Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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long thread is long!i have to do some interviews this morning. what can i ask the nervous newbies? what about you, are you Good Cop or Bad Cop?
alt: what food stuff would you ban forever more?
altalt: do you iron your underwear? tell us something you are really anal about.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:34,
159 replies,
latest was 14 years ago)
Ask them what their preferred wanking environment is.don't employ anyone who doesn't say "bushes"
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:35,
Reply)
a wanking environment?this is highly specialised.
what if one of them says something really wrong, like "a nursery" ?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:37,
Reply)
See aboveif it's not bushes, they're not in.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:38,
Reply)
ask them if they prefer the MC5 to the Stooges.I would ban courgettes.
No I do not. I'm really anal about music and 'alternative culture'.
*grows Wilf Lunn moustache*
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:36, Reply)
this is where you are most Wrong of allcourgettes are awesome. sheekys does parmesan crusted fried courgettes with salsa dip - better than chips.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:37,
Reply)
oh babygirl, once again you appall me.Courgettes are the devil's cucumbers.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:41, Reply)
Griddled courgettes are excellentAs are roasted
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:43,
Reply)
I did some aubergine on the barbeque at the weekend. Delicious. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:49,
Reply)
the greek restaurant near me does them griddled with greek cheese on topfucking amazing
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:54,
Reply)
noHe's made a remarkable recovery.
Please stop the vicarious bullying of Hercules.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:42, Reply)
Pink or brown?alt: Tinned tuna
altalt: Nothing at all, genuinely
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:37,
Reply)
altalt: I'm quite anal about anal.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:38,
Reply)
Generally Good Cop in interviewsEvery 4th or 5th question, ask them one on general knowledge. You need people who know more than their job title
Alt:
Bamboo shoots and water chestnuts. Odd crunchy weird textured cunts
AltAlt:
No. I am anal about loading the dishwasher. If Mrs Cow loads it I can get at least twice the amount of stuff in there by doing in properly
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:40,
Reply)
people that can't load dfishwaters = spacial spaktards(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:41,
Reply)
YepPut the fucking plates in straight FFS
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:44,
Reply)
If they're stupid enough to put "cool" or interesting hobbies in their CVsmake sure you ask them about those. Half the time they are lying.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:41,
Reply)
I put DJing, comedy writing and American Postwar Fiction on mine.Chicks dig those.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:46, Reply)
you use your CV to pull with?l33t skillz, Dozer.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:49,
Reply)
I do a lot better in interviews when women interview me.Except for one time- the interviewer looked like Deauxma. I didn't know where to look.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:59, Reply)
Ditto the dishwasher thingwhy can't people grasp that water flows downhill, once the machine has sprayed it upwards, so everything must go in upside down and not on top of each other? ???
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:46, Reply)
This better be an igor level comedy accountor police dog. If it's shit we're going to hunt it and burn it.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:43,
Reply)
what part of this is meant to be reassuring?!?(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:47,
Reply)
Hi b3thI'm planning on using the age old formula of pretending to be your best board buddy to avoid any future unpleasant bannings.
kl bns m8
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:54,
Reply)
kewl.I thought we already *were* bestest buds, though?
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:59,
Reply)
I'm just making it clear to the board that if they ever go behind my back, goin over my head to the mods, I've got it covered*gangsignz*
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:06,
Reply)
Ask them if they know any good jokesThen when they tell you one just say "Hmm...I see" then scribble a note.
Failing that, give them some basic geography questions. Capitals cities, the great lakes of Northern America, that sort of thing.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:42,
Reply)
You're really in a minefield with interview questions, especially with lawyery types.Don't envy you at all, it'll only take one slip by you and you'll be sued. I refused to do interviews in my last two posts for this very reason.
Alt: Mayonnaise, Salad cream, Red/Brown sauce - in fact ALL cold sauces.
Altalt: Can't think of anything I'm really anal about.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:43, Reply)
I refused to interview people for jobs in the companyI asked for company guidelines on interviewing - nothing. I asked for the transcripts/notes from previous interviews - nothing.
I refused point-blank to interview people in the absence of those two BASIC pieces of information.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:47, Reply)
It'll look something likeIF (candidate is shit) THEN
PROMOTETOMANAGER()
Oh I don't fucking know. Not done BASIC in 30 years.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:15, Reply)
sued?what sort of fucking questions were you planning to ask? there isn't much you can get yourself into trouble for as an interviewer unless you're a complete autism or idiot..
