I'm at Doncaster station, Doncaster looks like a shithole
Have you all missed me today, I've been very busy and important and secretive and shit. Are the QOTW autists behaving themselves?

Alt: tell me your real name, address and bank details.

Altalt: I need a pork chop recipe
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:32, 90 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

my pin number is 2390

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:35, Reply)

*steals all your monies*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:36, Reply)

mines 2328,
we're like half pin brothers.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:59, Reply)

I have three pin number numbers and none of them have much in common with yours.
I can only conclude that I have a larger penis and sexier eyebrows.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:54, Reply)

wait,
my other pin is 1335.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 18:06, Reply)

I might change mine all to 8008

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 18:33, Reply)

no
alt my name is
altalt frying pan, non stick spray
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:37, Reply)

you know, for etsy to be soooo artsy and shit they're seriously disappointing in the baby blanket department

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:38, Reply)

You want to talk to poppet.
She made a nice one for Aber's babba.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:40, Reply)

does she have an etsy page?
we aren't even pregnant yet so no sex so no name or date
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:41, Reply)

No, I don't think so.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:44, Reply)

I meant to say does she EVEN have etc
because I was implying she isn't qualified but I don't actually know, do I?

anyway, I've found one I think I like that will do all personalized shizz around the border.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:46, Reply)

tinyurl.com/d7bbgmy
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:46, Reply)

Aw. That's cute.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:48, Reply)

i thought that said 'big brother is lame'
you should get one that reads 'no, i will not stop fucking crying' all the way round the edge. in comic sans.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:50, Reply)

nana won't be happy

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:13, Reply)

I was gonna salt it before I cooked it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:39, Reply)

garlic powder and breadcrumbs
or in the oven with onion and mushroom
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:41, Reply)

Breaded, interesting...not sure I can be arsed though
But thank you for your thoughtful and American answer
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:43, Reply)

why's it gotta be american?
eh? eh?
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:45, Reply)

You guys love breading and frying stuff
Fried chicken, chicken fried steak, unlucky fried kitten etc et
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:47, Reply)

you can bake it, bitch

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:02, Reply)

pork chops belong in the bin
along with bacon, sausage, ham and all other porcine products.

hope this helps xx
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:38, Reply)

listen, I like you, but you are dead wrong here

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:40, Reply)

it means MOAR pig for you
i think this should bring us closer together, not drive us apart
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:51, Reply)

Hmm.. did you have a bad experience with a "sausage" once? this could have provoked these negative associations.
(relurks)
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:09, Reply)

Alright moi luvver?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:40, Reply)

Worst. Gentile. Ever.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:41, Reply)

I like this

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:42, Reply)

Haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:48, Reply)

Internet accomplishment. Secret Level Unlocked.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:55, Reply)

I'm in Retford now and I have a can of stella

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:49, Reply)

pint can, or regular can?
THIS IS IMPORTANT!
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:53, Reply)

Pint!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:56, Reply)

I think, it's 500ml

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:57, Reply)

that's probably ok then,

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:58, Reply)

you know, normally, it's written on the can.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:58, Reply)

Yeah but Tony bLIAR let those fat cat beurocrats in Brussels steal our imperial measurements!
*sings rule Britannia*
*goes down with ship*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:00, Reply)

*fires ten gun salute*
*jumps off the ramparts whistling Jerusalem*
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:01, Reply)

Porkchop sandwiches.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:49, Reply)

dip your raw pork chop in a cup of weak tea.
make sure you put the milk in first.

then boil it for an hour.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:51, Reply)

Hello

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:52, Reply)

alright pigso?
how goes it? i am home alone for 2 nights - hubby in southampton, daughter camping in the wilds of north norfolk. what shall i do tonight?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:54, Reply)

i can come over and thumb my flaccid penis up your bottom if you like.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:55, Reply)

Stick the chops up your arse.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:52, Reply)

I choose to imagine you
As a dyslexic member of the Chinese community.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:11, Reply)

+ who likes shoving things up arses.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:12, Reply)

I've never been to Doncaster
Marko Washington, 13 Bridge Street, Account number 80216941

