Obvious thread is obvious...
Give me some ideas for April Fools jokes to play on my colleagues. Thus far I have convinced Ms Foxtrot of the existence of a massive spider on her loaf of gluten-free bread, called in to work to tell them I'm ill (we're very fucking short-staffed) and walking through the door crying "April Fool!" just as panic entered the voice of my colleague, and have told my manager I'm pregnant and will be needing 9 months off. He agreed to that far too readily.

Alt - Anything interesting about you on the census which we may not already know?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:42, 140 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

We have changed our remote support page
to rickroll anyone who clicks on the extra links

EDIT:
You look pregnant, fatty
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:43, Reply)

Or
screenshot anyone who leaves their PC unlocked and set as the backdrop. Move some icons, leaving only the pics of them behind

profit
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Good work mate
I might try this one, if anyone's dumb enough to wander off and leave their PC unlocked
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Pop the M and N keys off their keyboard and swap them over

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:50, Reply)

In XP you can hide all icons, but I'm not sure about Vista & 7
Alternatively, try pressing CTRL+Shift+Cursor Down, it flips the screen on some models.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:53, Reply)

*tries*
Not on ours. How annoying.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:54, Reply)

You can disable that through policy.
Try turning Sticky Keys on. It's incredibly annoying.
( Kroney, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Details please
I am a techno-flid
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Hold down shift for five seconds or so.
Edit: It's designed for use by dobbers, should be right up your street.
( Kroney, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:05, Reply)

I'd also like details on how to turn it off, if it's that annoying
They've all fucked off to a meeting, am contemplating faking a massive cardiac arrest before they emerge
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Oh, I'm not telling you that bit.

( Kroney, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Cardiac arrest it is then

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:13, Reply)

You should throw yourself in front of a bus

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:44, Reply)

No matter what anyone tells you, weather it's asking for a cup of tea or asking you for some sort of report, reply "Is this some sort of April Fool's joke? You're not going to get me that easierly".

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:44, Reply)

That is not a bad idea!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Then after 12 keep on going "You do know it ends at 12, don't you?"

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Carry it on for a few days

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Not dead then?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:47, Reply)

That's very funny
If I wasn't so new in the office, I'd do it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:47, Reply)

I like this
Good work, Pops
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:49, Reply)

The Wombats are quite possibly one of the worst bands in modern history.
They have stopped singing about their holidays now and have started singing about cold and flu medications.
( Kroney, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:46, Reply)

I quite enjoy the odd Strepsil. I like them enough that I'll eat them when I'm not sick.
But I don't feel the need to put it into song. I mean, I just kind of assume that nobody would really care. What makes The Wombats so different?
( Kroney, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:51, Reply)

They're from Liverpool
Name me one good band ever to come from Liverpool
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Space? No.
I'm out.

At least they never sang about the middling to poor hotels they've stayed in.
( Kroney, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:01, Reply)

You know the subject matter worryingly well
Are you some sort of professor of crap bands?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:05, Reply)

No, just old.

( Kroney, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:06, Reply)

How old?
I've got a bad feeling you might be using the term "old" to describe an age that's less than mine
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:09, Reply)

I know how old you are.
And yes, I am.

HAH
( Kroney, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Bugger
My only retort is that I wasn't paying attention to bands like Space, because they were shit.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Death School
Roota told me this, and she is damn right.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Julian Cope is a top chap.
Shit records, mind, so he doesn't really count.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:46, Reply)

No, but I can tell you a useless fact about the census
because up here we have a language question, as do the Welshers, and you lot don't, your census simply has no question 17 and moves straight from 16 to 18. How many of you noticed?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:46, Reply)

I did notice that
and wondered why they had done it. Ta
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:47, Reply)

I noticed
"This question has been intentionally left blank"

I filed it away in my brain along with other pointlessness such as the signs which say "this sign is not in use".
( Kroney, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:47, Reply)

as opposed to those accidental blank questions
damn them all to hell.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:50, Reply)

I NO RITE?
Who's going to phone up the Government in a blind panic over it?

"OMG There's supposed to be a sign on that lamp post, but it's gone! IT MUST HAVE BEEN STOLEN, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO HERE?" or "Holy shit, there's a BLANK SPACE ON THE CENSUS, what do I do? For the love of God, WHAT DO I DO?"

The really sad thing is, I've realised, is that apparently this has not only happened, but happened so often that they've had to alert us to the fact that they're supposed to be blank. There's no hope for Humanity.
( Kroney, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:57, Reply)

I saw an overhead motorway sign on the M8 the other day
one of those dot matrix jobs. It said "remember to keep your winscreen clear" - not clean, clear. I think, on balance, if you have to be reminded that driving forwards is indeed aided by being able to fucking see in front of you, then perhaps piloting 2 tons of metal at arond 30 metres per second is probably a wee bit beyond your skills.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:26, Reply)

I'd weep for the future of the species, if I had any tears left to weep.
Besides, crying all the time's unmanly and also really fucking boring.
( Kroney, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:28, Reply)

_everyone_ badger, _everyone_.... weeks ago.
This is like in cooking shows when they proudly tell you a tomarto is a fruit, a banana is a nut or some other 'fact' that everyone else who's watching that show knows.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:49, Reply)

or, apparently, on the stats so far
just you, Gonz.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:50, Reply)

I noticed

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Ah, that's why!
We've been wondering that for a while...

