I'm going on a 'using fire extinguishers proper-like' course tomorrow
Have you ever battled/started a fire? What's the first thing you'd take out of a burning house?

Alt: Do you have an earworm on the go at the moment? My youngest son has a harvest festival tomorrow and has been singing "I'm a dingle-dangle scarecrow with a flippy-floppy hat...." for the past two weeks so I've been humming that at work all morning.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:00, 133 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I've only started controlled fires. My hard drives would be the first thing I'd take.
Alt: Yes I do. WTF
( Kroney, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:01, Reply)

*googles lyrics*
I don't think I know that one
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Johnny, il gente est in muy loca

( Kroney, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Ah, I was looking at lyrics to an OK Go song
still don't know it
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:06, Reply)

well it's the current UK number 1 single
it's everywhere in the clubs and on the radio and it's incredibly irritating.

So if you've managed to miss it thus far, for fuck's sake don't go looking for it.
( Kroney, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:09, Reply)

I've genuinely never heard of it either.
Mind you, I couldn't name a number one single this side of...I assume Susan Boyle has had one? So probably that.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:11, Reply)

An old school friend of mine has a band going in Leicester..
..and is trying to get an Xmas No1 ahead of whoever wins the X-Factor this year. It's probably the only time of year I can't avoid knowing what the No1 single is.

I wouldn't mind a few more decent Xmas singles instead of having to listen to the same compilation CD I bought about 12 years ago. Maybe their time has passed.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Oh yeah, actually that Matt bloke did that Biffy Clyro thing last Christmas didn't he?
I assume that made number 1, so that would be the last one I know.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:22, Reply)

I have a great time..
..telling Biffy Clyro fans (my eldest son included) that the Cardle version sounds 'just the same as the original, I don't know what you're complaining about'
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:25, Reply)

All Christmas songs are shit

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:24, Reply)

No they're not
It's all part of the Magic of Christmas™
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Shit

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Your school friend is not going to be Christmas #1
You can avoid knowing what it is, you are not trying hard enough.

Destroy your Christmas compilation CD, it is the only sensible option.

I hope this helps.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:25, Reply)

You're right, he's not
I'll try harder

I will not. It is a 2CD one and we lost CD1 a few years ago so I ORDERED ANOTHER ONE!!! (Magic of Christmas™)
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:29, Reply)

They still have "number 1 singles" do they?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Apparently yeah
I thought buying singles had gone out with the inception of the internet, so god knows what they're compiling it all from. Piracy, I guess.
( Kroney, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Doesn't it include radio play, downloads and CD's these days?
I find it odd that the charts include radio play though, but what do I know?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:14, Reply)

I stand corrected, it doesn't appear to count radio play after all.
I know the Billboard chart in the US does though.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:17, Reply)

"you will like what you're told to like“

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:38, Reply)

My laptop. Most of my friends live in it.
I don't do earworms.
( girlinthehole, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Internet friends are the best friends of all!!!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:10, Reply)

I no rite.

( girlinthehole, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:14, Reply)

I dunno, whatever looks most expensive
depends whose house it was
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:02, Reply)

I set fire to a plastic tray by putting it on an electric hob that I didn't know I'd left on then passing out on teh sofa.
Luckily it only burnt a tiny bit and mostly melted. Yet another reason i don't drink anymore though.


Alt: yes, the fucking Kaiser Chiefs one that goes 'Oh my god I can't believe it...'. I really don't like The Kaiser Chiefs.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:05, Reply)

I now have Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby in my head
cheers
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:20, Reply)

ha! It was you that mentioned MC Hammer yesterday, wasn't it? So that's revenge.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:21, Reply)

U can't touch me

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Well I was mucking about with some matches outside a carpet shop in Croyden a couple of months back...
I'd probably take some carpets out.

Alt: London's Burning.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:10, Reply)

The garage is connected to the house so it'd have to be my motorbike alt: I can't remember the name of the song but it's by Bring Me The Horizon and goes, "we will never sleep, cos sleep is for the weak, and we will over rest till we're all fucking dead."

(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Wow you're a biker, cool.

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:16, Reply)

I want to be just like wethamman when I grow up
He's cool.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:17, Reply)

If only he'd dump his domineering fat girlfriend he'd be the coolest person here.

