Fucks Sake
Hello? Is this thing on?

Calling all offtopic, do you read me?

Shit food, I've just had possibly the worst jacket potato I've ever eaten. By the time I got back to work it was cold so I bunged it in the microwave to heat it up and the cheese melted the container, leaving a lake of molten lava cheese all over the bottom of the microwave.

What is the worst thing you have eaten?

Alt:
Best?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:30, 120 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Liver, absolutely disgusting
Even in paté form, it's vile.

Alt: Hmm, possibly either the beef my Dad cooks on Boxing day, or the swordfish I had on holiday a couple of years back. Honourable mention goes to The Colossus
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:35, Reply)

I quite like liver
/lecter
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:41, Reply)

Done properly liver can be fantastic.
Unfortunately my childhood memories of liver are of something that had the consistency of an old leather boot sole.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:44, Reply)

I had a tremendous liver, bacon and onions with mashed potato a while ago
Really tasty
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:49, Reply)

I know many who do, and for all I know, I may like it later in life
But I had it as a child, and a couple of years ago I had some in a restaurant in France, and I still find it absolutely vile.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:57, Reply)

me too
it tastes like death
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:59, Reply)

Let's get this out of the way;
Cock.

Only kidding. It wasn't that bad actually.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:36, Reply)

oh hi darth foxtrot, i'm abck from my lunch now
when was the last time you had a chocolate bar, and what kind of chocolate bar was it?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:37, Reply)

Oh man
I thought I'd picked up a Raisin and Biscuit Yorkie from home but I have forgotten it

*sadface*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:50, Reply)

did you get it from a QUENDING machine?
hahahahaahahahahaahaha
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:52, Reply)

No, Sainsburys

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:53, Reply)

did you have to
QUEndUE?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:56, Reply)

No, self service tills

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:56, Reply)

did you leave
QUendICKLY?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:04, Reply)

No, I wasn't in a rush

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:06, Reply)

had you bought any
QUendICHE?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:09, Reply)

No, just a sandwich and a Yorkie

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:09, Reply)

did it
QUEndNCH your hunger?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:10, Reply)

No, I was still hungry

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:13, Reply)

have you girlfriend ever
QUEndEFED after the love make?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:14, Reply)

No, I'm married

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:23, Reply)

does your wife like
QUendORN?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:24, Reply)

No, she is not vegetarian
Do you think that quender is aimed at you?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:27, Reply)

no i know it isn't, i like the word, verily

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:29, Reply)

You wanker.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:56, Reply)

A one week out-of-date scotch egg with some two week old chimichurri
Shat every five minutes for a week. Got a little more sensible about timely clearing out of the fridge after that.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:39, Reply)

fridge pipes
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:41, Reply)

Believe me I don't want to go through that again
or more accurately, have it go through me.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:50, Reply)

January diet not needed

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:52, Reply)

Worst food: probably my dear old mum's mince and tatties.
How the fuck she could make such a mess of it I do not understand. Sorry mum.

Best food: I had a steak a few weeks ago at a restaurant in Edinburgh that was superb. I also recall a rack of lamb at a country pub in Yorkshire many years ago that still brings a croissant-eating grin to my face.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:39, Reply)

Oh man
I love mince and dumplings. Loads of boiled potato and brown sauce. Fucking excellent grub
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:42, Reply)

I have had some truly excellent steaks
even made a few.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:45, Reply)

The smoked salt rubbed one with veal jus I had on Monday was absolutely amazing

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:47, Reply)

I have noticed a difference using sea salt in my salt grinder
rather than generic table salt. Oh God I've become my dad.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:54, Reply)

I do this
Just been looking online how to make smoked salt
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:54, Reply)

Toss up between a fruit salad, which made me honk my guts up,
or a chip shop haggis that had exactly the same effect.

Alt: too many to choose from so I can't narrow it down.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:39, Reply)

A Burger King Swiss Cheese in Darlington did that for me
Turned grey, sweat pissing out of me, puked everywhere for three days solid
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:43, Reply)

That's Darlington for you.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:44, Reply)

I NO RITE
Should have known better really. I took sandwiches last time I had the "pleasure" of working down there
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:45, Reply)

To be honest a fruit salad would still have the same effect on me as I don't like fruit.
I've been put off haggis ever since as well, though. Have tried the proper stuff but still can't get away with it.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:47, Reply)

Only ever had it once at a proper Burns night dinner

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:48, Reply)

Haggis, neeps and tatties is NOMNOMNOM

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:20, Reply)

When I was about 12 I accidentally switched my Mum's Chest Freezer off when turning the shed lights out after feeding the gerbil one evening.*
Nobody noticed until I spotted it 24 hours later when feeding the gerbil again, so I just switched it back on.

That Sunday she cooked the lamb that had been stored in it. That night I shat my bed. As did my younger brother. I believe my Dad just avoided doing the same.

I still don't really enjoy lamb.



*fucking hell, that sounds like one giant euphemism.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:43, Reply)

Sunday shart
Is feeding the gerbil like feeding the pony, only for 12 year olds?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:44, Reply)

why was your mum freezing her chest?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:44, Reply)

Breasticles

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:45, Reply)

Testaries!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:45, Reply)

Hey!

