A new thread as requested.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:44, 102 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:44, Reply)

Compared with this, my earlier Two Ronnies parody is like Peter Cook's best work.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:46, Reply)

You should learn to be careful what you wish for.
At the moment I am wishing that you get raped by a diseased baboon.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:49, Reply)

So, to clarify, you mean I should be careful of what *you* wish for?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:51, Reply)

Both. You requested a new thread. I provided one. I offered no claims as to the quality of said thread.
You also need to be careful of what I have wished for.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:52, Reply)

i only sew with 100% silk thread

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:11, Reply)

My wife does my sewing for me.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:13, Reply)

my servant does mine for me
by which i mean it stays in the back of the wardrobe, never to be sewn and never to be worn again
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:20, Reply)

WORST THREAD EVER

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:44, Reply)

pretty sure my malc's uncle story will save it

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:57, Reply)

FUCK OFF BACK TO PASTY-LAND - THIS THREAD IS SHIT.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:45, Reply)

WE DON'T WANT HIM!

( Peej, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:14, Reply)

You're rich, buy me one of these plz xxx
www.guardian.co.uk/technology/video/2012/jul/30/kuratas-japanese-robot-iphone-video?intcmp=239
(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:46, Reply)

I can't afford that soz.
Looks cool though. And it's a great excuse for a bigger shed, as I'd need somewhere to store it.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:48, Reply)

When I get my landfill mining buisness I'll buy it and claim it on expenses.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:49, Reply)

Can I have a go?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:51, Reply)

Sure, I'll bring it to all the ba5he5

(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:51, Reply)

Excellent.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:53, Reply)

We get to play "shoot the autisms with ball bearings"
which probably needs a better name.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:54, Reply)

I'll give it some thought. Only fair I do my bit.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:56, Reply)

Ping Mong.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:59, Reply)

What, nothing?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:04, Reply)

That's GOLD, you fucking ingrates.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:04, Reply)

Yeaaaaahhhh

(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:04, Reply)

Howdy Chompers,
Has QOTW actually been shut down?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:07, Reply)

Yeah, everyone moans to much and it's shit so they've got rid of it.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:20, Reply)

Is it a permanent shutdown or just for a few weeks until Janet calms down?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:21, Reply)

Sad times.
You must be distraught.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:28, Reply)

I've been crymaxing since thursday.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:33, Reply)

haha.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:05, Reply)

Fucking hell it's wooks!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:11, Reply)

Oi oi.
I have had to cover reception this afternoon and I "forgot" to bring any of my actual work with me.

How's tricks?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:15, Reply)

Not bad.
In gainful employment til June, which is nice. Your good self?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:19, Reply)

it's july now, you idiot!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:23, Reply)

Next June you flid.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:27, Reply)

Excellent news!

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:29, Reply)

hey come on now no need for that
easy mistake to make
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:30, Reply)

Soz.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:35, Reply)

"I've got a contract for another year" would have been more acceptable for the sake of clarity.

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:45, Reply)

Haaahahahahahahahaha

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:27, Reply)

following on from
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1687473 (thanks for asking Monty)

Malc was telling us this story about his dodgey uncle, which his dad told him last week.
His dad and his uncle used to hang about in the same social club for years (in Kent, so you know they're pikeys even if 'social club' wasn't a big enough clue).

and anyway they were in this social club one night and the barman's telling malc's dad all about how their fruit machines got robbed the night before, someone had broken in and emptied all the gaming machines throughout the whole bar.
then malc's uncle decides to get a round in, asks everyone what they want and goes to the bar with malc's dad, orders about a dozen pints for their group and when the barman says the round comes to £30 quid or whatever, malc's uncle reaches into his pockets and pulls out fistfuls of change, £1s, 50ps and 20ps, counts it out exactly on the bar and hands it all over to the barman without even flinching, while malc's dad realises what's happened and quietly shits himself in the corner.

lol?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:56, Reply)

No. Not a lol at all.
1/10. Try harder otherwise you'll be sent for extra tuition.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:58, Reply)

get to fuck battered, just cos you can't reach the slot on the fruit machine

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:58, Reply)

I bet you secretly missed me last week didn't you?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:04, Reply)

honestly, i swear on my mother's life i didn't even know you were gone

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:05, Reply)

Thanks.
*sniff*
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:06, Reply)