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:44,
Reply)
I mean, granted, anything that would be construed as discrimination or harassment in a normal working environmentwould be an issue in an interview, but I kind of assumed most people know not to do that kind of shit.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:48,
Reply)
That's the wrong assumption to make for a man who planned to make his millions selling assault rifles.(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:50, Reply)
Yep,sued!Asking females about family plans. Asking about hobbies (no, really!). Asking about social media activity, etc etc.
Don't do it Swipey!!
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:50, Reply)
Why don't you ask them questions about the job instead, and stop being such a nosey cunt(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:51,
Reply)
there's nothing wrong with asking about hobbies. They have every right to say "none of your business"Asking women about family plans would fit squarely into column (b) up there of being "a fucking idiot", ditto asking about social media unless they bring it up.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:51,
Reply)
Family plans is completely inappropriate, how can you not know that?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:52,
Reply)
I was rather wondering that.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:52,
Reply)
I knew thatMy Ex-boss didn't (or he did and most likely thought this bit didn't actually apply to HIM) and asked not one but THREE applicants the same question in interviews - even after being briefed by the HR manager.
The Financial controller/Company secretary managed to keep the subsequent costs down.
This was only three years ago BTW.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:58, Reply)
So, given that you know this, and therefore we can assume that you're unlikely to do the same since you profess not to be a complete retardwe can only really conclude that your "outright refusal" to do interviews is another one of those things about you, where you appear to take great delight in petty obstinacy.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:01, Reply)
it isand yet i always find that a bit harsh on the employer, especially small employers. if you take someone on, and they promptly disappear for a number of months afterwards, it can be v difficult. also, i have no kids and don't intend to have kids, so i am expected to cover at all the evening functions/client events where those who have to go home to look after children can't be there. and i yet get paid no more for giving up all that free time.
it's really difficult. i have no idea what the answer is that could keep the employer, the family people, and the single people, all happy.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:06,
Reply)
Simple answerDon't give up free time. sell it. That's what employment is, selling your time/skills to someone who expects to make a profit for aforementioned time/skills.
The argument 'It's part of the job' is utter bollocks in 2012. You are selling your heartbeats, sell them dearly.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:14, Reply)
this is the best troll post on here in ages (
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:19,
Reply)
Not trolling, I mean it.Far too many employers get more than they pay for. If i went to a supermarket and paid £100 for groceries and then decided to take up to 30% more than I'd paid for, I'd be a thief. So is any employer who expects unpaid work. You want it, you pay for it.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:26, Reply)
My contract (and I imagine Swipes and a lot of people's here)simply stipulates that I must do what is necessary to complete my job. No fixed hours, no specification of not working weekends, or evenings, or all night if necessary.
So I fail to see how any of your post makes sense to my job. Plus, doing the bare fucking minimum is a sure fire way to never get anywere in your chosen career.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:51,
Reply)
Who mentioned the bare minimum?'simply stipulates that I must do what is necessary to complete my job. No fixed hours, no specification of not working weekends, or evenings, or all night if necessary.'
That's not a contract.
That's almost slavery. Seriously? You have absolutely no control over how many hours of your life your employer can demand?
Small edit. Have you opted out of the working time directive?
Take what you're paid/year. Divide it by the hours you work/year. That's your hourly rate, whether your contract says you're paid hourly or not.
Make a decision as to whether that amount of money is worth an hour of your life that you'll never get back.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 12:03, Reply)
Except you can go home at the end of the day, have a nice supper, catch up with Eastenders, maybe plan a three week break in Lansarote, come back in the next morning for seven sharp all refreshed and ready to tackle the problems of the dayinstead of mumbling about what your contract states, traipsing in at 9.05 clock watching for the day, and leaving at 17.01, huffing and puffing if you have to empty the bin next to your desk because these are precious heartbeats that you're giving away when it should be the contract cleaner doing that instead.
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 12:17,
Reply)
Biiiig leap there RoryMy beef has probably been subsumed here. I'll lay it out.
A contract is between two legal entities. If you're happy with your contract - fine & dandy with me. I, however, make sure that I get paid for what I'm selling, like in any business transaction. If the contract is too onerous on one side it's up to you if you take it. Just remember when you're sitting there getting bollocked/disciplined for being 20 mins late that your employer won't even remember the extra 120 hours work you did - FOR FREE - last/this year/quarter/month. I've seen it happen, shit, it's even happened to me.
