Greetings, one and all.
I believe it is St Padraig's Day today. Is this right? Does anyone but me find it odd that in this day and age a patron saint's day is still celebrated on such a large scale? I know 'de Oirish' are not the most forward-looking of races, comprised as they are of horse theives, tinkers, tarmackers, leprechauns and toothless simpletons, but even so...

I'm sure it's borne of Irish Americans' desperate need for an identity in their new(ish) land, but there's no fucking excuse here. I was at university in North London and on St Patrick's day the union bar was like a fucking terrorist convention. I've never felt so unwelcome in my own country before or since. I've been one of about five caucasians at heavy Rasta dub nights on dozens of occasions and felt welcome and included. Funny isn't it? No.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 8:38, 87 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It's all peace and love with Rastas innit.
Rastafari!
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 8:43, Reply)

Jamaican hippies, the proper ones.
The problem they have is with people mistaking 'black men with dreadlocks' for Rastas. This is a particular problem in New York where in the 70s they had a lot of bother with dreadlocked Jamaican drug dealers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 8:47, Reply)

Maybe it's that big lovely grin you have. Disarms them immediately. *laughs*

( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 8:53, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 8:55, Reply)

Fuck 'em
I'm off to the darts tonight, which is quite simply, off the scale in terms of atmosphere. Beats any gig or rave I've ever been to. I'm armed with a half bottle of vodka and a selection of massive drugs.

Day off tomorrow as well!


*fist pumps*
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 8:43, Reply)

Oh yeaaahhhhhh
Good boy. I'm going to dig out that little envelope this weekend, by the way.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 8:44, Reply)

Top o' the morning to ya Aye buddy, av been slack as fuck with regards to the psylocibin, I will aim to boost 2 persons worth in a jiffy bag and send tomorrow. Failing that they will deffo be with you for next weekend.
Oops, posting on my phone is fucking mince.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:10, Reply)

Good lad.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:39, Reply)

The English have to give lesser people the chance to feel better about themselves.
One day a year for the Irish, and increasingly the welsh and Scots is not too much of a sacrifice.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 8:46, Reply)

Throwing the dogs a bone from one's table, so to speak?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 8:47, Reply)

Yes, It helps to keep them quiet for the rest of the year
I was in Wales the other week, and they celebrate St David's Week.

Pushing it a bit I thought.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 8:50, Reply)

Do they celebrate it
by not going to work, and instead hanging around mining ghost towns dejectedly taking steroids, by any chance?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 8:52, Reply)

Then going on a shooting spree and epic game of hide and seek

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:03, Reply)

They do that the other 51 weeks of the year.
They wear daffodills and leeks in St David's week to make it special.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:04, Reply)

I like St. Patrick's day.
This afternoon I shall (as I have done for the past five years) be going on a pub crawl with my dad and the rest of the Irish side of my family. There will be music, porter and good cheer had by all. Unless I don't finish writing by lunch time, in which case I'll stay in for the rest of the day and sulk at my own ineffectualness.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 17 Mar 2011, 8:51, Reply)

It's a load of shite
In other breaking news next door is currently ablaze with no less than four appliances in attendance and a number of the mets finest seeking tea. Fuck 'em
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 8:51, Reply)

Mushroom tea, just saying like

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 8:53, Reply)

I for one condone the idea of drinking for free stuff

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 8:53, Reply)

I put it to you
that this is because you are a smelly vagrant who'd drink piss out of an old shoe if you thought it had a couple of per cent's worth of alcohol in it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 8:54, Reply)

Even tosh Lyons could get to the bottom of that mystery

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 8:57, Reply)

Is he your dad?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:04, Reply)

pot kettle

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Are you calling monty black?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:00, Reply)

fo shizzle

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:01, Reply)

My brother
has just started writing 'Akabussi' style stories about Jimi Hendrix and 'Kate and Wills'. They're fucking hilarious. I got a text at 7am today that begins:

'Move over Rover', bellowed Jimi as he used his sinewy African American arm to elbow the rutting corgi from Kate's slender form...'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Your brother needs to post on here

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:16, Reply)

He's way worse than me. I think the internet would melt.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Bring it on!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:19, Reply)

What do we think of Kate?
She seems down to earth, grounded and really quite nice; she is exactly the sort of girl that will help the monachy move forward in the 21st century, combine that with a national event of celebration when they get married and i can only conclude that the wedding will be a good thing, also i'd like to smash her back doors in.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:18, Reply)

I concur
with all of the above statement
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Her parents are common.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:22, Reply)

hence the back doors

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:22, Reply)

This much is true
Although was taken out for dinner last night and had the most amazing beef wellington with a lovely and very expensive red. Back to the Cider today
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:01, Reply)

I will be partaking in an afternoon of Guinness
with my lovely 2 for 1 vouchers that I'll be printing off in work this morning.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:00, Reply)

I don't mind it, but am not going out tonight
I also cannot stand Guinness, it's vile stuff.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:15, Reply)

I can drink one of them, but no more.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:16, Reply)

I love Guinness
I pity the others in our office tomorrow though
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:17, Reply)

We've had this argument before, haven't we?

