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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I'm going to get a shitload of stuff done today.
Starting with sorting work for the summer. As long as this pounding headache and massive urge to throw up dissipate, of course.
Though I'm not sure I want to enter the real world, being a dickhead student is quite fun. When did you first realise you were a part of the real world?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:01, 163 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
I have never been, and never will be part of the real world.
It is not like the matrix you know. Its just grey.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:05, Reply)
It is kind of like the Matrix.
I dunno. I'm just thinking out loud.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:09, Reply)
Oh Bazzer, I've just been reading your tales of woe from yesterday.
Misery is wasted when you are young. Do whatever you think will make you happy.

And MTFU.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:15, Reply)
I'm going to be proactive about it.
This was the kick up the arse I needed. For everything. Already fired off a few emails about work placements this morning. It fucking hurts though. And I'm not letting a good thing wither into fuck all.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:29, Reply)
I count being a student as being part of the "real world".
Especially when you have bills to pay, rent to make, food to buy and petrol for your car and your parents don't help out, and you can't get any student loans.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:14, Reply)

A combination of:

Having my own business (now sold) and having the responsibility of paying people.
Owning property.
Being a father.
Having a financial advisor.
Helping my father chose a coffin for his dead mother.

Cheerful eh?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:16, Reply)
All in one weekend?
You can fuck off with point 4 though.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:18, Reply)
No, just different things that made me realise I am an adult. Of sorts.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:27, Reply)
Hmm.
Speaking of, I had to sign papers giving me legal power of attorney over my parents. I was a bit freaked out by that.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:28, Reply)
I hope you have sold their house, made them homeless and wasted the money on drink, drugs and fast cars.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:30, Reply)
No. I haven't.
it's in case they're both in an accident.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:33, Reply)
When are you planning on causing this 'accident'?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:33, Reply)
Uhhhh never?
I'm abnormal in that I love my parents. A lot.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:37, Reply)
Freak.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:40, Reply)
I know, right?
the world is a freaky place.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:40, Reply)
OT certainly is.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:42, Reply)
Probably when I was first asked to train a new employee
Morning all, how are we?

BBQ went well, I spent the entire day being busy, as a result was absolutely shattered yesterday, and pretty much spent the day on auto pilot.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:26, Reply)
Becoming a parent.
I finally felt a bit less like I was merely pretending.

I had a brilliant weekend. Super-ace time with daughter at Victoria Park and a barbecue and pissup in London Fields yesterday avec Lusty.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:33, Reply)
Nobody asked you about your weekend.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:34, Reply)
I don't give a toss.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:36, Reply)
Beakering wanker.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:37, Reply)
Speaking. How may I help?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:37, Reply)
You can start by DYAAKY.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:38, Reply)
Oh man I just worked out DYAAKY.
I giggled.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:38, Reply)
You first.

/ac
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:39, Reply)
I really like Victoria Park.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:36, Reply)
They've recently completed a super kiddies play area.
I realise this is of more interest to me than to you but it is true nevertheless. I'll be back there asap.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:37, Reply)
Nonce.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:38, Reply)
MODDDDDDSSSSSS

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:39, Reply)
Happy to oblige:

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:41, Reply)
All I can see are some rubbish 'mod' revivalists
I wonder if they understood the irony of being a 'retro' modernist?

Somehow I doubt it. The spastics.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:43, Reply)
^ Very much this ^

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:50, Reply)
I will not be returning any time soon. Or to that part of London.
I don't ever want to go across the river again. It'll make everything quite difficult, especially with going back to Newcastle tomorrow. I might build a den in Lewisham or somewhere and never leave.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:39, Reply)
You massive Deacon.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:41, Reply)
Maybe not Lewisham it is quite shit.
Blackheath maybe. Or my bed.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:44, Reply)
Chin up, lad.
You're being a bit bent.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)
I'm allowed to be bent today.
And self indulgent. And selfish. I'm also allowed to chain smoke. Done about eight in the last hour. I'm going to have another.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)
I really like Victoria's Secret.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:37, Reply)
That she's really a man?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:38, Reply)
Bumped in to 'her' on your last visit to Transformations did you?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:43, Reply)
You know only too well that I did.
I went in there to collect my protection racket money and saw you wanking in a booth. I wasn't going to mention it but seeing as you did first...
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:45, Reply)
Ha ha ha.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)
You should delete last nights efforts, you come across as gay, fourteen and emo
No-one will think any the less of you.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:34, Reply)
Rory, as the new mod, you are only supposed to delete our posts.
Not offer counselling.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:42, Reply)
I'm obliged to offer glib support to begin with

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)
There's only one Glib brother left.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:50, Reply)
Chorlton has been a much saddened place this past week

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)
Wheely?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:05, Reply)
No, Cosgrove shut up shop a number of years ago, albeit their productions are still viewed world wide

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:11, Reply)
Still fighting it Baz.
Adulthood is massively over-rated, I've tried it and it was shite, stick to your guns.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:39, Reply)
^ facts

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:41, Reply)
Cheers Boyce.
Hope you are well.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:47, Reply)
You too, old boy.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:54, Reply)
^ The Peter Pan of b3ta here ^

