It's Saturday! I call Swap Shop!
I am willing to swap six Matchbox cars for a Spectrum ZX. What are you willing to swap?

Alternately, I will swap tales of bitter disappointment for laughing and pointing.

How is everyone this fine sunny morning?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 11:03, 110 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Morning b3th!
I'm currently on Dad duty at a five year olds soft play party. This would normally consist of having a coffee and a scone but I have stupidly forgotten money. Later on will be more Dad duty when calf one goes to her swimming lessons but I'm very much leaning towards a curry and beer finish to the day

I am also failing to buy cheap jeans from eBay
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:14, Reply)

Also I swapped some eBay jeans bought for seven quid for fifteen quid as they didn't fit
Result
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:16, Reply)

Why don't you buy jeans from tesco like all the other dads?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 11:48, Reply)

My svelte buttocks do not go with Tesco

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:53, Reply)

Neither does my pendulous belly.
It's Next all the way for me.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 11:58, Reply)

Tesco jeans are cheap
But its a false economy as they are so apt to fall apart. I find M&S jeans are at the sweet spot on the price vs quality scale.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:12, Reply)

Was up early to let the painter in
My flat is now all nice and shiny. I think I'll go on a bike ride later.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:32, Reply)

I find when I get the painters in
they pretty much let themselves in. Sneaky bastards.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 11:40, Reply)

Ah well mine was from Harrogate
High standards there
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:06, Reply)

Good morning b3th, my darling !
I've woken up and I've pretty much decided to take that job offer I got. It ticks every single box I've got, only reason why I possibly wouldn't would be because other potential offers are for a few grand a year more.... but this one is still 150% of what I was on last month.

Amazedogs is going well, we're on 186 likes at the moment, not bad for a week.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:40, Reply)

And OH MAN, at the interview yesterday, they asked me what I think would be the next Google Maps...
... and I said to them that I think Apple are going to do something big, that they've bought in the last year 3 huge mapping companies, one of them being some kind of photo-realistic 3D rendering company. An that I think if anyone is going to do it, it'll be Apple... that they'll announce it next month at the WWDC. That Microsoft has tried, and they're almost on par, but not quite.

And then the news broke this morning that it's rumoured that Apple are going to do huge things in the mapping side of things next month.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:45, Reply)

That's great. Well done you.
The happy biscuit is doing less well. I keep getting spam comments and emails from SEO companies. I've tried sharing it around on facebook, but it doesn't look like anybody wants to share it on. I can only comclude it's crap.

How can I get it 'out there'?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 11:46, Reply)

The designs are cool on it!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:57, Reply)

: D
Tell the world!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 12:00, Reply)

get it news lettered!

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:23, Reply)

It's about £500 to get it in the advertised spot,
and getting things in the actual newsletter, especially comercial ventures, is really fucking hard.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:50, Reply)

The spam on Wordpress? I can do something to help stem that, there is a little plugin that works.
I recomend putting some adverts on Facebook, something like £30 over a single week should get you 100 or soo likes, and then if/when people 'like' your content, it'll reach so many more people.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:49, Reply)

Is that what you did?
I may look into that.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 12:54, Reply)

Yup, it's well worth it, depending on what you're targeting it's between 10-50p a click.
You put in a time and a budget (such as "1 week £30 just the once" or "£5 a day until I say 'stop'", and you put on some demographics that you're looking for, and go for it. The more popular the term, the more expensive it is.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 12 May 2012, 13:21, Reply)

Good on you Gonz

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:04, Reply)

Cheers =D

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:50, Reply)

I'm currently listening to my flatmate being fucked. At least I assume she's getting fucked, judging from the noises she could well be fisting a seal.
(Roger McGough-Pipe, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:42, Reply)

Nice.
Did you ask if you could join in?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 11:47, Reply)

I didn't. I can also hear adele, I'm not sure if they think this is covering up their noise or not.
(Roger McGough-Pipe, Sat 12 May 2012, 11:54, Reply)

Stand outside her door and shout "I can heeeeeeeaaaaaar you!"

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 11:59, Reply)

Or just start humming 'fuck her gently'
around the flat to see if she responds to passive aggressive taunting.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:05, Reply)

that is genuinely tempting, though thankfully its stopped now.
(Roger McGough-Pipe, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:10, Reply)

that was quick.

