Hey Monty, you'll like this
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-19595217

He lives in Whitechapel, pissed £1.4 BILLION up the wall, and has a funny foreign name.

Alt: What's the most you've ever gambled?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 14:50, 123 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

I won £147 on the national a couple of years ago
Anyone know anywhere nice to stay in Bruges? We're going to go for te Christmas markets
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 14:52, Reply)

I may go to Berlin for similar reasons.
The idea was put in my head last year and I like pretty shiny things because I'm a magpie and a girl.
( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 14:57, Reply)

frenchman marches to Berlin irony lols

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 14:59, Reply)

I was planning to do that this year
I know have that stupid 'from Paris to Berlin' song in my head, however. I'm blaming YOU.
(berk, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:10, Reply)

He should blamed for most things

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:10, Reply)

I'm almost always blamed for everything.
It's probably my own fault.
( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:22, Reply)

Sucks to be you, I don't know that song.
I'm IMMUNE
( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:22, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=THt5u-i2d9k
(berk, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:37, Reply)

No thanks :)

( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:39, Reply)

Oh go on
you'll have shitty electro in your head for hours.
(berk, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:44, Reply)

Cheaper option: Birmingham has a German market every year

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:10, Reply)

There's usually one on the South Bank too

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:11, Reply)

And the "Center:MK"

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:15, Reply)

Having thrown them back in 1945 they're trying again with creme filled pastries and enormous sausages

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:23, Reply)

Doing these things doesn't get you going on holiday at the same time, though.

( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:25, Reply)

My life has not yet gotten so shit that I have to holiday in Birmingham though
also, I lived there for three years and all the stalls are exactly the same every time. It's nice and all, but I'd rather go to Berlin or perhaps Bruges.
(berk, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:38, Reply)

I put €6 on the eurolottery thing once
Cor that was exciting, but I've had me fun now, can't take excitement like that again
( Theoban What of it, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 14:54, Reply)

Also I bet your dad that I could fit an entire set of American pool balls in your mum's cavernous flange
I won
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 14:55, Reply)

pool football team's
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 14:57, Reply)

Banks fault totally.
if it's that easy to fuck the systems someone's going to fuck the system.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 14:58, Reply)

I think maybe the trader needs to take a tiny bit of responsibility...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 14:59, Reply)

Lottery syndicate at work
Other than that I have never gambled in my entire life.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:08, Reply)

You should, it's great fun
For instance, do you currently have a house? Because I've got a nailed-on cert for you. You could end up having to change your username to TWO HOUSES!!!!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:10, Reply)

I don't get this.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:11, Reply)

He would bet his house and, because my tip is so rock-solid, win another one
that's how gambling works, Monters.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:13, Reply)

are you trying to anally violate two hats?

( Theoban What of it, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:13, Reply)

Well at least SOMEONE is

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:14, Reply)

janet'll roger you with her fannycock
just say the word
( Theoban What of it, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:15, Reply)

I've heard that her clitoris is all distended
and looks like bushbaby's finger
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:18, Reply)

I heard her fanny hole looks like a tarantula yawning

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:20, Reply)

I heard it her fanny looks like a vertical rusty letterbox and when you get near it you hear muffled growling as if coming from some distant town

( Theoban What of it, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:22, Reply)

I heard it sounds like the bombing of Dresden.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:23, Reply)

I heard that a man once lost an arm in there and six years later it crawled out again, just an arm with a floppy mouth and eyeball balanced on the still bleeding stump, whining, mewling, kill me, kill me now

( Theoban What of it, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:25, Reply)

I heard it smells like Billingsgate fish market
three weeks into a powercut during the hottest summer since '76
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:26, Reply)

I heard if you put your tongue to the end of her 12 inch gargling clit
It leaps off her body and burrows into you, impregnating you with a million janet babies. When you ripen and burst a year later, they will scurry out and infest the nearest Levellers gig in search of new prey
( Theoban What of it, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:30, Reply)

I heard that it tastes like a car battery from an Austin Allegro

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:24, Reply)

I heard that if you put your ear to it you lose your ear

( Theoban What of it, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:25, Reply)

I heard it looks like as if Chewbacca was attacked with a chainsaw

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:25, Reply)

I heard if you see it you'll never be able to eat cottage cheese again

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:27, Reply)

I heard that people who've seen it watch holocaust footage to cheer themselves up afterwards

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:28, Reply)

still would though

( Theoban What of it, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:30, Reply)

+ again *******

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:32, Reply)

cor I wish

( Theoban What of it, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:36, Reply)

I heard she once sucked the paint off of a warship

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:40, Reply)

If I paint my cock submarine grey and lurk about in portsmouth harbour do you think I'll get a chance at her?

