Fucking hell, this is unbearable.
Where are all of you cunts, anyway?

Talk about something. Anything.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:11, 147 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Your Mum/bird/Nan was well hot last night.
We did the reverse cowboy.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:13, Reply)

None of the above.
Soz, that was the bloke next door.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)

I definitely didn't fuck the bloke next door.
*checks video footage*
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:15, Reply)

Well I don't know who it was, then.
I don't even have a cleaner.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)

I have
And she's Fillipino but she doesn't do "happy endings".
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:17, Reply)

I just had a couple of pints in the sunshine which was nice.
You?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)

I am stuck in my shitty office, of course.
Why are you having pints in the sunshine, smuggo?
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:15, Reply)

Fenchurch Street.
Hotter than a mother fucker at the mo.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)

Uxbridge.
It's also hot, but I'd rather be in my secure, mag-locked building than walking around outside with the locals.

They don't wear shirts when it's hot. They're THAT sort of crowd.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:17, Reply)

The heathens.

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:30, Reply)

I am so fucking bored I might have to kill myself

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)

Can you kill me first?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)

You do me and I'l do you
how does that sound?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)

Gay

( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)

Gay.
But I'll try anything now.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)

The Tango is an Argentinian dance in origin
It is believed to have developed when emigration from Spain led to a gross overpopulation of men in comparison to women. These gauchos would attempt to impress the available females with their dancing prowess, although it stands to reason there was a fair amount of violence also.

Ballroom Tango is more technical and regimented than the traditional form of the dance, known as Argentine Tango. It is notable for a strong right-side lead on the part of the gentleman, and sharp, staccato movements within the traditional Ballroom hold.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)

Gay

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:17, Reply)

this is interesting
but i think the rules of the board mean I have to just make some joke about cocks.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)

There are nine other Ballroom & Latin dances
Please stop me unless you want a potted history of each
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:20, Reply)

Email subject: UNSUBSCRIBE

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)

Fine
But you've used your only veto. I shall try again, below. Mwahaha.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)

The Inbetweeners movie
seems to have scored quite good reviews, this surprised me as it is a bit of a one trick pony. Any fans here?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:17, Reply)

I am going to see it on Friday
we shall be drinking Pepsi mixed with whisky.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:18, Reply)

Love it.
One trick but I am a simple man.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)

i quite like the series
i can't see how a film would work
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)

The Inbetweeners is fucking shit.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:23, Reply)

*resolves to spend most of Saturday making Inbetweeners jokes*
Hello mate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)

Alright fella
Please don't, I can't even begin to tell you how fucking dull and tedious I find that show.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:30, Reply)

First round's on you then
You know, as a bribe, or something.

Apparently Sky Sports have Villa - Wolves as the lunchtime kickoff, by the way. Shame I can't make it later as your lot are on then
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:33, Reply)

Does anyone who works in the City fancy a pint?
Probably not as you all live in Newcastle or Scotland.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:18, Reply)

Sure, if you can wait 14 hours for the Met line to get into Town from here.

( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)

Shall I send a cab for you?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:20, Reply)

You've just had two, go back to work!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:20, Reply)

I've probably had too many already

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)

Come on people. It's a Monday.
I am back in the office but I could be out of here quicker than a gazelle on steroids.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:30, Reply)

I'll be here:
westminster.skepticsinthepub.org/Venue.aspx/32/The-Monk-Exchange

at 7pm if you're interested.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)

That looks like a magnet for pinko faggots, decrying the MAN as being responsible for the looters actions
let's not forget (I think most people have) that some prick with a gun got shot
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:07, Reply)

But he didn't even fire it.
The cunt.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:10, Reply)

Not tonight but deffo another time.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:10, Reply)

I try to get to most of these things, always interesting and usually a good pub.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Oooh, ooh
'The Thick of It' boxset, all series £12 on amazon...very tempting
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)

I've got it
It will not surprise you to learn that it's very, very good
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)

I've only ever seen the post Langham episodes

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)

Have you seen the Specials?
They're absolutely fucking brilliant. And the whole series is endlessly rewatchable. £12 is a bargain for the amount of entertainment you'll get out of it.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:24, Reply)

'ahhh ahhh, we livin' in a ghost town'

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:26, Reply)

Very good

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:29, Reply)

Get it! Fantastic programme.

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)

i think i am so tired
that today is a write off.

got stopped by a policeman last night for not dipping my headlights :(
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:20, Reply)

So you flashed a policeman?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)

and perhaps that is
why i only got a caution.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)

Did he whip out his truncheon?

