That thread has reached Pun Com 3.
We're going to need another thread.

So, make yourself comfortable on the couch and tell me about your mother

*steeples fingers*
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:13, 132 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

My mother, eh?
I can tell you the exact date of the last time I saw her - 29th December 1996.

That was the day my Mum died, after fighting a losing battle with cancer for nearly 18 months.
That morning, My Dad had woken up to find the body, and had gone round waking us kids up one by one, eldest first, right down to myself, the youngest.

I howled, and I sobbed, and I begged that it couldn't be true. But it was.

My Dad took me through to see the body that was still lying in bed. She looked so peaceful, it was incredible. Considering this was the woman I'd had to hear coughing her lungs up every night for 18 months (when you're 8, that seems like the longest time in the world, almost beyond living memory) it was odd to see her finally relaxed.

We had seen the Chemotherapy ravage her body, making her seem even iller than she was, but up until the day she died, I never thought she would. I was 8, the woman was invincible to me!

When I saw her that relaxed, it made me worse, it was when I realised she'd never come back. My Dad gave me a little while to say my goodbyes alone, and I went to the bed and held her hand. As she had died at about 1am and this was 9am, her hands felt like ice. That is the most surreal thing in the world, to feel a hand you were used to being warmed by, with no heat left in it. It's frankly terrifying.

After 5 minutes sat crying, I realised. This was the longest I'd heard her go without coughing in almost a year. It finally clicked, my Dad was right. She was in a better place, not suffering anymore.

My parents were both strong christians, and so I suppose this was the only way they could face death. Makes me jealous really, I wish I could open up to the possibility of there being a God.

TL;DR - She's dead LOL.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:14, Reply)

I should have thought this through better.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:16, Reply)

you're right about there not being a God, mind you.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Prove it
*opens can of worms and sits down*
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:18, Reply)

why would I need to?
Prove there isn't a invisible pygmy Aberdeen Angus hovering behind your left ear right now.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:19, Reply)

I dont need to prove that
as I call him Gerald and he moos' me to sleep
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:22, Reply)

I like this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:23, Reply)

I don't understand
why would I prove something that isn't true?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:22, Reply)

That would be the point - so why would I need to prove there isn't a God?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:23, Reply)

I was trying to suggest that there is an invisible pygmy aberdeen angus hovering behind my left ear

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:24, Reply)

ah, too many negatives in the whole thing
so you were.

Can I have a slice off his rump for lunch then?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:25, Reply)

there's not really a lot to go around
sorry
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:26, Reply)

What is more ridiculous than religion is this
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14417362
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:46, Reply)

I kind of think that's cool.
But then I would wouldn't I.
( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:48, Reply)

It's a bit scavengy
and you can't call yourself Christian if you're an atheist. A secular humanist yes, a Christian no.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:50, Reply)

My Mum is obsessed with Disney
She and my father go to DisneyWorld once a year and she usually goes to DisneyLand Paris once every 3 or 4 months with my sister. She always brings me back the sort of stocking filler-material I would have loved when I was 10 - Mickey Mouse coffee mugs, Nightmare Beofer Christmas pens, etc.

I'll be 33 in in four weeks.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Does your mother have Downs?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:43, Reply)

*donno what to say*

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:28, Reply)

She's a fucking lezzah.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:23, Reply)

Mine looks like Mrs Goggins from Postman Pat
I'd like to congratulate you on the previous thread
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:23, Reply)

I used to think God was Mrs Goggins.
Or that he at least looked a lot like her.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:28, Reply)

Have you noticed that Pat is the only ginger adult in the village yet all the kids in the show are ginger.
do you think this is the animators having a laugh or just coincidence?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:30, Reply)

No, it's because he's an epic cocksman.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:31, Reply)

This is more the stuff I'm looking for.
I must admit, I didn't actually expect anyone to answer anything to do with their mother.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:24, Reply)

any b3tans twitter?
just signed up and need to follow people. When do I get issued a fleece?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:26, Reply)

twitter is fucking gash
you are a massive spastic
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:26, Reply)

have you tried it?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:28, Reply)

why would I want to?
I don't give a shit what anyone else has to say and I don't labour under the illusion that anyone gives a shit what I have to say.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:30, Reply)

Um...
*looks around*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:30, Reply)

this is more like conversation
and a way to kill time

conversation can be about nothing or anything. that's fine. things like twitter and facebook statuses are different
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:32, Reply)

Once again we are in accord
My biggest problem with Twitter is that if I post something online it's because I want replies
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:34, Reply)

I'll admit I haven't done much more than glanced at twitter now and then
or seen what other people have reposted, and there has been literally nothing that has made me even slightly tempted to join up.

