Child porn threads have limited appeal
I am allowed to spend £500 on a gift to myself as i have been here for 5 years, what should I buy?

alt: what would you buy?

altalt: worst job ever?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:13, 144 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Does it have to be a worky gift or just for yourself?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:15, Reply)

just for myself
things I might want: TV, I-pad, D-SLR or a new suit
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:17, Reply)

i got a new suit the other week
i look proper boss and dead mint in it
(quintsy, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:19, Reply)

+ track

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:21, Reply)

I'd go for a TV out of those lot, it'll last longer than any other thing or get more use

(PsychoChomp, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:21, Reply)

that was my thought, tbh I don't really need an ipad, my phone does everything it could do

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:22, Reply)

Something like this
www.richersounds.com/product/tv---all/samsung/ue40eh6030/sams-ue40eh6030
(PsychoChomp, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:23, Reply)

Ooh!
Or one of those Bose home sound system things. Like an ipod speaker but enough to make your ears bleed.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:25, Reply)

Not into 3d, would rather have a "smart" tv
www.johnlewis.com/231560690/Product.aspx
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:26, Reply)

I wouldn't bother with a smart TV, they usually don't have the power in them to be decent.
Much better to use a second hand PS3 or Xbox360 to run those sort of things, but then that woudl be a bit "gamer" for you wouldn't it.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:28, Reply)

what do you mean power, I just wanna watch i-player really

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:29, Reply)

You need a processor to convert the stuff coming through the information pipe into a moving pictures and sound.
The slower the processor and the smaller the information pipe the longer the pictures take to start moving.

Basically, you'll have to buffer, and/or show the TV shows in a lower resolution than if you used a games console.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:32, Reply)

Or I could use my laptop no?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:33, Reply)

Yep that'll work as well.
In which case not worth paying extra for a smart TV
(PsychoChomp, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:36, Reply)

You're a genius!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:36, Reply)

Oh, but LED, LCD or Plasma...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:39, Reply)

LED at £500
plasma for £700+
(PsychoChomp, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:40, Reply)

you should totally work for Rumbalows

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:41, Reply)

I went for LCD because I liked the bigger speakers it had

(Bazongaloid, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:44, Reply)

which has told me LCD is pretty much obsolete now...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:52, Reply)

I bought this one a couple of years ago.
I've only just realised I can play avi files through a usb stick on it though.

I don't really care, it's a TV, it works.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:55, Reply)

Everybody needs an ipad.
Mine is ace. I didn't think I'd use it as much as I do, but it really was worth it.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:24, Reply)

Yeah but you sit at home all day.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:24, Reply)

Sometimes I go out...

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:25, Reply)

... to buy fried chicken

(Bazongaloid, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:44, Reply)

Yeah, but i have an i-phone and a laptop already

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:26, Reply)

A chopper.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:23, Reply)

Choppers are expensive.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:27, Reply)

you can't because he's in prison

(quintsy, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:27, Reply)

Have a weekend away.
Please. A weekend away. Go on.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:26, Reply)

*googles hotels with wifi*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:30, Reply)

hahaha
Spend that £500 on a Sodastream and ALL of the different syrups.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:31, Reply)

People who own ipads and the ilk, want shooting in the face. Seriously.
I'd spend it on a cheap bnb somewhere nice. Morocco. Or Greek islands territory.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:26, Reply)

Going to Morroco next year, with a travel PR person, so should get some decent hotels on the cheap

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:28, Reply)

what's wrong with tablet PCs, BP?
they are the future, after all
(quintsy, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:28, Reply)

Just don't like them.
Creepy shit. Sorry, but I don't approve.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:32, Reply)

i don't understand where you're coming from here
it's basically just a computer without a keyboard, why does that upset you?
(quintsy, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:33, Reply)

I think he finds the whole idea of them quite hard to swallow

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:33, Reply)

(groan)

(quintsy, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:34, Reply)

Prostitutes, lube, champagne and cocaine.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:30, Reply)

bookmarking this under 'the time battered admitted he has to pay for sex'

(quintsy, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:31, Reply)

It was a recommendation, not what I would purchase.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:34, Reply)

you edited out the 'alt' bit from your post, stop backtracking

(quintsy, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:35, Reply)

I didn't edit anything out you tedious mouth breather.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:36, Reply)

so you sleep with prostitutes, edit posts, lie about it and insult people on the internet?
you're a bloody awful troll, battered.

when i kill myself i hope anonymous fuck your shit right up
(quintsy, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:37, Reply)

Ha ha.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:43, Reply)

that would be a fun 15 minutes

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:32, Reply)

Do you think Barry still has the name of that star-jumping prossie?
She sounded entertaining.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:47, Reply)

my fingernails have these little grooves in them and some of the grooves are dotty, they look a bit like braille
am i going to die?
(quintsy, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:40, Reply)

Yep
Its finger aids... sorry to be the bearer
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:40, Reply)

first i didn't even have a poo on sunday and now this
i wonder which will get me first? :(
(quintsy, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:41, Reply)

poo will begin to seep out from under your finger nails
better not finger bang anyone for a while
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:42, Reply)

but that's half the fun of having hands :(

(quintsy, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:48, Reply)

yes.
everyone does. eventually.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:42, Reply)

way to break it to me gently, there

(quintsy, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:44, Reply)

sorry q.
students are annoying me, it's testing my patience.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:45, Reply)

Just to be really boring
white spots on your nails are usually some kind of knock below the nail bed. Nothing to really worry about.
Ridges are - I think - a sign of a deficiency in something or other. Again, I wouldn't worry.

