> 300 replies are you fucking joking?
What are you up to tonight? I'm goimng to lie on the sofa feeling sorry for myself, but wife has made me a flan for dinner!

ALT: if you could get electrical implants in your body that could hook up with other stuff would you?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:56, 103 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Tonight I'm going to be refitting the radiator, nailing down the carpet gripper
and going for a run. I may also express disgust that Kate McCann is STILL in the fucking news despite having murdered her child over 4 years ago.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:58, Reply)

Aren't you handy
those parents both have incredibly annoying faces.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:59, Reply)

I'm very handy.
I only have one more coat of paint to add to one side of the bedroom door, and then we can get the carpet fitter back to lay the carpet. This will free up our living room floor, our hallway and our bathroom from the bits of junk that they are currently housing.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:01, Reply)

I can't believe she's written a fucking book about it
they should fuck off.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:00, Reply)

I hope someone kidnaps her

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:01, Reply)

I hope her husband gives her an overdose of sedative, she dies, he dumps her body somewhere
and then claims she was kidnapped
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:02, Reply)

Leave it with me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:45, Reply)

I actually felt a little sorry for them at first
as knowing that your neglect led to your child being kidnapped and then probably raped and killed, or sold into slavery, would be pretty awful to live with.


But for fuck's sake.
( Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:06, Reply)

it is awful
but it's no more awful than countless other things that happen every day.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:07, Reply)

Like, for example, their endless beakering.

( Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:09, Reply)

Their endless beakering makes me wish someone would kidnap my children
so that I had something else to focus on.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:10, Reply)

it wouldn't be so bad
if their faces and accents weren't so damned offensive
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:12, Reply)

The cynic in me suggests that perhaps their
NEVER FUCKING ENDING whining about it would be rather easier to bear if they weren't making so much money off it.

Even they must be able to realise that the kid's dead and not coming back by now. Rather than retain their dignity and mourn in private, they continue to delude themselves in front of a media that encourages them.

Cheapens the whole situation and all those other cases of missing children.

Plus they look like awful knackers.
( Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:17, Reply)

well put

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:23, Reply)

I hope she's dead
Probably a better fate...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:27, Reply)

I doubt she's dead
I would imagine she was stolen to order and sold off. Probably better being dead.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 May 2011, 18:16, Reply)

Quite
I never made maddie jokes.

Oh no siree bob, I wouldn't do that.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:07, Reply)

Karaoke tonight, seeing a few mates there
Aside from that, nothing.

Alt: Fuck yeah.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:59, Reply)

What kareoke songs do you sing?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:00, Reply)

The only one I've ever done was "Court Of King Caractacus", but that's because I was off my face
I don't sing, it seems unfair to subject others to it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:01, Reply)

if only everyone thought as you did
then karaoke might go the fuck away
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:02, Reply)

We get some cracking singers in, and some utter comedy acts
It's the ones in the middle who really bother me.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:03, Reply)

karaoke is terrible beakering at it's worst

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:04, Reply)

Once I get on the mic
I often refuse to leave.

Which is normally a bit embarrassing the next day when I remember.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:04, Reply)

I've only ever done it under drunken protest as part of a group
I loathe karaoke
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:05, Reply)

Your wedding is going to be so great
I already talked to Gonz, and we thought we'd better bring his Aunty Barbara along, which means Barry will be coming, or he just gets angry and stops taking his meds.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:07, Reply)

fresh

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:07, Reply)

Never feel shame for not wanting to leave the mic
Just call everyone who tries to take it off you a cunt and start singing less well known but far superior album tracks.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:45, Reply)

Why are you feeling sorry for yourself?
I love flan!

