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Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
( , Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
( , Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Entertain me while I wait for the bus you crippling autists
Wednesday today, hump day, from lunchtime onwards we are rattling towards the weekend and thank god, payday.
Alt: are there any questions left?
Altar: ever been speed dating?
Altx3: what words and phrases are specific to your family?
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:22, 155 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Wednesday today, hump day, from lunchtime onwards we are rattling towards the weekend and thank god, payday.
Alt: are there any questions left?
Altar: ever been speed dating?
Altx3: what words and phrases are specific to your family?
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:22, 155 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Yo Nakers.
It's fucking quiet on here this morning. I just got back from France so am struggling to get motivated.
Altar: a bloke I work with got married to a woman he met speed dating. She turned out to be a lunatic and they are no longer together. It wasn't a massive surprise to anyone except him. Sadtimes.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:28, Reply)
It's fucking quiet on here this morning. I just got back from France so am struggling to get motivated.
Altar: a bloke I work with got married to a woman he met speed dating. She turned out to be a lunatic and they are no longer together. It wasn't a massive surprise to anyone except him. Sadtimes.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:28, Reply)
I'm off to France on Saturday and I am similarly struggling for motivation
I think with out massive posting Monty this place is a little dead
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:30, Reply)
I think with out massive posting Monty this place is a little dead
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:30, Reply)
No, fuck off you bent spastic.
Today is the last day of the week for me, so ner.
Alt: Nope, we've been retreading the same tired old nonsense for longer than I've been here.
Altar(?): I used to take a lot of speed when I was dating your mum. It made my winkie shrink :(
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:30, Reply)
Today is the last day of the week for me, so ner.
Alt: Nope, we've been retreading the same tired old nonsense for longer than I've been here.
Altar(?): I used to take a lot of speed when I was dating your mum. It made my winkie shrink :(
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:30, Reply)
That's ok I'm on the bus now
Oh, she thought you just had an outty belly button
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:33, Reply)
Oh, she thought you just had an outty belly button
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:33, Reply)
I'd say entertain yourself, but knowing you, you'll probably get yourself arrested for masturbating while at the bus stop in front of a little old lady with white hair and a terrier.
I'm sure there are always questions left, it's just whether or not you ask the right one.
No. I have no ever been speed dating.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:32, Reply)
I'm sure there are always questions left, it's just whether or not you ask the right one.
No. I have no ever been speed dating.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:32, Reply)
Hey Battered,
don't make it bad.
Take a shit thread and make it better.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:34, Reply)
don't make it bad.
Take a shit thread and make it better.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:34, Reply)
Remember to delete your account
Then you can sta-art to make it better
(by killing yourself)
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:44, Reply)
Then you can sta-art to make it better
(by killing yourself)
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:44, Reply)
Its this kind of attitude that doesn't help
I hope your thumb comes off whilst its stuck up your dads arse
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:35, Reply)
I hope your thumb comes off whilst its stuck up your dads arse
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:35, Reply)
His dad does have a habit of gripping quite tightly with his sphincter muscle, doesn't he?
You'd think his wrinkled old rectum would be quite slack by now, after the number of times it has been penetrated.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:42, Reply)
You'd think his wrinkled old rectum would be quite slack by now, after the number of times it has been penetrated.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:42, Reply)
Ha! Autocorrect, bagles are what we call shits
'what's that smell?'
'mini ape has done a massive bagle'
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:48, Reply)
'what's that smell?'
'mini ape has done a massive bagle'
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:48, Reply)
This thread says 4 replies,
but there is totally more than 4 replies. Broken B3ta.
Not being a 9 to 5 sort, my days off are changeable. I had Monday off, and then i Have friday off, making today Thursday, and thursday becomes Friday, Friday becomes saturday,but also Sunday, and then Saturday is Monday, but then next week I have sunday off, so Sunday becomes Saturday as well, and sunday, and Monday will be Monday, but then with wednesday off next week as well, Tuesday is also Friday.
So yeah, that.
Alt: No further questions your honour.
