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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I'm working really hard from home this friday afternoon
The wife is away for the weekend (mother-in-laws 76th Birthday, they have gone to Whitby)

What should I do? My Mum and DYAAKY are not options

Alt: Red Dwarf X I missed it last night did any of you watch it? And is it going to be as shit as I think it will be after all these years?

Alt Alt: What’s popping for you over the weekend
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:24, 162 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
Alt: what do you fucking think? Seriously FFS Double H.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:26, Reply)
You watched it of course, was it shit? Was it, was it?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:28, Reply)
Actually, I can't see it at the moment.
Was it as 'good' as the previous last series?
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:32, Reply)
Put it this way
I'd rather see my own daughter torn limb from limb by a rabies-crazed bear than watch even one second of that miserable, pathetic, terminally unfunny excuse for a so-called comedy so-called programme ever again in my 'smegging' life.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:38, Reply)
So you didn't see it?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:39, Reply)
*downloads episodes onto phone*
*plans Monty ambush*
*rents rabid bear*
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:40, Reply)
So you're a waffle man?
It has dated badly. I used to watch it in my teens and thought it was great, but I haven't bothered for a long time.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:41, Reply)
I think DAVE the channel needs to repeat things MOAR often

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:38, Reply)
I had a conversation with a sit com screenwriter in new york about red Dwarf.
I said it's shit, he didn't agree.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:29, Reply)
I'm gutted that I missed it

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:30, Reply)
The conversation? I don't think it would be very likely that we both would have been in the same bar in NY at the same time.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:31, Reply)
Yep I think you're right on the bar thing

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:33, Reply)
you're shit

ha take that
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:32, Reply)
What the hell dude, I thought we were bros?
I've never been so insulted in my entire life and I've played WoW.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:36, Reply)
When will you, will you be famous, Chompy?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:39, Reply)
Wait, don't answer that.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:39, Reply)
He can't answer, he can't answer that.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:40, Reply)
It might get his pictures in the papers

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:41, Reply)
*puts cat amongst pigeons*

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:46, Reply)
With your body *and* IN the sun

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:48, Reply)
Well it's not like he owes you anything.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:52, Reply)
£33.29 for the round he didn't buy

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:58, Reply)
What should I answer instead?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:41, Reply)
Wank yourself into a human fiddler crab like creature

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:31, Reply)
Like that wasn't already his main plan.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:32, Reply)
*orders large crate of baby oil online*

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:34, Reply)
have a nice bath with some candles and think about hugh grant for a bit

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:33, Reply)
hugh grant = Hawt?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:36, Reply)
I don't know, that's why you need to think about him for a bit

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:39, Reply)
Is flacid a good thing when thinking of Hugh?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:40, Reply)
I'm concerned about your use of electrical equipment while in the bath

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:43, Reply)
A good RCD is essential

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:44, Reply)
Radio Controlled Dildo?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:00, Reply)
Shhhhhhhhh
Otherwise they will all want one
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:02, Reply)
An "Intercuntinental Guided Balls-out Missile"

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:06, Reply)
Lets just have a nice game of Chess

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:08, Reply)
You know me so well

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:11, Reply)
I'd rather have a bishop up me than a rook

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:36, Reply)
Ooh
news.yale.edu/2012/10/04/yale-scientists-explain-how-ketamine-vanquishes-depression-within-hours
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:34, Reply)
Funny enough I was thinking about taking the son to the Brom. snowdome
I might need this after
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:35, Reply)
In the 'drugs Monty has not enjoyed' charts, it's at number one.
In at number two it's the new single from Amyl Nitrate: 'Oww My Head'
A new entry at four - it's Meow Meow with 'Made My Nose Hurt'
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:42, Reply)
Poppers = inflatyhead

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:44, Reply)

inflatyhead I felt a disturbance in my forehead. Like a million brain cells cried out and were suddenly silenced.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:51, Reply)
You're such a geek.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:53, Reply)
Special Brew can do that to you.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:53, Reply)
True but it's Bad Manners to say it

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:55, Reply)
I'm going to have to sew your lip up

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:57, Reply)
Shut up Fatty

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:59, Reply)
No need to damage any arteries or veins

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:01, Reply)
some kid died taking nitrous.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:11, Reply)
LOL

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:11, Reply)
DO YOU GET THIS???