It may sound a bit strong, or obtuse, but I really don't have any interest in what people think about stuff, or if I do I can ask them, or find out elsewhere.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:40, Reply)

^this
I use facebook to keep in touch with people. Twitter seems pointless.
( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:42, Reply)

the crucial point there is people you know
I'm interested in things that happen in the world, but I'm not really interested in someone's brief opinion on it, sent through a medium that is all about "listen to what I have to say! I'm important!"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:45, Reply)

why are you on here then?
if you don't give a shit what anyone says or labour under the illusion that anyone gives a shit what you have to say?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:31, Reply)

see above

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:32, Reply)

I think you're talking/writing absolute crap, twitter completely depends on who you follow surely.
I'm not obligated to tweet anything but am definitely interested in what some people have to say. Bit like a lurker on here I suppose. I won't dismiss something completely before trying it.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:35, Reply)

I can appreciate that if you are interested in sport than it may have some worth
but as I'm not there's nothing for me there. I have no interest in the opinions of celebrities on anything, and I can find out what people think when I do care about their opinions by asking them.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:38, Reply)

Twitter is shit and gay and you're a fucking cunt.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:40, Reply)

I'm going to rape you

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:44, Reply)

He's here for the chicks DUH

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:33, Reply)

If you like cricket, follow Graeme Swann, he's fucking funny
If you don't like cricket, it is because you are a fool
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:29, Reply)

no it's because cricket is nearly as dull as ballroom dancing and battlestar galactica combined.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:30, Reply)

There is no hope for you
I'm prepared to put the lack of interest in cricket down to your being a Paddy, but BSG is the business.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:31, Reply)

This week I am mostly interested in my bike and Arsenals worrying lack of activity in the transfer window.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:33, Reply)

Joey Barton's available
The only problem being that although he would toughen up your midfield no end, he is exactly the opposite of the sort of player Wenger wants to sign. Why the fuck he hasn't swooped for Scott Parker I've no idea
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:38, Reply)

Or a defender!
10mil for jagielka, what a douche, just buy someone now. I can see Arsenal finishing about 6th place next season.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:40, Reply)

I think Wenger wants to believe that his current lot can win the league cos they're all his sort of player
They probably could if they all stayed fit and fresh all season. The problem being that his sort of player is made of paper and held together with positive thinking.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:42, Reply)

they have zero chance, I'm going to focus on Rovers now.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:45, Reply)

Hahaha
Yeah, good call. They'll do brilliantly.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:53, Reply)

You'd be better off with Joey Deacon

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:41, Reply)

My mother is daft as a brush.
And she likes toyboys.
( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:27, Reply)

And her number is...?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:30, Reply)

She's 67.
I think I'm more what you're looking for.
( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:30, Reply)

you'd break him.

*disclaimer. This is a reference to experience rather than a suggestion of you being a heifer.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:31, Reply)

Hahaha!
Don't worry, that's how I read it.
( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:36, Reply)

Go on. Pitch yourself.

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:32, Reply)

Camp

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:33, Reply)

I'm filthy and I like science fiction.

( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:34, Reply)

sold!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:34, Reply)

Piss off
Dibs
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:35, Reply)

Now watch him pitch HIMself

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:40, Reply)

*sigh*
tch ss
(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:05, Reply)

She just rang me and told me I got £90 back on my deposit from college
so yay
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:34, Reply)

My mother is a manipulating control freak
Her main aim in life was to annoy her husband. She spent a year trying to learn Arabic before a holiday in Egypt. My dad had to sit there in silence while she recited gobbledegook from the linguaphone tapes. I don't know why he didn't strangle the bitch.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:34, Reply)

Totally just got telephoned interviewed for MASTER CHEF, OMG OMG OMG

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:36, Reply)

And...............................

( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:36, Reply)

They'll call me back next week or mid august if I've got it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:38, Reply)

*fingers crossed*
Still on for the meal weekend after next?
( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:39, Reply)

Yup =D

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:39, Reply)

We're both looking forward to it : )
I'm going to attempt nut brownies to bring with me.
( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:43, Reply)

What did they ask?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:37, Reply)

They wanted to hear about his buttery biscuit base.

( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:37, Reply)

We both started laughing, he asked me about a dish that people enjoy so I said my lemon tart and I said it has a buiscit base, so he asked me if I'd seen the video.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:42, Reply)

Soooo many questions, I wasn't prepaired, but I think I did alright, but the questions included
- What 3 course meal would you cook for Mark and Gregg?
- Why are you into food?
- Have you been on telly before?
- Have you had any training?
- Influences
- Dietry and medical stuff
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:39, Reply)

I can't wait to start a meme after you go on
HELLO MY NAME IS PAUL I AM 26 FROM LONDON AND I LIKE COOKING
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:40, Reply)

Haha

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:43, Reply)

NEEDS MORE GONZSPELLING

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:43, Reply)

that's cool
be awesome if you got on there!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:41, Reply)

Good luck dude

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:46, Reply)

So what would you cook?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:47, Reply)

I'm not 100% sure, but BGB, TGB, CQ will find out next week ,)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:20, Reply)

Hooray!

( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:29, Reply)

My mum is ace, and just a timy bit mental.
I would officially consider her my best friend, aside from mr b3th. A long time ago, I gave up shouting 'Mum' to get her attention in public places. You wouldn't believe how many women turn around when you shout 'Mum'. Even 20 year old women will turn around and look when a grown man does it. Try it next time you're in town.

Can I just ask anyone in 'That London' - if I want to spend a day wandering round the festering shithole that is our nation's capital, is it better/easier to get an Oyster card sent out in advance, or to just buy a day ticket at the tube station on the day?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:39, Reply)

Go to London.
Go to a station, buy Oyster. Use Oyster.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:44, Reply)

Thank you.
Helpful as always.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:46, Reply)

By the way
I suspect you'll find that if you start shouting in a public place people will look round no matter what you shout.

Try it today with 'DEATH TO INFIDELS'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Or, if that contains too many difficult to remember words
try a simple "ALALALALALALALALA!"
( Kroney, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:49, Reply)

4 of my friends were once out in the whitechapel area
they were stupid young bankers, about 24-25 years old and as arrogant as only newly minted bankers/hedge fund managers earning £150k a year for nothing can be. one of them thought it would be funny to set fire to the mcdonald's bag that another was holding. he dropped it and there was much shouting about ruined burgers.

then there was a LOT of shouting. and sirens. and running. the lads panicked and legged it. only then did they realise that they had just dropped a flaming bag on the steps of the biggest mosque in east london.

and it was 08/07/05. NOT very bright. and then people wonder why there was a recession...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:52, Reply)

What great friends you have.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:02, Reply)

Yeah, but they earn a suitable salary.

( Kroney, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:03, Reply)

did you not read the bit about £150k?
what on earth makes you think THAT's a suitable salary, you provincial goon?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:34, Reply)

technically only 1 was a good friend
the rest were potential shags.

i never shagged any of them though. snogged 2, but that was it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:06, Reply)

Bankers in behaving like cunts shock
Bunch of halfwitted fucktards everyone
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Oh, so it's OUR nation's capital now, is it?
;-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:50, Reply)

Sorry, has the United Kingdom changed capitals while I wasn't looking?
quender.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:51, Reply)

So you're not fussed about secession any more?
Gravity-mocker

EDIT: that doesn't make sense
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:52, Reply)

Yeah, I mocked gravity
and gravity bitch-slapped me. Right in the back of the neck. Which has just about stopped aching now.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:54, Reply)

As far as I'm concerned you mocked gravity
If I'd been stood where you were before the jump, I'd have offered gravity my Xbox, girlfriend and as many blood sacrifices as it wanted to just let me climb down slowly with many whispered promises about never pretending to be brave again.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:58, Reply)

Would you get in one of those white suits with the net facemask
and open a hive of bees?
I wouldn't. I'd wet myself and run away crying. It's only brave if you're actually scared of the thing you're facing.

Having said that, my bladder and bowels told me several times on Sunday morning that I *was* scared of flinging myself out into nothing. And my shaking legs reiterated the point for about half an hour after the event too.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:02, Reply)

she was amazing, warm, kind, beautiful, clever, a great cook, endlessly supportive and had a spark that drew everyone in
the only real downside is the "was". which is a pretty big downside, esp as i was only 28.

anyone who still has their mum and doesn't tell her often enough all the things that i can't ever say again deserves a shoeing.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:46, Reply)

My mum is getting old now, albeit she is still fit.
Every time she's ill with something or other I start to fret I'll lose her soon.