I don't know what I'm doing. I could go with Mark to a work bbq, but I'll be the only partner there, so I might stay at home and play Sing It.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 17:00, Reply)

I'm STILL hungover to buggery
The only answer now is to have a drink, but i think that makes me an alcoholic...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:04, Reply)

Mmmm... hungovers
Can't tell you what to do, never had one.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 17:09, Reply)

The noun is hAngover
I only bring this to your attention becasue you've never had the joy of one.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:12, Reply)

When you have safely delivered your child
I will take you out with me on a Saturday lunchtime. If I have failed to get you a hangover by the same time the next day, I shall pay for your child's university fees.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:18, Reply)

This is a great challenge
Can i suggest a nice hot sunny day and a lot of port?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Yup.
At 7 o'clock the next morning, with her still reeling from the epic spiking that's kept her awake and sweating with my heating on full blast, I shall appear like a fiendish gremlin with port and brandy cocktails and a brace of enormous cigars.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:27, Reply)

Oh god...
I once fell asleep pissed with my head an inch from a radiator that was on full for 8 hours.

I cannot begin to describe the horror of the morning, i wanted to crawl inside myself to escape the sunlight.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:30, Reply)

It's pain like nothing else imaginable.
Childbirth, schmildbirth.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:42, Reply)

We should form a club of people who don't suffer hangovers.
Our main activities would be looking smug, drinking a fair amount and turning up to work daisy fresh and ready to go.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:48, Reply)

No it doesn't. Have a pint of bloody mary and you'll feel right as rain*.


*as right as the rain that falls in the Fukishima district of Nippon
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:13, Reply)

I'm guessing 'flan' is like quiche but for the lower orders?
This evening I shall be at my ex's looking after my child. We shall share a few minor lolz before I send her to bed, at which point I shall read about Spartans for a bit then go to sleep.

This is extraordinarily dull to even write, I cannot think how tedious it must be to read.

Alt: of course not, you fucking imbecile. Take your spasticated 'body modifications' and stuff them up your doubtless ruptured anus, followed by your ghastly povvo 'flan'. Then die of AIDS, alone and in tears.

Thanks x
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:00, Reply)

Flan is surely a sweet dish?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:02, Reply)

Not necessarily, my Mum used to make a cheese and potato flan.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:02, Reply)

no, that was a quiche

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:03, Reply)

Always referred to it as a tart. (but enough about my mother)
You're most likely right though
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:04, Reply)

Fuck knows, what it is all I know i don't have to make anything which is good

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:06, Reply)

You never make anything which is good.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:12, Reply)

I make love good [sic] at least that's what your mum said between mouthfulls

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:13, Reply)

This is unlikely, unless you're a woman, Nakers.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:16, Reply)

but not impossible

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:18, Reply)

Band practice tonight which is nice
I'm going to eat fishfingers, potatoes and green beans, because I'm poor at the moment.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:01, Reply)

Change the fish fingers for just fish, that was my tea the other night
I've rediscovered how much I fucking love new potatoes.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:02, Reply)

fish is too expensive this month
fishfingers are not
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:03, Reply)

Frozen cod fillets are probably as cheap as fish fingers
for the amount of fish you get.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:05, Reply)

true.
less fun though.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:06, Reply)

I vote fish fingers
But i do find I have to eat about 8 of them, someone last week told me that they used to butter them before grilling...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:08, Reply)

They are so much better grilled than any other way

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:09, Reply)

They make a good drunken sandwich.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:12, Reply)

Sadly, that's what made me go off them
Made a massive one, ate half, felt sick, can't eat them anymore.

Could be worse though, one of my housemates girlfriends demanded that he make her one, then she put mayo on it. I mean, what the fuck? Heathen.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:13, Reply)

Tatare sauce and a squeeze of lemon juice.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:15, Reply)

Oof, sounds facking magnificent
I'll admit, it's usually just ketchup for me, as I don't tend to keep tartare sauce.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:16, Reply)

Tartare sauce with a bit of horseradish or wasabi is worthy of consideration.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Interesting...
Can you buy said condiments or do you concoct your own?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:22, Reply)

Self-concocted from bought stuff.
Though I do have some allotment-owning mates who do a fine line in faux-wasabi and naga-strength pepper sauces ...
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:30, Reply)