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:13, Reply)
yes Monty.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:14, Reply)
My one and only experience with Meow Meow
The doctor prescribing it recommended 'bombing' it.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:46, Reply)
Here's an idea to solve your money woes
www.perlsteinlab.com/round-table/crowdfund-my-meth-lab-yo
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:50, Reply)
Oh man it could be like that BRILLIANT box set of Breaking Bad!!!!!zzzzzz
Oh dear - clicked on link and lo and behold, BB pic.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:01, Reply)
I love whitby, it's so tacky it's cool. And I love the cathedral. And the hills. And the fact that snow shows up less than a mile from the sea.
I don't care about you, but tomorrow is study study study then out for my friend's birthday. Then sunday is field trip to the intertidal zones to look for bivalves and local marine life. And more study.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:50, Reply)
Hi Poppet
Been not on here much have you extracted your revenge on the Ex yet?
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:52, Reply)
SHITBY MORE LIKE!
in other news, I think you should have some quality Hartley time, feet up, trousers off, film on. I reccomend Killing Amy.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:01, Reply)
Why do you think I didn't go

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:05, Reply)
What's Amy ever done to you?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:10, Reply)
Probs. got mistaken for Barbara Whitehouse

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:13, Reply)
no, I didn't mean... its a film...I wasn't.. .for fucks sake.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:14, Reply)
Quick hide the welsh girl

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:15, Reply)
you know who i like?
that amy adams
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:15, Reply)
Thanks Ants THANTS
www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jtU9BbReQk

NINJA EDITING BASTARD
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:18, Reply)
wha?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrryML0XVuY&feature=related

i honestly didn't edit that post
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:19, Reply)
THIS MAKES MY HEAD HURT

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:20, Reply)
Get an eighth of coke, two bottles of cognac and a quarter of weed.
Weekend'll be over before you know it.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:03, Reply)
I don't do drugs Mont's and still have to look after my son
The Brandy idea may work though. In the words of legolass CHEERS
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:07, Reply)
a smart choice.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:15, Reply)
If I was that smart would I post on here?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:16, Reply)
Or
two bags of grass, 75 pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half-full of cocaine, a whole galaxy of multicoloured uppers, downers, screamers, laughers. Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen Amyls.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:12, Reply)
Sounds like a Hunter S Thompson shopping list

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:15, Reply)
nose/point

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:21, Reply)
*nods*

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:23, Reply)
You forgot the finest wines known to humanity

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:19, Reply)
Tell you what, Hunter, you keep the amyls.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:20, Reply)
Beat you to it

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:21, Reply)
OH MAN BIG WEEKEND AHOY
Tomorrow is the bffs first anniversary party, that will involve heavy drinking then Sunday is fooooooooooootbaaaaaaaaaàlllll ofmg cannot wait
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:05, Reply)
Proper football? or rugby for girls football?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:07, Reply)
oh fuck off

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:30, Reply)
wipe your cock on EVERYTHING
alt dunno, don't watch it

altalt got my other nephew a BMX for his birthday this weekend, it's WELL COOL and he's gonna love it and i'll be the best uncle ever.

ask me what happened at the bike shop
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:16, Reply)
did you fall over?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:19, Reply)
FUCKEN ASK ME WHAT HAPPENED

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:19, Reply)
ASK ME WHAT HAPPENED AT THE BIKE SHOP

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:19, Reply)
They tried to sell you a fixie?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:21, Reply)
bmxs are fixies, aren't they?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:24, Reply)
No, they have a freewheel

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:26, Reply)
shut the fuck up

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:27, Reply)
Otherwise he’ll get the BMX bandits on you

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:34, Reply)
Tim Westwood was in in there?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:20, Reply)
Maybe he was just driving past?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:23, Reply)
FE REAL

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:27, Reply)
It was......WHEELIE GOOD?????