Altar: nope, we had one in a pub i was working in, it was almot exclusively weirdos and fatties
Altx3: "cat? that was a lion wasn't it?"
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:59, Reply)
but there is totally more than 4 replies. Broken B3ta.
Not being a 9 to 5 sort, my days off are changeable. I had Monday off, and then i Have friday off, making today Thursday, and thursday becomes Friday, Friday becomes saturday,but also Sunday, and then Saturday is Monday, but then next week I have sunday off, so Sunday becomes Saturday as well, and sunday, and Monday will be Monday, but then with wednesday off next week as well, Tuesday is also Friday.
So yeah, that.
Alt: No further questions your honour.
Altar: nope, we had one in a pub i was working in, it was almot exclusively weirdos and fatties
Altx3: "cat? that was a lion wasn't it?"
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 8:59, Reply)
Tuesday is Wednesday's Friday
/ac
Hullo Windus Crispy Pancake. Alright love?
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:06, Reply)
/ac
Hullo Windus Crispy Pancake. Alright love?
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:06, Reply)
Not too bad,
My Dad has been diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism, so the poor fucker has to take pills forever. He also has pneumonia. It ain't going to kill him, but he's not terribly happy either.
I'm ace, got a fucking long shift today mind, 10am till midnight.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:12, Reply)
My Dad has been diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism, so the poor fucker has to take pills forever. He also has pneumonia. It ain't going to kill him, but he's not terribly happy either.
I'm ace, got a fucking long shift today mind, 10am till midnight.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:12, Reply)
Oh man
Well fingers crossed for him dude. At least he has the treatment, that's a good start.
Long shift? LONG SHIFT? When I was a boy, etc...
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:15, Reply)
Well fingers crossed for him dude. At least he has the treatment, that's a good start.
Long shift? LONG SHIFT? When I was a boy, etc...
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:15, Reply)
what's your game?
why you being so nice about my dad, what's going on, what have you done?
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:26, Reply)
why you being so nice about my dad, what's going on, what have you done?
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:26, Reply)
Christ, someone just said that I look as if I've lost weight
CAN'T THEY JUST LET ME BE MISERABLE IN PEACE. PRICKS, THE FUCKING LOT OF THEM.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:30, Reply)
CAN'T THEY JUST LET ME BE MISERABLE IN PEACE. PRICKS, THE FUCKING LOT OF THEM.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:30, Reply)
if it helps,
my dad said you were a fat bald prick and your new living room looks like it was painted by a blind monkey wiping paint on to the walls with its penis
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:32, Reply)
my dad said you were a fat bald prick and your new living room looks like it was painted by a blind monkey wiping paint on to the walls with its penis
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:32, Reply)
he cried.
like a child that has just seen it's favourite toy ripped apart by a dog.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:35, Reply)
like a child that has just seen it's favourite toy ripped apart by a dog.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:35, Reply)
Today I am off to the pub for lunchtime drinking
I am also off on Friday
Alt:
Probably. The "what are you doing at the weekend" one works every week though
AltAlt:
No. Only been setup on a date twice.
Altx3:
Spong, meaning idiot. See also: thicket and mnnnnnnnnnnnng
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:01, Reply)
I am also off on Friday
Alt:
Probably. The "what are you doing at the weekend" one works every week though
AltAlt:
No. Only been setup on a date twice.
Altx3:
Spong, meaning idiot. See also: thicket and mnnnnnnnnnnnng
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:01, Reply)
Sorry I'm late, I stopped off to tell apeloverage his book was shit.
Alt: You realise this isn't an alt, right, because your opening wasn't a question? And was that a new question I asked? And that?
Altar: Where people get sacrificed. Much like speed dating.
Alt: 'Dad, I think I need to teach you how to delete your browsing history'. Actually, I doubt that's unique to my family and it's a conversation I'm dreading having when I see them at the weekend...
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:03, Reply)
Alt: You realise this isn't an alt, right, because your opening wasn't a question? And was that a new question I asked? And that?
Altar: Where people get sacrificed. Much like speed dating.
