New thread for the hour I am home
If you were an alien, what type would you like to be?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:19, 133 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Gilbert.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:21, Reply)

the sort that didn't have to go to work

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:21, Reply)

not even when your job is
inserting probes into bums?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:23, Reply)

not even then

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:25, Reply)

not even when your job is
inserting probes into bums?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:23, Reply)

the only way that double post could have happened
was alien intervention
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:25, Reply)

Illegal alien then

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:24, Reply)

I'd love to live in New York.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:14, Reply)

The belligerent type.

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:23, Reply)

A nommy alien zombie who voted for Nick Clegg.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:23, Reply)

Bender.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:24, Reply)

Gaylien, more like

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:25, Reply)

*claps*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:26, Reply)

An illegal one

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:24, Reply)

Just like in that song by Sting
Walking on the moon
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:26, Reply)

As long as I wasn't as shit as the aliens
in that new Indiana Jones film, I probably wouldn't care. Lordy that film was pants.
(berk, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:25, Reply)

I never saw it
how bad is bad
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:26, Reply)

You know the food at Nando's?
it's worse
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:27, Reply)

i've never been to one
please work on your comparisons
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:31, Reply)

Comparetherestaurants.com
Simples.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:33, Reply)

Ok, you know the pizza & pasta deal they do at pizza hut
it's a bit bland but fills a space?

It's worse.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:33, Reply)

i like that stuff, though
I am not at all classy
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:39, Reply)

No, I don't know anything about that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:39, Reply)

Ok, you know when you're honking on your crack pipe
and it turns out to be crushed up mothballs?

It's worse.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:42, Reply)

No, I don't know anything about that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:42, Reply)

Ok, you know when you're mainlining H into a vein in your groin?
well anyway...It's not a very good film.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:47, Reply)

Weren't you talking about Nando's, not films?
Or am I missing something here?
(berk, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:56, Reply)

Ok, you know when you mistake hot paprika for sweet paprika when creating a dusting for your home made nachos using deep fried tortillas?
It's not quite as bad as that, but almost.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:16, Reply)

Ok, you know when you've got a time machine and you're going to a Semisonic concert but you've timed it so they haven't invented the "Feeling Strangely Fine" album yet?
It's on par with that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:22, Reply)

I like the food at Nando's...
(berk, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:31, Reply)

SPEAK UP, WHAT WAS THAT?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:31, Reply)

*coughs* nothing...
In food, as with many things, I have low standards. I am therefore preparing myself to be BLOWN AWAY by Tayyabs. I have yet to receive my invite, however :P
(berk, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:36, Reply)

No-one has. I'm awaiting a confirmation of availability from Mrs Al.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:37, Reply)

Well, if you will insist on inviting a couple of which the husband requires that the restaurant order in a carpenter to reinforce the furniture...

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:39, Reply)

_Al_ is still waiting on confirmation of the avaliabilitty of Mrs Al.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:17, Reply)

You're in the midlands aren't you?
In which case, I'd imagine there are much better curries locally.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:37, Reply)

Probably
however, and we've discussed this before, I don't have anyone to go with and I'm buggered if I'm going to sit in a restaurant or pub on my tod.
(berk, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:39, Reply)

Get a take out.
And eat it at home with your storage heaters for company.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:40, Reply)

I do, very occasionally
but it seems a bit of an extravagance when it's just me.
(berk, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:42, Reply)

What do you usually order?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:44, Reply)

Chicken kashmiri
(which is like a korma only tastier adn a bit spicier) pilau and a peshwari naan.
(berk, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:47, Reply)

Urgh.
Why don't you just eat some Christmas cake and be done with it?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:07, Reply)

You would imagine wrongly.
The vast majority of south asian immigrants in the Midlands are from the Bangladesh region - famed for poverty, not cuisine.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:41, Reply)

Unlike the rest of the asian community, who are famed for their ability to work in call centres?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:43, Reply)

'Ability'
are you sure?
(berk, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:46, Reply)

True.
I've started having fun with them though these days.

When they call and say 'Am I speaking with Mr DogFucker?' and then say 'This is Dave from Orange' (or some other company with an overseas call centre), I've started to insist they call me 'Sanjay' for the duration of the call.

