AS a massive fan of ignoring pointless threads about 70s garage rockbands
I've got a week off in august. i turn thirty, and i've got an unexpected budget for holiday shenanigans.
Where is a nice place to go that's abroad, not too expensive, not turkey or sweden cos i've been there, and that's not primarily a hellhole mecca for chavs who want shitty bleeping music and 40 degree heat to accompany their stella, fish and chips, and west ham on the tellybox, like fuckin ibiza or magaluf etc?

alt question: shittest place you've ever been on holiday?
alt alt question: ever been struck down by the brown god due to being in forrin climes? i haven't, but the hotel in sweden i stayed at did something with bacon that rendered it disgusting, a feat i thought impossible!
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 12:50, 101 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

u.r.bent

Hope this helps
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 12:54, Reply)

Greece will be cheap

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 12:55, Reply)

YOU SEEM LIKE A CHEAP KINDOF GUY LOL !!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 12:55, Reply)

bang on the money
or lack thereof.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:03, Reply)

was thinking corfu actually
alweays wanted to go there since reading 'my family and other animals'
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:04, Reply)

Loads of out of way places round Greece or the Islands that'll be cheap
If you want to really pov it up go camping at the same time
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:07, Reply)

what's the point of going to visit an impoverished economy
if you don't roll in to their best hotel like the rajah, shit all up the curtains, and make sure they have to launder the damn carpet daily with a big shiteating grin on their faces, for about 49p?
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:12, Reply)

I suppose that makes sense if you have no manners and are a chav

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:14, Reply)

look at it this way
it's probably the only time for the forseeable future i'm going to be able to feel like a rich person. this is what i assume they do, as most of the ones i've met have been incompetent boorish fucktards i wouldn't trust to operate a toaster.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:20, Reply)

'rich people' tend to have high competency levels, which is pretty much why they have wealth and are able to add to it
they have people like you to attend to their toaster
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:24, Reply)

i'm not talking successful people
i'm talking rich people.people who are rich before the placenta's even been thrown away. people who could drop out of school at 11 and develop a crippling smack habit and still be able to afford a learjet.
i'm successful enough in what i do, i get a decent wage, for the industry i'm in, but i don't have any financial backup, i basically have whatever i earn.. so i'm neither rich nor poor, i just have a very volatile cash flow.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:34, Reply)

All that, and you're still a massive gaylord.
There's no justice is there?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:36, Reply)

I like bleepy music.
I was listening to a Magda mix this morning in fact, cavernous minimal techno.

Hope this helps xx
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 12:56, Reply)

You want some LFO, you stupid boy.
The 'Bass breaks and bleeps' comps from the early 90s are excellent too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 12:58, Reply)

I know LFO well, you quending ignoramus.
If you like hardcore, Goldie did an excellent vinyl mix for FACT which featured LFO. Nothing after 1993 on that mix.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:00, Reply)

I'm a particular fan of the WaterproofTrousers mix
of BHP vs Torque's megahit "Giant Magnetoresistance".
( Kroney, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:03, Reply)

oh Kroney, you lolmerchant.
No wonder chicks dig you so bad.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:07, Reply)

I do alright for myself PD
I do alright.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:08, Reply)

I know babygirl, I know.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:11, Reply)

Iraq
alt Butlins
Altalt In English please?
( Peej, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 12:57, Reply)

altalt- in kernewek
shittin fizzy pondwaaaater moi ansome
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:05, Reply)

Oh, yeh in Tunisia, I used the tap water to brush my teeth.

( Peej, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:07, Reply)

sterling work.
musta been some serious bugs if even the minty goodness couldn't kill em. unless someone sabotaged your toothbrush..?
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:10, Reply)

Bognor Regis
Alt: Bognor Regis
Alt alt: I had a terrible curry in Bognor Regis
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:00, Reply)

Actually Monts, what are you doing online?
I though you and your 140 mates would have had their computers seized after that CEOPS raid.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:02, Reply)

too close to home
might as well just go to the beach and spend the flight money on MASSIVE DRUGS supermodels, and the hire of a souped-up honda
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:06, Reply)

When I was 10, we went to Italy, not too far from Arezzo
I couldn't stand it at the time, as I was bored shitless. Now, I'd love to go back there. Was absolutely fantastic scenery.

