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Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
( , Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
( , Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Real man thread
For the completely bollocked of us.
Have you ever had an operation? Have you ever stayed in hospital?
I had salmonella poisioning and had to stay in for about a week when I was about 12. That was it.
Alt: Do you think the Chinese are playing a practical joke on this guy? www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-17865465
"Ah yes, you torrarry esclaped Guangcheng, can roo rear da birds? Freel ther raves"
All the time just playing him a tape of outdoor sounds and splashing sea water on his feet.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:30, 151 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
For the completely bollocked of us.
Have you ever had an operation? Have you ever stayed in hospital?
I had salmonella poisioning and had to stay in for about a week when I was about 12. That was it.
Alt: Do you think the Chinese are playing a practical joke on this guy? www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-17865465
"Ah yes, you torrarry esclaped Guangcheng, can roo rear da birds? Freel ther raves"
All the time just playing him a tape of outdoor sounds and splashing sea water on his feet.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:30, 151 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
I've just deleted my thread so we can use this one instead
I've had laser eye surgery but not an operation as such. Plenty of stiches, etc. Worst hospital experiences were do to with my daughter.
Being born, they suddently all started panicking and mentioning foetal distress. The cord had wrapped round her neck but fortunately all was OK. Second one was when she went in for a minor operation on her toes. I had to hold her whilst they injected the anaesthetic and she just went limp and lifeless in my arms. Not something I'd ever like to repeat
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:33, Reply)
I've had laser eye surgery but not an operation as such. Plenty of stiches, etc. Worst hospital experiences were do to with my daughter.
Being born, they suddently all started panicking and mentioning foetal distress. The cord had wrapped round her neck but fortunately all was OK. Second one was when she went in for a minor operation on her toes. I had to hold her whilst they injected the anaesthetic and she just went limp and lifeless in my arms. Not something I'd ever like to repeat
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:33, Reply)
Not a nice feeling to have your child collapse in your arms though
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:36, Reply)
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:36, Reply)
Did you take the opportunity to nonce her up whilst she couldn't complain?
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:35, Reply)
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:35, Reply)
several
bone grafts, maxillofacial reconstruction, dental implants.
But the only thing I've had under general anesthetic was the plate in my arm. But I was only in hospital for about 6 hours even for that.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:36, Reply)
bone grafts, maxillofacial reconstruction, dental implants.
But the only thing I've had under general anesthetic was the plate in my arm. But I was only in hospital for about 6 hours even for that.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:36, Reply)
He cost more than he'll ever pay in taxes.
That said he does do medical research so that may count on his side.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:48, Reply)
That said he does do medical research so that may count on his side.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:48, Reply)
Arses.
The total cost of the surgery bar the arm would have been about 20K private. I pay over 10K a year in income tax. Even if the arm is another 20K they're still well up on me.
Plus, I smoked for 15 years. For my tax contribution I should have my own hospital.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:00, Reply)
The total cost of the surgery bar the arm would have been about 20K private. I pay over 10K a year in income tax. Even if the arm is another 20K they're still well up on me.
Plus, I smoked for 15 years. For my tax contribution I should have my own hospital.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:00, Reply)
the whys in the what now?
only NI goes towards the NHS? I'm pretty sure there's a budget contribution from the income tax, too.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:03, Reply)
only NI goes towards the NHS? I'm pretty sure there's a budget contribution from the income tax, too.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:03, Reply)
don't you be going proving me wrong twice in two days, either.
Shit here can't take that.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:06, Reply)
Shit here can't take that.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:06, Reply)
I can't find anything either way.
Apparently we're not allowed to know where NHS funding comes from.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:20, Reply)
Apparently we're not allowed to know where NHS funding comes from.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:20, Reply)
I've never had to stay in hospital, but I've had 3 operations
Two removing my ingrown toenail, one horrifically mangling my cock.
Alt: No.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:37, Reply)
Two removing my ingrown toenail, one horrifically mangling my cock.
Alt: No.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:37, Reply)
Took two operations because it was bleeding too much when they removed the nail
I had to go back so that they could also remove the nail bed.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:48, Reply)
I had to go back so that they could also remove the nail bed.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:48, Reply)
It's a bit harsh to assume
that his cock is so small that it can be referred to as a "fucking toenail"
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:48, Reply)
that his cock is so small that it can be referred to as a "fucking toenail"
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:48, Reply)
The comments on this are very funny
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17855240
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:43, Reply)
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17855240
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:43, Reply)
never had an operation.
Been through an MRI scanner though. Had to take out all my piercings and got terrible terrible cramp.