If they ask 'why?' I usually say that if he can make up a name for the purpose of the call, there should be no reason why I can't make one up either.

I get fewer calls these days.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:50, Reply)

Haha!
Nice work there. I don't ever really get those calls, but if I did I think I'd try that.
(berk, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:54, Reply)

berk likes Nando's though.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:31, Reply)

Well i'll just shut the fuck up then

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:35, Reply)

I've never been there.
berk seems to think the food is 'nommy' you don't.

What is wrong with the food?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:35, Reply)

I found it to be bland and inoffensive
even with all their available sauces
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:37, Reply)

So it isn't peri nice?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:38, Reply)

*facepalms*

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:40, Reply)

Sorry. That wasn't peri good,

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:41, Reply)

That's just the same joke repeated
who do you think you are? That scottish git from 'Mock the week'?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:44, Reply)

hahaha
Peri-nuff comment you've made.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:45, Reply)

Ch4 will commission a "comedy" show for you

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:48, Reply)

I might win a Per(r)i-er award.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:51, Reply)

I'm going to shoot you
right in the face
( Kroney, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:56, Reply)

You know 'the internet'?


Please leave it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:58, Reply)

I love it when you ask me to leave the Internet.
Because I know that secretly, you smiled before you posted.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:01, Reply)

smiled wanked and shouted the lord's prayer
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:05, Reply)

There's nothing secret about an LPW, believe me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:09, Reply)

it's piri you mutt fucker

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:29, Reply)

Like I give a shit, you nonce.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:31, Reply)

I love it when you talk dirty
Arrrroooooooooo
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:36, Reply)

Did you see that Henry is back training with Arsenal?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:42, Reply)

yes mate
got a little excited. I wonder if we could have him back for a month or two?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:43, Reply)

I chose not to acknowledge its existence

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:26, Reply)

It's your own fault for watching it.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:27, Reply)

It wasn't too bad at the start
but it got progressively more stupid and annoying.
(berk, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:31, Reply)

Sounds like my ex.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:32, Reply)

I giggled at this
well done.
(berk, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:36, Reply)

To be fair, I think that'll sum up most relationships.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:38, Reply)

French.
Because of the nommy cheese and the high quality birds.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:28, Reply)

ALIENS ARE AMONG US
-tin foil hats-
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:30, Reply)

No they aren't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:36, Reply)

That's what they want you to think.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:37, Reply)

No it's not.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:41, Reply)

that's alien talk, that is

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:42, Reply)

You have the right idea.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:43, Reply)

How are you, Mr Boyce?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:43, Reply)

Not too bad thanks. You?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:55, Reply)

Tired.
Wrote a huge essay in a day. With references and everything.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:57, Reply)

God I remember that shit.
*still has nightmares*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:09, Reply)

I thought the essay was due in next monday.
It was this monday (I have two essays you see)

THAT WAS AN INTERESTING MORNING.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:11, Reply)

The only recurring dream I have ever had
is one where I suddenly realise I still have some end-of-unit essays to do. In my dreams I am there thinking 'surely I graduated fucking ages ago' but somehow it transpires that I do have stuff to do. Utterly horrible.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:14, Reply)

That does seem unpleasant. I had a few dreams concerning missed exams and shit
I remained surprisingly calm throughout it.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:21, Reply)

If they were, we would notice the green skin and spacesuits.
Amirite?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:41, Reply)

Yes. And the lasers.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:42, Reply)

100% true.
Your new carts- are they ortofon concordes?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:44, Reply)

They are the Scratch Perverts signature Numarks acksherly.
My old ones were the Ortofon 'scratch' concordes but

a) they've gone up quite a bit since I last bought some and
b) I don't need to spend so much as I am effectively retired
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:12, Reply)

I have found Numark gear to be of variable quality.
But if they are Pervert endorsed they must be reasonably good quality.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:23, Reply)

take me to your dealer

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:41, Reply)

Worst t shirt of all time.
Even worse than the mythical 'Adihash - gives you speed'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:43, Reply)

LOADSAMONEY!
Wasn't it?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:46, Reply)

And people at my school who had clearly never smoked it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:54, Reply)

Remember those long sleeved t-shirt from back in the days of dancing in fields?
Similar to the Adihash one, there was the Fairy washing up liquid 'wild mean, fairly hip kip' and god knows how many other similar ones with various drug references on them.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:58, Reply)

Don't get me started on novelty rave tshirts*, please.
I'll be here all night, and I have shit to do.


