I have eyes like two pissholes in the snow.
And they're even worse than usual today as I went out at the weekend.

Top drawer comedy, right here.

I still have no Star Trek dressing gown. I may be bottling out of it.

Only rock'n'roll story here is driving around town with the windows down and Led Zep on. It made the chavs' ears bleed.
( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 9:33, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Please don't buy the dressing gown.
You already work in IT - don't become any more stereotypical or I won't let you go to the Pratchett convention.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 9:41, Reply)

I'm going to come to mecha bash wearing it.

( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 9:47, Reply)

I shall bring a medieval torture device just in case you do.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 9:57, Reply)

I knew you were an Iron Maiden fan really

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 9:58, Reply)

*runs to the hills*

(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 9:58, Reply)

*brings daughter to the slaughter*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:00, Reply)

*somethingsomething Iron Maiden pun something*

( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:01, Reply)

*Iron Maiden pun related to previous comment in a subtle way*

(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:03, Reply)

LOL!

( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:06, Reply)

*Insinuation that your Mum is a slag incorporating Iron Maiden song*
Probably something about her living at 22 Acacia Avenue or being called Charlotte
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Wasn't that where Bananaman lived?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:09, Reply)

That's where Eric lived
although bananaman was often seen in the area
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:10, Reply)

^ Bananaman-related pedantry - Jesus fucking Christ.
I don't know whether to applaud you or burn your house down.


'Ahahaha ACTUALLY I think you'll find it's just called 'Superman' - there is no such film as 'Superman 1'. Ahahahaha'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I can solve your dilemma
Go to his house with petrol and a couple of those big foam hands that you probably have hanging around the house from your frequent expeditions to sports games. Then you can either give him a really, really big applauding or make the fire smell really horrid.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Good thinking.
With only one tiny flaw...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)

*scans post*
No... no, it's without flaws. Flawless, you might say. Hey, I've just got that! Flaw...less. Brilliant. I'm going to be saying that all day now.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:17, Reply)

That is exactly what I thought when I first heard the song
In fact, Bananaman lived at 29 Acacia Avenue. Busy old street, that.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:11, Reply)

29 Acacia Road.
Acacia Avenue's an entirely different street.
( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Acacia Avenue is in the bad part of town.
You get some nasty types round there.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)

If you haven't just looked that up
then I crown you KING PEDANT.

Are you sure? I could have sworn it was Avenue in both cases
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)

"This... is 29 Acacia Road"
From memory. It then goes "somethingsomething Eric is a normal boy. But when Eric eats a banana, he becomes....BANANAMAN"
( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

I shall concede
On the grounds that the only alternative is for one of us to look it up.

And that would be tragic.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Very good.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:00, Reply)

It's not going to get any better than this today, is it?
*kills self*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:00, Reply)

It just has.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:01, Reply)

You're mean and horrid and I hate you

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Don't listen to him.
I saw one of those Battlestar Galactica helmets in his flat.

And a VHS copy of Tootsie.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:08, Reply)

It was a signed 'Blu-ray' ACTUALLY.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Right-o.
Do you enjoy FILM more with the enhanced picture and sound?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Oh definitely.
The only thing better than a garish tranny is a crystal-clear garish tranny with BOOMING REMASTERED SURROUND SOUND.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Sorry, did someone call me?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Is it crap and gay to still own a VHS?
Cos if I get rid of it I'll have to spend a load of money on replacement DVDs, and that seems silly.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:13, Reply)

No it isn't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Thank you
I was more INTO FILM back in the pre-DVD Dark Ages, or more into collecting them at least. To discard my VHS would be a foolish move unless I win another quiz show.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:18, Reply)

You've won a quiz show?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Did I not mention?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

A bit.
Monty has half of the biggest kung fu movie collections in the country though so it would cost a fortune to replace. As you say.

I binned all my VHS years ago.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Rip your video's to a hard drive and do away with the entire concept of physical media

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)

?
What are these witchcraft words you speak?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Elec-trickery!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Next you'll be telling me
I can get recipes and maps off the internet.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

how do you get your computer screen flat to place the compass on it silly!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)

You don't really need a compass when cooking

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Yes it would be silly, given that DVDs are just as obsolete as VHS now.

( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

No doubt you have a 'holo-deck' you fucking sci-fi spastic.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)

I'm not convinced they are obsolete
Don't most blu-ray players also play DVDs?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:23, Reply)

No, all of them do.
Old 'Jean-Luc Retard' here hasn't got a pissing clue.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)

So anyone deciding that they fancy a Blu-Ray player
can still play their vast collections of DVDs. I like the fact that people are so fucking stupid they think they need to "upgrade" to Blu-Ray or they won't be considered to be "into film" enough.

It means that you can buy most DVDs that you might want for under a fiver.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Yup.
Unless you're buying some modern toss like 'Avatar' Blu-Ray is meaningless. My ex has a player and it's all very 'Emperor's New Clothes' - even watching films made with it in mind you can't tell that much.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)

You can if you're INTO FILM, Monty
You can enthuse about how it enhances the mise-en-scene and use of chairoscuro cinematography.

Bizarre how new technology turns otherwise decent chaps into bellends.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)

That's rubbish

( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)

It's not at all.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:46, Reply)

Yes, it is.

( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Yes, they're backwards compatible.
They're also inferior to blurays in almost every way. Backwards compatibility just means that it doesn't make everything you've already bought useless at a stroke. But if you have a bluray player, you're not going to buy a DVD, are you?

You can still buy VHS players, but you're not goign to buy new VHS cassettes, either.
( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)

*might have bought a VHS cassette this year*

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Oh dear.

( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)

They are only inferior
if you are looking at very detailed specs.

It's the equivalent of saying "my new i7 processor is superior in every single way to your i3 processor" You are technically correct, but unless you are running software which requires that tiny extra bit of processing power you won't notice it, in fact, my laptop is about 5 years old and is a Core 2 Duo, and it's still more than good enough for all my computing needs.

In the same way, unless I have my HD telly set up for teh perfect viewing angle and my HD audio decoder and surround sound speakers set up perfectly to account for my room and the chimney breast, I am just not going to see a noticeable difference between a Blu-Ray disc and a DVD.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:45, Reply)

That's not true, either.
DVD resolution is 720 x 576, if you can't notice a difference between that and 1920 x 1080, you need glasses.
( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Yeah, again, that's just numbers
I know there is a difference between the resolution of DVDs and Blu-Rays but, while it's noticeable if you compare the two side by side, the increased quality of a Blu-Ray does not make a significant difference to your ability to watch the film and enjoy it.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:52, Reply)

OK, well there you're getting into
individual experience, which is, of course, completely subjective. If you personally don't experience any difference, then fine. You're still going to run into a wall eventually, though, as they'll stop releasing DVDs entirely eventually.
( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)

Yeah, but that will ony happen when the market for Blu_ray reaches a point
when most people have blu-ray players, which won't be for a long time, because most people are fully aware that there is no need to upgrade as the costs of upgrading do not come with an equivalent increase in quality.

It's not the same as going from VHS to DVD, which really was a massive step up in quality, the increase in quality just isn't there.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Especially when I can buy the film I want on DVD for 3-4 quid
or I'd have to shell out nearer twenty for the same film on Blu-Ray.

It's a no contest.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Only if you prefer it.
Keeping analogue ALIVE!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Prachett convention assisted suicide party
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Ignore Monty
Buy the dressing gown. It will make you more powerful than you can possibly imagine*

*Will not make you more powerful than you can possibly imagine
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 9:57, Reply)

No, I'll need the Jedi one for that.

( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:00, Reply)

I badly need a new dressing gown and my birthday's just over a fortnight away
The temptation to ask for a Jedi dressing gown is overwhelming
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Do a google image search for the Yoda one.
Note the ears.
( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:02, Reply)

OMLG that's awesome
It's that or the new Forest shirt though
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:07, Reply)

You've misspelt 'really fucking embarrassing' here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:08, Reply)

So have you




MADE YOU LOOK!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:12, Reply)

hahahaha

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:12, Reply)

This is your worst ever post

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:10, Reply)

No chance mate
I've done worse. Much worse. And will do so again, today.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Ok I should re-phrase
this post paints you in the worst possible light
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:12, Reply)

There are worse ways of painting him.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Firewall blocks this
I can only assume it is a picture of a plasters stereo
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Nope
Try it now
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Hahaha

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:23, Reply)

banned as 'personal storage'
it's a black and white minstral though isn't it?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Yes.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)

What, a Nottingham Forest-supporting Star Wars fan?
None of the above is news
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:13, Reply)

+worthy of being

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)

I can't be bothered to work out where you're meaning to insert that
But I don't suppose I'm the first B3tan to say that to you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Not even in the first 10

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Morning mate
Good weekend?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Morning fella
Shit Friday night, really shit saturday, very good Sunday. Saw the new planet of the apes, and cooked a fucking spectacular meal, that even Gonz said looked good!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

It did look good too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I was very pleased with it
Less so when Gonz suggested a couple of extra ingredients that I actually had in my cupboard, that I could have added.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)

What were they?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Saffron or Turmeric, I think.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Nicely done
Sorry to hear the rest of it was a bit of a mixed bag. Was the movie any good?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Very much so
It goes on a bit in parts, but James Franco is brilliant in it, it's well worth a watch.

Also, I saw the poster for a film I didn't know was coming out. The cast alone tells me that this should be good
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)

I'm just reading the book at the moment
and it looks really good.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Shall I pick it up?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Have you read any other Le Carre?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Nope

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Read "The Spy Who Came In From The Cold"
it's a really good book, and not as heavy as "Tinker Tailer Soldier Spy" but it gives you an idea of what his other stuff is like.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)

*adds to amazon wish list*

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)

I reckon without clicking it that it's for Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
Only because I was at the cinema on Saturday night and saw a poster which had a similar effect on me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:34, Reply)

That it is!
The cast alone makes me want to see it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Except for Cumberbatch.
He can't act for toffee.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:36, Reply)

I disagree
He was fantastic in Sherlock
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)

I don't like him.
Oddly, when not acting he seems like a likeable cove.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Same here
Looking forward to that. Will check out the Apes, just wanted to hear from someone who's seen it.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:36, Reply)

It looked fucking shit from the trailer
James Franco is a tedious cunt who can't act for shit.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)

He's better than Tom Felton
He really is fucking shit in the film. James Franco is pretty damn good in it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Draco Malfoy's in the Apes movie?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)

Yep
You can see him in the trailer
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)

Must have missed that
How remiss of me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:46, Reply)

The less you notice him, the better.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:48, Reply)

If he's not white-blonde in the trailer I won't have seen him

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)

He looks like this

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)

A fair result?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)

I was really hoping for more violence
so you two would be at each other's throats. Told you to sign Barton.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Piffle
We are civilised
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:34, Reply)

*cough*Lee Cattermole*cough*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)

I meant me and AA

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Oh, my apologies
*cough*Scouser*cough*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Cracking goal for you
And Kieran Richardson was fortunate to remain on the pitch, but I don't blame the referee for the decision he made.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Yeah, nice easy game next week
At home to Newcastle! My next door neighbour is a Liverpool fan but I've not seen him yet. I think he went to the game
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Premier League.
You're having a laugh.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)

I really can't work out which is sadder;
You using "Oh My Lady Gaga", or me knowing that is what you're using.
( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:18, Reply)

You're as bad as me
bad bent
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Unfortunately, I think this is the only logical conclusion.

( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Welcome to the club
You're going to love the initiation
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Does it involve bumming
and jacking off in each other's faces?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Don't ruin the surprise for him!

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)

SURPRISE!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Ah, the old "If you yell surprise first, it's not rape" tactic
*awaits bumming*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)

a i +n
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:49, Reply)

waitn bumming?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Fixed

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)

I did wonder what that meant...
i wish I was still wondering
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)