Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Only 126 days until Christmas.Good morning you festering lumps of drying pavement vomit. There are only 126 days until Christmas. How will you spend the shitiest time of the year?
Alt: Best type of cheese?
AltAlt: Smoked or unsmoked bacon?
AltAltAlt: Ever given up smoking? How did you manage it?
AltAltAltAlt: Your mum’s favourite sexual position?
AltAltAltAltAlt: Why so many Alts?
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 8:49,
109 replies,
latest was 13 years ago)
Drunk, of course.Alt: Not necessarily the best, but on my recent visit to France I particularly enjoyed Fourme d'Ambert and also Saint-Nectaire.
Alt: QUORN BACON!!!
AltAlt: Yes, by smoking weed instead. I now no longer smoke weed.
AltAltAlt: Angry pirate
AltAltAltAlt: It's because you are a cunt.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:03,
Reply)
In a thread where we are discussing our mothers' sexual preferences(including you referring to your dead mother), how is it that I think that you are most offended by the suggestion of Quorn bacon?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:07,
Reply)
I weighed myself last night, I have put on 8lbs in 3 months. Not good.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:11,
Reply)
Quorn 'bacon' is a sin against real bacon.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:10,
Reply)
I'm sure it tastes just like real baconbut it looks a bit itchy
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:09,
Reply)
Planning on spending Christmas Day away from the family, then Boxing Day with themAlt: Applewood smoked Cheddar.
AltAlt: I prefer smoked.
AltAltAlt: Nope.
AltAltAltAlt: She prefers to just lie there and take it.
AltAltAltAltAlt: Because you're a midget spastic.
Morning all.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:04,
Reply)
Getting pissed and eating monumental amounts of fatty foodJust like last year
Alt:
I'm loving St Agur at the moment
AltAlt:
Smoked, every time
AltAltAlt:
Never taken it up. I have smoked when pissed/stoned/speeding but never got a habit
AltAltAltAlt:
Bareback rodeo
AltAltAltAltAlt:
Small man syndrome
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:04,
Reply)
Down down children's chimneysalt: nob
altalt: Smoked, however I can forgive unsmoked it's sins
altaltalt: Cut out the habitual ones, then the daytime ones and finally the drinking ones.
altaltaltalt: The Hulk
altaltaltaltalt: Because you tocuh yourself at night
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:15,
Reply)
Excellent thanks, mini ape is on top form at the moment which makes the mornings a pleasureHow's your shed?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:17,
Reply)
Shed is excellent. Just need to fit it out with racking, which will happen on Saturday. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:20,
Reply)
what kind of shaed is it? Tool shed? Potting shed? man shed?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:23,
Reply)
My new potential house comes with a free shed!(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:24,
Reply)
I will post pics should we get the houseand get banned
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:27,
Reply)
You'll only get stepped if you post it on QOTW, you should be fine if you post it on OT. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:30,
Reply)
I'm gazzing the mods about this subthread.Terrible trolling of offtopic, spoiling it for everyone else.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:25,
Reply)
And you should be permabanned.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:28,
Reply)
Sheds eat bikes, screwdrivers and single gardening gloves(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:37,
Reply)
And the specific drill bit you need while leaving all the weird sizes(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:43,
Reply)
and not once were there any puppies in the ones I was shown(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:06,
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An 8ft x 6ft combination of all three.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:24,
Reply)
lovely stuff, I yearn for a shedbut will first need a garden
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:26,
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Fucks sake, b3th!When are you going to get out of bed and start modding this place?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:02,
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Someone forgot their concrete base(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:48,
Reply)
there's no lock eitherthere'll be a tramp living in it like five minutes ago
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:49,
Reply)
He is sub-letting to 48 Polish plumbers(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:51,
Reply)
this goes on in places like Hanwell with every second garden housing fifty tamils(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:52,
Reply)
It's on a 4x2 wooden baseEdit: and locks have been fitted since this pic was taken.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:52,
Reply)
which will rotevery kid knows that a concrete base is required
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:53,
Reply)
We are planning on moving in a year or so, so not bothered.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:54,
Reply)
why do a job right when half arsed will do(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:55,
Reply)
it's the Mary Celeste of the shed worlddoomed to failure
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:56,
Reply)
yes, this was a similar attitute of the Egyptians at Giza(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:00,
Reply)
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=tocuh
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:16,
Reply)
that is some impressice contortion from Battered(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:18,
Reply)
Good morning all and isn't it just a smashing day!Christmas will be with the family at my bro's place, could be up to 26 at dinner.
Alt: Mature cheddar
Altalt: Smoked drycure
Altaltalt: Yes. Willpower and the fact that my G/F hates cigarettes
Altaltaltalt: Gastight
Altaltaltaltalt: Because you are a nosy git
(, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:16, Reply)
I love Christmas, I'll be getting fat and drunk (er and er)Alt: Extra mature cheddar
Altalt: Unsmoked
Altaltalt: Yes. I decided to either be a smoker or a non-smoker. Went for the latter.
Altaltaltalt: Dangling from the ceiling in a gimp suit
Altaltaltaltalt: Look inside yourself Clarice
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Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:17,
Reply)
LOL?1. Stewart Francis - "You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks."