( Theoban What of it, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:42, Reply)

Couldn't hurt to try

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:43, Reply)

I'd have to go to portsmouth though
ugh
( Theoban What of it, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:43, Reply)

Yeah, not so great
Or could come to Plymouth instead
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:44, Reply)

What's plymouth?

( Theoban What of it, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:45, Reply)

NOTHING! WHAT'S THE PLYMOUTH WITH YOU??

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:46, Reply)

hello? is this thing on?

( Theoban What of it, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:47, Reply)

Yeah fuck that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:45, Reply)

I don't go anywhere with 'mouth' in it, unsanitary

( Theoban What of it, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:46, Reply)

I heard it was in the backround of that famous photo of the naked Vietnamese girl running and screaming

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:32, Reply)

wiith Mo Farah in the foreground for comic effect

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:36, Reply)

Well I was thinking of getting into the property game
Ok, you're ON!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:11, Reply)

I don't have a gambling bone in my body either.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:11, Reply)

I'm not sure if it's because it doesn't appeal to me
or if I'm frightened I'll get into it and consequently ruin my life
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:12, Reply)

Not me.
Apart from my cavalier attitude to my organs and sanity I am almost 100% risk-averse.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:22, Reply)

I read that as "orgies" first
it's not you, it's me.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:23, Reply)

What a silly boy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:10, Reply)

Millions of my sperm on an unhinged, psychotic bitch.
/Monty Boyce
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:11, Reply)

There's a lesson here
Always aim for the face and tits
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:14, Reply)

Hahahahah
www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-19597429

Man's wife downoads two Rihanna songs. Ends up with no internet, no wife and in court.

Sounds proportionate to me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:21, Reply)

I'm just reading about the protests about that film.
What the serious fuck are the people involved thinking. Burning a KFC won't stop this sort of thing, attacking british and a German Embassy doesn't even make any logical sense. The guy was an egyptian American coptic Christian.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:24, Reply)

it's almost like they are fucking mental or something

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:27, Reply)

They fucking are.
The main defense from the people organising the protests seems to be, you shouldn't deliberatly anger 1 billion muslims or else there may be violence.
Well maybe you shouldn't deliberatly bus angry people all to the same place and then keep talking about what made them angry if you don't want violence.

Fucking ignore that prick and he would have just wasted $3million making a shit film maybe a couple of hundred people would have watched. Don't do exactly what he wants.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:30, Reply)

Innit - it's like they've never heard of 2.0!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:57, Reply)

What film?
I don't do news or television or the wider world or owt.
( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:28, Reply)

Police Academy IV: Citizens on Patrol

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:29, Reply)

Steve Gutenberg is so utterly bent as 'Mahoney' that the Middle East has gone fucking nuts.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:30, Reply)

His acting is being taken as an insult to Islam and to humanity as a whole

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:30, Reply)

They have a point

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:31, Reply)

Strangly they all love Three Men and a Little Lady.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:34, Reply)

They're so capricious!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:35, Reply)

Short Circuit reminds them of drone attacks though.
edit: Yes I do have his IMDB page open
(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:36, Reply)

Thank you all for your help
this has been most educational. However. Aren't they a little late to be getting all wound up over Police Academy 4? Came out a few years ago, I think?
( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:42, Reply)

Someone dubbed it to say mohammed and released it on youtube.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:45, Reply)

Not over there. It's only just come out.
The big buzz there is about Gremlins 2: The New Batch which is coming out in time for next Ramadan.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:48, Reply)

haha!
click
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:50, Reply)

What's not to love?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:36, Reply)

You should see the porn version
It's...extraordinary
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:37, Reply)

I hope it involves a dwarf
Not battered that would be illegal in several countries
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:41, Reply)