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:19, Reply)

When did I say she was fat?
On the other bit, touche
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Rory has only ever been with fat chicks, so he assumes they are all like that.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:23, Reply)

"Fart and give me a clue, love"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Not a fan of bikers huh?
Or you're not being sarcastic but it sure looks like you are
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:18, Reply)

I like how the majority of bikers have little regard for speed limits, undertaking rules and all that shizzle
and then end up crying when they have to be stapled back together after being hit by a car.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Rory, do you like anything?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:23, Reply)

He likes me.
And bashes.
( girlinthehole, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:24, Reply)

I see

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:25, Reply)

+ finger

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:25, Reply)

You forgot +to

( girlinthehole, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:26, Reply)

He likes to finger bashes?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Yes

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Scarpes mum

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:25, Reply)

She's very fond of you too.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:26, Reply)

She makes a lovely cup of tea
It makes up for having to stuff her arsehole back inside after I've been ragging it.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:29, Reply)

You stuff my Dad up there?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Pink sock FTW

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:31, Reply)

It's a bit of a running joke between us now.

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:32, Reply)

A ruining joke surely?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:33, Reply)

If you're speeding and you crash then I suppose it's kinda your own fault. And I deffo don't approve of undertaking. You've got a death wish if you do that. However quite a lot of people just pull out or turn right without looking. They assume that cos
they can't see a car the road is clear. Those people deserve a knee in the crotch

ninja edit?
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Are you in a biker gang yet?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:31, Reply)

They're for middle aged men with Harley's who are desperately trying to recapture their youth

(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:32, Reply)

That's somewhat disappointing, I'd been hoping to take the piss out of badly sewn on hells angels badges

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:35, Reply)

4eva in r harts
in hell with teh angles
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:40, Reply)

I did set quite a large section of Seaburn Dene alight as a child
Too much dry grass + inquisitive sportscow + matches = fire brigade and running away
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:18, Reply)

When I was a young un..
..my older cousin and I were hanging around a bus station. Out of boredom he set fire to a crisp packet or something in the corner of the bus station on a concrete floor against a concrete wall. We ran off home after lighting it and I spent the rest of the day terrified that we'd burned the whole town centre down.

I was a very conscientious child*

*a phrase that cropped up on a vast majority of my school reports when teachers wanted something more flowery than 'a bit quiet'
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:23, Reply)

If indeed they want more flowery words

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:25, Reply)

I managed a good 5 or 6 replies in this thread..
..before you broke the streak.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:31, Reply)

It was a touch lame, I'll concede

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Hard drives, I'd say
Alt: Yesterday, I had 'Making Your Mind Up', followed by the theme from The Littlest Hobo stuck in my head, that was rather irritating.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:20, Reply)

There's a place, that keeps on calling me

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Down the road, that's where I'll always be!

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:25, Reply)

That was the only line I knew
I never watched it
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Me neither
But it's on that Dulux advert at the minute, and every time I hear it, it gets stuck in my head again
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:27, Reply)

God bless Sky Plus and x30 FFWD

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:33, Reply)

That was the first song my last band played live.
A noisy shoegazey version.
True story, more available on request.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:28, Reply)

place voice
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:48, Reply)

The voices must not be discussed

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 11:02, Reply)

I also have Dingle Dangle scarecrow in my head
from watching Milkshake! with the girls this morning. That Jem girl really can't sing. Amy's hot though, she can shake my milk out any day!

First thing I'd take out of a burning house would be me. I'd then feel bad and go back for the kids. By then it would probably be too late to get the wife but I'd get her some nice flowers for the funeral. Proper £5 bunch from Tescos mind, no £3 budget flowers from me!
( Peej, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Which one has the massive mouth?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:26, Reply)

That's zippy.

( girlinthehole, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I must have switched channels
The scarecrow in Bob the Builder has the same voice as Zippy.

FACT BOMB
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Milkshake has gone downhill since Naomi left

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:34, Reply)

She's still on it just not as much
And Amy is just gorgeous! I get smacked with a pillow nearly every time she on for mentioning it.
( Peej, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:38, Reply)

so you're both saying that you're aroused by children's television?

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Only the hot presenters who are in their late 20's arouse me
Oh and the downs kids on Something Special.
( Peej, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:44, Reply)

stephen mulhern?

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:50, Reply)

I had to google him
and even now I know who he is I am still not sure what he has ever done on TV. He can do a Mark Speight for all I care.
( Peej, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:53, Reply)

Dance, lord, where-ever you maybe, for you are the lord of the dance settee.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:27, Reply)

He's got the whole, world, in his hands ! He's got the whole wide world, in his hands !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Noooooo now I have Con Air in my head
And that's worse than any song!
( Peej, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:39, Reply)

I always though it was "settee" too.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I always laugh in church when I hear that, it gives me a great mental image of a man dressed as peter pan doing a really gay dance.
They played it at a funerial of someone about 6 years ago and I almost had to leave.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:34, Reply)

That was my favourite song out of 'Come and Praise'
But no-one ever told me who the Scriebs and the Pharisees were.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I think maybe they were tribes like the macabies ?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:46, Reply)

It's spelt McCabes

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:53, Reply)

McCann?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:55, Reply)

I'm pretty sure pointing out spellings to me is redundant, but thank you anyway.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 11:08, Reply)

I'm pretty sure he was making a joke
But that may also be redundant.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 11:09, Reply)

*Feels a little shame*
m n
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Within a year of moving in here, I'd burnt down the kitchen. That was fun.
The first thing I'd rescue, assuming my boys had made it it out safe themselves, would be my big box of photographs. Or my laptop. But probably the photographs.
Of course, in doing that, I'd most likely fall down the stairs and die a horrible burny death, but there you go.