These:
www.thepickleman.co.uk/index.php?option=com_virtuemart&page=shop.browse&category_id=7&Itemid=53

Are some of the best hot sauces I've had. And I have had A LOT.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:37, Reply)

I remember seeing that before, they look cool. Well, hot and cool. You know what I mean.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:45, Reply)

They have a stand at my local farmer's market.
I'm happy to grab you some whenever you like - it'd be a good excuse for a pint and a catch-up as well.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:47, Reply)

God yeah!
I bought some for the first time in ages last weekend.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:13, Reply)

^^ This

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:06, Reply)

Tea is made up of cakes, scones, sandwiches and tea
fish has no place at this meal, unless it's triangles of smoked salmon
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:05, Reply)

He's another one of the geographically challenged, old boy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:10, Reply)

I know and I'm aware that I'm fighting a losing battle
but i feel it's my duty as a man of quality to at least try and educate these regional folk.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:11, Reply)

I gave up years ago.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:15, Reply)

It's a responsibilty I bear with a heavy heart
the insurmountable odds remind me of our brave boys at Rorke's Drift and i take heart in their bravery, sacrifice and dedication to Queen and Country.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:17, Reply)

I'm going to be watching the great band
Final Clearance, in their biggest gig yet.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:01, Reply)

You AND your mum this time, eh?
The 'big time'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:04, Reply)

Nah it'll be like 50 people!
or something.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:17, Reply)

Wowsers!!
My own band never had more attendees than about that so I should shut up really.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:39, Reply)

I am listening to Rebound it's "fucking shit"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:07, Reply)

I like rebound.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:17, Reply)

You are easily pleased
I can only assume this comes from being brought up in the taste vacuum that is MK.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:29, Reply)

Great way to get sex with the vulnerable - AM I RIGHT?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:35, Reply)

I shall be babysitting my nephew for a couple of hours and then cook veggie curry. I may also brush the cats.
Alt: No.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:06, Reply)

But you like piercings and shit, this is just a step further

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:07, Reply)

They are for adornment.
I don't want to be hooked up to electrical equipment unless I'm in hospital.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:08, Reply)

Do you put talcum powder on the brush
so they smell fresh and clean?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:08, Reply)

No.
Cats should smell of cats.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:09, Reply)

What do cats smell of?
Fish?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:23, Reply)

I love brushing cats.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:10, Reply)

is that a euphemism?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:13, Reply)

Band practice tonight which is tiresome
But at least it's making me stay in the office for a few more hours and try to do the work I've been singularly failing to do for the last few days.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:07, Reply)

Read a book.
By "read a book" I mean read the Apology.

by read the Apology I mean not read the Apology.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:10, Reply)

what the shuddering fuck are you on about?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:14, Reply)

"Read a book" implies a nice relaxing diversion
The Apology is a book- of kinds.
The final sentence just proved I was going to not read it and hide my head in the sand.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:16, Reply)

Sorry to hear this.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:14, Reply)

I'll pull it out of my capacious arse at some point, some how. Maybe.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:16, Reply)

Don't they have a summery of it somewhere?
Or a film of the book?
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:20, Reply)

That won't help. I've got to be able to translate it

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:20, Reply)

you could guess?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:21, Reply)

Serves you right for being a smarty pants.

( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:21, Reply)

Read a translation, then memorise it.
SORTED.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:48, Reply)

i shall be doing very little
except making the last couple of things for randomburn.

alt: hell yeah, My body is crap
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:12, Reply)

Alt: don't let Kroney hear you say that, you'll never get rid of him.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:39, Reply)

I shall be dining at the G/F's
After picking up Emily from dance class. Rock & Roll!
Alt: Check out Cyborg 2.0 by Prof K Warwick (a good Coventry boy) He had a 100 electrode array implanted into his arm whereby he could operate a prosthetic arm.

Makes a good read.

Would I do it - Hell yeah!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:32, Reply)