So what's planned for your saturday night?
I have a potentially fun night in Cardiff. I'm not driving, there are lots of people going and I fully intend to dance like a loon.

However, I just realised that there is an outside possibility that my twattish ex-husband may also be there (it's an outside chance, since I know one of his friends is going, but still).

So alt q: How should I fuck his shit up?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:01, 115 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

By having sex with his poo in a tree.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:04, Reply)

it's gonna be hard finding a tree
in the centre of town
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:07, Reply)

poo in a

It'll make him evergreen with envy.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:07, Reply)

I fear instead it would just
give him wood

/obvious
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:08, Reply)

*leaves*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:10, Reply)

I'm sycamore tree jokes

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:17, Reply)

Do you want to branch out and try something else?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:18, Reply)

ash tually
I think we've had enough of puns
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:23, Reply)

Give them the chop then.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:27, Reply)

consider them axed

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:28, Reply)

Leaf it out you two.
Or I'll get the birch out.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 5 Feb 2011, 18:19, Reply)

Pub this evening for me.
Alt: Either shit in his cunt, or give him a wedgie. Which ever you think is most appropriate. Failing that, pull his mate.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:05, Reply)

version a) he has no cunt, but he is one
b) don't want to touch his pants again
c) his mate looks a lot like a hobbit (nice guy, but hobbity)

Anything particular at the pub, or just another night in the pub?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:08, Reply)

It's a pub. They sell booze.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:09, Reply)

No plans.
My friend has just gone back to her fella again, this time he'd cheated on her. Considering this is about the 15th time they've split now, I'm just bored of it. As a result of them getting back together, she's now cancelled tonight. So yeah, zero plans.

Alt Q: Pull his mate.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:09, Reply)

LAME!
but perhaps 15th time's the charm....
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:10, Reply)

Well, we're hoping eventually she'll grow a backbone, but not expecting it anytime soon.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:11, Reply)

I think I may get drunk and watch supernatural

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:09, Reply)

drunk = good
supernatural = never seen

write more stories instead
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:28, Reply)

a mirror of my evening
Bar the drunk bit
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 19:38, Reply)

smash him in the face with a bottle
then repeatedly thrust and slash the broken bottle into his eyes, groin and jugular.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:26, Reply)

this is what I would like to do
as would most of my friends
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:27, Reply)

stupid morals and police getting in the way of good old retribution

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:29, Reply)

I know!
so unfair
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:31, Reply)

I still think you should go pal
to hell with your ex. Have fun with your friends.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:34, Reply)

I'm going anway
I'm just a little apprehensive. It really is only a slight chance and I'm not letting him ruin more stuff for me
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:35, Reply)

Perhaps it's time to move on and leave the pain behind you
/claire raynor,with added wings
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:34, Reply)

I'll leave the pain in his face

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:35, Reply)

Did he beat you?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:36, Reply)

no
just tore my still beating (but metaphorical) heart from my chest and stamped on it and pissed in the gap it left

or some shit
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:38, Reply)

so he dumped you?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:38, Reply)

do you really want details?
There was a whole lot of lying, shagging other women and other crap. He's a habitual liar and a bastard, bsaically
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:43, Reply)

Best to move on then, you made your bed but you don't have to stew in it.
I have noticed that you make a number of references to seeing him out and about, you don't seem to have any firm ties why not move somewhere else, a change of larping scene and all that.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:47, Reply)

I don't bump into him all that often
and it's never for for more than in passing so it's not usually an issue. I am worrying for nothing, probably, but never trust a habitual liar not to commit surprise twattery
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 16:52, Reply)

Tonight shall be spent
making and eating fajitas (the potato wedges are currently sitting in a vat of olive oil and several nommy spices), drinking wine and watching the footy highlights if only to throw things at the screen when Arsene Whinger's miserable fucking Gallic face comes on. And laugh at him until I rupture.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 5 Feb 2011, 18:25, Reply)

You could spend some time reminding Bob of the scoreline if you get bored with any of that.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 18:30, Reply)

It was quite a comeback, to be sure.
Arsenal basically though they didn't have to try second half, and so didn't turn up.