Alt: that stupid Spanish song, now. A couple of years ago I was at a primary school that was rehearsing for Oliver, so I had those songs in my head for about a million years
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:27, Reply)

How did you burn down the kitchen b3th?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Would you belive
by making an omelette?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:34, Reply)

No
Was it a petrol omelette?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:34, Reply)

It was mr b3th's fault
He told me that the best way to make an omelette is to make the oil smoking hot first. So I was waiting for the oil to get hot enough when he phoned the house. I dashed off to the study to get the phone, then got sidetracked and forgot the cooker was on.

That was the day we found out you can't get eye level grills on electric cookers anymore. I was severely in the dog house.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Oil?
Use melted butter!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Yes you can
I googled Eye Level Electric Grill and loads came up
( Peej, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:41, Reply)

You can get them fitted, but not freestanding.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Really what were all those freestanding ones doing on the internet?
Damn them! like THIS one! It's an internet lie!
( Peej, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Do they make them again now?
Bastards. Bit late now, it's not like we can afford to replace the one we've got.

Also, don't be sarcastic. It doesn't become you.
/mother
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:47, Reply)

You aren't my real mum!
You can't tell me what to do!
( Peej, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:48, Reply)

YES I AM!
/Kat Slater blog
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Saw mr b3th's legs off and get a lower one

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:44, Reply)

I barely need to. He's already a shortarse, and seems to be shrinking too.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Did you get a replacement cooker from the fisher price range?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:41, Reply)

You can't make an omelette...
without starting fires. Or something.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:35, Reply)

I like this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:40, Reply)

My primary school did Oliver Twist
it's weird that I can remember so many of the songs
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:49, Reply)

You've got to pick a pocket or two

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:55, Reply)

I was Oliver in my school's production.
Don't ask...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:55, Reply)

DADT has been abolished in America now
so give us the details.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 11:02, Reply)

The sandwich and soup lady has just dropped her sandwiches and soups all over the office floor.
I'm the only one that laughed.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:48, Reply)

pretty sure that marks you out as a prize cunt

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:50, Reply)

I thought the real prize was your sister's cunt?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:51, Reply)

I thought that one of the main signs of autism and many kinds of mental retardation
was endless repetition
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Says food pun lady.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:52, Reply)

there's a fair bit of variety in there
I'm not trotting out the same "joke"
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:53, Reply)

No, because one of the main signs of autism and many kinds of mental retardation
is endless repetition.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:55, Reply)

Yes, one of the main signs of autism and many kinds of mental retardation
is endless repetition.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:53, Reply)

I'm pretty sure it's not the only thing that does that.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Surely everyone in the office knows that the correct response is to applaud and cheer.
Didn't these people go to school?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Or say "Someone sack the juggler"

(PsychoChomp, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 11:00, Reply)

Did you make her cry?
I would probably have laughed too, but I think that's a b3ta thing.

EDIT: I hope she's reduced the prices now.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:50, Reply)

No, I'm not that mean.
It was more of a burst of 'Ha' that I then stifled because I felt bad.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:52, Reply)

I just laughed too

( Peej, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Along with my brother and a neighbour
we set fire to a garden, by collecting a huge pile of leaves and twigs. When they refused to burn properly, we nicked some petrol and matches, tboroughly doused it in petrol and lit it. We had the precaution of a sandcastle bucket half full of water.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 10:55, Reply)

Amerl, I heard you're a violent person these days, this just came up on the telly and I thought maybe it would be useful for you.
www.japantrendshop.com/shouting-vase-holds-your-anger-p-293.html
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 11:06, Reply)

I quite like the look of the ball-cupping device further down the page
www.japantrendshop.com/healing-hands-chiropractic-massager-p-344.html
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 11:08, Reply)

She's a vigilante, like the Green Hornet.

( Kroney, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Damn right
Protecting the innocent
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 11:33, Reply)

I have been on fire. Walked into a blowtorch.
I would take Tigger, the bag of photos, Grandma's wedding ring, Nona's pearls and my little teddy bear. Yes, they're all to hand.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 11:00, Reply)