I find it funny that Monty hates talking about lunch so much
yet plasters the internet with pictures of his breakfast

As you were.

What you want a question as well, erm, do you give a shit about motor racing? Who do you want to win things? Do you like racing? Are you racing towards anything right now? Are you holding a pie and running away from Al? Are you laughing as he falls over and gets stuck on his back like some kind of bloated tortoise? Are you watching in horror as Monty skins him and makes a three piece suit, a new rug, several cusion covers and a rather fetching guitar case with real teeth decorations? Is Monty trying to sell you the case for an over inflated price so he can pay his morgage? Have you noticed Chompy hiding in the bushes watching the exchange?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:27, 131 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Are you sure
this isn't a Jeremy Kyle special?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:29, Reply)

Are you sure?
Are you sure?
Are you sure?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:29, Reply)

*Gets Visa*
*gets mad waitering qualificationZ*
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:30, Reply)

*trips over dog*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:32, Reply)

Have you just given up with the name thing today?
As it's your birthday I'll let you off
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:32, Reply)

How else do you suggest getting "al" into "PJM"

(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:35, Reply)

You could start by buying him a drink

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:35, Reply)

LOTS OF LUBE!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:35, Reply)

I really should have expected this.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:38, Reply)

Tell him there's a new bike in it for him

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Brilliant

(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:38, Reply)

PALJALM
There, in twice
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Why do people keep starting threads mentioning me
it's fucking weird.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:29, Reply)

it's your rep

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:30, Reply)

e a + e
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:31, Reply)

QED

(PsychoChomp, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:32, Reply)

My rep is due to people being unoriginal and shit
I have very little input in it.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:31, Reply)

you had quite a lot of input into your victims
if you see what I mean
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:33, Reply)

No I don't know what you mean.
I assume it's something about penatrating rape victims but I don't really get the joke? Maybe it's a compliment about the size of my penis, very strange though. Not something a mentally stable person would say.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:34, Reply)

I was working the "you've raped a lot of people" angle
to be honest even I'm tiring of it now.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:36, Reply)

we should have a
reassigned meme day
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Like meme car keys at a swingers party?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:38, Reply)

not the metaphor I'd like to think about
but basically, yeah
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:38, Reply)

I'm too boring to have a meme
so I can be the assigner
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:38, Reply)

Your meme is MASSIVE TITS and vicious right wing extremism

(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:41, Reply)

and donkey hating

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:41, Reply)

Awesome you can have the massive vag

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:38, Reply)

oh...great

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:40, Reply)

You can have "the one who fucked AA"

(PsychoChomp, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:06, Reply)

Thems the breaks
I actually think you cope with it very well
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:33, Reply)

I'm pretty sure part of his bail agreement was to see a therapist

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:34, Reply)

www.bigassmessage.com/03a99
(PsychoChomp, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:36, Reply)

I like this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:36, Reply)

That's brilliant.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:40, Reply)

"update your flash player if you want to be able to send and receive BIG-ASS MESSAGES"
I don't get it.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:54, Reply)

Thats as you haven't updated your flash player

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:56, Reply)

Yeah thanks for that 'technical support'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:58, Reply)

Not a problem
That will be £25 please
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:58, Reply)

I approve of your charging Monty for my enquiry. More of this sort of thing.
Monty, you can expect this evening's bar tab in the first post on Monday, there's a good chap.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:03, Reply)

Righto.
If that's how it works then fair enough I suppose.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:07, Reply)

I could ask him to reboot
but that would be another £25
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:10, Reply)

I am racing towards 5pm when I can go home and play out in the street
One of the best things about having kids! Get to play footy in the street with a penny floater

I am also racing towards nommy curry/thai this evening, washed down with gallons of sweet beer

EDIT:
Darth, you need to pimp your gaping hole out as your £1 bet is failing like a prolapse
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:32, Reply)

penny floater?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:35, Reply)

Cheapy football
made of plastic, never round
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:36, Reply)

not poo then?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:36, Reply)

I am shit at football
so yes, a little bit
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Penny floater.
Brilliant! Kick it in the air and wait 3 minutes for it to land! 20ft from the direction you kicked it in!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:45, Reply)