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:23, Reply)
Or......full of cranks?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:24, Reply)
JUST ASK

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:24, Reply)
Did they Recycle your old one?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:25, Reply)
was it really TYRE-ING????????

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:24, Reply)
Did the sales assistant have A HANDLEBAR MOUSTACHE????????

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:25, Reply)
He couldn’t afford the carriage?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:26, Reply)
The woman behind the till asked you to give her A BELL??????

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:26, Reply)
you're getting closer

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:27, Reply)
You had to LET her DOWN?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:27, Reply)
i'm leaving 5ever

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:28, Reply)
He FRAMED you

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:29, Reply)
She RIMmed him?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:29, Reply)
Get a GRIP

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:30, Reply)
She DERAILLIEURED his train of thought.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:33, Reply)
see i've heard people call it that before
but really, it is just called a 'de-railer'
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:34, Reply)
So I'm afraid the joke falls a little FLAT.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:38, Reply)
I found you on the Internet AICMFP
sheldonbrown.com/derailer.html
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:39, Reply)
oh no!

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:40, Reply)
She got in touch with your INNER child?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:29, Reply)
I shall look for that on youTUBE

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:31, Reply)
Don’t SADDLE this on us

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:28, Reply)
She was so annoying you wanted to PUNCH'ER?
(THE JOKE HERE IS A PLAY ON THE WORD 'PUNCTURE')
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:28, Reply)
You're way to outSPOKEn

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:29, Reply)
He's not bearing this very well

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:31, Reply)
it was so exciting that you feel PUMPED UP??????

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:27, Reply)
You got SADDLED with an overpriced bike ?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:27, Reply)
FECK
We almost said that in TANDEM
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:28, Reply)
what happened at the bike shop, Gary?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:29, Reply)
my girlfriend pointed out Victoria Pendleton's new range of bikes
and I said, a little too loudly, that I would pay good money to have a ride on a Pendleton
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:30, Reply)
Ha, nice one Quentz

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:32, Reply)
Bet she wanted to BRAKE up with you after that!!!!!!!!!!!!

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:34, Reply)
she was a little bit embarrassed
but the guy behind the till laughed
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:35, Reply)
Did you purchase 12 of the Victoria Pendleton saddles?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:37, Reply)
i would have if i'd thought her sweaty arse crack had seeped through her lycra shorts all over them

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:38, Reply)
Wow that cured the Hugh Grant flacid thingy

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:39, Reply)
Did he....actually even I am bored with these now.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:37, Reply)
Anyone got any bike shop stories?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:21, Reply)
Nah not me mate. Nada. Zip.

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:23, Reply)
No, sorry.
All mine have been bought off eBay.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:25, Reply)
You buy all your stories from eBay?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:29, Reply)
Saves going to the shop

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:35, Reply)
I cracked a rim and bought a new wheel but forgot to ask for the old wheel back after they'd switched the casette
I'm sure some of it would have been useful :(
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:43, Reply)
Only if you're any good a lacing spokes.
which is fucking tedious, even with the right tools.
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:46, Reply)
i've got you on ignore
please stop reading my posts, thanks
(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:48, Reply)
Did you hear the one about Ku Klux Knievel?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:25, Reply)
Tee hee

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:26, Reply)
No

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:37, Reply)
He tried to jump 50 zzzzzzzzz

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:40, Reply)
busses?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:41, Reply)
Cotton fields?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:41, Reply)
Leroys from FAME?

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:42, Reply)
in a steamroller

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:44, Reply)
Them jokes all look the same to me

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:40, Reply)
NEW THREAD YOU FLIDS

(, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 15:45, Reply)

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