(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 12 May 2012, 12:12, Reply)

dont worry, it was only a temporary pause
she's moaning like a porn star in heat again.
(Roger McGough-Pipe, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:39, Reply)

It's mother's day tomorrow here and I feel incredibly guilty cos it's the first time I won't have been home with mum for it.
Instead I'm working 9-6, getting shit pay, and won't be having any fun at all. :(

I miss my mum sometimes.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 12 May 2012, 12:10, Reply)

Did you send her a card?
I can't remember the last time I was with my mum on mothers' day. Still, you can phone her, can't you? Mums like that.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 12:13, Reply)

I sent her a text tonight and I'll probably call her tomorrow after work for a quick chat.
I've only been home once this year since I started uni. Huge improvement on last year where I was home every weekend - I'm trying to move out of home permanently y'see.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 12 May 2012, 12:14, Reply)

Its my Mum's birthday soon
Thanks for reminding me
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 12 May 2012, 12:13, Reply)

happy to help

(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 12 May 2012, 12:19, Reply)

Amazing.
Back in London town, sun's out, new shades on, meeting the bird at six, spending the evening together before going to see our mate DJ at a place on Curtain Road. Everything's coming up Barry.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 12 May 2012, 14:43, Reply)

hey Barry
There's a sunglasses wholesale importer just by Aldgate East, I saw it and thought of you.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:12, Reply)

I need two more pairs then I'll have one for each day of the week, and I can stop buying them.
The sense of relief when that happens will be indescribable.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:23, Reply)

morning!
I've been into town and bought boring things, including a lawnmower. I've not told the pigs, yet. They are out the back right now trying to do their impression of one
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 14:54, Reply)

Good thanks
Done some exercise, done some chores and I'm considering watching Dr No whilst having a nap.

This evening will be spent watching films, eating food and drinking booze.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:07, Reply)

not too bad
Came up to Birmingham to drop the keys to my old flat off, meet up with an ex-colleague who told me how bad idiot coworker is doing without me to lean on. Tee hee.

This evening I will be trying to unpack a few more boxes and watch some Telly I expect.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:16, Reply)

Good thanks B. I've been revising this morning, out in the garden but it's suddenly got cold so back inside now. Further riveting updates as they happen.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:23, Reply)

it's warmer further west
I think I shall get to scrubbing my wool* before the mordanting and dying.

*not a euphemism
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:25, Reply)

What is mordanting? don't worry I'll ask Siri. YES I AM AN APPLE BITCH.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:26, Reply)

its the process before
dying which allows the colour to become 'fast'. In the olden days they used stale wee
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:27, Reply)

fuck siri
up the arse
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:27, Reply)

I don't like using it really, but I do like dictating text messages. That won't get boring for a while.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:29, Reply)

is this for cosplay, sorry larping?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:29, Reply)

no
it's because I went to a wool festival and got all excited about doing my own natural dyeing
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:44, Reply)

Cool man, whatever gets you off yo.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:10, Reply)

it's also the name
of a kind of short trill in music
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:28, Reply)

I'm stuck in that annoying situation.
Where when I go out in an hour and a half, it'll be too warm for a jacket. I just want to go out in a shirt. I mean I can't decide whether to wear my Folk shirt or Wood Wood shirt for starters, deciding whether to wear a jacket or not cos I bet it gets cold later just adds to my woes. It's annoying having to keep up this reputation of being suave as fuck.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:25, Reply)

Hoodie, Jeans, Trainers. All a brother needs yo.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:26, Reply)

are you calling Barry a darkie?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 15:28, Reply)

Nah got the Wire on in the background. Makes me think I'm all street an ting.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:30, Reply)

Jeans are sorted - APC Petit Standards in black init.
Shades too, Persol 714's. Beyond that I'm stumped bruv.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:31, Reply)

flip flops and an Arsenal shirt.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:33, Reply)

pity you're not still in Newcastle
Then shirt would be optional.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:36, Reply)

You need to take a jacket Baz.
Then, when the evening falls you can change your look by removing the sun glasses and donning an outer garment.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:37, Reply)

alright Jeff?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:38, Reply)

I'm watching a Bond film.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:48, Reply)

Shall I try and guess which one?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:48, Reply)

