No I was round her house on Saturday night.
She lives four doors down and my housemate rang me, so I went outside and just shouted to him from the road upto his window that I planned to 'stick my knob in her and then leave'. Went back in and she booted me out, I didn't even mean for her to hear me but alas she did. Everything works out in the end.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 13:55, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Classy as always!

( girlinthehole, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 13:56, Reply)

....

(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 13:56, Reply)

Why were you round her house if you wanted her to leave you alone?
Seems a little counter-intuitive to me.
( Kroney, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 13:57, Reply)

You haven't yet gleaned the workings of Barry's mind, have you.

( girlinthehole, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 13:58, Reply)

I'm so very confused.

( Kroney, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 13:58, Reply)

It was lovely to meet you btw.
Even if you look completely different to how I thought you looked.
( girlinthehole, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:00, Reply)

Loads of people said that!
Different and not in my forties enough.
( Kroney, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:01, Reply)

Young and sexy *waggles eyebrows*

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:02, Reply)

^this

( girlinthehole, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:02, Reply)

He wants a jacket so he's ebaying that other jacket and a coat and a jumper too in the hope that the other pair of shoes that he really liked but got lost might also (like FINALLY) come up on ebay too

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:00, Reply)

Would you like to play with this shiny toy instead?
*gives car parts*

I'm thinking of doing a restoration course at the local college. But it's £200. I don't have £200.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:01, Reply)

I want to learn panel beating and spraying.
I don't really have the time to take evening classes, though. Which sucks. I'm going to get a MIG and teach myself to weld.
( Kroney, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:04, Reply)

this course has a welding module as well
It does look pretty exciting
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:05, Reply)

You are whatshername from Flashdance aicmfp.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:06, Reply)

Jennifer Beale.
No relation to Ian.
( girlinthehole, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:07, Reply)

Apart from the fact no one wants to see me in a tiny leotard and legwarmers

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:08, Reply)

Oreilly?

( girlinthehole, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:09, Reply)

You, me and berk should start a restoration business.
We'll call it "MegaCunt Restos" and our tagline will be "MegaCunt Restos; we'll anti-fuck your shed".

It'll be epic.
( Kroney, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:07, Reply)

I dunno if you are saying we are all cunts
or making reference to my massive vagina...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:09, Reply)

You can tell that story about how your big end went
and mashed my crankshaft.
( Kroney, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Or the embarrasing time you forgot to lube up your rod before inserting it into the shaft

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:16, Reply)

Or the time when you had a wank
and when you opened your eyes there was a cup of tea next to the bed.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Oh, that was hilarious

(Bazongaloid, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:19, Reply)

The old ones are the best*.
*may contain traces of bollocks.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:21, Reply)

just like your mum
which works as a retort to both lines there
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:23, Reply)

your mum Darth's chin
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:24, Reply)

Where is Darth?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:25, Reply)

I don't know, but there are some fucking hilarious photos of him on facebook
taken at a mid 90s metal night by the looks of things. He has terribel curtains, is wearing a "Manics" style T-Shirt with the words "Culture Slut" written on it, and a black fishnet long sleeved shirt over the top. He is also wearing loads of eyeliner and Black lipstick.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:28, Reply)

This almost makes me want to go stalk people on facebook

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:31, Reply)

Almost...

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:32, Reply)

I think he's away modelling some new kind of bollock necklace.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:30, Reply)

"She was holding her boot wide open
and I slid my CV shaft in, but I'd forgotten to fill her boot with grease. The damn thing was shredded as soon as we got moving. Oh how we laaauughed".
( Kroney, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:18, Reply)

Would we get any work done at our garage or just come up with inuendo all day?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:23, Reply)

The three of us?
Innuendo.
( Kroney, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:23, Reply)

On the plus side I'd get in, you'd say morning
and then I could fuck off home again
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:25, Reply)

After telling me that you'd been there for an hour and a half already
and just hadn't bothered saying hello.
( Kroney, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:25, Reply)

I'm sorry
Will you ever forgive me?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:31, Reply)

Once I manage to stop crying myself to sleep
and once I get over the yawning chasm where my hopes used to be, then maybe.

Before then, no.
( Kroney, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:32, Reply)

oh ok...
gaz me when you do
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:33, Reply)

weld dogfight
(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:08, Reply)

Just save 20p every day for 1000 days and you are on your way!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:04, Reply)

Because I had no idea how to tell her I didn't want to see her.
If I ignored her texts she'd call me, if I ignored her calls she'd knock for me. At all times of the day. I've always been on the receiving end when it comes to this sort of stuff so hadn't a clue how to break things off. I was biding my time when at hers.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:09, Reply)

Everyone in the road is now fully aware of what a knob you are

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 13:57, Reply)

And the internet.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 13:58, Reply)

Still, he's the board rimmer, that's gotta be worth something

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:02, Reply)

and his dad's WOLF from gladiators

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:02, Reply)

And his mother is cat from red Dwarf

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:03, Reply)

The ironic thing is I was joking.
Me and the mate in question have a long running joke about how funny it is when a bloke says stuff like "I'd absolutely smash her" about a girl, when in reality he'd give her seven or so minutes of mild pleasure. Between the two of us we say similar things (sarcastically) when talking about sex because it's brilliant how deluded most men are when it comes to stuff like that.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:05, Reply)

cool story bro

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:06, Reply)

It's not cool I was just explaining myself init.
Anyroad, it all worked out perfectly like I said. The annoying thing is she was attractive and nice, just fucking nuts.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Again, I'm pretty sure this isn't ironic.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:09, Reply)

Oh the irony

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 14:18, Reply)