It was agonising.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:44, Reply)
Been through an MRI scanner though. Had to take out all my piercings and got terrible terrible cramp.
It was agonising.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:44, Reply)
my arm was strapped down at a weird angle.
The shoulder cramp was horrendous.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:47, Reply)
The shoulder cramp was horrendous.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:47, Reply)
i always thought it was 'anarchic'
but addict makes more sense i suppose
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:07, Reply)
but addict makes more sense i suppose
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:07, Reply)
for googling prodigy lyrics
and wearing a 'fat of the land t shirt', and having a 'fat of the land' poster on your bedroom wall
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:15, Reply)
and wearing a 'fat of the land t shirt', and having a 'fat of the land' poster on your bedroom wall
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:15, Reply)
The opp on my collar bone you probably know about.
Other than that I had to have a sewing needle removed from between my toes (it was sticking up from the carpet I stepped on it and it snapped off in my foot) and I had 4 teeth removed in my teens so they could fit braces. None of this needed a stay in hospital.
Alt: I doubt it.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:45, Reply)
Other than that I had to have a sewing needle removed from between my toes (it was sticking up from the carpet I stepped on it and it snapped off in my foot) and I had 4 teeth removed in my teens so they could fit braces. None of this needed a stay in hospital.
Alt: I doubt it.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:45, Reply)
I had three of four operations to correct my poor hearing as a child
Usually to have grommets inserted and/or removed. I also had my tonsils and adenoids removed during one of these operations.
My testicles are fine though.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:45, Reply)
Usually to have grommets inserted and/or removed. I also had my tonsils and adenoids removed during one of these operations.
My testicles are fine though.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:45, Reply)
Funnily enough I learned to play this joke on my parents by the age of four.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:59, Reply)
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:59, Reply)
My cousin lost a bollock when he was about 15
Got all twisted and went black apparently, tortion or something equally horrible-sounding.
One of my best mates has 3 so I did ask if he could spare one.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:46, Reply)
Got all twisted and went black apparently, tortion or something equally horrible-sounding.
One of my best mates has 3 so I did ask if he could spare one.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:46, Reply)
*crosses legs*
My mate tore his nutsack open whilst pissing about on a BMX
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:48, Reply)
My mate tore his nutsack open whilst pissing about on a BMX
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:48, Reply)
aye, a mate of mine lost a bollock going over a drop-off when we were mountain biking
ripped open his nutsack on the back wheel and by the time he got to hospital it couldn't be saved.
We call him Womble.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:02, Reply)
ripped open his nutsack on the back wheel and by the time he got to hospital it couldn't be saved.
We call him Womble.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:02, Reply)
His got jammed between the brakes and the frame
That actually hurts to type, even 25 years later
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:05, Reply)
That actually hurts to type, even 25 years later
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:05, Reply)
Nothing major, but a couple of visits
Broke boths arms when I was a kid - not at once thankfully. The 2nd time was at night (playing footie) so I had to stay in overnight. That was quite an experience.
Had the snip about 10 years ago. Drove myself to and from hospital because I AM A MAN.
Had a hernia op about 7-8 years ago, but again, in and out in a day.
I was in hospital at the start of this week for xrays on my back and pelvis. I got the results today. Apparently my vertebrae and body alignment is completely normal. That's great, but it doesn't explain my back problems over the last 10 years or so.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:51, Reply)
Broke boths arms when I was a kid - not at once thankfully. The 2nd time was at night (playing footie) so I had to stay in overnight. That was quite an experience.
Had the snip about 10 years ago. Drove myself to and from hospital because I AM A MAN.
Had a hernia op about 7-8 years ago, but again, in and out in a day.
I was in hospital at the start of this week for xrays on my back and pelvis. I got the results today. Apparently my vertebrae and body alignment is completely normal. That's great, but it doesn't explain my back problems over the last 10 years or so.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:51, Reply)
I think I'll end up with x-rays and an MRI scan on my back
I've got to wait 2 weeks for my heart trace and blood tests to come back
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:00, Reply)
I've got to wait 2 weeks for my heart trace and blood tests to come back
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:00, Reply)
I wasn't offered an MRI scan, just x-rays.
Nothing doing though, so presumably it's muscular. Although I've already tried a physio and an osteopath.
What are they checking your heart and blood for? Is it the bad AIDS?
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:03, Reply)
Nothing doing though, so presumably it's muscular. Although I've already tried a physio and an osteopath.
What are they checking your heart and blood for? Is it the bad AIDS?