On the other hand, it could be bad AIDS. Sorry to be the bearer and all that...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:45, Reply)

worse than a hitler-naked ape baby, right here

(quintsy, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:49, Reply)

Stepson has Apple TV in his house, connected to a bunch of computers.
Basically, anything in your itunes library can then be streamed on your TV. He keeps nagging us to get it too, because apparently it's rather good.

Or are we talking about something more along the lines of a bigger toy? Mountain bike, maybe? Or a set of executive luggage?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:41, Reply)

It is, but essentially it does serve a function that can probably be achieved with stuff most people have already
But it's pretty neat.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:43, Reply)

luggage?! really?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:43, Reply)

£500 doesn't buy a mountain bike worth having
If you spend £500 on luggage, I would seriously fucking worry.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:44, Reply)

I don't know!
I've never had that much money to fritter away on something frivolous. I'm out of my depth here!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:45, Reply)

Really? you've dropped a bollock there
if you're going to marry old men, you should at least marry rich ones, b3thers.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:47, Reply)

I knew I was doing something wrong...

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:48, Reply)

You'd spend £500 on the pier.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:47, Reply)

I think that much money would probably buy you Weston.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:48, Reply)

Buy a donkey.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:48, Reply)

with a squint and one leg shorter than the others.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:49, Reply)

PJ and Duncan lolz.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:49, Reply)

SPUGGIE! A'M BLIND, MAN!.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:50, Reply)

I CANNEE SEE!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:52, Reply)

We have two bright pink and fucking threadbare old wheely cases
i never understand people that spend money on luggage
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:46, Reply)

even my "specific" luggage (ski bags, hockey bags etc)
is the cheapest available. It's going to be clusterfucked by airport security staff. Why have anything nice?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:48, Reply)

true, my snowboard bag is basically a sack witha zip!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:50, Reply)

Because randy airport security staff are people too?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:50, Reply)

They prefer to tip their filthy cement on cheap dirty shit, I believe.
horses for courses.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:51, Reply)

EasyJet staff maybe, but if you want you bag properly molested with British Airways
You need to be buying good luggage.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:52, Reply)

BAkkake.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:53, Reply)

Virgin!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:54, Reply)

Stop telling everyone :(

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:56, Reply)

Soz bbz.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:57, Reply)

I spent about £80 on my last suitcase. It's red. and has wheels.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:50, Reply)

Are you sure you didn't buy a bike by mistake?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:52, Reply)

it sounds more like postman pat's van

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:54, Reply)

It did have a cat in it
but I killed it.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:55, Reply)

i'm sure we had a playground skipping rhyme about postman pat running over his cat
"blood and guts went flying, pat burst out crying" was definitely in there.

kids are sick little bastards.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:57, Reply)

jess had her own tv show for a while
i think she danced in it, it must have been like babestation but with a little cat
(quintsy, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:02, Reply)

poor jess
where did it all go wrong?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:09, Reply)

3 x handmade shirts
alt: right now it would probably go on the service for my car. fucking useless twats at merc were supposed to pick it up at 8. they didn't turn up. at 9 i left for work, furious and late. they have just called to say they are on their way. you can't turn up 4 hours late, you CUNTS. some of us have JOBS to go to. that's how we pay for the car and the extortionate service in the first place, you utter fuckwits.

altalt: any job that is mundane and just relies upon the same old thing. data entry maybe.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:52, Reply)

Call them back and tell them you want a better courtesy car than the one they offered
for mucking you around.

(Assuming they offered you a loan car whilst they find problems with your car)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:54, Reply)

i don't even need a loan car as i will be at work
i just need the cunts to turn up when they said they would!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:55, Reply)

They don't need to know that.
The chances are they'll offer a loan car if you ask for one, meaning you - and everyone else using this garage is paying for a loan car whether they need/take one or not.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:57, Reply)

i could have a loan car
but as it wouldn't have a parking permit for my street, it would end up costing me a hell of a lot. cheaper to accept that the bill is inflated, i think.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:59, Reply)

yeah, ask for an SLS for the week

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:59, Reply)

S J
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:00, Reply)

at alton towers a couple of weeks ago
i was horrified to see a teenage girl wearing a sweatshirt that read "i love jis".

took me a little while to realise it was JLS in lower case.