How do they feel about Matthew Broderick?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:36, Reply)

He's a cunt who tried to start a fight with my friends in a New York bar
so he can be killed by a mob for all I care.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:37, Reply)

To be fair to Brodders if the guy he started on was friends with you he is most likely a drooling spastic 'gamer'

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:39, Reply)

Maybe it was around the time of his 'difficulties'
Your friends should've cut him some slack. We all have off days you know.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:39, Reply)

the fight started because my "friend" (met him that night) said "I loved you in ferris buellers day off, it's the best thing you've ever done"

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:41, Reply)

Translated
"everything you've done since the mid eighties is shit"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:42, Reply)

Well that's pretty provocative
How would you feel if you went out to a pub for a nice evening out and someone came up to you and said that everything you've done in your life except ONE thing was utter shit?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:44, Reply)

I found it very very funny.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:44, Reply)

I think it's mean spirited

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:45, Reply)

Not worth getting your coked up agent to pull me aside to see if it's ok to fight him or not.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:47, Reply)

HI GANG!!!@
So it's the weekend yo, any plans? I am carrying on renovating mah hoose and may well have some whisky. Naked Grouse is a fantastic wee dram.

In other news, one of my colleagues STILL looks like Ted Bundy, and one of my mates has another record out on Bunker. I have already requested a promo copy, as I am a selfish prick.

Chall mah nillas got goin' on yo?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:41, Reply)

fuck off

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:41, Reply)

oh babygirl
Why so aggressive?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:44, Reply)

He's riding the red tide

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:46, Reply)

I definitely recognise some of these words

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:46, Reply)

alt: agreed to a coin flip
over who would get to do a boring, annoying and potentially troublesome thing at work. Won. My life is better for this. Your's is not improved by reading this.

afternoon, chumps
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:41, Reply)

There are no good seats left for Warhorse woe is me

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:45, Reply)

Wow indeed.
My brother said it was fucking awful anyway.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:47, Reply)

The film was shite, but it's our 10th anniversary and mrs ape has always wanted to go
Now I might end up spending £160 on Matilda tickets :(((;;
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:49, Reply)

Hahaha unlucky

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:50, Reply)

Unless I can think of something else for us to do, I do hate musicals

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:52, Reply)

Just ship the kid away and make her a nice meal.
or do you have to show her every receipt and wait for her to total it up before she accepts anything from you?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:55, Reply)

Nah, I make her nice meals all the time on account of having sprog asleep upstairs
She couldn't care less about how much stuff might cost, which is refreshing
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 16:01, Reply)

A mate of mine dated the person who made the warhorse in the film.
Trufax. And Monty, while it's great that you're back on QOTW proper, give EmV a break - he's heading to an early grave!
(Jimbojames Wishing every day could be like today, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:52, Reply)

He dated a horse?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:53, Reply)

They made a real horse?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:53, Reply)

You and Psycho up there
No - the main bits - the close-ups and all that - are animatronic. It was all quite impressive and realistic enough to fool you two eagles!
(Jimbojames Wishing every day could be like today, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:58, Reply)

Don't be fucking retarded, I haven't seen WarHorse.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:59, Reply)

Why not, it's alright.
Better than articles from the Daily Mail...
(Jimbojames Wishing every day could be like today, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 16:02, Reply)

I'm not an eagle, why would you say that? What's wrong with you?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:59, Reply)

Meant in the nicest way!
Eagles - eagle-eyed, etc. Compliment... :)
(Jimbojames Wishing every day could be like today, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 16:01, Reply)

Suggesting you have some kind of avian visual handicap - bang out of order Nakers.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 16:17, Reply)

I'm afraid I can't do that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:56, Reply)

You are evil!

(Jimbojames Wishing every day could be like today, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 16:00, Reply)

+ Dave

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 16:14, Reply)

That, as they say, 's the joke :o(

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 16:16, Reply)

surely you can only get two people on a horse at most

( Theoban What of it, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:52, Reply)

one can sit in the nosebag

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:56, Reply)

nah cos if you do that it pulls the horse's face off

( Theoban What of it, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 15:57, Reply)

horses don't need faces

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 16:01, Reply)