Morning all!
I'm decidedly chipper today despite this being my first day back at work since the 23rd. What good bad/things are you expecting this sunny, non-cold January?

Alt Q:
Not New Years resolutions as such, but I've decided to do more stuff for me and the wife as most evening are spent slothing on the settee watching Sky Plus stuff. I have also decided to learn to juggle as each New year should have an unusual twist. What are you going to do differently this year?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 9:36, 83 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Don't give up on the juggling, it's hard work but fulfilling.
Once you "get" it you'll be laughing. Spend a day practicing with one ball, then a day with two, by day three you'll be half an hour away from getting it.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 9:40, Reply)

January is shit
It'll be cold
It'll be wet
You'll be poor
Nearly everything is 2.5% more expensive
You're not allowed to stuff your face any more
(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 9:41, Reply)

Don't really understand the amount of bitching the VAT increase is causing, myself.
The actual amount of money will mean very little to individuals, but a lot to the country. It works out to an extra 500 quid on a 15,000 pound purchase.
( Kroney, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 9:53, Reply)

The Archbishop of Canterbury said in his Christmas speech
That people aren't too unhappy about paying more tax so long as it's equal, and that all the rich fatcats aren't evading it. I agree with this, for me it's all about equality, and right now I don't believe that that happens.

Sure, raise VAT, but please also collect the millions (if not billions) of taxes owed by big businesses in the UK.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:04, Reply)

I'm more pissed off it's described as permanent
not "just until we get the deficit under control"
(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:06, Reply)

That's because it is a nicely regressive tax
and Osbourne is desperate to get rid of the 50% tax threshold so him and all his other highly paid friends can get away with as much money as possible.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Hang on a second
big businesses don't owe large amounts of tax, they are simply exploiting perfectly legal tax loopholes. That's a separate argument, though one which I think ought to be made.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:07, Reply)

There is talk that there should be an legal responsibility
for companies to follow the spirit of Tax law and not just the letter.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:10, Reply)

That sounds retarded to me.
"Ok, so, thank's to loopholes and stuff, you're about £25b better off, mr chairman.... please don't be a cunt and sort me out some of that, awww, c'mon, we'll go halfs, how does that sound?"...
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:21, Reply)

I agree with you
But I would like to see these legal tax loopholes closed off. I'd say they are morally obligated to pay these taxes, even if they're currently not legally obligated, but then that just shows that I'm not mercenary enough to be a big businessman.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:11, Reply)

You can't apply morality to a business though
the sole purpose of the chief executive of a company is to maximise the return for it's shareholders, therefore they are legally obligated to pay as little tax as they can to increase the profit margin.

But, with that in mind, it would be far better to simplify the tax system to prevent these loopholes existing and to ensure that companies making large profits pay the appropriate taxes on those profits.

But you can't actually blame the businesses for not paying the tax.

Having said all that, I really hope Phillip Green gets terminal lung cancer and his wife gets terminal cancer of the cunt. Thieving bastards.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Exactly why my wishy-washy philosopher's attitude wouldn't work in big business
I'm a big believer in equality, and that just doesn't work in business.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Fuck off, this is no place to be cheerful.
Actually, I've realised that if I'd simply sucked it up, and left my house 10 minutes earlier today, I would have had time for a bacon butty and a bottle of Lucozade before the bus arrived, 2 things which improve my mornings.

Therefore, I expect a bacon sandwich and a bottle of Lucozade now, and I promise I won't kill everyone I work with. Just 4 or 5 of them

I'd like to keep losing weight, I've received a fuckload of compliments about it recently, but I've still got about another stone to go before I'll be happy about it.

Alt: The first thing I'm aiming for this year is to cut down my outgoings, as I'm currently stuck in an ever decreasing vicious circle. I have to borrow money to make it to the end of the month, then in paying that off, I'm a little skint the next month, and have to borrow again.