I suppose at 4-0 up I can see why they might have thought that, but still... Can't wait for the highlights tonight.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 5 Feb 2011, 18:38, Reply)

Greatest comeback since Lazarus?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 18:53, Reply)

Possibly, yes.
We could have won it as well.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 5 Feb 2011, 19:01, Reply)

TGB made them for us the other day, they were so good, really hit the spot.
I love them when they have all the condiments, loads of gwackmoli, I lap that stuff up big time.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 18:55, Reply)

The missus makes her own.
We've had two avocados ripening in the kitchen for a fortnight; it's gonna be fucking excellent.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 5 Feb 2011, 19:00, Reply)

Oh lush ! Do you know about the banana and brown bag trick ? The banana absorbes the lifeforce out of the avacardo so they ripen quicker.
I would say they're in my, at least, top 5 list of vegs. They're amazing with bacon in a sandwich, or if you fill where the seed is with vinigar* and sprinkle on salt.

* If you can get "Seasoned japanese vinigar", it's my fave base-viniger, great for salad dressing or chips or, well, anywhere you would use a standard viniger. It's stronger and sweeter.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 19:18, Reply)

bless you gonz
'absorb the lifeforce'. bananas give off a chemical which encourages ripening in other fruit.
(berk, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 19:29, Reply)

Yay for Ethylene!

(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 5 Feb 2011, 19:45, Reply)

Hah, I know =)
I didn't realise it worked with other fruit though.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:00, Reply)

'fraid it's not actually true.
Ethylene works on apples and maybe some other fruit but nothing works on avocados.
That's why 2 things 1) they're so pricey and 2) you can buy the ripe now and nearly ripe packs.
You probably won't believe me but it is true.
I've actually tried this out at home, using about £20 worth of avocados in 3 separate groups cos I was massively sceptical and the simple fact is the avocado skin is just too thick to allow gas permeation.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 5 Feb 2011, 21:37, Reply)

I shall be eating an obscene amount
Of baked camembert with homemade red onion marmalade and then my awesome carrot cake for afters whilst sitting on my arse watching dvds with my 3yr old nephew.
(berk, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 18:36, Reply)

I'm jealous.
I love babysitting like that.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 5 Feb 2011, 18:39, Reply)

Haha, his mum is here too
I just don't get to see either of them that often so we're spending some quality monging out time together. He's just at that cute age where he's getting in to transformers, spiderman and iron man and all that, but still young enough to get dead excited when they come on tv.
(berk, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 18:47, Reply)

He sounds like most of the geeks on here.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 18:52, Reply)

ahahaa I love that age.
I babysit sometimes for two of my old teachers, and their little girls are both into fairytales at the moment.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 5 Feb 2011, 18:52, Reply)

Yeah, the two I part-time nanny for
are 18 months and 3 years respectively, and they are massively in to pink and disney. Which is still cute I guess, although it was never really my thing. It's nice to spend time with my little blonde troublemaker watching things explode. :)
(berk, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 19:01, Reply)

This is going to sound strange, but hear me out, I reckon that Rich Tea make the best cheese crackers.
They're thicker than a cracker so they don't crumble if you're biting half of it, and they have a sweetness that goes well with cheese. A little thinggy that I sometimes do is put a slice of pickled beatroot on top of one, then some brie on top and microwave. It makes a lovely little easy snack that isn't tooo unhealthy, the trouble is knowning when to stop though.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 19:25, Reply)

I agree, sorta
for me it's those little hovis chaps you get in the cheese cracker assortment boxes. Mmm, those with brie, fabulous.
(berk, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 19:27, Reply)

