Oh damn, I got a bit of dust in my eyes watching jeremy kyle, just a little bit, not a lot.
They have this little girl with cancer and a hat that looks like a panda, and they got one of her stories that she likes to write and took her to the CITV studios* to turn the story into an animated movie, HOW COOL IS THAT ! And then they took her to a clothing shop with a stylist person who is apparently famous and after she tried on all these outfits, she could keep them, AND THEN, they gave her a massive load of presents that took 3 people to carry them all out onto stage.

I know this week is all "LETS TURN JERMEY KYLE INTO A SAINT" week, but that was quite touching.

* Oh look, ITV is one big huge fucking advert for ITV shocker.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 9:50, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

She better fucking die though, after all that effort.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Hahahaha.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

You fancied her, didn't you?
You sick fuck.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 9:52, Reply)

awww,
Good for Janet.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 9:52, Reply)

lolz

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 9:53, Reply)

i hate you.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:30, Reply)

And my Ma' did my washing over the weekend, on account of me being rediculously busy and she has a dryer so it's a hell of a lot quicker....
... and I think she dround my dressing gown in fabric conditioner because it is as soft and fluffy and silky and comfortable as the day I got it. It's like I've smoked a load of opium in terms of comfort, I don't ever want to take it off.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 9:53, Reply)

gonz,
You're a handsome bachelor, what would you buy a lady for Christmas. Need to get something for my brothers girlfriend as she is with us over Christmas, but I have no clue.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 9:55, Reply)

What sort of bob do you want to spend?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 9:56, Reply)

£20 or so.
Take in to account she is probably one of the dullest people I have ever met.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Jigsaw.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Hacksaw

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Buzzsaw

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Bandsaw

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Coldsaw.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Saw and vinegar

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Eyesaw.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Get her some prophylactics.
She will always need them.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 9:58, Reply)

black and decker workbench

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:01, Reply)

sounds good.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:03, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSkvW2uO0DI
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Hummmmm, how about any of these... presuming buying online is out of the question now.
- A 50% casmire/50% silk scarf, or 100% cashmire if you can find one for the cash.
- A really soft dressing gown.
- A telly box-set from HMV
- A Spar Treatment, like a cheap colonic interragation.
- If you don't like her, a chartiy thing in her name that she'll have to keep up for the rest of the year otherwise karma will fuck her up. Like the first few month's worth.
- Lush stuff.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Gee you think of good things Gonz.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:08, Reply)

It's true, I'd make a totally awesome boyfriend =)
I went to get a friend tickets for Human Planet Live, saved up for it, but they canceled it =(
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Sounds like you would.
That's a shame about Human Planet Live.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:12, Reply)

I'm lolling at spar treatment.
Is that where they sell you over priced milk and look at you like they haven't got two brain cells to rib together?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Fuck.
Stupid swype autocorrect. Now I look like a mong.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Yay for smartphones!
they make the best of us look like mongs.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I'll be honest
Some of us don't need that much help...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Haha, I was 50/50 weather it had that r in or not.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:11, Reply)

and a colonic interrogation,
Where paxman asks you're bum hole difficult questions
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:18, Reply)

a thai massage with a happy ending

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Ben-wa balls.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 9:56, Reply)

didn't he kill his family?
Seems a bit inappropriate for Christmas.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 9:58, Reply)

I know nothing of the life of Wa - only of his legendary balls.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Windy Pig in wrestling joke falls flat shocker.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Ah. Sorry to disappoint.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:19, Reply)

it's ok,
There will be a lurker who got the joke, laughed, went to post a reply, got nervous, pressed back, read through some new posts, thought about replying again, then just sighed deeply and closed the window. Going back go his lonely office. Then about lunchtime he'll think of something hilarious, log back on double quick, but ultimate dissapointment as the board has moved on, and again he feels dejected, and promises himself next time he'll reply, next time.
And that's all a man can ask.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:24, Reply)

I LIKE THIS

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:03, Reply)

yep :(
said lurker here
(Bedford, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:33, Reply)

4 o'clock and I still haven't thought of something funny.

(Sadarse works like Mist condensing mud flaps, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 16:01, Reply)

Buy her a brown paper bag with eye holes
she'll love it
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Get her an Ironing board cover.
Women love the practical things.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 9:59, Reply)

Oh yeah.
There's this one, right, that's got a hunky man in just his pants printed on it. And when it gets hot, like if you were ironing or something, his pants disappear and you can see his willy and everything.
That would be a terrific present.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:02, Reply)

You could use it to hold the arm of his jumpers out.... or at least, keep his socks stretched.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:05, Reply)

15" black rubber dildo

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Some new friends.
Current ones have no imagination.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:00, Reply)

you know her?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Only biblically.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Tenna Lady multipack.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:01, Reply)

A picture of your face mounted onto a mask.
Then explain that she should make your brother wear it while he's having sex with her.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:02, Reply)

TL
Just say she's a slag.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:03, Reply)

True story, I told Monty to do that once, and for him afterwards to go "BO YAH, THAT ONE'S FOR GONZ".

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:05, Reply)

It was a remarkable success.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:12, Reply)

You made her wear the mask didn't you?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:03, Reply)

£20 worth of Good Pig loving vouchers

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:02, Reply)

get her some petrol and explain that is an investment as the price will invaribaly rise in the New year

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

A twenty wrap of brown

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Texture like sun.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

It would totally be the coolest present eva, even if you're a terminal dullard you'd still have a great time

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Making your own entertainment.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Gyles brandreth's autobiography
"jumpers and jews"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Where it's acceptable to burn an old jumper but not the other way around.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:11, Reply)