I don't like this feeling.
( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:53, Reply)

Yeah, because I don't see my Mum more than once or twice a year
I'm constantly shocked by how old she looks. I keep thinking, shouldn't you be about 40 or something?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:55, Reply)

it's awful
i'm v v close to my dad, and he is in great shape for his age - but he's 68 and it's inevitable he's going to slow down over the next 5 years or so. every time i see him have to pick his leg up to hoist himself into my silly lowslung sports car or limping after golf (admittedly after playing 18 holes a day, without a buggy, 15 days on the trot), i get so panicky and breathless :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:06, Reply)

I agree with you.
Your Mum = Phwoar!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:31, Reply)

I'll let her know you admire her : )

( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:46, Reply)

Clearly beauty runs in the family
Let's just hope she's as naughty as you! ;-)
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:56, Reply)

Not everyone is as lucky as you.
I don't see mine for months on end and that's fine.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 5 Aug 2011, 14:05, Reply)

Ha ha,
Apparently Silvio Berlusconi has taken advantage of a government press conference to push his own shares.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:46, Reply)

I have a mum
I basically ignore her.
( Kroney, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Lucky woman.

( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:55, Reply)

She thinks so
I'm a devoted son.
( Kroney, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:00, Reply)

Does she not approve of your frozen-jobbie related high jinks?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:46, Reply)

We were on a family holiday some time in the mid-late 80s.
We were on some Pembrokeshire beach eating sand-infused sarnies and shivering in our Pacamacs trying to pretend it wasn't 25 below zero, when my mother turned to me (I was about 12) and said 'I do wish your grandmother would tuck her pubic hair into her swimming costume, don't you, dear?'. Of course I involutarily looked - basically I was checking out my grandma's grey minge at the behest of my mother.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:08, Reply)

got to keep the bloodline pure

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:09, Reply)

She'd obviously started eyeing up the ladies by then...

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:11, Reply)

Hahaha! Oh God!!

( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:18, Reply)

No wonder I hear voices telling me to kill prostitutes, eh?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:26, Reply)

She's a bit daft, horrible memory, gets an attitude and very shouty when she doesn't understand things, isn't really great at "being there" for you emotionally
she's very funny, laughs a lot and loves life, she's a devoted wife, will bend over backwards to provide anything you need, she loves flowers and often has two or three vases full of them in the house, she loves my dog, calls her her granddaughter
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:09, Reply)

My mother got her 'style' in the mid-60s.
She got married in a sky blue mini dress she made herself, with a groovy Twiggy-style short haircut with those side curl bits.

Unfortunately she has kept this style to this very day, which is handy now she's a bender, but I made her cry when I was about ten by taunting her that she looked like John Noakes.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:30, Reply)

Come by, Shep.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:32, Reply)

When Noaksey starting crying on camera about how Shep was dead
it was regarded by my school as the funniest thing since sliced Deacon.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:33, Reply)

The one person on the planet I'd do anything for, literally anything she asked me too.
Because I trust her to the point of knowing she would never do any harm.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:32, Reply)

My mother is a bit odd.
Maybe it's a Christian flagellation thing, but she seems to think that you can belch or break wind during a family dinner as long as afterwards you say sorry and that 'it really hurt'. In fairness she's not done this for 20 years in my company.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:32, Reply)

I am actually genuinely surprised how many people answered this about their mothers.
I was expecting Freudian pseudosexual confessions, that's what therapy is about, right?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:34, Reply)

My mother is a tiny bit of an enigma
I always viewed her as disappointingly Catholic and normal when I was growing up, then when I got a bit older I realised she really wasn't
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:35, Reply)

My mum is fandabbydozy.
Supports me and my brother (twenty and seventeen, respectively) to the hilt in any way she can, keeps a roof over all our heads all on her own. Works non stop. She's going on holiday tomorrow, me and my brother paid for it cos she deserves it more than anyone else in the world.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:40, Reply)

Awwwwwwwwwww!

( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:47, Reply)

Shortly after my mother 'came out'
we attended the wedding of her youngest brother in Nottingham. We're in a ghastly Partridge-style travel tavern, and get into the rather small lift on the ground floor. Mother, her partner, me and then my brother - except he won't get in it because he thinks the lift is too small for all of us.

'Oh just get in the lift you massive gaylord', I piped up.

Followed by four stories of silent, red-faced lift journey. I still cringe now.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:43, Reply)

Hahaha.
I cannot tell you how many times this happened in my flat last year. Countless "oh fuck off, stop being ga...sorry Stu, totally forgot. Won't happen again". Half hour later...
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:47, Reply)

If they are man enough to take a hot cock from behind without blubbing
they are man enough to take a few quender gags.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:49, Reply)

You should have given him one.

(FuckOffBert, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 13:49, Reply)