Thought for the day:
"Dickinson" is an unfortunate surname, especially if there are any allegations of incest in your family.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:26, 103 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Man I love it when there's no question in threads.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:26, Reply)

Would you like a question?

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:27, Reply)

That'll do nicely
No.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:27, Reply)

I'd rather you just killed yourself.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:28, Reply)

How would you like me to kill myself?

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:30, Reply)

In a terrible threshing incident
leaving only an arm stump
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:34, Reply)

I think crow would suit a stump.

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:34, Reply)

That's a savage backhanded compliment

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Thank you.

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:38, Reply)

Running all the way here with fags
giving them to me then dying of exhaustion.
Don't forget the lighter.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Bugger that, Darth can make his own way to MK...

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:47, Reply)

7/10
He said fagS. You'll still need to provide another.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:48, Reply)

he can take your bum-chum Louis Spence

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:49, Reply)

I would love to meet him
Just to see if he's really that unbelievably annoying
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:01, Reply)

I strongly believe him to be the worst person in the world

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:01, Reply)

You make a good case
Without even needing to illustrate it any further. Are there any other contenders, in your eyes? I'd like to put Billy Corgan forward
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:09, Reply)

Bono
Kerry Katona

Billy Corgan doesn't even come close. He's not as in-your-face.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:15, Reply)

This is a good point
However, scandalous as it may be, I consider the Smashing Pumpkins to have been a significantly worse band than U2. Or Atomic Kitten.

Paris Hilton?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:17, Reply)

you are totally wrong
you might not like the Pumpkins but at least their songs don't sound like they were written by children with a delay pedal and a "words that rhyme" book
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:33, Reply)

who said there always has to be a question?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:43, Reply)

No one,
doesn't mean I can't moan when there isn't
(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:46, Reply)

ok, that's fine.
carry on.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:48, Reply)

And why did penguins evolve to not be able to fly?
You'd have thought they'd want to keep their bums off the ice for as long as possible.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:29, Reply)

Ah, but is that to encourage them to spend more time in the water
so they'll catch more fish?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:29, Reply)

Have you never seen March of the Penguins?
Surely it would be better to fly to the breeding grounds?
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:31, Reply)

I have not seen March of the Penguins.
But I can see the sense in being able to fly in circumstances like that. Hey, ducks could do it, and they reproduce by gang rape, so why not a species that otherwise has to march across a huge tract of snow and ice?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:32, Reply)

Those fucking female ducks are asking for it.

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:33, Reply)

I sometimes wonder why there are snails AND slugs
you think it's because they just want to move house?
or maybe it's a divorce and the slugs have been kicked out of the house, aw man that's so sad
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:31, Reply)

Slugs are the tramps of the snail world.

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:32, Reply)

I think they prefer to think of themselves as "bohemian"

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:33, Reply)

I never see any cardboard signs.
I'd give them money!
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Don't give them money.
They'd only fritter it away on.......whatever slugs get pissed on.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:37, Reply)

what did the slug say to the snail?
Big Issue?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:42, Reply)

Did you just make that up?

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:43, Reply)

no
but I was messing around with a snail the other day. I took the shell off to see if it would go faster. It just made it a bit sluggish.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:44, Reply)

I never thought I'd consider telling you to leave the internet.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:54, Reply)

to put that into perspective
that is the best and funniest joke that my drummer has ever said.

His puns would make Jeff's comedy shine like a beacon of excellence in comparison.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:55, Reply)

You should destroy him
and get one of these:
www.djsuperstore.co.uk/=Google%20Base/item/musical-instruments/490506-korg-electribe-mx-synthesizer-drum-machine-with-sd
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:57, Reply)

the trouble is
he's a really good drummer, guitarist and pianist, and if I destroy him his wife may stop cooking me really fucking good food.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:58, Reply)

Swings and roundabouts.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:04, Reply)

paedo

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:07, Reply)

I wouldn't classify that as
good food.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:09, Reply)

look at this video wot Lu posted on facebook
www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGEqWzw8A9g
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:44, Reply)

My thought for the day is that the new Metronomy single is aaaaaaaace.
www.dailymotion.com/video/xhqi0x_metronomy-the-look_music#from=embed
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:29, Reply)

Ooh, will look at that later.
At the moment I'm too hot to move.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:38, Reply)

You're too sexy for your shirt?

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:41, Reply)

The video is cool as you like as well.
Got tickets to see them April 16th, get on it they're only thirteen quid. Downside is that it's in Shepard's Bush.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:46, Reply)

Oh hang on, I think the 148 goes there.
I've seen them already, but I might go. Hmm.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:00, Reply)

They're playing Reading as well I think

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:08, Reply)

I've seen them twice, I WIN.
Although once was at the Astoria 2 before I even knew who they were (this is going back to 2006ish), I thought they were pants.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:10, Reply)

I hate you SO FUCKING HARD.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Who, me? What have I done now?

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:54, Reply)

This thread.
Because I am in a terrible mood.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:03, Reply)

I'd be in a terrible mood if I were you
too.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:09, Reply)

You can fuck off as well.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:31, Reply)

what should I have for lunch?