2. Tim Vine - "Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly. "
3. Will Marsh - "I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister."
4. Rob Beckett - "You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your book case."
5. Chris Turner - "I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don't know Y."
6. Tim Vine - "I took part in the sun tanning Olympics - I just got Bronze."
7. George Ryegold - "Pornography is often frowned upon, but that's only because I'm concentrating."
8. Stewart Francis - "I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!"
9. Lou Sanders - "I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: 'It's not rocket salad."
10. Nish Kumar - "My mum's so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism… she wouldn't fancy her chances."
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:25,
Reply)
'Dave' says these are the best jokes from Edinburgh this year(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:28,
Reply)
9 doesn't make senseSome of them are good
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:28,
Reply)
I quite like number 5, but the rest aren't great. Tim Vine jokes never work well on their own anyway. It's the cumalitive effect of so much nonsense that keeps his act from being completely dreadful.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:38,
Reply)
Stewart Francis is the same(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:40,
Reply)
I preferred him when he was in Crackerjack(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:46,
Reply)
I was going to say something similar but couldn't think of a funny way to do itI see you had the same problem.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:52,
Reply)
You should know by now that I never let being unfunny get in the way of posting.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:58,
Reply)
I was waiting for someone to do that.Thank you, scarpe.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:00,
Reply)
Fucking bunch of lazy ne'erdowells around here, can't be bothered to make the required response.(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:07,
Reply)
4 weeks off over Christmas so we might go away.Alt: Stilton
AltAlt: Preferably smoked if not unsmoked
AltAltAlt: I gave up smoking for 3 months, but making people redundant drove me back to my vile habit.
AltAltAltAlt: Not really a topic that we have discussed
AltAltAltAltAlt: To be alternative?
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:30,
Reply)
I don't think about Christmas other than to get angry about it until December.Alt: I don't know, cheddar or something.
Altalt: either/or
Altaltalt: I just stopped. Anybody who requires tricks or placebos or nicotine supplements is a weak-willed girly boy. Even the girls.
Altaltaltalt: I've never asked her. It's not the sort of topic we discuss at our family gatherings. She doesn't know mine, either. We're both quite happy with this arrangement.
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Kroney, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:41,
Reply)
She likes it from behind.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:44,
Reply)
You can't beat a good old sporto/tangles/Kroney's mum daisy chain.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:49,
Reply)
will you two keep your homemade porn off the board?ta
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:57,
Reply)
also, Mr ITi have a standard version of outlook. why is it that i can't copy and paste into the body of my email half the time? it drives me mad having to copytype or dictate sections of leases or titles. the right click button just doesn't bring up the usual options. i hate it.
why??
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:09,
Reply)
Don't you have an assistant to do this sort of shit for you?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:12,
Reply)
yes but i still have to dictate itoften it's quicker to type it myself, as i have a v fast typing speed anyway, than to dictate it and wait for it to come back, then check it.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:16,
Reply)
You need a better assistant.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:21,
Reply)
nah, she's amazingbut DIY is often quicker!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:27,
Reply)
Check what format it's in, if it's not in HTML, that can cause trouble with C&P(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:22,
Reply)
Hi.Have you tried talking to your own IT team, who'd have direct support experience of your set up?
Sounds like winword.exe's fucked.
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Kroney, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:23,
Reply)
call IT? ha. ha. ha.this is the fifth place i have worked in.
and the fifth place where IT never ever, even accidentally, pick up the phone.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:27,
Reply)
Pop down to see them and show them your tits. That may get their attention. If they like spaniels ears.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:29,
Reply)
they work in ITthey won't have a clue what to do
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:34,
Reply)
It's not in HTML, even I know thisclick the font change buttom and it'll ask if you want to have the email in HTML, say yes and you can then C&P
regards
Naked_Ape IT support
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:33,
Reply)
hmmmi have tried this. it no work.
i have resorted to the old standby; log out and back in. that worked.
but WHY? urgh.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:35,
Reply)
You need a new router. I can install one for you for good price(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:35,
Reply)
CTRL-ALT-DELGo to Task Manager, then the Processes tab.
Find winword.exe. Highlight, click End Process. It'll ask you if you're sure. Say yes.
DO NOT have any unsaved Word documents open when you do this. This includes draft emails. They will all instantly close.
Then, when you open a new mail, winword should restart.
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Kroney, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:37,
Reply)
^This is why Kroney scores hard with the chicks(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:38,
Reply)
I score hard with the chicks because I'm a shameless whore.(
Kroney, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:45,
Reply)
why would you do that? why?i am in barbados again this year.
alt: ALL of teh cheeses, except crap mild ones that don't taste of anything. and brie. brie can go fist itself.
altalt: fuck bacon, it's rank.
altaltalt: no, i was never dumb enough to start.
altaltaltaltaltalt: because you're greedy.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:49,
Reply)
Ugh, hangover. Why must wine taste so good? Christmas is usually spent round my brother's house, as his missus does an excellent roast dinner.
Best type of cheese is melted on a pizza.
Really have no bacon preference, I'll quite happily eat turkey bacon even. Not quorn bacon though.
Gave up smoking for 3 years - went away on a long weekend with nicotine gum instead of cigarettes. 4 active days in unfamiliar surroundings made it fairly straightforward. It was bloody difficult once I was back on home soil though. I might take a week next time.
My mum's dead, so I'm guessing missionary position.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:50,
Reply)
i saw your fband the first thing that occurred to me was, you saw firemen trying to get in... so you went past them and up to the roof? to smoke more firey things?
oh LIC.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 9:56,
Reply)
They did get in eventuallyAlso I'm not quite as enamoured of Firemen as you.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:03,
Reply)
oithat is sooooo not what i meant. i meant, did you not think, fuck the building might be on fire, so going UP past the flames might not be a good plan?!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:05,
Reply)
No smoke or anythingNobody else was panicking, so I just assumed it was a fallen old lady or something.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:17,
Reply)
the squeezy onethat's for all the alts
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:04,
Reply)
My favourite cheeses are camembert and goats cheeseWhat mood I'm in will determine which one I will choose.
I don't feel comfortable answering the other questions, I'm sorry.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 21 Aug 2012, 10:12,
Reply)
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