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:03, Reply)
Doc checked my blood pressure and though that was fine my pulse was 45
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:04, Reply)
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:04, Reply)
Not mega fit at all
I think it has always been low. When I did a gym assessment years ago it was 54
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:06, Reply)
I think it has always been low. When I did a gym assessment years ago it was 54
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:06, Reply)
Possibly
With the amount of coffee I drink, I'd expect a pulse of 180
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:12, Reply)
With the amount of coffee I drink, I'd expect a pulse of 180
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:12, Reply)
It is only the coffee that is keeping you alive.
Without it your pulse would barely register.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:13, Reply)
Without it your pulse would barely register.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:13, Reply)
Not so fast sunshine
*orders industrial quantities of Agent Orange*
*books flights*
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:24, Reply)
*orders industrial quantities of Agent Orange*
*books flights*
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:24, Reply)
jongleurs and the comedy store seem ok
anyone know of any good comedy clubs?
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:52, Reply)
anyone know of any good comedy clubs?
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 10:52, Reply)
Nah it's finished, it was near the royal courts of justice,
but it's moved or closed down or something now. Ask on /talk.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:02, Reply)
but it's moved or closed down or something now. Ask on /talk.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:02, Reply)
Lol mongy linked a story a while back for the FS, he was totally on the whole 'I'm a doctor' tip
I always think of just offtopic ending up in the papers, how wrong I was.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:27, Reply)
I always think of just offtopic ending up in the papers, how wrong I was.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:27, Reply)
no need to apologise
i hope you die of a massive brain haemorrage
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:05, Reply)
i hope you die of a massive brain haemorrage
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:05, Reply)
nah, when the haemorrage happens
we want blow by blow updates, until all you're posting is
'aaargh, brain... head, sterange cvnawlrvw;w av........'
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:17, Reply)
we want blow by blow updates, until all you're posting is
'aaargh, brain... head, sterange cvnawlrvw;w av........'
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:17, Reply)
In that there London?
The Covent Garden Comedy Club is a great little venue seen some very good acts there.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:02, Reply)
The Covent Garden Comedy Club is a great little venue seen some very good acts there.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:02, Reply)
i was looking at that too, not really got any big acts but maybe thats a good thing
worth a punt, maybe
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:03, Reply)
worth a punt, maybe
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:03, Reply)
You normally get
4-5 acts in the night, I havent been for many years but it was always cheap to get in. It is also a very small venue so you are very close and crammed in.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:06, Reply)
4-5 acts in the night, I havent been for many years but it was always cheap to get in. It is also a very small venue so you are very close and crammed in.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:06, Reply)
A small operation I don't remember what for
while I was in hospital. I had to fight them on the question of them operating on my eyes though, which is more difficult than you'd imagine if you can't speak. Longest hospital stay just over six months.
Alt: Nah I'm sure he's alright. I'm equally sure that if he's caught we won't hear about it or him again.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:12, Reply)
while I was in hospital. I had to fight them on the question of them operating on my eyes though, which is more difficult than you'd imagine if you can't speak. Longest hospital stay just over six months.
Alt: Nah I'm sure he's alright. I'm equally sure that if he's caught we won't hear about it or him again.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:12, Reply)
I made a joke about plant cell structure the other day, but monty didn't appreciate it
and he asked me to "please die" :(
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:17, Reply)
and he asked me to "please die" :(
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:17, Reply)
i just googled it too
i'm going to fill it out like a prick and see what happens
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:48, Reply)
i'm going to fill it out like a prick and see what happens
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:48, Reply)
If you get a job invite me to the offices
I'd be a total embarrassing fanboy.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:49, Reply)
I'd be a total embarrassing fanboy.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:49, Reply)
i filled it all out then got really pissed off because i couldn't paste it all here and deleted it
maybe later
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:03, Reply)
maybe later
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:03, Reply)
Three Operations
In my thirties I had my tonsils out - FUCK that hurt! 2 days in hospital.
In my forties I had two discs removed from my neck (through the front) and replaced with bonegrafts removed from my right hip and three vertebrae bolted/plated together. Didn't hurt but the bruises were spectacular! 3 days in hospital.
In my (early) fifties I had an operation to remove bone spurs sticking in to my spinal cord and to open up the holes in my spine where the nerves to my arms come out. Painful recovery as they went in from the back and had to go through the trapezoid muscle attachments to the neck to get where they were going - not long in hospital but 3 months recuperation. Scar is gruesome - I don't know 'cos it's on the back of my neck!
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:16, Reply)
In my thirties I had my tonsils out - FUCK that hurt! 2 days in hospital.