By which I mean he collects small boys in his "neverland"
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)
I would very much like some ketamine right now.
I want to be at one with the horses. This work lark is really getting in the way.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:44, Reply)
I suspect this is Not a Good Thing
but then I've never done K so I am ill-positioned to advise. I will say, having had a quick scan of last night, it will get better mate.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)
It's 'not for me', that stuff.
Don't like it one bit.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)


(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)
I like how you shopped a pic of yourself on to that backbround.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)
Didn't take me long either.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:50, Reply)
CQ doesn't want to grow up, he's a Toy R Us kid

Toy R Us kid nonce
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:47, Reply)
Hahaha.
I think nonce is my favourite word.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)
Toys are us is well shit
When I was a kid I had a big rubber ball on the end of a length of old washing line, a big bag of old keys and one of my dad's old watches and I was happy man.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)
I had Pokemon cards.
Yours sounds more fun.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)
I think so.
In retrospect my folks were destitute hippies but I don't remember suffering for it.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:58, Reply)
My brother claims Slayer were brilliant.
Is he right?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)
He's not wrong
I was pleasantly surprised by how great they were.
I think you would have liked Sleep.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Oh aye? never 'eard of 'em.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:57, Reply)
Incredible stoner rock.
Do you know Om or Shrinebuilder?
Sleep were Al Cisneros from Om's previous band from the 90s, reformed a couple of years back.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:06, Reply)
Nope, none of them.
My entire knowledge of 'stoner' is this:

1. It's a really gay name for a genre
2. Electric Wizard seem alright.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:10, Reply)
They are similar to Electric Wizard, perhaps not as heavy
Check out the albums Holy Mountain or Dopesmoker.
Most genre names are bent and most bands hate being defined by them.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:18, Reply)
Except your mates Judas Priest, who have no problem being 'heavy metal'.
Or gay.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:36, Reply)
I find it hilarious that Rob Halford introduced gay clothing into metal
and none of them noticed how utterly bent it was.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:39, Reply)
It doesn't help the 'heavy metal fans aren't thick' argument very much.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:48, Reply)
As others have said, becoming a parent gives you a massive kick into reality.
You have being the grown up thrust upon you and suddenly you have to be the one who knows the answer and can make things happen.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:53, Reply)
Talking of work, what's the protocol when you've given notice, and want to attend an interview?
Are your employers under any obligation to let you attend them, or can they just be twats and say no?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:57, Reply)
They have the right to request that you take it as part of your holiday entitlement, but only a bunch of cunts would do that if they are getting rid of you.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:58, Reply)
They could be twats - but then you could be 'ill'.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:58, Reply)
A doctors appointment.
They know you are lying, and can't prove it. Normal procedure.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 8:59, Reply)
Tell them you can't come in because you're a bender.
I 100% guarantee they will believe this.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:01, Reply)
Thank you Monty.
I love you too, just not like "that".
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)
You've gotten the order of that all mixed up

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:05, Reply)
I'm calling their bluff, they emailed me over the weekend once I'd given it, to arrange an "urgent meeting" 9.30 today.
But I was going to take a few sessions off for fake interviews.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)
You've got them on the ropes

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:17, Reply)
Yeah hope so, I'm the only person in the department and they would be down turd creek without a paddle for a while if I went at the end of the week.
If not sod it, sign on and sunbathe for a bit.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:25, Reply)
That's the b3ta spirit, you should hook up with kroney, he's thinking of maybe someday soon possibly starting to think of applying for a new job

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:47, Reply)
When I got the acceptance letter from MTV.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:01, Reply)
*shakes head*

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:04, Reply)
That was very much a 'Monday morning' joke, wasn't it? sorry.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:05, Reply)
It was more of a 'never ever' joke, if you ask me.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:07, Reply)
Christ, now I've got The All Saints stuck in my head, you arse.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:09, Reply)
I'd like to get stuck in that Mel one's arse

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:10, Reply)
Mel Smith?
Errrrr!!!!!
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:13, Reply)
Of course, the sexy, fat, bald, unfunny cunt

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:23, Reply)
Big Nose Blatt?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:17, Reply)
Yeah
I don't know why
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:23, Reply)
At least the Appletons were worth a go

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:25, Reply)
I disagree
See below.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:26, Reply)
I do
Your natural instinct on seeing a group of girls is to make a snap decision on which one you would most like to shag.
Even if it means choosing the best of a bad lot, you will stick to your decision.
Hope this helps.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:26, Reply)
yeah, but Shaznay tangles???
YOU FUCKING PERVERT
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:32, Reply)
No thanks.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:38, Reply)
I think her nose has been broken in the past.
That's why it's so manky looking.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:26, Reply)
I've told her once...