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Kraft macaroni cheese and twinkeys.

( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:37, Reply)

twinkeys are ming
not enough time to cook kraft
stop calling me fat, I'll have to cry into my bucket of KFC
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:40, Reply)

I didn't call you fat.
I just mentioned the first American food products I could think of.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:42, Reply)

twinkies are heavily associated with the fatties here

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:44, Reply)

what are they like?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:45, Reply)

sweaty and blotchy

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:47, Reply)

not the fatties you wonderful idiot

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Vile! I tried one.
Sponge with some sort of creme filling full of suger and nastiness.
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:48, Reply)

sounds gross
bit like a nasty mini-roll?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:48, Reply)

They also deep fry the fuckers

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:49, Reply)

and oreos apparently
never seen it done before though
and we serve fried chicken with waffles
mmmmmmmchicken
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:51, Reply)

I've had deep fried ice cream
that wasn't bad.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:52, Reply)

my brain can't quite get around the concept

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:55, Reply)

ice cream has to be very very cold
dipped in batter and fried for not very long.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:58, Reply)

my roommate did cheesecake rolls once, slices wrapped in tortilla then deep fried
wasn't that great, just tasted like the oil from the fryer
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:59, Reply)

that doesn't sound nice.
my friend cooked tempura prawns, peppers and baby corn last weekend. Fucking lovely.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:01, Reply)

None of that's a patch on what the filthy fat fuckers do in Scotland
It's hideous :((
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:53, Reply)

yeah, that ginger hair....

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:55, Reply)

=D
www.coll3ctive.co.uk/food/recipes/paulypops/deep-fried-puff-pastry-filled-with-mars-bar-and-joy/
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:12, Reply)

Heart attack heaven

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:17, Reply)

Jesus
I've seen things deep fried that would make you cringe.

/Didn't do some of them myself, no sirree!

/Take the boy out of Texas etc.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:10, Reply)

More sugary than that

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:50, Reply)

grim
I dislike very sugary stuff.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 15:51, Reply)

Exam timetable has been received.
Could be a lot better, but it is better than last year. Also leaves Blousie's bash as a possibility.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:01, Reply)

Question for Da Nerdz
Imagine I have just acquired a space phone.

Do I need to register in online etc before I can even receive a call or send a text with it? I have it set as offline - is this crazy kids' lingo for 'effectively off' because I tried to ring myself from my office phone and it went to answerphone.

Laugh away, I am so old and simple my hairy old ears cannot even hear you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:03, Reply)

what the fuck is a space phone?
also:
"You are old, Father Monty," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head--
Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

"In my youth," Father Monty replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:04, Reply)

You know, one these fucking waki internet jobbies.
I only got it because the camera is supposed to be the best one on any phone. I didn't want any trouble. I thought I'd be able to stick my SIM card in it and start using it as a fucking telephone and avoid 'apps' (belm) etc altogether...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:07, Reply)

oh right
fucked if I know how they work. The cunt phone companies take enough of my money as it is, without me spunking a load on something I have absolutely no need for.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:08, Reply)

Nokia N8 I assume
Did you acquire it as part of a contract, and if so did it therefore come with a new SIM, or by altogether more dubious means?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:08, Reply)

Correct.
They're sending me a new '3G' (another belm) card but I hoped that in the meantime I could just use the old one as I had no intention of doing any internet bollocks.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:12, Reply)

They may deactivate your old card but that shouldn't happen until you call up to activate the new one
However your old SIM may not be provisioned for use with a "Space Phone" so may not work at all. What error messages, if any, are you getting from it?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Fuck all.
It let me see the contacts off the SIM but when I tried to call the fucker it didnae work, so I thought I'd consult the young whippersnappers on here before I wasted any more time.

Jimbob here seems to know the deal, but cheers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:18, Reply)

You could try pissing about with the settings but my guess is that you won't get any joy out of it until the new SIM arrives, as suggested below
You can still use the camera though!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:20, Reply)

It's way better than the actual camera my mother bought me.
Perfect for documenting my child's youth without lugging any spare gear about. Plus I broke it - sorry mother, if you're reading.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:22, Reply)

That's okay son

(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:23, Reply)

PS fuck off you lezzer

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:26, Reply)

Okay son
by the way, I need that money back.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:28, Reply)

Hahaha good luck with that love.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:43, Reply)

So long as you haven't changed your contract
Sticking your Sim in it should work.

Edit: Your new 128k sim will solve the problems. In the meantime use the old phone.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:12, Reply)

Thank you, future boy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Best laugh today
for reasons unknown
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:17, Reply)

No problem
Congratu-malations on getting up to date Grandad.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:19, Reply)

*jives*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:27, Reply)

I suspect this will work against my favour
as when I next text you "Also Sprach Zarathustra" will strike up in the background and you'll beat the phone on the nearest wall whilst hooting gibberish.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:32, Reply)

Deodato's version?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:47, Reply)

Every time I see your signature
it makes me think of crap nineties dance pop record "sound of the wickedness". Cease and desist.
( Kroney, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:15, Reply)

No.
Cease and decease.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Mar 2011, 16:16, Reply)