( broadsword, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:23, Reply)

and took down my particulars

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:24, Reply)

And smashed your back door in

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)

I can't wait to see it on Police, Camera, Action

( broadsword, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)

Alistair 'Eye in the sky' Stewart
exposes this saucy couple! Crash, bang, wallop, what a video!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)

I really, really dislike that smug twat
most of those police chase programmes annoy me, they've either got smug twat presenters or more recently they show police officers trying to indulge in banter like they were normal humans or something.
( broadsword, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)

"heads of the valleys road special"

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)

I now have 'Into the Valley' by Tenpole Tudor as an earworm.

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:32, Reply)

I'm here *waves*
Can we talk about breasts?
( broadsword, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)

Always a winning subjedt broadsword.
Mine are feeling perkier just for seeing you.
( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)

Splendid news!
Mine seem a little droopy today, I blame the manflu
( broadsword, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:23, Reply)

They probably just need a bit of a fondle.
This always helps mine.
( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:24, Reply)

*fondles*
oh man, I lactated :(((
( broadsword, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:33, Reply)

I'm in a good mood, tempered only by the fact my mates are having a bit of bad luck recently.
I shall go to the gym later and then have the rest of my veggie chilli with some pasta. Wine may be consumed but I will try not to, leaving the evening open for some preparatory crocheting.

Rock and fucking roll!
( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)

I put my underwear on back to front this morning.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)

Did you leave it on when you did a poo?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)

I pulled them down below my knees like I always do, that's how I noticed.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:35, Reply)

Reading through the combined works of Sherlock Holmes.
Free books on a Kindle?

Sold!
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)

I am entirely non-plussed by my Kindle and fail to see why people bang on about them so much

( broadsword, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)

Have I ever told you about the time I was on The Weakest Link?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)

Email subject: STOP

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)

Bet that Ballroom chat isn't looking so bad now is it?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)

i do want toi see the video though

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:29, Reply)

I've got a DVD of it at home burnt off iPlayer
I could stick it on YouTube but am slightly concerned about the massive illegality of doing so
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)

My new thing is to explain something in tedious detail when the board's slow.
Who wants an explanation of the relationship between horsepower and torque?

Alternatively, I will take requests.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)

*puts hand up*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)

Very well.
Horsepower is a measure of how powerful your car is in a straight line. It's very rarely applicable to how your car actually works, though. Torque is far more important.

Torque is measured in Newton-Metres in Metric, or Foot-Pounds in Imperial. It measures rotational force. When your camshaft, propshaft or wheels are spinning, it is torque, not horsepower, which is driving them. Torque is applied power, whilst horsepower is a measure of raw power. When your car is travelling in a straight line, you measure its power in horsepowers, but the engine and the wheels are rotating and are therefore measured in foot-pounds.

To take a lame petrolhead analogy, when crashing into a wall, horsepower defines how hard you hit it, whilst torque defines how far you take it with you.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)

Nope.
Not with you at all.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:33, Reply)

Torque is applied engine power under load.
Like, for example, pulling a trailer up a hill. The ability of the engine to keep turning the wheels under load is torque. The more torque an engine has, the heavier the trailer and the steeper the hill it will be able to negotiate.

Horsepower simply defines how fast an engine can accelerate under normal conditions. A small amount of torque will be needed to move it off from standstill and more will be required for a hill start, but once you're moving, any load effectively dissipates almost completely and it is just the engines ability to produce raw power which is important.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:45, Reply)

I thought power was to do with how the torque is delivered over time
ie Torque is the measurement of potential, power is the speed with which it can be delivered...or something
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:44, Reply)

It is. One horsepower is equivalent to something like 33,000 foot-pounds per minute.
Torque is a component of horsepower, but torque is also used on its own. The two things are generally used in car vernacular as two separate components that do two separate jobs.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:51, Reply)

If you imagine a handcrank consisting of a straight pole with a handle on one end.
The force turning the crank is torque, but how fast the other end of the pole is spinning is measured in horsepower.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:57, Reply)

Can you explain why bad things happen to good people?

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:26, Reply)

Because good people are pushovers.

( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:34, Reply)

: (

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:35, Reply)

The truest thing that has ever been said.
You need to find a balance between being an ace person whilst also having a ruthless streak. I think I do it reasonably well but only because I'm more ruthless/a cunt than I am ace.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:36, Reply)

Yeah', like for example, I've just realised I've had my foot resting on my knee for the last 3 hours and I can't feel it anymore but I really need to do a pee. but if I stand up I'll fall over.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:44, Reply)

Stop being such a doormat, weakling.

( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:46, Reply)

i prefer
ballroom dancing
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:26, Reply)

*eats croissant*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)

I am work and there's fucking building work going on
The building is shaking and my head is pounding.
( Peej, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:26, Reply)

AA is using the cover of a b4sh to bang some needy fat chick.
I realise this isn't news or anything.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)

BEARS SHIT ON POPES!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)

You should come along.
Then I can tell you to fuck off in person.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)

Thems fightin words from our resident scaredy cat
You're lunch money is quite safe as I ain't been there in fifteen years and student shit holes ain't my thing, soz AA. That leaves more fat chicks for you to impress with your latest waki t-shirt.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:48, Reply)

What one? that sounds like my sort of b4sh.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:37, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/23794
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:37, Reply)

Oh, ok then, sorry, I can't make that. really busy around that sort of time.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:43, Reply)

Take that Tendulkar.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)

hahahahahahhahaha
hahahahhahahaahahaha
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)

How brilliant was it, bet they'd love the review system back now.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:34, Reply)

Is this a football joke?

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:33, Reply)

Cricket.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:34, Reply)

How many do we need to limit them to in order to win this?
Morgan and KP to open?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:34, Reply)

Dunno, Raina's just gone.
Depends if Gambhir is gonna bat as well, still no word on that I think. I reckon we've got it in the bag.
Edit - Gambhir's just come in.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 14:42, Reply)

Dhoni's gone.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:03, Reply)

Sat on the downs In bristol
With a dooby and some mates. Sun is shining and most of you cunts are working.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)

But you are a poor student with no prospects.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:04, Reply)

No I am a rich student.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:33, Reply)

With no prospects.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:01, Reply)

Says the employed person dicking atound
On the internet... Dumbass
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:05, Reply)

I hope your friends throw you off Clifton suspension bridge and feed your remains to the gorillas in the zoo

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:04, Reply)

That's no way to treat the 47 chromosomed

( broadsword, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:05, Reply)

Why do people go on their phones, specifically online messageboards, when they're with mates?
I can think of literally nothing more alien to me.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)

he's counting us as his mates

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:10, Reply)

How about a pineapple up your arse

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:11, Reply)

Here was me thinking that you were a loser at the game of life

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)

What was the last big thing you bought, ie not lunch
I bought the misses a diamond eternity ring for her 30th - it arrives later this week and I cannot wait to give it to her as she won't be expecting it!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:05, Reply)

Case of wine in Majestic.
Batman posing pouch.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:07, Reply)

I hope you will be using these together to woo someone
Robin maybe
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)

while doing that batdance
from the 60s
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:10, Reply)

WHAM! In the mouth.
KAPOW!! Up the arse.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:11, Reply)

hahaha
'SPLUFF' on the face
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:12, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1RqxHQOG7w
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:14, Reply)

SEXEH TIEM

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:17, Reply)

THAT's ME!!
Especially the blurry eyesight.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:21, Reply)

rough trade greenman compilation

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)

You love a bit of rough trade you dirty bitch.

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:13, Reply)

rough *and* green
like a sexy orc
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:14, Reply)

A 12 foot tranny crack whore named Desire

( broadsword, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)

But you like breasts?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:12, Reply)

i like breasts

( broadsword, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:21, Reply)

A very comfortable pair of Dr Marten boots.
They're lovely on the feet.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:09, Reply)

Me too! taking a while to break in though.
The gimp took less time then these buggers.
( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:13, Reply)

That's the only problem with them.
But they'll be good for winter.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:18, Reply)

Yup!
Perseverance and plasters.
( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:19, Reply)

Got my Dokkers on today.
And Batman posing pouch.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:13, Reply)

Having met you I can believe this.

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:14, Reply)

Hands above the desk Blousie

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:18, Reply)

Aw man! *sulks*

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:20, Reply)

And trousers too, sadly.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:22, Reply)

I bought some mint Yuketen shoes a couple of days ago.
£110 down from £290.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:29, Reply)

Bloody hell! and Monty said my Campers were ugly.

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:31, Reply)

Not my cup of wee.
They look like the 80's preppy deck shoes.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:45, Reply)

Yuketen Country Rangers are mint.
No foolin'. I absolutely love them.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 15:45, Reply)

I've just learnt that I cannnot spell raison

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:03, Reply)

that's beyond reason

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:11, Reply)