Montylols
An Apple store has recently opened in York. 10 out of 10 to the marketing team that decided to name the shop Stormfront.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 May 2011, 8:38, 98 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Bellend.

( girlinthehole, Fri 6 May 2011, 8:39, Reply)

*high-fives*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 6 May 2011, 8:41, Reply)

Right back at ya Noelikins.
Totally going to Sri Lanka in May of next year. Woo!
( girlinthehole, Fri 6 May 2011, 8:45, Reply)

OH SWEET!
Nice one. Is it all booked?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Not yet.
Aquaintance of my dad is going at that time with some friends so I'm going at the same time to hang out with them.
( girlinthehole, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Man I need to get to know some rich people
Or people that go on holiday.

Or people.

*cries*

I went to the filming of Have I Got News For You yesterday though.That was pretty freeking awesome
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:39, Reply)

I'm a very lucky girl.

( girlinthehole, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Jealous of this
so much
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:27, Reply)

just before they opened
They had to correct the website url they posted on Facebook due to confusion between stormfront.com and stormfront.co.uk.

Hilarity ensued.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 May 2011, 8:46, Reply)

I bet there were some red faces in the marketing department that day.

( girlinthehole, Fri 6 May 2011, 8:47, Reply)

I find it very amusing
That they may not have googled the name first. Perhaps they did and are just massive racists.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 May 2011, 8:50, Reply)

I thought Apple stores were just called The Apple Store
my vote is (not very) secret racists.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:14, Reply)

Assuming it was an innocent error
that's still a fucking odd name.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:19, Reply)

I'm feeling really rather depressed today.
I've started my insolvency stuff and feel fucking miserable about it, even though it's the right thing to do and will sort my life out to an extent. There's a page where you have to explain how you ended up in such a mess and it's rather distressing to see it all laid out: failed relationships, a child you can't afford, taking your ex to court, major building works you can't afford etc etc. Fuck me if I'd have know all this could have been avoided simply by voting, I'd have been at the front of the queue every time.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Cheer me up, someone, please.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:25, Reply)

I cycled into the back of a Taxi yesterday?
Money isn't the be and and end all either, I'm sure you'll be fine. Do you have someone to help you with the forms and stuff?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:29, Reply)

You pillock. Are you OK?
I have taken on the services of a chap to sort it all out: they negotiate with your creditors and basically do everything. All I have to do is supply statements etc which is easy.

He claims to have a 99% success rate getting these things arranged. It should reduce monthly repayments of the best part of a grand down to about £250-300.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)

It was a funny one, trust me. More stupidity on my part
than anything else.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:38, Reply)

I like the question mark that implies you're not entirely sure.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Probably concussion, Gonz.

( Kroney, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Maybe instead of getting concussion from hitting a car in the road, he should pay tax to use the road like all the other decent people who use the road (except perdestrians).

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:58, Reply)

All of this could have been avoided if he'd just driven a car
like all us normal non-hippie people. I'm amazed he didn't get his kaftan caught in the chain.
( Kroney, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:08, Reply)

That's utterly shite fella
Sorry, this is the best I can do at short notice.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Hahah
It does exactly what it says on the tin.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:32, Reply)

I'm gettibf

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)

I'm getting ready for my grandadd

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)

fuck you mobile internet in the midlands

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Wow..... you'd have thought you'd have learnt after maybe the second fuck up
I guess you really can't teach an old dog new tricks
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:34, Reply)

I'm not sure I understand what you're saying here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Is that your new catchphrase?
I imagine you all squinty eyed and saying it in a little frail voice
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:36, Reply)

No, it's not.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Is your new catchphrase
"IN MY DAY..."
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:39, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1191662#answers-post-1191696
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:41, Reply)

Blame BLIAR, Clegg and his cronies

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:45, Reply)

I blame the evil tide of BROWNIES invading our sovereign shores
since the ill-fated Windrush brought its accursed cargo here in 1948.


Not really.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:48, Reply)

I blame eyes bigger than wallet syndrome

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:49, Reply)

eyes nose
( Kroney, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:52, Reply)

I shaved off a considerable amount of my Achille's heel yesterday.
The blood was everywhere. The culprit was a dodgy Aldi trolley, and their idea of 'first aid' was the manager offering me her own make-up remover wipes as they had no anti-bacterial wipes.
You would say I deserve this injury for getting my chorizo in Aldi instead of going to Harrod's food court every day and getting caviar 'on-the-slate', but look where that got you.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:47, Reply)

My ex girlfriend actually did this shaving her legs
About a 2 inch scar up the back of her heel. OWOWOWOWOWOW
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:49, Reply)

It was grim. Doesn't half bleed.
And it got bashed so I felt bilious too.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:51, Reply)

NO NO NO
I win the ridiculous leg mutation by shaving award. Don't make me find the pictures again
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:51, Reply)

I don't like looking at this, so I don't think I could take pictures.
But it really is a contender. Aldi have blood on their hands.

hands staff room floor
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:53, Reply)

That was a mere scratch in comparison to hers

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:53, Reply)

I still have a scar :(

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:59, Reply)

Chicks dig scars.