Thats the ones!
My daughter thinks its hilarious for me to kick it as high as I can
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:47, Reply)

my dad has drag raced all his life and is now trying to pass it on to me by having me race his truck
which I'm a bit nervous about but fuck it's awesome

the rest of those questions sort of make me want to puke on my shoes
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:35, Reply)

That sounds fucking cool Kristine!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:36, Reply)

yeah, he took me out in the truck when he finished it, we went from about 45 to 150mph in like 3 seconds
that may not be an accurate time, it might be 5 seconds
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:40, Reply)

Your cool rating has gone up big style!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:44, Reply)

I...I don't even know what to say...th...thanks

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:51, Reply)

You are most welcome

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:01, Reply)

Do you live in the south of the USA?
All drag racing and NASCAR?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:46, Reply)

yeah, but I'm not really a NASCAR fan

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Just FASTCAR

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:49, Reply)

to be fair, they go like 200mph around the track
but fuck, how fucking dull is that, watching cars drive around in circles for 4 hours?
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:51, Reply)

When they crash

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:52, Reply)

let me fucking tell you
I went to a fucking NASCAR race at this shit track 4 hours away, it was blistering hot, the rubber from the tires was sticking to my sunscreen and I could barely see, my eyes were hurting so bad from getting shit from the track in them.
So I get up around the 200 lap mark to go to concessions stand, am gone for like an hour and a half, come back out thinking, yes I've got about a half hour of this shit then we can go, I get stopped in my tracks to see they'd red flagged the race, quite fucking literally after I'd gotten to concessions and they were still at the 200 lap mark.
I almost cried.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:58, Reply)

That sounds shit
Did it not go all "Final Destinationy" and have loads of crashes and deaths?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:00, Reply)

That film was fucking gash.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:13, Reply)

It was indeed
I got as far as the crash and the bloke being killed in the truck then turned it off
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:14, Reply)

christ
that sounds worse than cricket
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:00, Reply)

Formula 1 baby!
Still a procession though.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:52, Reply)

Nascar cars are all the same though
so it's about driver skills, not that much is required to drive round a freaking oval.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:53, Reply)

It's all about positioning and tactics.
Apparently.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:50, Reply)

Fucking South Africans are choking like a pikey trying to defraud a posh restaurant
On the upside, the hurdle awaiting England in the semi-final* is theoretically now an easier one to vault.

*If they beat Sri Lanka tomorrow**

**Which they won't
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 15:59, Reply)

Get your quid out

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:01, Reply)

quid beef-truncheon
+ of my tradesman's
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:05, Reply)

7/10
Excellent use of "beef truncheon"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:09, Reply)

I'm trying not to be gloaty.
*gloats*
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:04, Reply)

I'm trying not to be Moaty.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:08, Reply)

Bloaty
*burp*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:09, Reply)

Oh, you picked a fine time to fucking show up, didn't you?
Congratulations sir, good call. I should've remembered that the Saffers are chokers. I owe you a pound.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:08, Reply)

+ing up the anus with my shitty lovestick

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:09, Reply)

7/10
Quite good
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:17, Reply)

see, I would've scored that higher than mine

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:18, Reply)

Subjective isn't it?
I'm still aiming for the elusive 10/10
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:21, Reply)

I can't wait to score someone 10/10
It will have to be something so clever and funny that it makes me officelol uncontrollably and weep with laughter
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:26, Reply)

What so "Fuck off you massive Homo" didn't?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:27, Reply)

There have been some things posted on here over the years
that have had me in tears and completely unable to function for about 20 mins. I'm not sure who it was (may have been Al) who posted a skit on "My Name Is Luca" involving raping cats that still makes me giggle now when I think about it
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:27, Reply)

8/10's the cutoff for a click though
My ruling was that whilst this was slightly better than yours, it wasn't quite worthy of a click
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:24, Reply)

The wager made an otherwise dull match, less dull.
I may take up betting full time, nothing bad could happen.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:12, Reply)

Good idea
I may need to establish greater form before following in your footsteps
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:20, Reply)

form girth
follow spunk
footsteps ear
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:22, Reply)

You can have a click for this one
8/10
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:25, Reply)

First of the day I think

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:26, Reply)

I'm gutted to have missed Moto GP last season, and I know it's restarted now, so I'm looking towards watching it again.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:11, Reply)

Watch the first race on iplayer
It was a good start. Simocelli still has ridiculous hair LOVING IT
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:11, Reply)

Surely that is a helmet

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:12, Reply)

that is I am
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:14, Reply)

trudat

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:23, Reply)

Speaking of racing
You know what's really fun? What's really, really fun is crawling along the motorway at 50, because some cuntwad thinks his lorry can go 1 mph faster than the lorry in front, so he spends ten minutes overtaking said lorry, all the while holding me up!

