Oh God!! another two hours before I can go home : (
Knock me sideways with crudity, (no Jeff, not crudites).

Just how crass and vulgar can you be?
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:07, 89 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I recall once telling a mate that his mum's vagina was like she'd been fisted by the Incredible Hulk.

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:09, Reply)

Poo!
*runs away giggling*
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:10, Reply)

You foul mouthed fanny fingerer.

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:11, Reply)

You furious felching fucknugget

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:21, Reply)

You flange-faced farting fuckmuncher

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:20, Reply)

I went to see Crass last year.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:11, Reply)

Seriously?
Are they still about?
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:11, Reply)

Steve Ignorant was there.
I've no idea if the rest of the band were originals.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:13, Reply)

One of my favourite mock threats is to tell someone I'm going to rip off their head and shit down their neck

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:11, Reply)

I prefer "I will gouge out your eyes and skull-fuck you"

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:12, Reply)

I believe any hole's a goal.

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Thanks Gunnery Sgt. Hartmann
That is a classic. Plus, you can do it whenever. You don't always need a shit.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:15, Reply)

exactly

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Your facebook feed suggests otherwise.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:18, Reply)

We've established that it's only Tuesday mornings when I go running that I invariably have to defecate

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:19, Reply)

What do you eat on Monday nights?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:34, Reply)

COCK

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:39, Reply)

is it bigger if it's capitalised?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:45, Reply)

Cock

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:40, Reply)

Duke Nukem?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:19, Reply)

Doubt it
Never played Duke Nukem. Honestly don't know where I heard it, or if it's my own (or a mate's) spin on the Clerks classic "tonight we're gonna take off that motherfucker's head, take out his fuckin' soul"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:21, Reply)

Ahh, that's what I know it from
The best threat I know is "I'll shove that bat up your ass and turn you into a popsicle."
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:21, Reply)

naa, it's in at least one film in the standard form.
it's been around for ages. Don't think it is from any one source.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:22, Reply)

Fair enough!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:23, Reply)

The first time I heard that line was in the Clint Eastwood film Heartbreak Ridge..
..but I'm pretty sure it's been used elsewhere.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:04, Reply)

I'm no where near as vulgur as you lot are.
I think the rudest thing I've ever said to someone was to shut their mouth or I'll fuck it.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:13, Reply)

I tend to tell vulgar jokes
The 2 most vulgar ones that usually comes to mind are as follows -

How do you get a gay guy to fuck your wife? Shit in her cunt (Yes, I know, it's stolen from the joke book)

And this one
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:15, Reply)

haha
I like the old "what's the difference between jam and peanut butter?" one
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Hahahahaha! I love that joke

( Peej, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:19, Reply)

Works better with 'marmalade' in place of peanut butter.
a) because it sounds like a plausible question and
b) the idea of 'marmalading' my cock up your mum's arse makes me titter
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:23, Reply)

noted
I will amend that in my memory bank
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:23, Reply)

Memory bank?
You're not Data you know.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:24, Reply)

Data was 'fully functional' you know
*sighs*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:25, Reply)

very astute of you

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:25, Reply)

I believe I am on the ball, as it were.

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:29, Reply)

you wish
and the other one.


and the cock as well.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:31, Reply)

Wrong.
The other, is in the Albert Hall.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:32, Reply)

Seriously?
What's the a-peel?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:23, Reply)

die

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:23, Reply)

*drops trousers*

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:15, Reply)

*picks up trousers and folds them neatly away*

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:16, Reply)

hahaha
This really made me giggle
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:11, Reply)

It amused me.
I don't often amuse myself.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:12, Reply)

Your cunt looks like someone hit it with an axe then puked in the hole

( Peej, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:17, Reply)

:S

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:18, Reply)

Little Johnny runs into the bathroom where his Mother is showering...
Points between her legs and says "Eurgh, what's that?"

Thinking quickly she says "That's where the Mad Axeman hit me, dear."

Johnny replies "Wow...he got you right in the cunt!"
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:20, Reply)

I find it quite impossible to be crass or vulgar.
I'm far too genteel for that sort of behaviour.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:21, Reply)

Of course. You've never been rude or crude.
Cunt.
Fuck.
Shit.
Twat.
Wanker.
Benny.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:26, Reply)

That's the joke.