ROFLCOPTERS

(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 14:58, Reply)

i've heard this before.
Malc is s liar.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:11, Reply)

more specifically, malc's dad is a liar

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:45, Reply)

tldr

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:16, Reply)

i've never heard you complain about length before

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:45, Reply)

well, no
i imagine it's a complaint you've never had
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 16:06, Reply)

yes, i am somewhat well endowed

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 16:11, Reply)

there is no question?
where is the question? pls to provide a question?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:10, Reply)

what is the time?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:12, Reply)

time battered asked a decent question?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:15, Reply)

Can Monty borrow a few grand?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:12, Reply)

yes, i think you should lend it to him
0% interest and first repayment date 01/01/3001.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:15, Reply)

I ain't subsidising the Columbian export market!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:28, Reply)

I was asked to start a thread. This request did not include a requirement for a question to be included.
I hope this clarifies this matter for you and fully answers your questions.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:13, Reply)

well, it's part of qotw
therefore i expect a q. if you want statement of the week, i think you'll find it somewhere up your own arse.

i hope that this will encourage you to reconsider your approach and start playing properly.

lots of love,

swipe QC
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:14, Reply)

Given the flatus I've expelling today you wouldn't want to anywhere near my arse.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:17, Reply)

this is true of pretty much everyone's arse, to be fair
the not wanting to hang around it, not the ghastly trumpet. THAT is unique to you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:18, Reply)

I think it's a reaction to all the delicious seafood I had last week.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:20, Reply)

i think that none of us needed to know about it
but thanks for sharing, k
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:21, Reply)

QOTW is dead
Why do the talk people call it QFTW?
( Peej, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:17, Reply)

QUESTIONS FOR THE WEAK

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:21, Reply)

I thought you said you couldn't take silk?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:30, Reply)

What's the capital of China?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:16, Reply)

urrrrgh
i was reading about foot-binding at the weekend and now you have reminded me of it. thanks for that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:18, Reply)

Plezsh

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:19, Reply)

they broke the fucking toes
and then the fucking arch and then bent the fucking toes into the fucking arch, and..... fuck.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:19, Reply)

Shall I post a picture of a bound foot for you?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:21, Reply)

NO
this is going to be right up there with AA's rabbit bullying
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:21, Reply)

*sings Bright Eyes*

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:22, Reply)

that song makes me cry
only my tax bill and the tube in the morning can achieve that otherwise
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:29, Reply)

t l
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:32, Reply)

Where do babies come from?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:17, Reply)

Who put the Ram in the Ramma Lamma Ding Dong?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:17, Reply)

Who put the cunt in Scunthorpe?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:18, Reply)

oh, NOW you're asking questions

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:19, Reply)

Well start answering them then FFS.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:20, Reply)

I DON'T KNOW THE ANSWERS
I DON'T KNOW ALLLLL THE ANSWERS
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:21, Reply)

Same person who put the penis in Penistone.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:20, Reply)

and the bop-she-bop-she-bop
and the ram-a-lam-ading-dong
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:23, Reply)

Who also named Fingringhoe

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:24, Reply)

Why can't dogs look up?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:31, Reply)

Oh great. It's you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:32, Reply)

I'd like to think that each of my posts makes your life a little bit more execrable.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:36, Reply)

I'd like to think you've just found out that you have an incurable tumour
and all your family have just been wiped out in a freak accident.

And that your wife is a parasol-wielding lolgoth.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:38, Reply)

you've just found out that you have an incurable tumour
and all your family have just been wiped out in a freak accident.

And that your wife is a parasol-wielding lolgoth.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:40, Reply)

THIS MAKES SENSE!

(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:43, Reply)

I inspired the Talk Talk album.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:45, Reply)

Now I'm no TalkTalk expert
but I am pretty sure they haven't done an album called 'annoying turd'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:50, Reply)

It was an underground release.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:52, Reply)

Why do birds suddenly appear, every time, I go out of my front fucking door?
A: because I am well fit innit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:31, Reply)

Nah, you've probably just got some crumbs stuck in your hair.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:33, Reply)

because I am well fit innit. carrying a small bag of Trill to have for my lunch.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:33, Reply)

Contains hemp seeds, fact fans.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:34, Reply)

If any of you shop online at tesco
You should make sure you don't use that password anywhere else, as it's one of the least secure sites out there:

www.troyhunt.com/2012/07/lessons-in-website-security-anti.html
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:28, Reply)

make sure you don't use that password anywhere else, as it's one of the least secure sites out there stop doing so as they are EVIL.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:39, Reply)

IVE DUN NU TRED

(PsychoChomp, Mon 30 Jul 2012, 15:45, Reply)