I will still have to borrow this month, I'm aware of that, but I want to start decreasing the amount, and should hopefully be able to go without by March payday, but I'm not sure.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 9:44, Reply)

The best financial thing I've ever done
is get a Virgin One account. They are truly amazing in that you can pay as much or as little off your debts as you like. I'm overpaying my mortgage at the moment and this will reduce it from 25 to 13 years. I've got the kitchen, 2 cars and some overdraft as separate pots to pay off from the mortgage and can move money around at will.

In terms of weight, I call a good festive period as around a stone in gain! It has been a good Christmas....

/croissant
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 9:50, Reply)

I'm gutted
I barely ate over Christmas, in comparison to usual. Never ate more than a main course, except for at my (thoroughly shit) works do.

My sister made something that was fucking delicious (I had a spoonful) - Cookies and cream cheesecake. I was so fucking bloated from the main course I couldn't eat any at all.

And while I'd like something like that, my wage is low, and I've got a shit credit record, due to all bills being paid from my account in my last house.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:00, Reply)

I expect work to get more and more stressful as we approach the self assessment deadline on the 31st
and afterwards a couple of months of twiddling my thumbs until the 5th April year end, at which point it all starts up again.

Not that life is one massive grinding drudge or anything...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 9:46, Reply)

I was talking about this yesterday
I love how every year there is a massive advertising campaign to get people to do their tax returns, and yet every year there are a bunch of useless twats complaining that the website crashed on the 31st and they were unable to do it and it's so unfair that they get fined because of the incompetence of HMRC.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 9:54, Reply)

But that's because you're only allowed to do it
on deadline day, obviously. You're very mean, Al.
( Kroney, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Hopefully all returns will be filed before the 31st, because the HMRC site WILL fall over.
it's a big shit sandwich Al, and we've all got to take a bite
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:13, Reply)

I'll be miserable, no matter what
I hope I get my essay done. And I hope no one ends up wanting to kill me. That'd be quite nice.

Alt: I'm going to do things right.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Why did you have blue tape on your boobs over christmas?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:02, Reply)

I was dressed as a stingray
In cutting off bits to make the gills and the eyes on my cape, I stuck a few ends on my tits for safekeeping. Forgot about them. Hurt like buggery getting them off.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:03, Reply)

So in your case, it didn't hurt at all, given all the porn experience you have.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:04, Reply)

She usually uses pegs

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:06, Reply)

The boy who took it off slowly peeled it off, rather than yanking.
Bloody amateur.

(I'm sadly not joking.)
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:12, Reply)

I am most looking forward to the bash at the end of the month
Between now and then I'm sure there will be lots of good things and some bad things that will happen, but that's all part of life
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Hello old chap.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:20, Reply)

I've done the stereotypical New Year kickstart of the exercise regime
I give it a month. I am also looking to regularly go to the rock wall at warwick uni to get my climb on, which I reckon I'd stick to as it seems fun and will help me develop upper body strength.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:21, Reply)

This year it's my aim not to dislocate any of my limbs, not even just a little bit.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:25, Reply)

What did you dislocate last year?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:25, Reply)

My knee
Only a little bit, and I didn't know that was what I had done until I saw my chiropractor the week before christmas. He popped it back into place but it's still recovering.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Oof, that sounds fun!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:16, Reply)

I am going to try to dismiss more things as fucking shit,
last year I feel I let myself down.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:28, Reply)

^ This post is fucking shit.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:29, Reply)

That's the spirit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:31, Reply)

the spirit fucking shit
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Hello, Monty. What am I?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:30, Reply)

A brazen hussy with boobs that get right in your face and refuse to leave

(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Has there ever been a hussy who's not brazen?
If so, I don't want to know them.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Wayne Hussey, from The Mission?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:36, Reply)

I do not want to know him.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Me neither.
He's a fucking cunt and he drinks (or drank, at least) Blue fucking Nun. And wrote some of the most embarrassing lyrics of all time.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Bloody goffiks

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Innit.
Although Bauhaus were great despite being obvious Bowie fans, and I liked the Sisters of Mercy's first few records too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Do you have a band for this weeks QOTW?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:52, Reply)