Oh god yes, I completely forgot about them !
Have you heard of Pié D'Angolas cheese (probably spelt differently), it's my fave brie-type cheese, I love it when it's been left out for a day, but it does pong a bit.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 19:41, Reply)

I know which one you mean
it comes in a little wooden box like camembert. I've never actually had it though, perhaps I shall look out for it next time I'm in sainsbury's...
(berk, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 19:49, Reply)

That's the one, marks sometimes has it in and morrisons has it too.
I love all kinds of interesting cheeses, the only type of cheese I don't really dig is Feta, and I find anything but really strong chedar borring (but it's OK as an ingredient, rather than a cheese outright).

I really want to go to the cheese rooms in John Lewis Oxford Street or Harrods or Borough Market sometime soon now.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 19:59, Reply)

Get yourself down to La Fromagerie
there's one in marylebone and another in highbury I think. I desperately wanted to go last time I was in London but I didn't have chance. Next time for sure. The food hall in harrods is definitely worth a look too, and less crowded than Borough market.
(berk, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:06, Reply)

I've not heard of that one, but I'll give it a good google.
I love the food hall in harrods, they do these lollys that are my fave sweet ever, they're the only place I can get them and I used to have them as a kid when Dad took me there, loads of nice memories.

Next time you're down, give me a shout, we'll do a bit of a gastronomy tour if you fancy =)
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:37, Reply)

I had a bit of a bad night/morning today so I went hossy and got some 'scripts to help make things not so bad.
I went to ma's and helped her get around her internet banking stuff and watched Nigel Slater's life story; spent half the time with it smiling and half the time with tears in my eyes, very bitter sweet; I can relate to that. I imediatly bought the book, "toast", after watching it, it's on my kindle now waiting for my current book that I'm in love with to finish ("The Magiciens" by Lev Grossman).

Tonight I'm going to chill out with TGB, gonna poach smoked haddock/onions/peas in milk then top with a poached egg and serve with mashed poato. Such a lovely dish, really simple, really easy.

It's weird how everything sucks and everything is awesome at the same time, it's always like that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 18:54, Reply)

That sounds lovely!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:12, Reply)

TGB is clonked out, I was about 5 minutes from serving, was just about to poach the egg.
So I've turned it into a fish pie, instead of poaching the eggs I mixed in two egg yolks into the reduced smokey fishey milk, and one into the mashed potato. I then put the mashed potato into a sandwich bag and attempted to pipe it (made a complete and utter mess, didn't work, the hole I made was to big and the mash was already runnyish from the butter)... and then I ran to the shops to get some chedder, covered it and now it's baking.

It's going to be eaither amazing or horrific, I donno which way yet, but we'll see =)
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:36, Reply)

Going round a mates
Going to get a takeout curry, drink some wine and play Last Night on Earth.

Should be fun.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 19:07, Reply)

that looks wicked
do you need the board? it was very long and I didn't read all of it.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 19:45, Reply)

It's a boardgame, Bobby
What do you think.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 6 Feb 2011, 2:34, Reply)

I am on Dad duty tonight
as I was out last night. Kids in bed and wine opened. Now to watch shite on the planner

Alt A
Go out and enjoy yourself, but dont do that thing where people look like they are trying too hard ala massive fake laughs and thowing back of head (unless you are drinking shots)
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 19:41, Reply)

Somebody ask me how knackered I am.
ANYBODY!!!
( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 19:58, Reply)

How knackered are you BGB?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:00, Reply)

Well knackered.
Left the house to go to Manchester at 10am and got back home at 7pm.
( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:01, Reply)

But you had fun I take it?
what did you get up to?
(berk, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:03, Reply)

Went with mum, little sister and her mate, (who's Italian).
Her mate got her foofoo peirced, (even though she's never had anything peirced before). I'm quite proud of her. Did a bit of shopping, went to Nandos for lunch, (my first time). Went shopping for a necklace for my sister's 21st.
( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:05, Reply)

What sauce did you have?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:06, Reply)

Non. I had a veggie wrap, medium hot. I'd had chicken last night for dinner.
Very enjoyable though.
( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:09, Reply)

I love the extra hot chicken with extra hot sauce
It clears the nasal cavities very well. Maybe Monty should try some
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:10, Reply)

I thought you were a veggy?
/ac
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:55, Reply)

I've started eating free range chicken.

( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 21:05, Reply)

Ah cool =) Do you think you would extend that to all pultery? Duck is delish.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 21:18, Reply)

As long as it's free range then any poultry.

( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 21:27, Reply)

Ace !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 21:49, Reply)

wow, that's brave. I couldn't do that.
it's making my cross my legs in fear!
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:07, Reply)

She had it done there because it's the only place her mother won't see.
She's 30.
( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:09, Reply)

Why would a 30 year old woman show her mam her tits?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:10, Reply)

She's a ballerina
/Black Swan
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:12, Reply)

?
Not seen it
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:13, Reply)

Oh god, that scene where she realises her mum is in the bedroom
it's been a while since I went 'eep' in horror and hid behind my scarf watching a film, but I surely did then.
(berk, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:18, Reply)

That was terrible
I think the whole cinema went 'ahhh'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:22, Reply)

What was she doing?

( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:24, Reply)

Masturbating
then she turns over and realises her mother is asleep on a chair in the room
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:28, Reply)

Well at least her mum is asleep.

( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:35, Reply)

It's more of a shock
when you watch it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:36, Reply)

They live in the same house.

( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:14, Reply)

Call me boring
but I like Nando's. what did you think? Sounds like a pretty cool day out you had, although I'm really not sure I'd go for the foof as my first piercing!
(berk, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:10, Reply)

I love Nandos!
*books in visit*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:12, Reply)

It was a lot nicer than I was expecting, although we had to fucking queue for 15 minutes.

( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:16, Reply)

Nando's is nice but it's always so busy
I end up going for tapas.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:17, Reply)

I wish there was a decent tapas place near here
the two I've been to here have been quite bad and ridiculously expensive
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:18, Reply)

There is a place in Bristol on the waterfront called the olive shed
it is awesome. I don't know if it's a chain or not actually?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:20, Reply)

Come and visit meee!
there's one 3 minutes walk from my front door. I love my village.
(berk, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:20, Reply)

I have a tapas place 5 minutes from my house but it's crap unfortunately.

( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:23, Reply)

The staff were very pleasant too which was surprising.

( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:19, Reply)

have you been watching Michelle Roux's Service?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:21, Reply)

No.

( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:22, Reply)

He got a load of ASBO kids and ne'er do wells
and trained them to be really good waiters and waitresses and the best 2 (ended up being 3) got scholarships. It was fab. Good service is very important.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:24, Reply)

I've never been tapas even though there is a really good one just down the road from me.
I think I would enjoy it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 20:56, Reply)

Do it Pauly.

( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 21:05, Reply)

Maybe next time you're in the area =)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 21:48, Reply)

Deffo!
I'm going to make it a long weekend for the London bash.
( girlinthehole, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 21:50, Reply)

Lovely, when is it?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 22:00, Reply)

I had tapas for the first time in England
really really loved it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 5 Feb 2011, 21:19, Reply)

Oh wow, this is stunningly tasty, soooo nice.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 21:51, Reply)

uber jealous right now

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 21:54, Reply)

It is soooo nice, seriously, I wish I had people to share it with.
The milk split but it gives a more creamy texture
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 22:00, Reply)

I'm sure it will keep 'til tomorrow.
I am going to make one soon I think.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 22:01, Reply)

Yup, it deffo well =)
I photographed the whole lot and will blog it up tomo =)
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 22:12, Reply)

I've been to the pub.
And now I back.

What have you done this evening?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 22:15, Reply)