This has just happened twice within a ten-mile distance. Two separate lorries, overtaking two other separate lorries, all only capable of a maximum speed of 55 mph.

I am fucked off.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:11, Reply)

it's 56
I hope this helps you in your time of woe
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:12, Reply)

well, thanks for that
I feel the pain abating already.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:12, Reply)

I'm so glad I could help

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:14, Reply)

56mph on a straight flat road
if they're going up a hill it can be less.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:14, Reply)

aren't the engines restricted though
does that change when going up a hill?

I asked a cross section of my van driving mates if they knew the different speed limits. Only one claimed to, and I don't believe him.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:15, Reply)

Yeah, the maximum speed they can do is 56mph
but a heavily laden lorry going up a hill will struggle to achieve even that.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:21, Reply)

There's more than a whiff of the 'waterproof trouser' about this subthread.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:27, Reply)

haha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:28, Reply)

I hate two lane motorways
and avoid them, if at all possible, for just this reason.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:18, Reply)

don't go to Wales then
the M4 in Wales is the stupidest motorway I've been on
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:18, Reply)

A1 north of Wetherby is fucking terrible for this too
Fortunately the A19 is overlooked by them it would seem
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:24, Reply)

I know, I usually use the A40.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:29, Reply)

*sarcasm alert*
I know they're not allowed in the fast lane, but I'd like to see them restricted to one bastard lane. Specifically, one of the lanes I'm not currently in.

The situation wasn't helped by a lot of bennies behind them slamming on their anchors and panicking.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:21, Reply)

For once, I wasn't being sarcastic.
I want guided missiles fitted to my car so I can clear the lane ahead.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:33, Reply)

Fun fact
the limiters on lorries are electric. In the old days before computer management, diesels would run without the key in the ignition. So, lorry drivers would get up to speed, take out the key and carry on accelerating.
( Kroney, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:22, Reply)

Wow.
And who said Lorry Drivers were a bunch of stupid cunts.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:25, Reply)

Pretty much every other road user at some point, I'd wager

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:25, Reply)

I certainly did, this afternoon
and I waved my fists at them.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:27, Reply)

You tell 'em!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:28, Reply)

Not me!
You'd actually need to be pretty clever to be the first guy to figure out that'd work. Well, clever in the sense that you'd need to understand how a diesel engine works, anyway. So about as clever as the average mechanic.

Eh, never mind.
( Kroney, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:31, Reply)

You should only skin people alive (to make a suite) who are bigger than you, otherwise it won't fit and you'd have to take it back and ask for a refund.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:29, Reply)

they'd have to pretty fucking big to get a sofa and two chairs out them

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:29, Reply)

Al big?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:30, Reply)

I really wouldn't like to say

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:31, Reply)

Bear in mind if you diss me, you're dissing your brothers taste
which means you're dissing Roota.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:32, Reply)

this is why I was hesitating
I wouldn't want to diss my bumder-in-law.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:35, Reply)

Fucking right he is

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:31, Reply)

It puts the lotion on

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:30, Reply)

You should add this to the 'top tips' section

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:31, Reply)

Here's some facebook lols
www.oliandalex.com/james-face/
You won't appreciate it.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:39, Reply)

that is marvellous

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:41, Reply)

marvellous in the newsletter
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:42, Reply)

Actually I thought they were excellent.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:43, Reply)

That is not my bush baby.

( Kroney, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:45, Reply)

I'm afraid I don't get this.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:47, Reply)

Read the comments!

( Kroney, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 16:49, Reply)

Hahaha what an odd remark.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 25 Mar 2011, 17:03, Reply)