Actually I do know why I suggested it
Displacement therapy.

My dad is dying. Physically and emotionally he is a long way from me - in either sense I can't reach out to him. I don't know if I want to. I'm not sure that we ever had a normal father-son relationship.

I really don't know what to do, or think, or feel. Your dad only dies once and there's nothing to prepare you for this. I wondered what would happen if I was left alone with my thoughts and wine and this is the result.

I'm saying he's dying - he's been perkier today apparently. I'm 110 miles from him and I can't gauge the little changes. If I was there all the time maybe I could. Maybe he'll do some sort of fucking Lazarus thing and leap off his bed and twat me on the head for being so fucking maudlin.

(He won't. That's not his style. He's an organiser. Not emotional. I've inherited that.)

So - what do you do? What do you think? It'd be really easy if there was a sort of laid down scale of emotions - I think what I'm trying to say here is that I don't know what to think now. I'm setting up my own business and I've felt flashes of resentment that he's getting in the way of it by demanding my time to sort out shit like funeral arrangements.

I've got to leave a lot of this in my brother's hands and he's recovering from cancer. I don't feel bad about this - he's taken a lot of my parents money over the years and he'll do OK.

My dad is dying from complications arising from a condition called Genetic Haemochromotosis - I also have it but I know now and can get it treated.

This is what it is:-

ghr.nlm.nih.gov/condition/hemochromatosis

Sorry - I had to do this.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 20:19, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It's not that your father only dies once, it's once he's gone there's nothing you can do to change the past.
If you can't be by his side, you can call if you're comfortable.
Maybe take the time to write out what you think and how you feel, even if you don't tell him, it'll make you feel better by getting it out.
I'm sorry you have to go through this darling
x
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 20:28, Reply)

this
also, don't feel like you have to do anything in particular.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 20:31, Reply)

yeah, just thinking that when someone dies suddenly you don't get the chance to say all the things you wanted to say
and since he knows his father will pass he has the opportunity to try to make things better, if he wants to do it
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 20:40, Reply)

my advice, which you didn't ask for
Is to say good by and make what peace you can. You can also have my sympathy, which you didn't ask for either.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 5 Aug 2011, 20:36, Reply)

you're just going to give it to him? just like that?

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 20:39, Reply)

Yup
I'm magnanamous like that.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 5 Aug 2011, 20:45, Reply)

There is no rancour
This isn't a fractured relationship we're talking about, but there wasn't - isn't - much emotion.

What I'd like to do is tell him that it's OK to let go. My mum will manage. In fact she'll manage very well.

I'm totally lost and I'm a control freak. I'm scared that I'm more upset for myself than my dad. Maybe I should be.

I'm laying heavy shit on b3ta tonight and I'm sorry.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 20:46, Reply)

more sense being sad for yourself
He'll be dead and not have any problems, you'll still be here, worry about you. I doubt you'll be begrudged laying heavy shit I think, we're a community innit?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 5 Aug 2011, 20:52, Reply)

Don't apologize.

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 20:55, Reply)

Probably the worst thing
Is that he's in hospital in Barrow - the town that brought the world Legionnaires Disease long after it was presumed to be eradicated!

Going over tomorrow again, on the train. I might sleep a bit then.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 21:04, Reply)

That largely sucks donkey testicles.
mr b3th is on the shit end of a dose of cancer, but it's not something i'm having to face on a daily basis yet. He keeps telling me it'll be two years, but he's been saying that for the last ten years, so knowing how awkward he is, he'll probably get hi stelegram from teh queen.

No-one can tell you what you should do or feel. It's completely unique to you, and whatever you do will be appropriate in the circumstances. Being as we are completely shit as a species, you will end up feeling like you might have done something differently at some stage, but you can't let doubt or indecision or regret take over your life. Only you know what you want to do and whether you can or even should do that.

All I can offer you is that the certain type of 'non-demonstrative organiser' (which is a category mr b3th falls into) would be more touched and impressed by you getting on and making something of your business plans, rather than spending countless hours staring at him with pity and sadness. But then again, he's your father, and you know better than any of us do.

In teh meantime, feel free to come and rant at us whenever you like. And if you want to direct any specific angry wailings at anyone, my gazbox is always open. As teh actress said to teh bishop.

tl;dr - send me a cock gaz, I'll show you my tits.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 5 Aug 2011, 20:39, Reply)

This with knobs on.
X
( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 20:51, Reply)

My tits do not have knobs on
Although, on a cold day, you can hang your coat off them.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 5 Aug 2011, 20:53, Reply)

Me too ; )

( girlinthehole, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 20:56, Reply)

Sorry ladies
But I'm too knackered for the prospect of jugs to appeal.

And if you want a cock-gaz you'll need to ask Jodrell Bank to help as my willy is so immense it has it's own planetary system.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 21:07, Reply)