reply)

It's not that alternative
it's kind of gone for the 'wow what freaks' angle. It's pretty much lads-mag material for the alternative spectrum
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:44, Reply)

Oh I see
yes, I would definitely agree that quite a lot of the articles go for more of a shock angle than an informative or sexy one.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:46, Reply)

Yeah it's like FHM
but a bit more shocking
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 21:01, Reply)

Rule 34 and all that jazz.
I'm open minded and stuff, but grubs in me pants would be a step too far.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:40, Reply)

...what's rule 34?

(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:48, Reply)

If anyone has thought of it, there's porn of it.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:49, Reply)

Hahahaha
yep, no arguing with that.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:50, Reply)

Rule 35 says
'If such porn cannot be located you must make it yourself'. I am SO hoping there is maggotporn now, I'd hate to break a rule of the internet.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:53, Reply)

O_o
nah, there's gotta be. Look at the weird shit that comes out of Japan, it's almost a certainty someone there has made some. I'm not googling to check, mind.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:55, Reply)

Nah me neither.
Let's just assume it does.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:58, Reply)

I'm going to stop procrastinating and get working on my own software

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:35, Reply)

What, on a sunday evening?
that's, erm, very... zealous?
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:37, Reply)

No, tonight I shall enjoy ale and continue with my zombie movie marathon

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:39, Reply)

Recommend me some decent zombie flicks
horror is pretty much a closed genre to me.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:44, Reply)

Here's some good ones in no particular order:
Dawn of the Dead
Evil Dead 2
Army of Darkness
The Crazies
Resident Evil: Apocalypse
28 days later
Zombieland

For a laugh - Dead Snow
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:52, Reply)

I've seen the last two
and 28 weeks later, which was far far too bleak for me. Not that I necessarily expect an uplifting theme from a zombie apocalypse movie, but even so...
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:56, Reply)

In that case you won't like The Crazies
It makes 28 weeks later look like the Care Bears :)
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 21:01, Reply)

Erk!
no, I probably won't.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 21:05, Reply)

Dead Snow is good for a laugh
Zombie Nazis, snow, chainsaws... what's not to love?
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 21:07, Reply)

Pfft!
I think that's the one BGB told Monty to watch. He didn't like it.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 21:09, Reply)

You're sure to love it then
It's not a typical zombie flick at all :)
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 21:18, Reply)

BGB recommended me La Horde
which is a French zombie movie. I thoroughly enjoyed it, so I pass it on.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 21:08, Reply)

I shall bear it in mind, cheers!

(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 21:11, Reply)

When I watched I Am Legend I was all like "WTF? These zombies are shit, look, they're all fast, and they're nothing like zombies !"
But then I read the book and realised they're vampires... for a zombie movie, I Am Legend is shit, but as a Vampire movie, it's awesome.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:59, Reply)

I wasn't overly impressed with that film either
but I'm told the book is better.
(berk, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 21:03, Reply)

why would i change something this year?
are you saying there is something wrong with me?
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 20:36, Reply)

I only see my dad 3-4 times a year for dinner
as he lives in Germany.

This year I'm going to drink less, that's it. I figure if I have no more than 1 bottle of wine during the week - a glass with dinner - then however much I like on Saturday night and none on Sunday, I'll be around the government recommended level.

Last time I tried I managed it for a couple of weeks and towards the end I was losing weight, so I'm going to give it another try.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 21:11, Reply)

I'm going to live in Germany this year

( djtrialprice, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 21:17, Reply)

Where abouts?
I like Germans, they can be very funny. It's usually unintentional but it still counts.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Sun 2 Jan 2011, 21:32, Reply)