Office Do
Last summer our entire office ended up on a boat trip down the Tyne to the sea and back again, complete with 4 beer tokens each and a shit jazz band. This was our thanks for a job well done (as opposed to a pay rise - cheers).

This year it would seem we are having a BBQ.

What shit things have you been forced to attend as part of work? Work does not count as a valid answer

ALT Q:
Worst holiday destination
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:53, 98 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Work pub quiz tonight, can't be fucking arsed
Fukushima
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:57, Reply)

Pub quizzes are fucking brilliant
Text me the questions, you'll clean up
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:03, Reply)

If only phones were able to Google these days

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:05, Reply)

Hahaha
Office+splutterywaterlol
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:13, Reply)

There tend to be a fair few lateral thinkning questions and such like, rather than GK
as it's quite a brainy company
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:18, Reply)

Uxbridge
Alt Q: Uxbridge
( Kroney, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:57, Reply)

I remember last summer we got to go on a boat trip
and everyone was having a really good time dancing to this swing band and drinking a few free beers, but there was this one fucking miserable cunt, sitting in the front of the boat with his arms folded, like he was deliberately trying not to enjoy himself.

Still, me and few of the lads went round and took turns with his mrs a bit later that evening.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:57, Reply)

Hahaha!
It was actually quite good until one of the ex-members of my team took a swing for another one and was then sacked
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:04, Reply)

Dunstable.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:57, Reply)

We haven't had a works do for about ten years because everyone hates them.
The last one was in a subterranean bar/restaurant in Fulham. I got enthusiastically stuck into the MDs during the pre-dinner drinks and then pushed my starter around my plate for 5 minutes, made up a lie about DJing committments and went out on the rampage. I was gone by about 8:45.

Alt: Puerto Banus, from experience.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:57, Reply)

It's excellent for taking up a Marina side bar seat and then watching the most appalling dickheads try to outdo each other in the beaker stakes

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:21, Reply)

I had to go there for a stag WEEK.
*shudders*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:30, Reply)

Gutted
My folks have a villa on the other side of Marbella so I might go there for the odd day once in a blue moon, a week in such gaudiness is too much.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:35, Reply)

It was vile.
My 25 stone mate was approached by what was clearly a prostitute, but having drunk no less than about 20 pints plus loads of wine, he genuinely thought he was 'in there' until we explained the situation to him, bless him.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:46, Reply)

Coventry
Alt: Butlins, age of 10. Would have been OK, but it was in Scotland. Where sunshine had not yet been invented.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:58, Reply)

Oh God I was made to go to 'Thorpe Park' when I was at secondary school.
Christ alive what a heap of shit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:58, Reply)

A friend of mine used to work as security at Thorpe Park
said he spent most of his time throwing gyppoes out. I've never been, myself. It sounds awful.
( Kroney, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:00, Reply)

Is it because your school was full of asians?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:00, Reply)

Certainly fucking not.
We had one in the entire school called 'Ramesh'. He was in my brother's year and when he left there were none again. Consequently no-one was held back by the teachers having to have their every word translated. It was marvellous.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:06, Reply)

I quite like Alton Towers
every other theme park has been a bit shit.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:00, Reply)

My girlfriend when I was 19 worked there
So we got in cheap. Its the only time I have ever been and was just after the fire so it was really shit. Turns out its really shit anyway.
( Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:04, Reply)

I imagine it's changed MASSIVELY in the intervening 20-odd years
The rides probably are better, in all fairness. It's the clientele that's the problem.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:06, Reply)

Especially since my mate is no longer there
to throw them back out again.
( Kroney, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:09, Reply)

Nothing, the social people know not to invite analysts to anything.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 15:59, Reply)

Same as Chompy really
no one even invites IT geeks to the Christmas do.

Worst holiday destination, no idea, I've only ever been to nice places. I personally avoid anything that popular at the time like Ibiza or any other place named on the front of a CD full of shit music.
( Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:02, Reply)

I'm not IT.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:03, Reply)

I know
I meant the same as in I'm not invited anywhere
( Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:04, Reply)

You're mainly just referred to as 'THAT'

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:05, Reply)

You're mainly just referred to as Twat.
mainly exclusivly.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:08, Reply)

Our IT department used to be the main instigator of nights out.
This was four years ago, though, before we all got old and birded up.
( Kroney, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:04, Reply)

Cool story, bro

( Kroney, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:05, Reply)

We have our own nights out exclusively for IT
I never go because I really dislike one of the people I work with and they always go.
( Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:06, Reply)

I think it was generally because a lot of the lads in the department
wanted to get the hot girls out. Which worked. The chat-up lines, however, didn't.
( Kroney, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:08, Reply)

Jesus, I'd like to say I remember my first night out from here
but I don't - at all....
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:06, Reply)

Ibiza is beautiful, just stay away from the South

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:20, Reply)

I once had to man a stand at a homebuyer's fair in the Excel centre in Docklands.
It was fucking ghastly. I volunteered because I thought it'd get me out of the office. It was on a pissing Saturday.