Employers are no longer philanthropists in stovepipe hats building orphanages and throwing sixpences out of their carriage windows. They are the customers of your time and skills. As with any customer, treat them as well as you can afford but don't let them steal from you.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 12:43, Reply)
Dunno, that' a crap attitude that has held you back from promotions and caused your redundancy in the pastComparing heavily regulated employment in a G20 member of the European Union to slavery is pretty pathetic.
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 13:01,
Reply)
You may think it's a crap attitude but it's just businessBusinesses work that way, why shouldn't employees? I reiterate, it's a sale. You selling your skills and time to someone for money. They then sell the proceeds/product of your skills and time for profit. I'm not adversarial with employers, I'm honest. If the contract doesn't suit either of us we're free to walk away*, no hard feelings.
Never lose sight of the fact that, if you give something for free, the recipient places no value on it. If you give your time for free, your employer places no value on it and may/will come top expect his/her extra 20% for free. What you give away devalues what you sell, if you're selling your heartbeats you're devaluing your own life.
*Just done that
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 13:12, Reply)
I would have thought that being morbidly obese should really be your concern in terms of 'devaluing your own life' Forever thinking that your employer is getting one over on you doesn't sound like it's particularly conducive to you being productive, happy, or liked at work.
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 13:18,
Reply)
Have you started drinking again?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:49,
Reply)
Ha.No, it was in specific response to that particular post, not a general 'your my besht mate, you are'.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:56,
Reply)
It's not particularly taxing to ask standard prepared questions written by your HR department(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:50,
Reply)
After my interview for this company, one of the interviewers (by then my boss) told me that he'd bet the other interviewer a fiver that I was gay, based purely on my CV.
Following the interview he begrudgingly handed the fiver over.
After two weeks of working with me he asked for it back.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:52, Reply)
Ask them why they think they should get the job, Then ask them what experience they have that rslates to to the role in question, then attempt to establish if they will fit with the current team by asking a few questions about the things they enjoy, and how they socialise with others, ask about any commitments they have in the near future, and anything that might impede them in their work. Then ask if they're comfortable with naked friday and wank off the boss Mondays, and you'll soon know who is the best.
I get rid of shit processed cheese, horrible crap.
I'm anal about very little except my moustache, gotta be straight or it winds me up all day. Also, poo in moustache anal joke lol.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:44,
Reply)
"wank off the boss mondays"?sooooooo glad we don't have that here.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:45,
Reply)
every day is wank off the boss day when you're in the E street band.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:48,
Reply)
No, that's "The Boss is a wanker"and it applies to every band. And every fan of every band. And those who don't like music.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:53, Reply)
what kind of tash do you have that goes all wonky?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:47,
Reply)
handlebar.I am in a village people tribute act.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:49,
Reply)
Nah, geography questionsIt's the only way to be sure
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:54,
Reply)
I get someone else to ask the questions & I just observe.Alt: Nuts.
AltAlt: I don't like other people using my laptop, phone or iPad.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:46,
Reply)
After an abominable revelation on the part of the newest, and youngest, member of our teammy boss and I have decided that all future interviews will include the question "Who would win a fight between Commander Data and Wolverine, and why?" in order to ensure suitable levels of geekiness in staff.
Try that.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:47, Reply)
There's a short answer and a long answer hereand I suspect you will take the piss out of me for either.
Wolverine.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:58, Reply)
Data can't self-repairHe also wouldn't shoot first, and Wolverine's reactions are quick enough to keep him at sufficient distance to do all the damage once he'd disarmed him
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:04, Reply)
I still say WolverineDoubt Lore could put him down with a single shot
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:14, Reply)
Ask them which bits in their CV are lies.I think I'd go for being Creepy Cop.
Alt: I think it would be simpler just to avoid any food I don't want to eat, rather than outright banning them.
Altalt: I don't iron my underwear, but there is a correct way to do most things and I would prefer to see people do them like that. Or to put it another way: I am anally retentive about nearly everything.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 10:57,
Reply)
Have you been spying on me?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:03,
Reply)
Ask them if they think your bum looks big in that skirt.Alt: peppers. Then I'd ban them again, just to make sure. LOL jk I can't ban anything.
Alt: I barely iron my outerwear.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:02,
Reply)
How did you get the job?Did you ask them, or were you headhunted?
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:03, Reply)
I sent Rob gazzes of my bumhole until he caved.(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:04,
Reply)
I'm not sure.I don't think so though, sorry.