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:27, Reply)

You're not even trying
You leaky fucking minge box
( Peej, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:26, Reply)

surely a minge box is a tautology?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:35, Reply)

He's referring to the cool box I keep in my larder, full of severed minges from my nights out.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:50, Reply)

ah, of course
One must maintain a varied labial collection. A clitorisallsorts, if you will.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:58, Reply)

Oh fucking hell.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:59, Reply)

sorry.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:02, Reply)

Monty likes to mix with the clittorati.

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:00, Reply)

The secrative lesbian sister hood who run the world and irritate Tom Hanks?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:03, Reply)

isn't that Opus Dave?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:04, Reply)

I thought it was the Gynotologists.

( Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:06, Reply)

How do you know when yor sister's on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes of blood.
(McChinaman banned, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:25, Reply)

What do you call a fat girl with a yeast infection?
A whopper with cheese
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:27, Reply)

^^^ This

(McChinaman banned, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:28, Reply)

3 vampires walk into a bar. Vampire 1 says "Pint of blood please", gets served, and sits down. Vampire 2 says "Same again please", gets served, sits down. Vampire 3 says "Pint of hot water please", gets served, sits down, only to be ripped by his mates. "You massive gay, how come you're not on the blood?"

Vampire 3 says "Fuck off", pulls out a tampon, and says "I'm making a brew"
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:29, Reply)

I think I've just been a bit sick.
Bleurgh.
(berk, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:41, Reply)

Do you have a yeast infection?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:43, Reply)

For you to insinuate that I am fat, your Lardship
is a touch hypocritical, I'd say. No I don't, and even if I did, they don't make you vomit.
(berk, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:02, Reply)

Unless you forget to tell your boyfriend you have one before he chows down on your tuna canoe

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:08, Reply)

Yes, but that still wouldn't make me vomit
although it might make him sick, I grant you. You may however have a click for tuna canoe, as I've not heard that one before.
(berk, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:09, Reply)

kindest regards

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:11, Reply)

You can't have your kayak and eat it.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 25 Jun 2011, 15:40, Reply)

Just remembered this
Q: How do you recognise a happy cyclist?
A: Squashed flies on his teeth

Q: How do you recognise a violent rapist?
A: Smashed teeth on his flies
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:30, Reply)

come up here and I'll show you.


or something
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:33, Reply)

When someone is standing and I'm sitting I pat my thighs and say "sit here, we can talk about the first thing that pops up"

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:35, Reply)

Then do you hit them on the head
take them back to your apartment and tie them to the bed?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:38, Reply)

are you calling me a sexist pig?

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:48, Reply)

Not at all
most men would love to be treated like that, takes out all the worry and frustration, it's just, yep, she fancies me, I'm getting it tonight.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:55, Reply)

Some men find that off-putting IMHO

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:01, Reply)

I say it to women. Because, after all, what man wants a woman to have something pop up from her crotch?
Plus, as BGB said, men find it off putting, they then think you're an easy lay and you're a ho.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:06, Reply)

I don't think anybody called you "Kroney", K

( Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:03, Reply)

...The Aristocrats!

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:48, Reply)

Jordan goes into Harveys bedroom to find him covered head to foot in cellotape, she cant get it off so she rushes him to A & E the Doctor gives him a check over and turns to Jordan and says " I am sorry to tell you this but this is the worst case of sticky black spastic i've ever seen."
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:57, Reply)

hahahaha!
Winna!
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:57, Reply)

What do Harvey Price and HP sauce have in common? Their initials


How are they different? HP sauce has a cap to stop it from dribbling
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:59, Reply)

oh, man.
that's really quite good.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:58, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:58, Reply)

She went to a car dealership and said 'I want to get a customised car for Harvey'
The salesmen said, 'Sure, what flavour do you want the windows?'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Horse semen

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:00, Reply)

She's a Barbie Girl
In a barbie World
Tits are plastic
Son's a spastic

He can't comb his hair
He dribbles every where
It's fantastic
He's a spastic

Come on Harvey let's go party
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:00, Reply)

When Peter Andre and Katie Price finalised their divorce, she announced she'd miss the family holidays they had, the TV specials they made, and the time they spent together.

He said he'd miss the titwanks and watching the fat, cod eyed retard walk into the door.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:02, Reply)