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:16, Reply)

It gives you the consumption

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:19, Reply)

+ of Guinness

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:31, Reply)

My friends are organising a club night.
So I'm going to that. Ma used to pin a shamrock on us each St Patrick's day, as she's actually Irish, and our Catholic primary school would do themed activities. Fun times.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Themed activities...
Examples please.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Potato bobbing, pin the sod of peat on the starving mule, that sort of thing.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:28, Reply)

ha ha ha

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Priest rape, starvation, running around with no shoes on, horse torture and drunkardness

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:28, Reply)

*shakes hands*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Petrol-bombing, knee-capping, tar-and-feathering
- you know, traditional Oirish pursuits.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:52, Reply)

'sharpen the householder's knives whilst your accomplice nicks the bikes out of the shed',
that one's popular.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Find the potato
Long game this one (1845-1852)
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:33, Reply)

ha ha ha
The RaolMoat Piper was particularly slippery
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:34, Reply)

hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Irish dancing, the story about the fucking snakes, what the different petals on the shamrock stand for
My American school took it much more seriously. They had a girl dress up as a leprechaun and trash the classrooms.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:35, Reply)

ADHDlols

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:36, Reply)

As an Irishman in England I tend to abstain from St Paddy's day celebrations
as it is inevitably drunk English people being annoying. I am off to spend all day drinking, playing pool, and possibly partake in some recreational drugs at my mates' house. Have a good day people.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:22, Reply)

And you, young man.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:27, Reply)

nothing to do with paddy's day
but i will be getting exceptionally hammered tonight as i have worked very late mon, tue, wed this week and thu is officially the start of the weekend.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Thursday is the new Friday

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:35, Reply)

i will be drinking so many cocktails/iced vodka shots
that they will both blur into the same giant day anyway.

i haven't had a drink since... ok sat night. but before that it was... ok fri night.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Are you at work on Friday?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:38, Reply)

of course

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:41, Reply)

*prouds*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Just out of curiosity
How much does anyone reckon a pint of Guinness weighs? I want to know whether I'll ever be able to accurately claim that I drank my bodyweight in Guinness.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:39, Reply)

I "remember" doing about 17 in the course of an afternoon and evening
before doing a commando roll across my car bonnet in the work carpark and falling into a bush after smashing the light above a pool table with a really bad shot
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:40, Reply)

But how much does one weigh?
Last month, at my uncle's funeral, we managed to drink the Irish club out of Guinness. I have never been prouder of my family. Especially since my uncle died of cirrhosis of the liver.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:42, Reply)

One weighs about 14 stone at the last count.
But one is quite tall so this is acceptable.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:44, Reply)

There's no way you can drink 35 pints of Guinness.


*runs off*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:41, Reply)

:(

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:43, Reply)

depends if you include the pint pots

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:41, Reply)

For the sake of what is left of my liver, I'll say yes, include them.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Basically 1kg per liter
How much do you weigh?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:43, Reply)

'awful!!'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Approximately 598 grams.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:43, Reply)

Alright Docco?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Not bad.
And you?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Rocking.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:52, Reply)

I either need to get very skinny, very fast, or pre-order a new liver then.
Damn, another life ambition, ruined.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Or cut off both your legs and one of your arms.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Work out how many pints you can drink
and then work out what fraction of your body weight that is, and set that as your goal.

Much easier to achieve that way. "I drank 1/8th of my body weight in Guinness!!!" still sounds fairly impressive, and that's only 12.5 pints if you weighed 59.8 kilos (about 9 stone) - less if you're less and I assume you are.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 10:08, Reply)

If you only weighed nine stone
I doubt you'd be big enough to contain 12.5 pints of Guinness. (Let alone metabolise it without hospitalising yourself)
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 10:28, Reply)

You just aren't trying hard enough

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 10:34, Reply)

trying hard vomiting often
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 10:54, Reply)

I'm going to have a big fucking steak
and nothing Irish themed whatsoever.

Also www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/hipsters-denied-right-to-verbal-communication-201103173637/
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Likewise.
I shall be celebrating with that traditional old Irish dish 'lasagne' and a nice glass of red.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:53, Reply)

^ like the link
We can but hope...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 10:30, Reply)

It's the day when everyone is just a little bit Irish
except for the gays and the Italians
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 9:56, Reply)

As a Briton who is mostly English,
I shall not bother celebrating St Patrick's Day, because I'M NOT IRISH. To be honest, I'm probably more Irish than half the Americans who will be claiming their Irish great-great-grandmother-once-removed-on-the-milkman's side as an excuse to celebrate how amazingly Irish they are, but (a) I don't need an excuse to drink and (b) if I'm going to do something as backward as celebrating a national religious icon, I'll use St George's Day, thank you very much.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 10:27, Reply)

It's a bit like that time I went to visit the Finsbury Park Mosque
it was only after I got in I realised I hadn't finished my bacon sandwich...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 10:31, Reply)