(Kid Presentable, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:47, Reply)

Ah! That's why that sounded familiar.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:47, Reply)

fallopian cubes

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:47, Reply)

Sorry,

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:48, Reply)

Nah, 'scool
Breasticles is a lovely word, and should be used by all
(Kid Presentable, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:49, Reply)

I agree

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:49, Reply)

it was instrumental in me dumping my ex once

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:51, Reply)

His were bigger?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:51, Reply)

He decided he prefered the gender that doesn't have them?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:52, Reply)

DIFFERENT EX!
the word just makes me cringe. it is up there with that guy my friend dated, dr hugz4uLOL
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:53, Reply)

I actually think i agree with you on this one.
If a woman referred to her breasticles I'd be straight out the door.

cf. Mimsy
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:55, Reply)

flower?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:58, Reply)

What's up, petal?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:59, Reply)

nothing
sadly
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:01, Reply)

Oh, I say!

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:02, Reply)

sooner or later it'll just be that prick quenbert
calling out to himself.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:45, Reply)

yeah, sure, why not?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:45, Reply)

marvellous
i win
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:49, Reply)

yeah, sure, why not?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:51, Reply)

i just had a haloumi and vegetable chilli calzone pizza
way to mix a number of different nationalities with slightly disappointing results.

should have gone for the burrito.

oh well, you live and learn.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:50, Reply)

you sure do love talking about food

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:51, Reply)

you sure do love talking
so much so that despite the evidence that everyone hates you and wishes you would fuck off..... and your attempt at attention seeking gaining about 6 replies... you keep doing it.

bert.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:55, Reply)

yeah, sure, why not

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:56, Reply)

hahahahaha epic fail
ninja editing to echo my own phrase back at you.... oh bert. lowest of all the bertdowns.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:57, Reply)

yeah, sure, why not?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:58, Reply)

ah, poor sweet bert
this concept is lost on you:

o·rig·i·nal·i·ty (-rj-nl-t)
n. pl. o·rig·i·nal·i·ties
1. The quality of being original.
2. The capacity to act or think independently.
3. Something original.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:00, Reply)

yeah, sure, why not?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:03, Reply)

you wanker

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:56, Reply)

Haloumi should be grilled!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:51, Reply)

this was put in a pizza oven
would that bake it, maybe? not sure.

anyway, it was ok. but much better by itself, grilled and drizzled with lemon juice.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:55, Reply)

chilli sauce!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:57, Reply)

Courgettes
They are not acceptable in any form, completely revolting
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:52, Reply)

I quite like courgette
Char-grilled on risotto or fried with bacon and garlic
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:53, Reply)

Whatever way they are done they are soggy

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:54, Reply)

i love you, but i can prove you wrong here
come to the greek with me and have them the way he does them.

of course it helps that he is such a silver fox.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:54, Reply)

I imagine that helps a lot
but not enough to overcome the horribleness of courgettes.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:55, Reply)

i didn't like them for ages either
i thought they were like cucumber's uglier cousins. but now i have got to the stage where i get angry if my local waitrose has sold out.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:56, Reply)

I shall take your word on it

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:10, Reply)

being rejected by women too now?
poor rachelswipe, i hoipe she dunt do herself in
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:11, Reply)

yeah, sure, why not?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:15, Reply)

cos no-one would miss you

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:16, Reply)

tick tock bert

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:17, Reply)

christmas is when suicide rates are at their highest
are you sure your really a lawyer? and your really goin to the bahamas?

I reckon you'll be sat at home in dirty kecks eating cold beans from a tin til new year
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:19, Reply)

i am absolutely sure i am NOT going to the bahamas
i had christmas day in nassau the other year though.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:23, Reply)

poor rachelswipe, christmas all by herself cos she's a dirty lonely jew :(

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:24, Reply)

mmmm nice bit of racism there too
good one, bert
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:28, Reply)

everybody hates the jews

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:29, Reply)

It seems to be that you misheard when someone said 'everybody hates you'

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:31, Reply)

doof!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:32, Reply)

yeah, sure, why not?
although i'm not jewish, so.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:31, Reply)

course you are, that would explain the arm hair, big nose and superiority complex

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:33, Reply)

1/3
better than your usual tally
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:35, Reply)

you make me sad :(
i worry about you
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:40, Reply)

You wanker.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:56, Reply)

They work well in chilli
They're still soggy, but absorb loads of flavour from the sauce
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 13:59, Reply)

my greek fox
serves them crispy and covered with greek cheese (something chewy, not feta). you can only manage a few because they are quite rich, but they are divine.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:00, Reply)

your greek fox? christ you sound desperate/chubby/alone

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:04, Reply)

yeah, sure, why not?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:14, Reply)

because its creepy and weird that your so chubby, desperate and alone that you perve over old greek men in restaurants
nowharramean?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:15, Reply)

yeah, sure, why not?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:17, Reply)

It was the building's cake icing competition today. I was in our comapany's team. This is what we dun:

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:10, Reply)

It looks like a shit pizza
but I like your thinking. Lobsters look dapper in a bowler hat
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:14, Reply)

All the other cakes are REALLY good.
Then there is ours.

It was really good fun. Team of five. Four of us couldn't give a shit and were just laughing a lot. Then there was this middle aged woman who was really pissed off about the lobster.

I lied and said I'd done two years at catering college to get on the team.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:17, Reply)

CATERING? CLOWN COLLEGE MORE LIKE!

or CLANE college, rather
(Kid Presentable, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:40, Reply)

Jesus

(Kid Presentable, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:39, Reply)

No.
Lobster.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:45, Reply)

Jesus H Crustaceon

(Kid Presentable, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:47, Reply)

Nice
*clicks*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:51, Reply)

As this thread has turned into bert V swipe would someone kindly start a new one please?
K THX BI X
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:34, Reply)

she'll only start again, she can't help herself the tetchy mare

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:37, Reply)

yeah, sure, why-
oh. sorry.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:41, Reply)

haha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:51, Reply)

a sandwich
It made my knees hurt.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 17:45, Reply)