Cook it under a grill, put it on a plate, top with ready salted crisps. Eat.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:52, Reply)

I wish you were joking

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:57, Reply)

it's what my dad used to cook for us every sunday.
He's a fucking culinary genius.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:57, Reply)

Clearly
The original Heston
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 16:58, Reply)

nah, he's more a Ferran Adria.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:01, Reply)

+ services

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:28, Reply)

I am now in Newark with no more Stella :(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:01, Reply)

I reckon you could probably confuse the trolley boy/girl/thing long enough to steal enough cans for the rest of your journey.
They don't strike me as the smartest people.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:02, Reply)

You don't understand, I am the trolley boy/girl :(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:06, Reply)

pre op or post op?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:29, Reply)

Oh look its 5pm and everyone has fucked off home instead of being at work pissing about on here

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:04, Reply)

shut up you filthy whoremosexual

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:10, Reply)

One of our engineers lives in "Dunneh"
he looks like shit, too.
( Kroney, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:08, Reply)

ur all quenderously bent
HTH xx
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:13, Reply)

I was in york today dozer
Meetings all day though
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:21, Reply)

I work in Leeds bbz
Soz.

Did you have a pint at the Tap?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:25, Reply)

Nah no time unfortunately
Although it is in my top ten pubs
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 18:02, Reply)

I'm in Grantham and have 2 Stellas

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:20, Reply)

Next stop Peterborugh

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:22, Reply)

THEN WE TAKE BERLIN!!

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:24, Reply)

In a pincer movement, via Stevange.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:27, Reply)

We're slowing might be there soon

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:33, Reply)

You tell the best stories.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:44, Reply)

Thanks DG, I don't know what the next stop is it's quite exciting

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 18:04, Reply)

We did Stevange to York a couple of weeks ago.
The train journey was fab, we even had complementary nosh and booze.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:45, Reply)

What, east coast are now offering blow jobs as part of their service?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:55, Reply)

Free in first class

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 18:03, Reply)

Makes a change from being shafted up the arse by their prices I suppose.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 18:22, Reply)

Hullo
Bye
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:38, Reply)

wait,
i have an answer to the question you posed me this morning about your fat kids, but i'm not typing it all out if you've fucked off.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:46, Reply)

I'll listen if you feel the need to talk to somebody.
I'm like fucking Frasier me.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 17:59, Reply)

I'm listening
And watching




And wanking
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 18:02, Reply)

Does scratching that scar really count as wanking?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 18:06, Reply)

well,
i guess i could type out the reply here for you, and then when he turns up tomorrow just link him to the post in this thread. But i'm not sure the content of the reply will be of any interest to you whatsoever.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 18:08, Reply)

I'm not going to read it.
I'm just going to nod sagely and ask you about your mother.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 18:09, Reply)

Were you breast fed?
Did she have large breasts?
When was the last time you saw her naked?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 18:10, Reply)

yes,
yes
i don't know.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 18:11, Reply)

Mm hmm.
And when you have erotic thoughts about her, are you the dominant or submissive party?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 18:23, Reply)

wait, hang on, what?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 18:25, Reply)

And when you dream about fighting your father for the affections of you mother
do you typically win the fight? Or lose the fight? Or does the fight become a sexual encounter?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 18:31, Reply)

Merkins still spend hundreds of millions of dollars on this shite.
No wonder their entire continent is fucked.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 18:32, Reply)

I've been counting the negative comments about QOTweakers
I haven't slept in days and now you've made me lose count.

Doncaster is awful though.

Bank details to follow.

Altalt: I mainly turn cereal crops into pigs, I don't eat 'em much but here we use these Ziploc bags and marinade chops with fresh herbs of choice, splash of oil and some minced garlic. A few hours seems to do the trick. Grill or fry gently and remember not to overcook them. Porks these days are safe to eat a little pink, forget all that shite yer granny told you about worms unless your supplier is some kind of hippy organic production geezer with 12 pigs in an orchard.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 20:27, Reply)

Wibble.

(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 22:48, Reply)