( girlinthehole, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:01, Reply)

scars holes in their flesh
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Not at all.
Buying things like cured meats, cheeses and bottled beer from foreign supermarkets makes perfect sense. There's no such thing as shit ham in Europe. We invented it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:50, Reply)

My heel looks like shit ham right now.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:51, Reply)

You should change your login to Shit Ham woMan.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Can I be shitspampam?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:54, Reply)

yes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:54, Reply)

OK then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)

*mourns the loss of wet ham man*

( girlinthehole, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:53, Reply)

RIP
*pours out reasonably-priced bottled beer*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:55, Reply)

He lives on in our collective memories

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:55, Reply)

I'll be honest here, beyond the name and bullying I can't remember why he was so shit

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:56, Reply)

In truth he was completely inoffensive.
I just said 'I always read your name as wet ham man' (it was slightly different), posted a picture of some wet ham, and that was about it. I love the way he's attained near-mythical status simply for having a name that was a little like 'wet ham man'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:01, Reply)

He'll definitely require a different backstory for the purposes of b3ta folklore

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:04, Reply)

I have actually lolled at how silly it is:
b3ta.com/search/answers?q=wet+ham+man
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Pages of boiled goodness
And lo, the grail !!
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post560473#post560526
Berts there as well
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Excellent Chompy$killz there

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:18, Reply)

there's an oxymoron
and a moron too
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:20, Reply)

BULLYING !!1111!!!!!!!!!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:31, Reply)

sssh
i have a hangover. it is epic. go get me a diet coke. freezing cold. with cherry. and a straw.

GO!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)

I@VE JUST PUT INTO INTO MY DISKDRIVE UPLOADING NOW !!!!!!!!!!!111111

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:37, Reply)

well that'll be the end of your posting today then
as you explode in a massive fizzy creamy bang
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Why?
Have you thanked him with a twatgaz?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:52, Reply)

in his many steamy sticky dreams, yes

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 May 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Where is he anyway?
He is conspicuous by his absence.
( girlinthehole, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:55, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1191790
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:58, Reply)

oh thank god
this wet ham thing has puzzled me for days.

chin up, you are doing the right thing by controlling it. as a lawyer who deals with a lot of bankruptcy/insolvency shit, ostrich-syndrome is the very worst bit. once you've dealt with it, you can move on sensibly xx
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Thanks.
I should feel good that I'm tackling it but I don't. At all. Just a fucking failure/idiot. It's playing havoc with my arrogance levels, I tell you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:19, Reply)

I've been in a similar situation and it's the shame that's the worst.
However, I quickly found that finding a scapegoat helped me to rally from the loss of arrogance magnificently.
( Kroney, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Done. It was the brown people.
*dusts off hands*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:31, Reply)

of course you don't feel good honey
it is a horrible thing to do because it is admitting you've made a mistake.

but it's only money. it's not your kid, it's not your family, it's not your health. it's fixable and once the initial shit is over, it's fixed!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)

If you look at Monty's link
it's actually been puzzling you for months.

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1070128#post1070158
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Right then dig out Hood Butters magnificent post on /ot about his helicopter skillz, supermodels etc to explain his whole backstory

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)

i don't know this either
arrrrgh

help a brother out, someone.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:35, Reply)

It's so good that a part of you dies inside on reading it

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)

but....
i thought he was married, why else is there a mrs hood-butter??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:37, Reply)

I think part of it was that his wife is a supermodel
or ex supermodel. I expect she has loose morals and likes to bring her supermodel friends over for a wee bit of spit-roasting.
( Kroney, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:40, Reply)

I'd say his marriage must have failed,
but there's no way that dude has ever failed at anything. Ever.

He gets to see FREE BREASTS, for Christ's sake.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Split with wife and hooked up with new supermodel.

( girlinthehole, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:44, Reply)

Do what Rory asks, please
Reading that really will cheer me up.

What. A. Cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)

I've got a suspicion he deleted it after being roundly mocked

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 6 May 2011, 11:23, Reply)

Hahahah, oh man, lol, that gotta smart.
I owed someone some money once, it was quite a bit, about a month's worth of income. You see, the new Zelda game came out and I wanted to play it through with Dan while on the phone. So I said to my creditor, "Mum, I can't pay you back at the moment, the new Zelda game is out. HOWEVER, I'm a man now, and if you want, for the next 3 months, I can pay you back half of my pocket money (so I can pay my living expenses)" and she said "Alright son, you're a man now, and I think that's fair".

So, over the next 2 months, I only had half of my income, but eventually it was paid off and I was a free man once again. On the last month, I said "Mum, I'm a man now, and I can't do this anymore, is there any odd jobs around the house that I can do to pay it off quicker?". So, she pointed to the paint bucket, and the fence, and said "Son, you're a man now, crack on".

Well, I painted that fence, it was the best damn painted fence there ever was, by the time I was done. And so, the debt was wiped out.

So, I was wondering, maybe, you could call the bank, and say to them "Bank, I'm a man now, I'm owning up to my responcibilities... do you need any jobs doing around the office? I'm not a qualifide chartered accountant, but I have a calcuclator and a willing heart. You point me in the right direction, and I'll make my damnedest sure that job gets done good".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:57, Reply)

I believed this up to the point of you going outside

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:58, Reply)

I love you Gonz.

( girlinthehole, Fri 6 May 2011, 9:59, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Huckleberry Gonz

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:26, Reply)

That's a film I'd pay to see.
Did you choose a flat in the end?
( Kroney, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:27, Reply)

He's bought a (Real) Doll's House

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:31, Reply)

The Orion one by the station
got to phone them up in a bit
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:52, Reply)

As swipe said
you're on the road to getting it sorted. Much more of a healthy attitude than ignoring it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:32, Reply)

swipe is amazing at advice
for every single person on the planet except herself.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)

I is like this too.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Ditto!

( girlinthehole, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:53, Reply)

There's loads of them
Theres one near me, they're Apple Resellers. Still, odd name.
( Peej, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)