Cuntakinte
Good morning my fellow retards, perverts and window lickers. What delights are in store for you today?

Is today the Sunshine Bus trip out? Will Lisa from Accounts be wearing THAT skirt again? Have you prepared a masterpiece for lunch again in the form of a Dairylea triangle sandwich? In short, what is going to be good about today?

Alt:
Or shit?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 6:53, 62 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Morning.
I'm so very tired.

On the plus side, it's build a burger day in the canteen today.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 7:31, Reply)

I read that as burglar
It's going to be a loooong day
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:27, Reply)

It's going to be bloody long if no one posts on here today
I might even have to do some work to make the time pass.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:29, Reply)

my cold is less bad
but I'm dreading a class today (I think I misplaced some papers)

I want to stay home and paint
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 7:36, Reply)

Bloody hell. It's a bit early for all this.
I have to complete a review on last year for the senior exec. Bogus!

That said, I have a cheese and ham roll.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 7:42, Reply)

Have a look
At the BBC iPlayer. There is bound to be a hugely amusing review of last year hosted by Angus Deyton.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 7:55, Reply)

It will be far more interesting than what I am going to produce.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:16, Reply)

That sounds like some fairly heavy shit, man.
How long will it take to produce and do you have any minions you can force to do the leg-work (and blame if it's cocked up)? Or are you actually good at that sort of thing and thus it's just a walk in the park.

Not that park, obv. Not the one you're banned from.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:20, Reply)

It's hard work.
I am shit at spreadsheets so it will take the rest of today. I have been working on it for the last 3 days too.

As it goes to the great and good it is unfair to ask anyone else to prepare it. And the younglings are largely useless.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:25, Reply)

Do you think it'll be done today?
Might a relaxing beer at the end of it be in order?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:26, Reply)

That's not a bad idea. Let's see how the day goes.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:29, Reply)

I fail to see what relevance the Spanish have in this.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:31, Reply)

Don't blow
All of your beer tokens before I come up!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:33, Reply)

Hell no.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:34, Reply)

Glad to hear it.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:36, Reply)

We will make sure it is a fiscally responsible beer.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:38, Reply)

hahaha

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:33, Reply)

I'm glad someone likes it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:34, Reply)

Monty Boyce: Officially drier than a nun's cunt.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:50, Reply)

This thread seems to have dried up.
Wake it up for us, Davvo.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:53, Reply)

Got the doctor later on today.
I done a shit already this morning but I haven't had a wank yet.

I'll update you further as the situation develops.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 7:49, Reply)

No delights for me
I've just slept through my alarm and missed my train, which is even more irritating given how busy I am today. So I'll likely get a blistering for being late on top of the two blazing rows I had with people yesterday, and there is no chocolate left in my emergency snacks drawer at work so I can't even comfort myself by being a lolfatty.
(berk, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:01, Reply)

why the fuck are you all awake

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:03, Reply)

I'm not staying up to find out.
goodnight all
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:05, Reply)

fuck off then!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:06, Reply)

Got to go put the bins out before I go to work.
Also, landlady woke me up asking for a parking voucher, then when I took one down they acted like I'd woken them up. Wevs.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:06, Reply)

fuck them
give them dueces and tell em to jog the FUCK on
and then cunt punt
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:08, Reply)

karma
raaaarrr
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:09, Reply)

What the fuck is going on here then?
With this many early birds about I'll bet the worm population is shitting itself!!!1111!!!!!!!! BECAUSE THEY'RE WORRIED THAT THE EARLY BIRDS WILL CATCH THEM!!!!! DO YOU GET IT???????

I've got home-made soup for lunch. It's really fucking spicy. This is good.

I've just blown what looks like the yellow cousin of 'Slimer' from 'Ghostbusters' out of my nose. This is less good.

I've left my phone at home. This is even less good.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:17, Reply)

What are you going to use your phone for?
Ringin an textin ur m8tes?