Alt: Probably when a few of us planned to go to Center Parcs Oasis Whinfell, but several dropped out, meaning that only 4 of us went, which just wasn't as enjoyable.

Alt Alt: Nope, although I did develop a rather impressive chest infection when we were in Sweden.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:00, Reply)

italy intrigues me
mainly for the food
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:13, Reply)

We, as a country, have ruined italian food
I was shocked to see how much simpler the food is over there, but it is so much nicer.

Saw a guy with a 'pizza' that was nothing but a couple of pieces of mozarella, some rocket(?) and olive oil drizzled over it, that confused me.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:18, Reply)

i know, we fucking spank it.
i once got sounded out by an italian because i put onions AND garlic in something. in my defense, it was roasted red onion and roasted garlic cloves, not like i was just slapping white onion and garlic into a spag bol, but apparently it's a no-no.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:25, Reply)

Your mum.
Alt: Your mum.
Alt alt: I once struck your mum in the brown. Ruined the holiday.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:02, Reply)

that's enough to ruin ANYONE's holiday
she wouldn't have even broken stride.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:07, Reply)

May I put forward the beautiful island of Kos.
alt: Blackpool. Most of my childhood was spent at my awful grandparents there as my mother couldn't afford to take us anywhere nice.

Alt alt: Nope! which is surprising considering my lolbowels.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:04, Reply)

i shall investigate.
blackpool: at least it's not fucking skegness.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:08, Reply)

Actually I have to say Skiathos is fucking gorgeous and not remotely Ibiza-ey.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:14, Reply)

( Peej, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:14, Reply)

Scarpe wants to know why you've deleted him from Facebook
You've obviously got him on ignore as well so I'm having to ask the hardhitting questions round here
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:11, Reply)

You're like the Roger Cook of b3ta

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:15, Reply)

She can run from my incisive questioning but she can never escape the red glow of the gaz inbox

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:20, Reply)

Have I?
*investigates*
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:31, Reply)

Poor scarpe was on here in floods of tears.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:33, Reply)

Actually I think he'd just spilt gin on his cheeks,
when he was trying to get the bottle back in the cereal box.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:37, Reply)

Ah! I did.
Must have been when I was all emo. Undone now.

To be honest he didn't miss much. I temporarily deleted my FB account for a while.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:36, Reply)

i am glad that enough people stepped forward to say that they missed you enough for you to reactivate your facebook account and come back hre
any time you want attention, just ask
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:42, Reply)

Thanks petal but I'd hate to steal your thunder.

( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:55, Reply)

(deletes account)
(kills self)
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:56, Reply)

shoulda know you shut-ins wouldn't have much for me
you probably class the guest bedroom as being abroad, and the exotic foods aisle of tesco as interstellar travel.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:09, Reply)

I gave you a decent response!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:12, Reply)

you went somewhere once that was shit and boring
Move over Judith Chalmers
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:13, Reply)

+ I need to purge my micro-cock of your pulpy love juices on the patch of sheet you're lying on

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:15, Reply)

then you're not a shut-in, or at least, not aged 10 AICMFP
i replied and everything.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:14, Reply)

I was honest too
I'd spend a week in Baghdad before I went to Butlins again
( Peej, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:16, Reply)

do you ever get a random word stuck in your head that you've had to stop yourself from using?
I've had to catch myself just before saying fag twice now
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:10, Reply)

not that random a word tbh
just let 'er rip.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:16, Reply)

No but I looked at the word "Would" for too long the other day and its now too odd looking.

( Peej, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:17, Reply)

Alice in Chains etc.....

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:29, Reply)

Your nice snug bodybag on the ocean floor
Alt: Wells-Next-The-Sea(AKA Wells-Next-With-TheNoose AMIRITE!!!!)