He's hacked CDDB, removed the few albums he actually likes
And then he's going to link the whole site on QOTW under the title "All of these bands are fucking shit".
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:53, Reply)

It couldn't be worse than most of the replies
idiots claiming that Chesney Hawkes is the worst band ever *facepalms*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Nah, I like everything, me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:04, Reply)

This lie is fucking shit

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:07, Reply)

I'm not calling you a liar
but I would hazzard a guess that your pants are on fire
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:08, Reply)

I finally thought of one
I'm expecting a fair chunk of abuse.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:26, Reply)

I was never a fan of RATM
but then I dislike(d) most bands from c.1994. Yes, i'm looking at YOU 'Carter USM' and 'The Levellers'.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:37, Reply)

At least Nirvana stopped that year.
Thank fuck.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:37, Reply)

He sure was stopped.
Kurt Cobain.
In the garage.
With the shotgun.

Do I win Cluedo?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Nope, you win his final piece of artwork
It's called 'Ceiling'. It's pretty disgusting, but he put a lot of thought into it.

*runs*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:42, Reply)

I'm a lazy hussy that needs to get the library.
But your words have been noted.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Even when hollyoaks is on?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Oh Gonz, I was so scared that Nancy from Hollyoaks was dead but then it turned out to be fantasy of the serial killer and not real life
but I'm still sad that she's sleeping with Darren Osbourne.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:44, Reply)

She's shit now.
I saw a clip the other day. Snatchy ponytail and all that shit.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:56, Reply)

I'd still show her a good time in the back of my van until her teeth rattle

(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:01, Reply)

I'm, not sure I would.
She no longer deserves it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Woah, they're showing snatch on Hollyoaks now?
The late night 'specials' used to just show a bum shot, and maybe they'd say "bollocks" somewhat needlessly, but glad to see they've stepped their game up somewhat.

Still, pubic hair substantial enough to gather in a ponytail is grim.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Bwuuuurk

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:03, Reply)

I missed the last few days worth, couldn't work out how she's still alive when that bloke had the rope, but that explains it.
They had a a not very SPOILER ALERT on their FB page which made me "=/", some bloke from yonks ago, the one who kept his dead mum in his house for two months (bombhead) is back.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:17, Reply)

I'm astounded
can they not find any more desperate and poor (in both senses) actors who want a job?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Also
fucking hell, I realise Hollyoaks is a bit "lowest common denominator" but there are some seriously retarded people talking in the discussion pages.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:23, Reply)

It is, just a little bit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:37, Reply)

heh, I ain't looked, I just want my daily stories.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:44, Reply)

I am a small European prinicipality.
I have borders with Austria, France and Italy.

Gunther, you have control of the game.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:32, Reply)

-ducks as ancient reference whooshes over head, only to crumble into dust a few metres away-

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Lampito, you're playing catch-up

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Colonel: you're back in play.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:36, Reply)

The category is sport: select.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:37, Reply)

You are obviously also ancient

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Oh it's Jeopardy, isn't it?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Is it?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Fuck this shit. See you all in about an hour.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:37, Reply)

I resent that remark
no wait...represent...I represent that remark
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 10:39, Reply)

It's a tree-point question!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:20, Reply)

Bad: Office computer is likely to end up "accidentally falling" out of the window if it carries on behaving like this.
Good: If the above does happen, they'll have to buy me a new one.

Alt: Fuck knows.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:38, Reply)

I have the "joy" of rebuilding my home PC soon
as it runs slower than a 3 legged arthritic tortoise carrying a large weight on its shell
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:44, Reply)

back to work tomorrow, grateful for not being unemployed
I've had an article accepted in a newsletter for the charity that I volunteer with which should be out in January or February. I've got that to look forward to.
(Mrs Ballunatic counting calories, not votes., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:49, Reply)

Alt Q: I am going to analyse situations before jumping into them.
I've just left Brighton and taken the AC Milan job, I didn't realise they're shit (12th in Serie A) with no money to spend to improve things. I want to be back on the south coast with my legions of bent fans.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 11:50, Reply)