And to be fair, I'm not sure I would if I could. Why don't you log in as one of your wacky comedy accounts if you want to heckle him some more?
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:09,
Reply)
You say that as if you think I have dozens of accounts.Why do people think that? I have never had more than one other account, people just assumed that there couldn't possibly be more than one person who enjoyed joking around on the internet.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:13, Reply)
I have never understood why anyone would want more than one account.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:14,
Reply)
The other one was a joke called "Cheeses Swept" and it used to pop up and say the same thing about Blaireu over and over again.(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:15, Reply)
Sometimes you need somewhere to go and potter without the wife nagging you all the time.(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:19, Reply)
I like that.It properly gets you away from everything. It's just you and a tin of slug pellets.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:23, Reply)
Plus the faint smell of creosote and plenty of things hanging from hooks. (, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:24, Reply)
I was going to make some snide comment about how your size stretches your clothing tight, thus smoothing any creases out.But I won't as I don't want to make an enemy of a mod.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:06,
Reply)
For fucks sakeCaptain Placid really is a spastic little cunt isn't he. He's all fucking bluster and attitude, but you point it out to him and he gets upset and puts you on ignore!
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:05, Reply)
You're definitely winning at the game of 2.0GO AL !!
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:08,
Reply)
You're so much more offensive than I am, and yet people go "Oh that Rory, he's so funny"and all I do is point out the available facts and they say "You're a horrible bully" and "you're actually a cunt it's not just the internet" and "You actually hate me".
It's like people have completely double standards!?
Seriously Rorypops, what am I doing wrong?
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:11, Reply)
I don't know al, you're still king of the popular board, and let's face it you're only as good as your last post round heredon't lose heart.
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:16,
Reply)
I actually believe you're more than likely not a cunt at all off the internetbased on the testimony of others
HTH
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:17, Reply)
What if I told you that the others who testified that he is not a cunt, are fans of Oasis?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:18,
Reply)
I bet you're actually really thick in real life as well as on here.(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:22, Reply)
it hurts because it's troooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:26,
Reply)
Never mind Nakersgo and play with your baby, there's at least a couple of years until she's smarter than you.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:27, Reply)
*forces circle through square hole*IN YOUR FACE EARLY LEARNING CENTRE
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:28,
Reply)
Al has a square hole in his face?(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:37,
Reply)
I spent a long time pushing rectangular prisms up my nose as a child(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:38, Reply)
Scarpe is president of the Oasis fan club.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:29,
Reply)
Wait, what?Only in the same way that the head of the UK Pork Pie association is vegetarian.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:36,
Reply)
That doesn't make as much sense as it did in my head.(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:38,
Reply)
Nor does your championing of Oasis.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:43,
Reply)
Nothing.Sometimes it seems no one else remembers this.
b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post422780
And for the tl/dr brigade, this:
"The very next LESSON, the dna waste was excluded. After "careful consideration" she was sent to a secure unit school where, two years later she was raped and eventually killed herself.
Result!"
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:20,
Reply)
How could I have forgotten this?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:22,
Reply)
It's jsut words on the internet scarpe, stop taking it so seriously.(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:22, Reply)
The worst thing about that entire threadis the guy that uses "illusion" when he means "allusion".
Should be chemically neutered.
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Kroney, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:28,
Reply)
I've never seen an argument fall apart quite so quickly(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:18,
Reply)
I don't think he's ever really tried to justify his argumentsHe comes out with these big bold statements and why this makes him better than the rest of the idiots, but every single time it just comes down to the fact that he's a selfish cunt and doesn't have any consideration for anyone or anything that stops him doing exactly what he wants to do.
(, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:21, Reply)
Ffs b3th - can you stop making b3ta break please?I'm in danger of actually doing some work here.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:14,
Reply)
"A woman with cuts and bruises on her faces stops you in the street and asks for helpShe's been beaten up by her boyfriend and has no ID and no money and just wants to go home to Tunbridge Wells. She needs £28.90. Do you help?"
I did. Might have been a scam but who cares.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:16,
Reply)
Should have offered to take her to the station and purchase the ticket instead of giving her cash. If she wasn't happy about this it was a scam.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:17,
Reply)
Couldn't be arsed, really.Edit: that'd be a good answer to the interview question, though.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:32,
Reply)
It's beacuse you look like a gullible web wizard, they've picked on you(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:21,
Reply)
I put on my robe and wizard hat(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 11:29,
Reply)
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