Right - ho!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:19, Reply)

I'm lost without my bi-minutely updates from the 'Gooner' 'app'.
What if 'we' make an unwise purchase in the 'transfer window' and I don't hear about it?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:21, Reply)

Hahaha!
I suppose you might need to call Arsene and discuss some deadline day business.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:23, Reply)

Precisely.
'We' might miss out on 'winning the league' by some vital points if my valuable input regarding how 'we should have played Kroidiojwicz in the second half instead of that donkey' is not heeded.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:25, Reply)

Actually I use it to 'sext' your lovely missus.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:21, Reply)

I know.
I am pleased to say she thinks it's me.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:23, Reply)

We cannot both have a birthmark in the shape of the Isle of Wight on our helmets, surely?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:27, Reply)

That would be too wierd.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:29, Reply)

The "Jimi Hendrix festival memorial helmet"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Hopefully a man will repair my boiler today
This will be a good thing as it means I can move back into my house again.

Alt: Already been, thanks.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:27, Reply)

Most lacklustre premise for a porn film ever.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:28, Reply)

Haha That is a mental image I don't want.
He is one of those uneducated oiks for whom every other sentence is "Do you know what I mean?", delivered in a slightly confused tone that suggests that he doesn't know why this phrase keeps forcing itself out of his mouth.
I guess when he hits the vinegar strokes there would be a machine-gun volley of constant DOYOUKNOWWHATIMEAN?s
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:36, Reply)

Morning
By fuck, I'm rather hungover. Arguably, I'm actually still drunk. Those final beers may have been a mistake.

There will be nothing good about today.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:56, Reply)

I too seem to be producing Ghostbusters characters from the face
I feel like I have a hangover
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Psst
He's up there ^
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:33, Reply)

What's shit?
I forgot my fucking headphones and had to listen to every inane conversation and self centred whine from all the brain dead, bleached blond Essex receptionists heading off to be treated as eye candy and tea ladies by the city boy wankers they idolise and giggle about ALL. THE. FUCKING. WAY. TO. LONDON.

No wonder people mock Essex girls. My ears hurt.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 8:57, Reply)

What are you complaining about?
It's the only whine you're allowed these days.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:05, Reply)

I'm not sure that this thread is strong enough to survive a pun like that.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:08, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:08, Reply)

ha.
That was defintely just a one 'ha' joke. I'll let you have the follow up 'hahahahah' in return for a better one at some point.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:13, Reply)

Mrs Cow nicked my headphones last night then had the front to complain when I asked for them back this morning
Shoddy work, Mrs Cow
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:14, Reply)

OI. Less of the "city boy wankers".

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:17, Reply)

I think you mean 'fewer of the city boy wankers'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:18, Reply)

I know what I mean.
And so does scarpe.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:19, Reply)

Can't think why people think they are wankers...
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1515246
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:19, Reply)

Ironically.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 10:02, Reply)

Oh that there were less of them, oh that there were.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:24, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1516149
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Today's delights will include but are not limited to...
Sorting out my eldest daughter's CV. Seriously, her mother (the teacher) allegedly helped her with it and it's a pile of crap. In other news, I'll be off to the bank to find the IBAN and BIC numbers for two accounts so I can be paid and have my expenses transferred by my new employers. Lunch will be chicken salad.
Later today I'll be off to a leaving'do' for an ex-colleague which will cause a cat/pigeon interface as my ex-boss and the dickhead sales manager don't know I'm invited. I hope it ruins their evening.

Carry on.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:12, Reply)

I am entertaining myself this morning with this great new blog, someone linked to on facebook
You might know the blogger:
wordsbygonz.tumblr.com/
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:28, Reply)

I was SHOCKED AND APPALLED last night during University Challenge.
Paxman dropped several points in my estimation when he made reference to 'Don Quick-sote' by Miguel de Cervantes. Really, Jeremy. I expected better.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:29, Reply)

That is surprising
Conversely, he once amused me by pronouncing Christina Aguilera's surname as A-gee-aira.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:32, Reply)

I was very surprised. As well as SHOCKED AND APPALLED.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 9:34, Reply)