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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Morning, gaybos.Friday is here, huzzah.
Tell the mongol hordes of your day's and weekend's plans.
Beaker: I have this morning made what I fear to be a spectacular error. Following a barrage of hostile and judgemental texts from my ex I flipped ever so slightly, and have told her that until my daughter is staying at mine for one night a month, tonight will be the last time I stay overnight at hers to give her a night off. If this bluff fails I shall miss out on being woken up by my little girl once a week (one of the greatest joys of my life) for the forseeable future - I am scred shitless.
Alt: Come on Tim!!!!!!
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:22,
184 replies,
latest was 13 years ago)
Seriously though.I hope it works out.
For Tim.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:29,
Reply)
I'm fucking crapping myself, Jeff.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:35,
Reply)
STAY STRONG MONTS! U R IN R HARTS 4EVA!!!!111!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :)(
Peej, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:10,
Reply)
Hahahaha you heartless sod jeffersPlus Ambs got your e-mail
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:28,
Reply)
I just listened to a Ragga Twins track and thought of you.And yeah, I got a semi.
(, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:32, Reply)
I love the Ragga Twins so very much.They own an offy in Hoxton called 'Cheap Booze' and all their tunes are made in a tiny studio underneath it, fact fans.
They made some of the best rave tunes ever.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:35,
Reply)
They're not the twins who sucked Philliejoejimbob off, are they?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:46,
Reply)
I swear its trueWhat I haven't really mentioned is that I was 12. I don't think it was the ragga twins though, more likely the rough twins
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Peej, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:08,
Reply)
Hope you aren't scred too much longer.Today is work, then tonight I'm off to Chester for my brother's stag weekend, should be fun!
I'm a tad pissed off though, one of my housemates opened the tumble drier last night to see if the stuff in it (mine) was dry. As it wasn't, they shut the door again, but somehow forgot to turn it back on. As a result, I've got to head home before going out tonight, potentially delaying me by up to an hour. Grr.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:36,
Reply)
Our thoughts are with you at this difficult time x(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:38,
Reply)
I know, it's a true tragedy.Tbh, it's the first time it's happened, so I'm not exactly heartbroken, just a bit annoyed that I'll be delayed due to someone being a fuckwit.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:40,
Reply)
Morning!I woke up after 4 hours sleep with vomit in my hair, what a great start to the day!
let's pretend that's from drinking and partying and not from being poorly.
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:37,
Reply)
What did we tell you at the weekend about "engaging"? You are supposed to be the sane one.
Berk.
I am going horse racing today. Free booze in our own suite at Sandown, who cares what the weather is like.
(, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:37, Reply)
It's very, very difficult not to, Stunned poster,when your day begins with a 7am text starting 'WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?'
I'm panicking now though. Hope you have a great day and don't shit yourself from drink.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:40,
Reply)
Next time it happens, text me first. She could make your life even more difficult if you don't manage her.
(, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:52, Reply)
Nowt. Just saying, if she texts you a load of shit, talk to someone before firing back replies that you're gonna regret.
(, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:55, Reply)
Keep your gob shut and mind your p and q's. Give it a few days to see how it is going to pan out.
(, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:02, Reply)
I never thought I'd say this, but listen to Stunned.YOU ARE ONLY ALLOWED TO THIS TIME THOUGH.
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wanderlust, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:04,
Reply)
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahaha
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:05,
Reply)
'But Lusty, Stunned poster told me to do it!'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:23,
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ONE NIGHT A MONTH!!??YOU ARE SO UNREASONABLE!!
But seriously, I think we could all rally round to help.
Does anyone want to contribute towards buying this for Monty?
www.amazon.co.uk/Rubies-Fancy-Dress-Superhero-Costume/dp/B001LPBGSS/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1341560339&sr=8-2
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:40,
Reply)
One portion of 'fuck', with a side order of 'off' for table two, please chef.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:42,
Reply)
Could I have a glass of 'you cunt' to go with that please?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:43,
Reply)
I have absolutely nothing planned at the momentThe potential of another Geordiepocalypse is high today so this could well scupper any plans anyway
I may make pizzas with the kids on Saturday if it is pissing down
Alt:
This could be what she needs though. High stakes so I hope it works out
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:41,
Reply)
She needs to come on Tim?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:42,
Reply)
'Hardball' (I'm so fucked off I'm on the US sports analogies) is unfortunately the source of my greatest successes with that bitch.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:43,
Reply)
You need a plan B.If she doesn't agree with you, have a plate of onions ready to rub into your eyes so you can say you are sorry with real tears.
Good luck though, nothing ventured etc.
Boring weekend at home for me, I may start work on a Panther tank, and have a bash at sorting my plumbing out.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:42,
Reply)
Whereas Monty should plump for sorting his bash out.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:52,
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You come and do my plumbing, I'll sort out the bash.I notice that HMS Victory is available for corporate events. *hint, hint*
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:06,
Reply)
Good luck sir.You are a mean old miserable bastard with a joyless heart and a cold, cold soul, but you are our mean old miserable bastard with a joyless heart and a cold, cold soul so I hope it works out for you.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:50,
Reply)
Half a day for me as my employers finish at midday our time WOOHOOThen a huge steak lunch with youngest (genetic) daughter. Drop her with her mum & then a few beers with Pooflake. Curry tonight with G/F & Emily.