In my forties I had two discs removed from my neck (through the front) and replaced with bonegrafts removed from my right hip and three vertebrae bolted/plated together. Didn't hurt but the bruises were spectacular! 3 days in hospital.
In my (early) fifties I had an operation to remove bone spurs sticking in to my spinal cord and to open up the holes in my spine where the nerves to my arms come out. Painful recovery as they went in from the back and had to go through the trapezoid muscle attachments to the neck to get where they were going - not long in hospital but 3 months recuperation. Scar is gruesome - I don't know 'cos it's on the back of my neck!
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:16, Reply)
Ongoing wear and tear
...from a lifetime of being a semi-pro silly bugger. If you keep launching yourself down hills on bikes it'll happen to you too! How's the shoulder btw?
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:35, Reply)
...from a lifetime of being a semi-pro silly bugger. If you keep launching yourself down hills on bikes it'll happen to you too! How's the shoulder btw?
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:35, Reply)
I suppose that's right...contrary to opinion I'm usually a "both wheels on the ground" type cyclist
I've got another month before I can ride a bike offroad again, so spinning classes are keeping me fit in the meantime.
My shoulder needs quite a bit of physio, I can't quite manage a full nazi salute yet. Part of my recovery involves me standing in a corner raising my right arm with my palm flat.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:39, Reply)
I've got another month before I can ride a bike offroad again, so spinning classes are keeping me fit in the meantime.
My shoulder needs quite a bit of physio, I can't quite manage a full nazi salute yet. Part of my recovery involves me standing in a corner raising my right arm with my palm flat.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:39, Reply)
Yeah', countless times. the most was about 6 weeks, done that twice, when they ripped 3 sections of one of my intestines out each time.
It's weird to think that my guts have been outside of my skin and someone had my colon in their hand from the outside.
I just totally aced a telephone interview.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:22, Reply)
It's weird to think that my guts have been outside of my skin and someone had my colon in their hand from the outside.
I just totally aced a telephone interview.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:22, Reply)
The thetare floor looked like someone had really fucked up the Calamari order
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:25, Reply)
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:25, Reply)
Yeah', I think it adds up to about 30 inches, but I'm not 100% sure on that.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:28, Reply)
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:28, Reply)
I'll have it 'till I'm in the ground =(
I've had so many expermental treatments, and throughout the years I've gone from sophadeen to codine to morphine to methadone. My only hope in my life time that I know of is stem cell, but in my head, I got this forever and if I'm wrong, the better.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:40, Reply)
I've had so many expermental treatments, and throughout the years I've gone from sophadeen to codine to morphine to methadone. My only hope in my life time that I know of is stem cell, but in my head, I got this forever and if I'm wrong, the better.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:40, Reply)
Unfortunately, you can, and when its dead internally, you have to cut it out.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:53, Reply)
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 12:53, Reply)
Chrons is a colossal cunt.
You should have asked if you could keep the bits they removed before setting them in resin and putting them on the mantlepiece.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:30, Reply)
You should have asked if you could keep the bits they removed before setting them in resin and putting them on the mantlepiece.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:30, Reply)
They go to bed with a mermaid, they wake up with cathulu. *sigh*.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:49, Reply)
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:49, Reply)
Gave them to science =)
The Royal Free is a teaching hospital and I figure I aint' gonna use it. I want my liver though, I'd cook that fucker myself.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:40, Reply)
The Royal Free is a teaching hospital and I figure I aint' gonna use it. I want my liver though, I'd cook that fucker myself.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:40, Reply)
A few...
Aged five - hernia. I've a three inch scar very close to you know what.
Aged nine - skin grafts on hand and ears. Spent three months in bandages.
Aged twenty five - tonsils out, I can echo what Capt Placid said.
Two months ago - Modified Weaver Dunn procedure to reconstruct my right shoulder. I ruptered the ligaments falling from my mountain bike.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:29, Reply)
Aged five - hernia. I've a three inch scar very close to you know what.
Aged nine - skin grafts on hand and ears. Spent three months in bandages.
Aged twenty five - tonsils out, I can echo what Capt Placid said.
Two months ago - Modified Weaver Dunn procedure to reconstruct my right shoulder. I ruptered the ligaments falling from my mountain bike.
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:29, Reply)
I have been under general anaesthetic 6 times
Wooooo you've all seen my xrays before i'm sure
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:29, Reply)
Wooooo you've all seen my xrays before i'm sure
( , Fri 27 Apr 2012, 11:29, Reply)
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