/old

/possibly perverted
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:09, Reply)

haha, yeah.
that'll work. Still, worth a pop.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:00, Reply)

We've been here before. You knowingly handed over money to Mercedes
the car company with possibly the largest chasm in the known universe between percieved brand quality and actual product and service quality, and you expect sympathy?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:55, Reply)

the car is great, to be fair
it's just the service staff who suck gigantic salty balls
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:56, Reply)

as well as charging you £150 an hour to wank into your glove box.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:57, Reply)

it's locked
they'll just have to go for the pants in the boot
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:58, Reply)

riiggght.
They are servicing it. They have the keys.

If you haven't given them keys, you realise they are charging you £750 to pick it up, hide it round the corner for a day and bring it back, don't you?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:00, Reply)

They'll probably remove the fuse that lights the 'service warning' light on the dash.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:01, Reply)

silly badger
the glovebox has its own key
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:09, Reply)

You mean it has its own, entirely separate key
or you have a master key and a valet key?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:10, Reply)

fucking hell
having just rearranged it all with head office, i just got a stroppy call from the garage to say their driver is waiting outside.

"we can only collect between 8am and 12pm". i told her that was useless for clients who actually had a job. why are these people so inept badger? why? she is getting her manager to call me...

and yes, it's like a small silver thing, not the big one that starts the engine!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:16, Reply)

It depends
If you get an old Merc then you actually get great buid quality etc and you dont have to deal with the dealerships... I agree about new ones though
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:02, Reply)

yeah, but you have to go pretty old.
I used to drive old beemers a lot for the same reason, but you have to accept that you look like a criminal. and a not very well off criminal at that.

Having said that, I'm still hoping to convince Mrs B that a 10 year old CL55AMG is a sensible second car. £7K for a supercar that cost £100K 10 years ago? bargain.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:04, Reply)

That is cheap.
Until you have to buy tyres or a clutch.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:06, Reply)

Tyres aren't too bad relative to modern cars, really
FFS, my shitty diesel Saab has 235R17s on it. Even my S2000 only had 245s on the back, what's wrong with people?

Clutches are for jessies.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:09, Reply)

I'm enjoying 'car talk' this week and I might go to the auctions this afternoon as a result.
And why does the cat belonging to Postman Pat need a clutch?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:12, Reply)

make sure you don't sneeze
and accidentally buy a 20 year old mondeo
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:17, Reply)

How do you know I'm not in the market for a twenty year old Mondeo!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:18, Reply)

There are 20 of them, after all.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:19, Reply)

i dated a guy with a car like that
he loved it. i thought it was going to kill me every time we drove over a speed bump.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:21, Reply)

I've had someone telling me to buy a convertible, purely because they think it'll suit them.
That isn't going to happen.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:23, Reply)

anything over 10 years old
and you get a decent motor, parts are expensive in general but my local garage can service 90% of the stuff on mine without a problem and it saves a fortune...
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:17, Reply)

Nonce

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:19, Reply)

Seems expensive, i know where i can get them hand made for under a ton

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:56, Reply)

I like wearing bespoke clothing.
I had an argument with mighters once about bespoke vs off the peg, I can't remember which side I was on.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:57, Reply)

both.
it was one of THOSE arguments.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:58, Reply)

It was a question of material V cut
the correct answer is cut
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:58, Reply)

typical Jew talk

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:03, Reply)

Jew Emo
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:19, Reply)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You should take it to the garage around the corner.

Oh, that's right, you don't live somewhere with useful services nearby.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:56, Reply)

that is still more effort than them picking it up and returning it valeted, no?
if they had actually turned up.

there is a garage at olympia, but it looks like a proper dodgy chop-shop
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:58, Reply)

I was in Olympia on Sunday...just sayin like

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:59, Reply)

well, if you'd carried on a bit up high street kensington, you could have come for a drink
but you didn't, did you? oh no.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:00, Reply)

was on the way back from London Zoo with a very grumpy mini ape
but we did get to hold some lemurs and feed some mostached tamrined monkeys so it was worth it
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:03, Reply)

I was there yesterday morning about about 8.50am.
BEAT THAT!
(Bazongaloid, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:00, Reply)

is this a who's creepier on the internet competition?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:02, Reply)

I was on my way back from Fulham, what was your excuse?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:03, Reply)

see above

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:04, Reply)

YOU BOTH WIN

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:08, Reply)

\o/

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:08, Reply)

to be fair, al is a complete cunt
but he isn't really creepy. there is far creepier on here.

are you both coming over to eat pizzas with monty and everyone else?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:11, Reply)

when?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:12, Reply)

prob last weekend in november, need to check with monty and lusty but think that'll be it

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:15, Reply)

I may be at a wedding, but that might be the first weekend in November...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:16, Reply)

you have to come
i promise i won't let monty poke you
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 12:17, Reply)

How about a protective pet?
www.theregister.co.uk/2012/10/16/dolphins_with_frikkin_guns_on_their_heads/
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 16 Oct 2012, 11:57, Reply)