Oh, for fuck's sake, new thread time already.
How many new year's resolutions have you broken already?

Alt: If you could bring one person back from the dead who would it be? They get the rest of their natural lifespan, or 10 years which ever is longer.

I'll have Douglas Adams I think.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 11 Jan 2012, 15:50, 87 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I'd have hairpot

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 15:53, Reply)

HITLER

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 15:54, Reply)

Bollocks.
Beat me to it.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 15:55, Reply)

Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Führer
Ein has been a very naughty boy!
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 15:56, Reply)

New Nazis
The acceptable face of National Socialism.

Wir sind nicht so verschieden, du und ich
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:01, Reply)

The only socialists worth listening to.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:02, Reply)

VE HAVE VAYS OF MAKING YOU LISTEN!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:02, Reply)

None. Don't do them anymore because
I don't think I've ever managed to keep one.

Alt: Mawkish answer, my Dad. Not so mawkish answer, Hitler, yeah. And I'd make hime Leader of the Labour Party. That'd fucken' liven PMQ's up a bit.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 15:54, Reply)

Get UNISON
marching into the Sudetenland. Bob Crow as his number two.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 15:56, Reply)

I haven't started mine yet. Plenty of year left.

( Kroney, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 15:55, Reply)

comedy strikethrough involving stardate logs

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 15:56, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:03, Reply)

I am on tenterhooks

( Kroney, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:05, Reply)

Is that the name of some spasticated planet
where all the women are bright green or something?

And they do not understand what it is you humans call 'love', by any chance?

FFS Kroney snap out of it man. She's not coming back.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:12, Reply)

I've hardly beakered about it endlessly, have I?
I've made a couple of comments about not feeling that great and that's it. I haven't splashed the lurid details all over the damned internet at all. I can't help it if I'm coming across as a bit down and if I don't necessarily appreciate all the hilarious trolling.
( Kroney, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:15, Reply)

I don't do resolutions, just because it's another day, why should it make any difference what I do?
Alt: Jesus.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 15:57, Reply)

I think I want this
www.reghardware.com/2012/01/11/review_x_dream_rocker_gaming_chair/
(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 15:58, Reply)

I'd have John Lennon.
So I could have the pleasure of killing the cunt myself.

Not really lol, Jimi Hendrix.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:00, Reply)

Hey music prick!
where's the sample in the opening bars of this from?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PWpJl7RtxI
(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:04, Reply)

Thanks for all your help music snobs of b3ta

(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:22, Reply)

I think it's Isaac Hayes
Couldn't tell you which song though.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:24, Reply)

You are a god amongst men.
Emphasis on the amongst men bit
(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:25, Reply)

I'll check it out later and will be able to tell you the song title if it is indeed Isaac Hayes

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:27, Reply)

Thanks, I'm trying to impress a girl,
spreadsheets aren't working on this one...
(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:28, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:29, Reply)

Without listening
I am going to say its the opening theme from dads army.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:23, Reply)

Kept all mine so far
The trick is to make them incredibly vague. "Lose weight", well yes, not a lot, but there's no specified amount. "Learn a second language", doesn't say when in 2012. Etc.

Alt: MJ, obviously
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:02, Reply)

So you can receive 10 years of MJ grooming?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:06, Reply)

I think I'm out of his preferred age bracket
Once human cloning ramps up he's got to be first choice, not least because it won't matter if the new version looks like the original
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:07, Reply)

If you cloned Michael Jackson,
Would it be suprised when it came out black?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:09, Reply)

I'd be fucking amazed that I'd successfully done anything involving science, first and foremost
Anyway, it doesn't matter if you're Black or White.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:10, Reply)

Tell that to Steven Lawrence.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:11, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:13, Reply)

What happened to him was very Bad
He should have Beat It

Etc
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:15, Reply)

You really are a 'Ben'-der aren't you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:17, Reply)

Whereas you're a Smooth Criminal
This was less of a good idea than I'd hoped
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:24, Reply)

Wow, this thread is a real 'Thriller', isn't it?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:33, Reply)

STOP NOW.
Please.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:35, Reply)

I have noticed he hasn't had much new stuff out recently.
A d'Earth of Songs.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:36, Reply)

I always have "learn to juggle" as a resolution
They dont have to be sensible
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:11, Reply)

Or useful

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:14, Reply)

I've never made a new year's resolution in my life.
Fuck that shit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:03, Reply)

That, folks, goes to show
punk is still alive.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:05, Reply)

Innit though?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:13, Reply)

I've made a few this year, for the first time in at least ten years.
I'm going to do all manner of sorting. Including a move to the capital, I think. I fancy living somewhere interesting instead of suburbia.