High point of the experience was Billy Murray trying to buy the stand off me. He is about 3 foot tall and a cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:05, Reply)

Who the fuck is Billy Murray?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:06, Reply)

That twat from the Bill and Eastenders

( Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:07, Reply)

Still no idea
*Googles*
Ahhh, twat
Injury Lawyers 4 U
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:09, Reply)

Cpt. Price will get you 100% of the compensation

( Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:11, Reply)

Our solicitors got more money than us for our claim

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:12, Reply)

thatsthejoke.jpg
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:59, Reply)

He was Don Beech in 'The Bill' and Johnny Allen in Eastenders
but more importantly he was a minor thug in the best film ever, Performance.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_Murray_(actor)

He's a fucking wanker.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:08, Reply)

Don't forget
"Have you had an accident in the last 5000 years? Call Ian dury lawyers 4 U"
( Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:09, Reply)

'Our team of experts will handle your claim with earthy humour....'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:10, Reply)

For Sex and Drugs and Polio?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:10, Reply)

There's a fucking banner up with his ugly mug on it round my way
illustrating 'East End folk who've dun good', no mention of his kidnap and torture of drug dealers whom he believed to have been supplying his daughter. Funny that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:15, Reply)

O RLY?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Yup.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:24, Reply)

His daughter is a fit horse

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:25, Reply)

Shit things?
Absolutely none!

Been to Gran Canaria twice, 5 star hotel, go karting, decent meals out (Hix, SoS).

Edit: I suppose going to Gay clubs after the meals is the worst out of all of those.

Only shit thing that happened at a work do was mentioned in a thread earlier, but it's a good story!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:12, Reply)

All of the Canary Islands are class
Gran Canaria was really good! Been there twice too
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:13, Reply)

I was gobsmacked when they said
that's where the Christmas do was. We even got an extra days holiday for the Friday-Sunday we went.

Possibly going to Israel this year if I can put aside my moral objections.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:15, Reply)

I want to work for your company

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:15, Reply)

If you can handle the gay porn
and constant sexual harassment, do it!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:18, Reply)

Leave the gay porn and I'm there!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:19, Reply)

It's pretty integral
I've seen more cock in the last year here than Darth.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:26, Reply)

integral
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:29, Reply)

*facepalm*

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:33, Reply)

WTF do you do?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:35, Reply)

peddles gay porn to kids

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:37, Reply)

sexy kids
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:41, Reply)

Works for a ghey sex toy retailer and dating site.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:39, Reply)

I've only had one work party and that was a long time ago.
Apparently our boss had been stealing our money we were supposed to get to use for partys.
My job now doesn't do anything like that.

alt: florida, disney, etc
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:14, Reply)

The guy who got sacked at our last one had good previous too
as he fucked our receptionist at one a few years ago
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:15, Reply)

what's wrong with that?

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:19, Reply)

Well Dave, our receptionist
wasn't too pleased
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:20, Reply)

Hahahahha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:21, Reply)

How did you get on with that twat at work?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:22, Reply)

I put £10 on each way.
You and I both know what just went on here.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:24, Reply)

you mised the ninj

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:26, Reply)

In answer to your kind question,
the chap was made to apologise and promise not to be insolent again. I told him that if I got one more squeak out of him I'd have him arrested and fired. The cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:43, Reply)

Well done, next time try and catch him on your new snazzy mobile
i had some cunt in a carpark trying to shout my goilfriend into paying for damage (not) done to his car whne she very lightly touched it, he was claiming the suspension was busted. Got my phone out to record the damage and he soon backed down.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:44, Reply)

The world is full of cunts.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:48, Reply)

sad but true

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:48, Reply)

It really is.
All you can do is try and raise your child to not be one, and thus raise the 'non-cunt' total by one. It's fucking depressing.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:51, Reply)

beaten to it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:21, Reply)

and again, what's wrong with that?

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:22, Reply)

He wasn't asked first.

( Kroney, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:26, Reply)

oh, as long as we ask first
*writes that down*
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:28, Reply)

he was unconcious at the time

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:21, Reply)

unconcious dead
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:22, Reply)

Well then he wouldn't have minded

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:22, Reply)

one mo' 'gain
what's wrong with that?
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:22, Reply)

It was an LWT
Christmas Party

/Fiver for anyone who gets this...
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:27, Reply)

London Weekend Television
Did John Leslie work for them?

EDIT: Barrymore the rapey bastard
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:30, Reply)

does this have something to do with drinking the kool aid?

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:30, Reply)

We don't get Kool Aid over 'ere

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:31, Reply)

London Weekend Television?
Barrymore?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:30, Reply)

Congrats
A fiver will be couriered to you by Barrymore.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:33, Reply)

*backs away from swimming pool*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:34, Reply)

Want to go to Jim Jones Revue next Thursday old boy?
It's at the Camden Palace.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:43, Reply)

Hmmm
Interesting. Combien?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:52, Reply)

Our last work do had Rob Brydon as the entertainment, he was surprisingly funny

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:23, Reply)

Did he do his "man trapped in a box" voice?

(TheColonel, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:25, Reply)

He did indeed, but only when requested
He was mainly really rude to the owners
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 16:26, Reply)

I may have to go to a shit yuppie bar in Richmond to celebrate the second-in-command of my agency going to Ibiza for 3 months
I see absolutely nothing to celebrate in that.
(Charmander, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 17:01, Reply)

When I worked for a consultancy company
they flew us out to Monaco for the weekend. Admittedly in November, but it was still bloody gorgeous.

Walked the Grand Prix circuit, ate forrin, went into the casino and blew £50 in 5 minutes. I do still have a 20 Franc chip from the roulette wheel, though. Good times.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 17:03, Reply)