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:47, Reply)
i had cheerios for breakfast
i'm not sure whether that's supposed to mean i should be happy or leaving
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:28, Reply)
what are cheerios?
Some kind of breakfast cereal?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:34, Reply)
Cheery corn, cheery oats, cheery rice and wheat
cheery wholegrain cheerios, cheery-oh-so-good to eat.
Hope this helps.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:38, Reply)
In an 'Oasis' style. Oh dear. A low for advertising.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Down there with Shed Seven rerecording their hit Speakeasy for that advert for a mobile phone shop
"At the link it's easy..."
V poor.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:41, Reply)
'got to get yourself connected'

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:42, Reply)
I used to see the chap from Stereo MCs at hip hop shows.
He's one ill looking man. Seriously, he looked like he was a death's door. Their first LP was actually alright before he went all bent.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:46, Reply)
He never looked well

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:48, Reply)
I always get him confused with Skeletor
I still listen to their stuff, they seem to have been forgotten about thankfully and released good later albums. Flogging 'connected' for phone ads is fucking low though.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:50, Reply)
The writing was on the wall for them after this

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:52, Reply)
I think 'Supernatural' was the best LP I've heard of theirs.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:53, Reply)
Deep down and dirty was quite good. Took em years and they managed to finish it, throw it away as fucking shit and start all over again.
Stereo MC's not just about fulfilling record label contracts
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)
I wonder if Rick Witter
is on Twitter.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:52, Reply)
I do hope so

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:53, Reply)
And if he is,
does he post from the shitter?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:00, Reply)
Witter Shitter on Twitter Titter

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:00, Reply)
yeah it's little o's made of the ingredients listed above
its not that cheery really, maybe i should just leave
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:54, Reply)
I had your mum for breakfast
I dipped my 'soldier' in her 'runny egg'
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Not Baz's mum?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:42, Reply)
She was dinner last night
I covers her 'scallop' in my 'cauliflower puree'
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:43, Reply)
Good food imagery

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:48, Reply)
because of this post i just googled 'is it possible to ignite the earth's atmosphere?'
it turns out you can't, which is disappointing really. which means i have to live with the idea of you boning mamma :(
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:52, Reply)
There used to be continent wide wild fires when there wasn't much animal life and oxygen levels were a lot higher.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)
I'm not sure why I expected no one else to be in the office.
I've got my headphones in and have managed to avoid talking to anyone so far. I'm just trying to work out when I can start drinking at my desk without getting dirty looks. Being the boss' nephew has its perks.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:43, Reply)
Are you still moping about?
How's th stalking going?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:44, Reply)
I always mope.
Just sometimes more than others. I drink at work anyway, I essentially get paid to drink and fanny about with invoices. Today my attention will be firmly on the former.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:45, Reply)
Sounds excellent, you'll be a successful well rounded and allied member of the workforce in no time!

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)
Drinking in work you say?
*strokes chin and ponders visit to Sainsburys*
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:59, Reply)
That b3ta cookies page is very good.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:50, Reply)
Do they have chocolate chips?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:52, Reply)
You're always on hand to make the most obvious jokes.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:54, Reply)
Damn straight
Are all websites actually supposed to tell you exactly which cookies they use as here did? It was very concise
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:55, Reply)
Yeah law came into effect on friday I think.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:20, Reply)
oh god this is worse than naked ape's one about my mum
surely there is some way of bringing about the end of civilisation?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:56, Reply)
Oh Q, I'm only joshing
Cheer up, it is a lovely day
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)
the first time i heard someone say joshing was this tiny blonde girl with ginormous breasts
she'd had a car accident and used the insurance money to get them enlargened, but the strain of having to walk or get the train to work after that gave her proper back ache

stupid cow
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:59, Reply)
Still, in a car accident she'd be safe

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:00, Reply)
if she could afford a car
i don't know why your bullying her over this, sportscow. you'd have to be a pretty petty man to keep picking on some girl you'd never met

what did nicole ever do to you?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:02, Reply)
I bully no person quentin

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)
well stop

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:16, Reply)
I have never started

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:16, Reply)
your starting now bud and i haven't got the rope for it

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:21, Reply)
Vote Tory lololol

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)
:|

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 9:59, Reply)
Am I missing something
apart from some fairly mundane information about b3ta's cookie policy?
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:01, Reply)
YOU CAN IMPORT IT INTO A SPREADSHEET!!1!

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)
It's pretty mundane but it's all the information they need to give in a fairly simple and honest way.
You don't get that from government websites.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:14, Reply)
It is still not as dull as Nakers' bills subthread below though.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:16, Reply)

bills subthread below though
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:19, Reply)
I was just going to do that.

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:19, Reply)
You could start a new thread instead
That would be nice
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:19, Reply)
I'll do a news link

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)
Water bill, car insurance and tv license all paid for
What a great way to spend £750
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:06, Reply)
How much is your car insurance?

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:12, Reply)
£270, got 8 years no claims
But 3 points
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)
Then you must be some kind of dolphin
3 points means fuck all on car insurance
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:16, Reply)
SUBTHREAD OF THE WEEK RIGHT HERE!!!

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:17, Reply)
I thought so

(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:18, Reply)
Personally I prefer the 'Peter Storm' brand.
You get a decent level of waterproofing for a great price. The waistbands chafe a little though.
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:22, Reply)
he needs to
GO COMPARE!!!!
(, Mon 28 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)

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