Alt: 'Dad, I think I need to teach you how to delete your browsing history'. Actually, I doubt that's unique to my family and it's a conversation I'm dreading having when I see them at the weekend...
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:03, Reply)
Ha...no, no, no.
I went round to help them fix their internet connection last night and...well...I'm just glad what I found wasn't illegal at least.
I assume it was my Dad. He pretends he doesn't know how to use the internet, but if it was my Mum then she's been living deep in the closet.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:10, Reply)
I went round to help them fix their internet connection last night and...well...I'm just glad what I found wasn't illegal at least.
I assume it was my Dad. He pretends he doesn't know how to use the internet, but if it was my Mum then she's been living deep in the closet.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:10, Reply)
meh...it's not bad disgusting porn, just...well...it's a bit more than the 'Club Intenationals' I found under his bed when I was 13.
Porn has changed.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:15, Reply)
Porn has changed.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:15, Reply)
You consume too much too quickly and then feel sick and guilty afterwards?
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:23, Reply)
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:23, Reply)
I'd click "I like this" but I don't want to give the wrong impression
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:46, Reply)
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:46, Reply)
There's no way I'm entertaining anyone without some cash up front, I'm sorry
Alt: Yes, many in fact. For instance, where have all the flowers gone?
Altar: Ha...fuck no.
Altx3: How would I know? Something that I've only ever heard a family member say might have been picked up elsewhere.
Hope this helps. Love you, bye x
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:05, Reply)
Alt: Yes, many in fact. For instance, where have all the flowers gone?
Altar: Ha...fuck no.
Altx3: How would I know? Something that I've only ever heard a family member say might have been picked up elsewhere.
Hope this helps. Love you, bye x
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:05, Reply)
what flowers?
There are flowers in my garden, would you like me to bring you some?
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:13, Reply)
There are flowers in my garden, would you like me to bring you some?
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:13, Reply)
Nah man
I'm fucking all about the Snapdragons man. I'm all OVER that shit.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:24, Reply)
I'm fucking all about the Snapdragons man. I'm all OVER that shit.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:24, Reply)
If I bow, my face will be level with an inappropriate place.
therefore I will not bow.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:11, Reply)
therefore I will not bow.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:11, Reply)
I swear some times I really don't get America. They're fucking crazy. 5 years !
www.washingtonpost.com/national/former-texas-high-school-teacher-sentenced-to-5-years-in-prison-for-sleeping-with-5-students/2012/08/17/0dc4035e-e8c9-11e1-9739-eef99c5fb285_story.html
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:17, Reply)
www.washingtonpost.com/national/former-texas-high-school-teacher-sentenced-to-5-years-in-prison-for-sleeping-with-5-students/2012/08/17/0dc4035e-e8c9-11e1-9739-eef99c5fb285_story.html
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:17, Reply)
The 20-year-old also said when school officials called him into the office to question him in May 2011,
he denied the trysts at first because “I was trying to save her.”
"I was trying to save her."
Me and my mates were having too much fun DP'ing our teacher.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:23, Reply)
he denied the trysts at first because “I was trying to save her.”
Me and my mates were having too much fun DP'ing our teacher.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:23, Reply)
thanks, i do my best,
it's good to have you here Q, you're a hero of our times.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:36, Reply)
it's good to have you here Q, you're a hero of our times.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:36, Reply)
i don't understand this, but i'm gonna say good morning to monty boyce anyway
good morning monty boyce
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:38, Reply)
good morning monty boyce
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Dom's just come in, i reckon she's pissed, all glassy eyed and staggery
i reckon you are too, you LUNATIC
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:40, Reply)
i reckon you are too, you LUNATIC
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:40, Reply)
apologies, i mistook you for a lesbian cos of the broad shoulders and upper lip hair
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:09, Reply)
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:09, Reply)
Oh man
When I used to work for S*uthern El*ctric a guy came in pissed once. Threw up under his desk and everything. He was sent home, but amamzingly he wasn't fired.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:42, Reply)
When I used to work for S*uthern El*ctric a guy came in pissed once. Threw up under his desk and everything. He was sent home, but amamzingly he wasn't fired.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:42, Reply)
yeah we had a guy do that here years back, he didn't last long
but dom can do what the fuck she like, i love her lovely botoxed face
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:44, Reply)
but dom can do what the fuck she like, i love her lovely botoxed face
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:44, Reply)
forty odd i think, but a smoker so it took its toll on her face
she didn't need the botox but she does look a bit smoother
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:49, Reply)
she didn't need the botox but she does look a bit smoother
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:49, Reply)
Girls injecting poisons, eh?