Thanks!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Up here?
Give my regards to Zeus, old chap
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:52, Reply)

It's Odin, son, and don't you forget it.
None of those Greek fleet of Berties.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:38, Reply)

The pantheon of Olympus being described as a "Greek fleet of Berties"
has made me officelol harder than anything else so far today
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:49, Reply)

I would have thought that you embarrassed yourself aplenty yesterday over 'teagate'
On that alone I'd be surprised if your colleagues weren't planting notes on your back such as 'kick me hard' and 'wanker', it's just like school for you all over again.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:47, Reply)

It was coffee
ACTUALLY
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Congratulations!
Is it a boy or a girl? Can it dance already?

I didn't do my census, as I have no home at the moment :(
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:47, Reply)

If I was pregnant my only shot at talking Ms Foxtrot into letting me keep it would be the possibility of her training it to dance
Otherwise I'd have been strongarmed into an abortion by now
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:51, Reply)

No, I'm sure she's not that cruel
and she'd love having a little one tapping around her.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Honestly, you could not be more wrong
I've got more chance of impregnating you. From here. Right now.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:07, Reply)

OK, I don't know her
But I'm sure once she's seen it on the ultrasound her heart will melt and won't be able to say not to it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:17, Reply)

She would
Honestly, she doesn't even like children, and she certainly doesn't want to give up her 30s and most of her 40s to one. Not until she's done everything else she wants to do. Which will take a while.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Oh, well, you know her well
I just think that, in general, it must be really hard for a woman to kill something inside her knowing that, if she left it grow, it would become a person. Specially if she gets to see it inside her, even if that means changing all her plans. I'm not saying that she'd be looking forward to it, but that she might consider going on; but everybody is different, and I might be wrong.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:29, Reply)

The funny thing is that she's NEVER wanted them.
Not when she was 20 and not now she's 29. I gave up on the idea that she might change her mind some time ago. Luckily we have five sisters between us, two of whom are sprogged up and the other three of which will be, eventually. Although her youngest sister is absolutely mental.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Give your missus a solidarity fist-bump from me, please.
Children are loathsome.
( Kroney, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:34, Reply)

You fucking pervert
Oh, sorry, I misread your post. Will do!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:38, Reply)

*high fives all round*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Childless men of B3ta ASSEMBLE

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:52, Reply)

won't be able to say not to it she'll die due to not having any blood pumped round her body, as that is the primary function of the heart, after all.

LOL APRIL FOOLZ!!!!1!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Regarding your April Fools pranks.
Is your real name "Colin", by any chance?
( Kroney, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:49, Reply)

He's wearing his zany simpsons tie as we speak

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:50, Reply)

He's a alien

( Kroney, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:58, Reply)

I'm so thankful for working on my own

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:03, Reply)

The very word 'prank' makes me want to poo.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Watch out for the cling film when you go.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:58, Reply)

There's no cling film in my pants.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 11:02, Reply)

I expect you wish there was now though.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 11:03, Reply)

So far I've only seen 2
One was the announcement of a deal between Marmite and Vaseline, meaning the creation of Marmite flavoured Vaseline (which isn't a bad idea, really), and one utterly shit one from the Daily Mail, featuring a lookalike of Kate Middleton.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:52, Reply)

There's on in "i" which you'll appreciate
Apparently Portugal's national debt is so bad that they've sold Cristiano Ronaldo to Spain for 160 million Euros
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:53, Reply)

I heard about that one this morning

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Haha, that's ace

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:56, Reply)

I wish Spain had so much money
they'd probably have to resell him to Germany, making a loss in the total process.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:19, Reply)

He wouldn't get in the Spain team anyway
The key here is the word "team"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:24, Reply)

We hate him as much as you do here
so why would we want to buy him?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:30, Reply)

I don't know if that's possible
However, he could most assuredly play for England, whereas his constant ball-hogging and beakering would make him a very poor fit for Spain
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:36, Reply)

www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/apr/01/magic-monarchy-royal-moment
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Your intended was in my dreams last night.
Merely a secondary character though and not the object of my desire.
( girlinthehole, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Did I make it into your dream?
*Waves*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:03, Reply)

I haven't dreamt about you yet.
*waves*
( girlinthehole, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:04, Reply)

*shameless beakering*
Et moi?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:07, Reply)

I told you I dreamt about you and the Mrs ages ago.

( girlinthehole, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Yes, that's true
*tries desperately for a way to make it appear that my brain isn't useless*






*fails*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I don't feel special anymore.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:07, Reply)

I've plenty more sleeps to go.
You're bound to turn up eventually.
( girlinthehole, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:09, Reply)

I sense a meme in the making

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:15, Reply)

how is your wiki marriage?
Any online offspring in the offing??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:31, Reply)

My on-line eggs are manky now I'm old.
I'm bound to end up with a downs kid especially if Jeff is the father.
( girlinthehole, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:37, Reply)

this did make me laugh
Prob more than it should
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Hey. We'd be downs with the kids.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 11:00, Reply)

The Radio 4 one this morning
on 3D audio was quite good.

Also the Marmite Vaseline - that is something that should totally be made.

Also this: www.newscientist.com/article/dn20323
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:09, Reply)

I didn't see a single april fools joke at alll.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Yeah right
Hahaha, I saw through that one! LOLOLOLOLROFL
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:13, Reply)

The Gmail Motion one got me.
Although the entire time I was watching the video I did think 'this is beyond pointless'.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:13, Reply)

The Daily Mash has got an excellent piece (as usual), which I can't be bothered to link to,
about people being unable to tell which Daily Mail article is the joke
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:14, Reply)

A lazy April fool from the west country.
www.bcfc.co.uk/page/NewsDetail/0,,10327~2328461,00.html

*Warning, contains traces of football*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Quite good

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:25, Reply)

haha, yeah, I tried to link it and it fucked up for some reason
so same here. Top work from the Mash as usual, though.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Poor show.

( Kroney, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:56, Reply)