I am also going to lose weight and tone up. And get qualified and find a new job.

All excellent goals. But first I need to complete the first one, of finding some truly awesome bedding and sleeping the fuck out of it. I'm halfway there.
( Kroney, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:07, Reply)

Needs moar dressing gowns

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:14, Reply)

Well, obviously the dressing gown.
If I can ever find a red one.

Mind you, I'll wear it once and then get involved in some horrendous, deadly accident.
( Kroney, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:17, Reply)

Jest aside, come on Kroners, London needs you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:17, Reply)

South London - keep it real.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:34, Reply)

real a safe enough distance from my house
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:37, Reply)

That's a two way street.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:39, Reply)

Probably East London.
I quite liked wandering around there the other weekend.
( Kroney, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:59, Reply)

New year's resolutions are for losers.
I'd bring back Graham Chapman. Then we'd go drinking together.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:05, Reply)

I quite fancy a night on the lash with Keith Moon
but have the horrible feeling I think I might find him to be really fucking annoying.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:16, Reply)

At least with Graham, you can establish a no bumming me rule at the start.
Though I doubt I would be his sort.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:18, Reply)

I'd bring back my uncle.
He died before I was born. I wish I met him.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:08, Reply)

I would have loved to meet either of my grandfathers.
I would ask both of them why their own children were utter cunts.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:10, Reply)

I wish my eventual children would have been able to meet my Grandad
He was an awesome man, in every sense of the word.
( Kroney, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:19, Reply)

My ma's dad would have been awesome to meet, if a little too much into discipline.
He was a senour warrant officer in the Scot's guards. and fought in the first world war at the very end. Served until just before the second world war, and ended up in the home guard.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:24, Reply)

My great nan and granddad were alive until I was ten, that was amazing.
But my uncle died when he was a teen, way before my time. I don't have any other uncles.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:24, Reply)

I'd like to ask your parents the same thing.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:25, Reply)

I'm sure my ma would love to meet you.
You won't be able to get a word in edgewise, and be prepared to listen to stories about bandaged legs.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:34, Reply)

fancy a fingering eh?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:42, Reply)

I'd bring back Spike Milligan or Genghis Khan.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:31, Reply)

Funny Spike or moany old Spike?
You never knew which one you'd get.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:36, Reply)

I'd take both. He made me laugh when he was moaning too.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:36, Reply)

I have what is becoming amost a worrying obsession with Genghis Khan this past year.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:36, Reply)

That's funny, I have a similar obsession with Lindsay Lohan.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:38, Reply)

That's funny, I have a similar obsession with dwarf porn.
And I am also interested to find out if Jodie Marsh is doing "muscle" porn.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:41, Reply)

you like the big clits eh?
well, if you alos like them hairy I can hook you nup with a B3tan
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:45, Reply)

I am developing a liking for fake tits on muscley women.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:47, Reply)

O____O

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:47, Reply)

I no!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:49, Reply)

that was both a bemused face and a drawing of "muscle tits"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:51, Reply)

He cannot lie
Baby got knuckle
( Kroney, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:48, Reply)

I watched Countdown earlier and I am now developing an obsession with Rachael Riley
and the letters R, A, P and E.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:45, Reply)

*looks*
She's made the list. Looks quite demure but I have decided that she is pure dirt and smells like shit house door covered in kipper boxes.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:49, Reply)

I now feel slightly queasy.
still would though.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:51, Reply)

I'd like three goes on her top line.
And one in the middle.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:53, Reply)

Hahaha fucking hell, Stunned
and I thought I was a grotter.
( Kroney, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:54, Reply)

You can't teach it, mate.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:55, Reply)

He is more wrong than an edition of Family Fortunes featuring the Monkeysex's from Dorking.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:57, Reply)

Presented by Vernon Kay.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:58, Reply)

I didn't make any
I never keep them. I have every intention of starting to go running and losing another half a stone, though. It'll totally happen. At some point.
(berk, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:41, Reply)

None,
My resolution was to take a photo a day and so far I still am.

Alt: Warren Zevon. Or Johnny Cash. But probably Warren Zevon because I think he would have more good music left in him.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:51, Reply)

He looks like a fat Bee Gee.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 16:56, Reply)

He does.
He looks like the least impressive person that has ever recorded music sometimes. Luckily you can't judge a Zevon by his hair.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 11 Jan 2012, 17:12, Reply)