I'm one of those arseholes who wears sunglasses at night/indoors.
I'm not really. I hope the people who do that die.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:40, Reply)

Even Stevie Wonder?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:41, Reply)

Be a waste of 'hope'.
The daft old idiot's on his way out anyway.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:42, Reply)

Who's this new Doris then?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:49, Reply)

My mate who's DJing tonight is a mutual friend.
I met her at one of his/his group's nights and it went from there. She's from Newcastle but lives in London now, works out nicely.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:50, Reply)

what happened to the other two?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:00, Reply)

One can fuck off forever.
The other one likes me and she is hella fit but this girl is amazing and I love spending time with her. Ain't jeopardising that init.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:30, Reply)

Sod swop shop
Has anyone mentioned TisWas yet? Sally James mmmmmmm
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:58, Reply)

Fuck Sally James
Swap Shop had John Craven.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 16:01, Reply)

And Posh Paws.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 16:02, Reply)

my mum made me a posh paws
it was well wicked
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:04, Reply)

You should make one yourself

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:22, Reply)

No phantom flan flinger though

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:03, Reply)

*Locks Off Topic in the cage*
And fucks off to the pub.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:24, Reply)

where would one buy a thermometer?
The one I got seems to be a medical digital one which doesn't like telling you temperatures much either side of body temp
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:59, Reply)

I think the Boring Shop have some in.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 12 May 2012, 15:59, Reply)

all shops are boring

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:01, Reply)

This is LIES.
LIES on the INTERNET.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 16:11, Reply)

Try Lakeland, or other kitcheny type shops.
Ironmongers, maybe. People use them in cooking quite a lot.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 16:00, Reply)

I don't think there is a kitchen shop round here

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:02, Reply)

I assume you have a Debenhams somewhere near Swansea...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 16:05, Reply)

there is one
but I need a proper thermometer and they don't seem to do those
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:06, Reply)

Okay, well
You definitely have a Maplins.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 16:11, Reply)

oooh, ta
that'll do. Also, I quite like maplins
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:25, Reply)

Hi-Di-Hi!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:27, Reply)

hahahahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:28, Reply)

What do you need it for? Is it for photography/food/people/etc

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:27, Reply)

at some point I'll need it in the darkroom
but right now I need it for wool dyeing
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:57, Reply)

A broken Simon game for an Action Man death slide.
Or a windup Evel Knievel bike and ramp set for a Big Trak.

tonight I'm going to a party. A '90s party'. Luckily

a) I'm in my 90s LOLOLOLOL
b) I still have clothes from the 90s. Streetwear, no less. And some 'phat' jewellery. I look like a prize 'pranny'.

I declare 'pranny' to be a criminally underused term and will be addressing this travesty in the coming days.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:28, Reply)

What brings you here at such a strange hour?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:34, Reply)

just passing through, you know.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:49, Reply)

I'm attempting to 'see' Dave in a bit.
How's he for reliability at the momento?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:39, Reply)

not bad i'm told
send him my regards and tell him to give me a shout for a beer.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:49, Reply)

remember my real name isn't monty though eh

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:50, Reply)

really?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:58, Reply)

Think we're sorted elsewhere actually.
Right I'm sorted, went for the Wood Wood shirt and my new Converse x Stussy trainers. I'm off out for shenanigans with my favourite people in the world. Have a good one folks x
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 12 May 2012, 16:54, Reply)

Does anyone here use skype for text chat? I realise that I ain't text-chatted to people in AGES.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 12 May 2012, 17:27, Reply)

my cup of tea is currently 63.4 degrees C

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 17:36, Reply)

59.5

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 17:39, Reply)

55.4

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 17:43, Reply)

53.8

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 17:45, Reply)

51.3

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 17:47, Reply)

49.7

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 17:49, Reply)

47.9

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 17:51, Reply)

45.6
and now I've drunk it all.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 17:52, Reply)

and made a graph
Up2.it/ali/teagraph.jpg
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:04, Reply)

You need to get out more.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 May 2012, 18:04, Reply)

but I like tea
and I like graphs
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 May 2012, 18:05, Reply)

Haha, I like that.
I made an iPhone case just now ! wp.me/p2pPSC-4h
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 12 May 2012, 19:47, Reply)