Whatever next? Some kind of...electrical...man...thing?
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:51, Reply)
Whatever next? Some kind of...electrical...man...thing?
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:51, Reply)
They are that Quince
But until they stop looking, feeling and smelling the way they do, I'm staying on this team. As disappointing to the gay community as that must be.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:54, Reply)
But until they stop looking, feeling and smelling the way they do, I'm staying on this team. As disappointing to the gay community as that must be.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:54, Reply)
the gays, imagine being shunned just cos you don't smell like what two hats likes
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:06, Reply)
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:06, Reply)
Mind you, a quick squirt of 'Exclamation' and I don't know up from down
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:11, Reply)
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:11, Reply)
Two hats, living in just one mind
Beating together till the end of time
You know you're two hats living in just one mind
Together forever till the end of time
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:18, Reply)
Not today I'm not.
I'm looking on 'the internet' for fun and free activities in London. There are none*
*there are loads but I've either done them before or they are shit, like 'ukelele Wednesdays, London's free uke jam night' I mean fuck off.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:46, Reply)
I'm looking on 'the internet' for fun and free activities in London. There are none*
*there are loads but I've either done them before or they are shit, like 'ukelele Wednesdays, London's free uke jam night' I mean fuck off.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:46, Reply)
ALL SCHOOLCHILDREN TO BE TAUGHT THE CORRECT SPELLING OF UKULELE!!!
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:53, Reply)
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:53, Reply)
I'd better fuck off now.
If my missus comes back from the gym and all I've come up with is 'ukelele wednesdays' I'm going to be in a lot of trouble.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:53, Reply)
If my missus comes back from the gym and all I've come up with is 'ukelele wednesdays' I'm going to be in a lot of trouble.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:53, Reply)
Panic over:
'The Nazi Games: Politics, the Media and the Body' exhibition it is. I'm so romantic.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:57, Reply)
'The Nazi Games: Politics, the Media and the Body' exhibition it is. I'm so romantic.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:57, Reply)
My missus would love that
Could you take her too please? I'm utterly sick of the sight of her.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:59, Reply)
Could you take her too please? I'm utterly sick of the sight of her.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:59, Reply)
i reckon you could,
can i stand in the corner behind a piano, and insert amusing musical asides to your jokes?
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:37, Reply)
can i stand in the corner behind a piano, and insert amusing musical asides to your jokes?
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:37, Reply)
I miss that london and you and your missus.
I saw the most LOVELY photo of you and miniboyce on the weekend.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:40, Reply)
I saw the most LOVELY photo of you and miniboyce on the weekend.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:40, Reply)
But she's such a terrible bully these days
She's probably nipple cripple you, then nuggy you and then wedgie you :(
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:52, Reply)
She's probably nipple cripple you, then nuggy you and then wedgie you :(
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 9:52, Reply)
I'm off too. BYE EVERYONE IT'S BEEN LOVELY.
SEE YOU SOON, TOODLEOO!!!!!
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:03, Reply)
SEE YOU SOON, TOODLEOO!!!!!
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:03, Reply)
No, it'd be the other way around.
Also, I'd steal your nose and not give it back.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:01, Reply)
Also, I'd steal your nose and not give it back.
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:01, Reply)
This is excellent. My next project:
www.shedblog.co.uk/2008/07/09/shed-week-how-to-power-your-shed-or-garden-office/
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:05, Reply)
www.shedblog.co.uk/2008/07/09/shed-week-how-to-power-your-shed-or-garden-office/
( , Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:05, Reply)
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