*'Above all, I'm a raver' in the style of the Rover advert, pour l'example
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:06, Reply)

I'm sure there was a
'I'll have an E please Bob' t-shirt featuring Holness.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:06, Reply)

There was, There was also a single that sampled it.
It was, incredibly, 'fucking shit'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:08, Reply)

Discounted Converse here Monty.
www.trainerstation.com/mens-trainers-converse-c-2_4.html
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:16, Reply)

That tshirt is factually inaccurate.

( Kroney, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:55, Reply)

yeah, that's the problem

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:59, Reply)

*Deacon claps*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:08, Reply)

I have changed my mind
I would be an alien with some sort of teleporting device, because then I wouldn't have to cycle home in the pissing rain.
/mournful
(berk, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:55, Reply)

also everyone wouldn't be so far away
and you wouldn't have to get your car mended ever. Although teleporters might be more unreliable, or at least...uncertain*

*this is a stupid reference to heisenburg's uncertainty theory, sorry
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:58, Reply)

Right now I would happily trade a modicum of uncertainty
for not spending the next 30 minutes being absolutely sopping wet.
(berk, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:03, Reply)

That is the first time I've ever heard a woman make that complaint.
Sorry, that is far too crude
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:06, Reply)

Pffft!
Filth. I certainly wouldn't complain if it were that kind of sopping wet, however I'd probably be so surprised at someone having shown more than an incredibly fleeting interest that you'd not be able to access my fanny because my jaw would be in the way.
(berk, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:10, Reply)

What a weird mental imagine that is.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:12, Reply)

A women who could auto-errrrrrr-cunilinguate?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:13, Reply)

*adds to dictionary*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:14, Reply)

*fist pumps*
YEAH!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:18, Reply)

In a 'her jaw dropped in astonishment' kind of way
Not a 'i actually have a really freakish anatomy' kind of way.
(berk, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:16, Reply)

Don't try and pretend you don't like to have a little nibble of your bean
at the end of a hard day.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:18, Reply)

If I could somehow manage that
I suspect I would complain about things a lot less often.
(berk, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:21, Reply)

Except maybe, backache?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:22, Reply)

or the taste of minge

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:23, Reply)

Nowt wrong with that.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:26, Reply)

"Ooooh, my necks really sore today, I knew I should have stopped after two orgasms last night
but they're just so moreish"
(Bazongaloid, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:23, Reply)

Well the original mental imagine is still there.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:19, Reply)

Well, it's your brain
Blame it, not me.
(berk, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:23, Reply)

I really feel that a new meme has been born here
and from now on you are the girl that can autocunnilinguate
(Bazongaloid, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:25, Reply)

even if it meant your molecules
getting scattered about the place?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:06, Reply)

They wouldn't be wet and grumpy though...

(berk, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:07, Reply)

The type that can zone out northern accents.
I've been back all of five minutes and already everyone is doing my loaf in.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:11, Reply)

*takes offence*
unless it's the north east, then fair enough
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:15, Reply)

It is the north east.
But I include all northerners in this. You all sound daft.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:36, Reply)

I'd be one with 100 tenticals that have penses on the end of them that go around shagging 101 women at once.... like in the japanese cartoons.
Hah, only kidding, can you just _imagine_ the not-good-type moaning afterwards? all that disapointment from them all? I think 5 women would be my limit.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:20, Reply)

more aliens should be like this

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:22, Reply)

How gutted would you be to travel 100000000 light years only to be told "It's OK, it's fine, I just wasn't in the mood, it was never going to happen for me... get me a glass of water hun".
God, I was gutted enough when I traveled to [next stop down on the tube] and heard that !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:24, Reply)

I'd be one of these motherfuckers

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 18:43, Reply)