Altalt: I took a walk to Sainsburys and got a pint of milk that looks nothing like a pint of milk because its a squashy looking fucker and a bottle of Soave. I went to the self-checkout and scanned the milk, prentended to scan the wine and payed 49 whole pennies for the lot. I then got myself a chip buttie with lashing of vinegar and sat in my car eating them and drinking the wine whilst reading 'I' and listening to Sarah Cocks on the wireless. My lunch break is over now but I still have a little bit of milk left.
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:11, Reply)

What's you budget.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:22, Reply)

I read this in the style of 'what's new pussycat?'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:23, Reply)

Woah woah woah

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:24, Reply)

probably up to £650 pp
ish.
marrakech looks nice too... but it's a bit pricier.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:25, Reply)

Sharm, you'll get 5* for that.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:37, Reply)

Like this
(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:47, Reply)

don't
go to Sharm. Vile place.
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:51, Reply)

Go to Essaouira, it's nicer.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:37, Reply)

Menorca was fucking lovely
I'd recommend there big style

Alt:
Butlins somewhere in Wales. GRIM

Alt Alt:
Nope.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:27, Reply)

You should spend it inside an extremely hot oven inside your local crematorium.
Alt: Gran Canaria.
AltAlt: No.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:32, Reply)

I liked Gran Canaria

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:40, Reply)

I liked your Gran.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:43, Reply)

+c

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:46, Reply)

I clicked his Gran.
She was well LOL.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:47, Reply)

i clocked his grol, it was well grand

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:49, Reply)

I did too
:o(
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:49, Reply)

Pleb.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:49, Reply)

Why?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:50, Reply)

It's a typical middle class conceit to say that you don't like popular things

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:52, Reply)

I see
I thought it was a really nice place. 5* hotel and all-inclusive too
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:53, Reply)

DOWN WITH POPULAR THINGS !!!
i'D RATHER SPEND A WEEK IN AN EITHOPIAN VILLAGE GETTIN IT 4 REEL AND ENJOYING THEIR AUTHENTIC CUISINE OF A BOILED SOCK
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:55, Reply)

Those socks don't half make them bloated

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 14:01, Reply)

hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 14:10, Reply)

Lol

( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 14:02, Reply)

Royan on the West Coast of France
Lovely place, and the waves come straight in off the Atlantic so are huge. Not too far from various chateaux and such.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:41, Reply)

Fort Boyard?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:48, Reply)

I got stuck around there in the currents for about an hour and a half
A jetskier had to pull me close to the shore.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:58, Reply)

/sailing a little boat, not swimming.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:59, Reply)

Gnarly dude

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:59, Reply)

Used to go as a kid
goo.gl/maps/pMpL

it were cracking. There and St-Jean-de-Monts, a bit further up.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 14:21, Reply)

Ibiza is a fantastic holiday destination, mearly avoid San Antonio and ibiza Town
the rest of the island is beautiful, with fantastic beaches, great food and it's small enouhg to easily explore.

also i hear Somalia is nice
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:56, Reply)

Denmark. Are you going right now?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 13:58, Reply)

*crosses fingers*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 14:11, Reply)

I'm going to EuroDisney at Christmas
Poor me
( Peej, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 14:04, Reply)

you will be afterwards

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 14:05, Reply)

Oh this^
Make sure you get the FastPass tickets for all the big rides you want to go on.......and don't eat.....ever
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 14:11, Reply)

I'm taking a 1 year old and a 4 year old, doubt there will be any rides worth going on

( Peej, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 14:19, Reply)

What a fucking waste of time and money, tell your wife she's an idiot

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 14:21, Reply)

Trust m, I told her over and over that they are too young
but she keeps going on that theres tonnes to do without the rides and its the magic of the place etc etc etc. I've just going to make sure I have enough booze with me to drown a baby elephant
( Peej, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 14:24, Reply)

i thought you were superbroke
what did you do, sell a kidney?
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 14:17, Reply)

Tax rebate
When my p60 came it turns out I am superbroke and earned less than I thought, so I got over a grand put in the back which the wife promptly spunked on a holiday
( Peej, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 14:19, Reply)

is she taking you with her?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 14:20, Reply)

I wish she wasn't

( Peej, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 14:24, Reply)

how the fuck does that work
your grand, should at least be a holiday where you can watch midgets having relations with farm animals in a tub of nutella, or whatever the fuck you're into these days... sheesh. it starts out as a small unobtrusive thumbprint like a bindi, before you know it you're standing in a vast valley marvelling how the ridges all seem to swirl round in concentric circles..
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 14:41, Reply)