As to the rest of the weekend, the plan is - there is no plan!
Beaker: Truly hope it works for you, missing their early years is awful.
(, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Shit news mate, I fear a hefty cunt punch might be the only answerTreasure hunt tomorrow with babies and 2 anniversary dinner in the evening; this post really sounds like I'm rubbing it in...
Edit: also mini ape took her first steps yesterday *prouds *
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:54,
Reply)
Awww.My ex never even told me when mine started walking. I saw it myself and was all excited, only to be told she'd been doing it for a while.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:58,
Reply)
She really, really needs to dhaakh immediatelyI think using a child as a 'weapon' in any fashion is about as low as you can get
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:00,
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Apart from using a pushchair to barge through irritatingly slow people.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:02,
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Dunno, I googled cunt punch on image searchand promptly discovered its not the best image search to do at work with the safe search off.
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Peej, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:05,
Reply)
Haven't seen that one for a while!(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:05,
Reply)
^^^this x 1 million.unfortunately there's more and more selfish counts doing just that, hope yours sees reason.
Stick to "never mind what you want, I'm going to do what the child wants" and you can't go wrong IMO.
(, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:27, Reply)
Damn those selfish aristocrats!The earls are even worse.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:29,
Reply)
My mate got knocked up 6 weeks ago so this Saturday is SHOTGUN WEDDING TIME!Then going to see a band on Sunday, I refuse to say which band on the grounds that it may incriminate me.
You need to take the hard line on this, yes it will break your heart in the short term but in the long run it will be better. I also think you need to stop paying, stick the money in an account for her instead. She is quite obviously using your love for your daughter as a weapon against you and there has to be a point where you stop letting her and sooner is better than later.
Alt: Sean Connery goes to Wimbledon!
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Peej, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 8:59,
Reply)
Also feel free to add any punctuation to my post as I obviously can't be bothered. (
Peej, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:02,
Reply)
I've added a question mark at the end of each line to make you sound Australian?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:03,
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Tennish!It's ok pj steps are ironically cool now.
6 weeks? That's not even long enough to have announced it
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:02,
Reply)
Oh yeh sorry she announced it 6 weeks agoShe's at 18 weeks now.
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Peej, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:03,
Reply)
Men's semi dayDid you know there hasn't been a British man in the Wimbledon final since 1938? Did you care? If Donkey Boy wins today the euphoria will be ridiculous. Enough to ignore the fact that whoever wins the other game today will DESTROY him.
Getting lashed tonight, let's see if I survive that (and the fucking weather) before making other plans. If I make it I might suggest to my nephew Noah that he builds a boat.
(, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:04, Reply)
It is a Welsh networking command to check connectivity(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:08,
Reply)
Oh god, I actually got this and lolled a little bit(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:09,
Reply)
hahsee those two houses? mine's the one in the middle
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:15,
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I can't wait until it's hard-on monday(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:14,
Reply)
Of course, this is a building site, technically you should have a hat hard on.What am I saying? I mean a hat hard on.
(, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:16, Reply)
Marc almond is on the bbcAll I can think of is pints of cum
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:06,
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Yeah, but what else do you think about?(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:08,
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That's the acoustics of the oak floors(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:13,
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No-one has insulted me enough latelyMy favourite was when I was called a reactionary prick or something because I said Michael Craig-Martins "An Oak Tree" was crap
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Peej, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:14,
Reply)
I don't see your sig changing...That reminds me, must update my sig
(, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:32, Reply)
Oh I thought you were just being nice I can't change my signature to that(
Peej, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:39,
Reply)
excellent plan, i'm sure she'll miss the night of freedom she's had because of youunless she's able to find another babysitter, i hope it works out thoguh
(, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:08, Reply)
Oh, shut up, Quentin!Shut your goddamn Jew mouth! You people are why there's war in the Middle East!
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Peej, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:13,
Reply)
Quentin ain't no damned jew, fool!come to think of it... Phillie Joe... Phillie Jew... it all makes so much sense now
(, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:18, Reply)
She told me to take my sneakers off outside the door last nightbecause she'd had the cleaner round.
She's on the dole.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:16,
Reply)
If the bluff fails - let's talk worse case scenario - she gets a sitter in, or just doesn't have a night offGive it a week and ask her how this is going for her and whether she'd like to reconsider, if it's all been heat of the moment up til now it might not last when she realises how much she's putting herself out. Or think of something else she wants in exchange for access. It will seem horrific to begin with but there's always a way around these things.
tl:dr - call Big Geoff, slip the pigs a fiver not to trawl the Thames for a couple of weeks, job done.
(, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Don't forget, my sister's a Detective Inspector these days.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:33,
Reply)
I'll give you one in a minute(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:44,
Reply)
You were doing ok until you said slip the pigs a fiverMonty's forgotten what a fiver looks like
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Peej, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:41,
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I've got a £2 book token, will that do?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:49,
Reply)
1. Stop winding yourself up about any potential consequences of this. As yet, there aren't any.2. Don't reply to texts or emails, unless they are civil.
3. Keep a diary of each time there is an 'issue'. Record as much detail as you can.
4. Keep all text messages and emails, you may need to demonstrate her lack of co-operation at some point in the future.
5. Understand you are allowed to be frustrated. The key is how to manage that frustration. Phone me if you need to instead of shouting at her.
6. Come & get drunk with me & Stunned at some point soon.
Alternatively, just kill yourself.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:34,
Reply)
Try it like this thenI. Prohibere curvis te usque de aliqua potentia consequuntur. Adhuc non sunt.
II. Auctoritates vel sodales non respondere, nisi civilis.
III. Servare commentarius de singulis tempore est 'exitum'. Commemorare tantum detail ut potest.
IV. Custodire text nuntius et sodales, ut opus demonstrare eius defectum co-operationem ad punctum in futurum.
V. Licere intellexi frustrari. Clavem est quam ad curo quod preoccupo. Phone me si opus ad pro clamore eius.
VI. Venit & inebriari me & luctu ad punctum mox.
E, iustus occidere te.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:52,
Reply)
The return translation is almost poetic.1. Consequent upon thee, even because of some power to prohibit the curves. Yet they are not.
2. Or members of the authorities he did not answer, but before the law.
3. Keep a record of each time there is a 'way out'. Can only mention that detail.
4. To keep the text, and members of the news that I may need to show that his lack of co-operation to the point in the future.
5. Understood to be frustrated. The key is how to manage that frustration. Phone me if you need to cry for her.
6. Come and get drunk and I grief to the point soon.
E, just to kill you.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:57,
Reply)
Leah Betts lols at the end.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:57,
Reply)
Stunned becomes 'grief'. Hahahahaha.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 10:00,
Reply)
I always wondered what the Latin for phone was(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:58,
Reply)
It is a Greek word, is it not?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:59,
Reply)
Last night I accused a friend of mine of being emo when we were at school together and emo now we're in our thirtiesShan't be hearing from him for a while I fancy
(, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:45, Reply)
You have flouncy friends thenMorning Darth
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:48,
Reply)
9. Bite your tongueShe is spoiling for a fight. Don't give her one. Or a fight
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:43,
Reply)
Tonight meeting a mate, it was meant to be a load of us now it looks like it'll just be the two of us.(, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:45, Reply)
I'm sure it will still be a lovely day.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:50,
Reply)
It really isn't, you northerner are going to get washed out to sea(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:54,
Reply)
This may be trueI have brought my flippers to work
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:57,
Reply)
May I remind you that I am able to spell and typeWhilst you seem only able to scratch your armpits with your tiny flid hands
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:59,
Reply)
On SUNDAYI'm am going into LONDON. I shall possibly be going to some MUSEUM followed by DINNER and DRINKS.
Saturday I am going out with the FAMILY for my mother's BIRTHDAY.
Beaker: Currently I have nothing. Soz.
Alt: Who?
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Kroney, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:48,
Reply)
Thanks for the invite you French fuckThe least you could do is come round and fix my router
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:53,
Reply)
Stitch her up, plant some b OMB making materials at her house then inform the police.
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:49,
Reply)
do you think that by using a lowercase b and leaving a space the anti terror police won't find you, Bob?(, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:52, Reply)
No I'm just a spastic on an iad
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:54,
Reply)
I can't even be bothered to strikethrough this(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:56,
Reply)
Don't even need to do that. Light a fake cigarettethe filth go fucking nuts for them.
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Kroney, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:54,
Reply)
Just for the recordI really liked that album Robert Plant did with Alison Krauss. I was reminded of this while pissing just now.
As you were.
(, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 9:55, Reply)
I drank 5 pints last nightWoke with a banging headache this morning
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 10:05,
Reply)
2 unlimiteds less successfuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz(
Peej, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 10:13,
Reply)
Have you heard the Beak> album?That is v good.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 10:03,
Reply)
I prefer the work of her brother Billy.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 10:06,
Reply)
Not since that misunderstanding with the girl next door.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 10:11,
Reply)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICJ1NaSS1ZE
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 10:10,
Reply)
Their whole LP is excellent, if you don't know it.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 10:17,
Reply)
I've just been listening to all the other tracks linked from that one.I only knew that one before.
In other psych news, I got a copy of the Tomorrow album yesterday. On first listen there don't appear to be any duff tracks on it...
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 10:24,
Reply)
It's v good.Didn't Twink drum on that?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 10:26,
Reply)
Only once, I think.Edit: Oh it's gone now.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 10:27,
Reply)
Strangely there are some Lols to be had on the best of qotw page(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 6 Jul 2012, 10:17,
Reply)
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