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Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Morning thread
because you're all cunts.

Alt: Where is everyone?
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 8:53, 161 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
Running a train on your mum.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 8:57, Reply)
It's nice that she keeps active at her age.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 8:58, Reply)
Morning tangles,
I'm just having a think about breakfast. I'm gonna have toast I reckon, then take the dogs out.
One of the big bosses is in town today, so I'm on best behaviour, I'm even wearing an ironed shirt.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:04, Reply)
Have a fry up you utter POOF.
'Ning The LOVELY Win Pug.
One of the best bits about being down here is having a fry up ANY morning I want to WITHOUT all the faff of cooking it myself. OR having to do ANY washing up.
:D
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:06, Reply)
I am tempted to go to tick rock greasy spoon across the road before I open up.
that place is amazing.
Any good weather today?
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:12, Reply)
It's fucking gorgeous here.
:D
*Smugs it up a bit*
Should be getting a bit better for you by around lunchtime. It ain't going to be great though.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:25, Reply)
Alright doubleyoopee
Ironed is definitely for best.
I wear a shirt to work each day, but only ever iron one if I'm going to a wedding or other formal occasion.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:10, Reply)
^ Fascinating facts about my life here.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:10, Reply)
do you have to iron around all the rhinestones?

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:11, Reply)
Well it would be silly to try to iron over them.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:12, Reply)
They're actually Malian cowrie shells.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:19, Reply)
The best symbols of womanhood, fertility, birth and wealth ever.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:21, Reply)
threaded over all his bodyhair?

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:22, Reply)
Plaited into his anal dreadlocks in a Moon Ceremony

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:27, Reply)
Except me. Yes.
I'm LOVELY. Even all you autisms were forced to come to that conclusion eventually.
and not JUST because I bribed Amberl to beat up anyone who said different.
'Ning.
Everyone is either on the internet or somewhere else.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:05, Reply)
It's true, stuj is LOVELY


OW! Let go of my ear now, Amberl?
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:08, Reply)
I might have a cup of tea,
maybe everyone else is having a cup of tea
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:05, Reply)
I'm not.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:12, Reply)
as a publican, are you allowed drinks with no alcohol in them?

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:13, Reply)
I'm allowed one pint of Coke a day,
just to male sure my teeth rot nicely.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:18, Reply)
bet you add a splash of dark rum to it.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:20, Reply)
putting mixers with rum is for women.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:44, Reply)
Correct.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:48, Reply)
how do you deal with toilets with seats still attached?

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:23, Reply)
On his nights off he ties huge trailing wads of bog roll to his shoes just to keep his eye in.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:26, Reply)
fuck knows tangles.
alright everyone.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:10, Reply)
Alright mmps.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:11, Reply)
yer

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:12, Reply)
Yeah whatever mate.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:11, Reply)
fuck off charlie chalk.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:12, Reply)
Whatever you say Boss.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:17, Reply)
Em-Vee called me a racist.
Can you believe that?
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:11, Reply)
I genuinely cannot.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:11, Reply)
which one is mv again?

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:13, Reply)
he's the one with the transformers porn

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:15, Reply)
ugh, what a prick.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:18, Reply)
He's both the worst and the best on QOTW.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:20, Reply)
The prick who thinks he's some wanker from 'Spaced'.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:16, Reply)
what, the fat chick?

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:18, Reply)
The retarded 'graphic novel' arse bandit in the 'sk8' gear

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:20, Reply)
No offence

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:20, Reply)
i like how when that series ended and her career took a nose dive as the other guys took off
nobody gave a fuck whether she changed her name when she got married
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:21, Reply)
I wouldn't give a shit if she became Empress of China, or was eaten by jackals.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:25, Reply)
what a tuesday morning that would be though, eh?

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:27, Reply)
Innit blud

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:35, Reply)
was she in anything else?

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Morning
I went to a Brazilian BBQ place last night and ate epic amounts of meat. Tonight I'm off to Koko to see AfP WOOOO

It's all go here.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:24, Reply)
Which Brazilian place plz?
And was it good?
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:25, Reply)
Rodizio Amber Grill
up by Willesden Junction. Not very busy on a Monday night but the meat just kept coming.

Having been to one before I knew the drill and just had a little from each skewer, otherwise some of it goes cold by the time the next thing comes round. It's pretty good but a fair way out.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:57, Reply)
Willesden is a shit hole

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:00, Reply)
The meat place is right next to the station
So I didn't have to find out.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:02, Reply)
There's one on the Hackney Rd about two mins from my house so I ent going to Willesden,
no sirree.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:03, Reply)
Rodizio is the style of service, it aint a chain or owt
But yes, I could certainly have done with a closer venue. It was more convenient for the woman in the party, though, so that's what we had to do.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:06, Reply)
Indeed so.
The one near me is called Raizes I think.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:25, Reply)
Good morning.
I'm really not a cunt, I'm a very nice person, and alt, I'm here. How are you? I'm being nice.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:27, Reply)
Fuck off.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Thank you for that, I'll be taken on board.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:33, Reply)
Bear Pookie for President!

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:31, Reply)
As above. I whupped that Romney in the knackers.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:33, Reply)
I am a cunt, it is true
Alt:
Dropping kids off at school
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:33, Reply)
Curse those feckless grandparents!

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:34, Reply)
Last night
I found out that my 87-year-old grandmother is being thrown out of her old people’s home for misbehaving. As I understand it, we’re talking dirty protests, wanking and hitting staff. Cool, eh?
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:37, Reply)
That's how I want to be if I reach that age.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Sounds like a video I own

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:44, Reply)
you dirty bastard, you're supposed to do it at the pool

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:35, Reply)
i wasn't here when battered alledgedly posted his poppet rape fantasy
and i haven't had any since sunday, could somebody send me a link so i can pop to the bogs for a quick one off the wrist?
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:36, Reply)
You'll have to ask b3th to retrieve it from the mods' secret deleted stuff board.
It no longer exists here where us mortals can see.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:38, Reply)
it does still exist
when you delete something on this place it isn't gone forever

if i had the post number i could bring it up no probs
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:41, Reply)
My detective skills reckon it was this number:
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1762996
But I don't know how to make a deleted post appear.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:50, Reply)
Us mortals are just wankstains however.
If that shit's true however, sounds a bit nasty.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:49, Reply)
He posted WHAT?

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:38, Reply)
yeah, he posted a lurid fantasy of poppet wanking.
the sick bastard.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:39, Reply)
it was a bit...creepy.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:41, Reply)
I asked people to write stories about other b3tans, you know, so we could have a chuckle.
not so sick fucks like battered could write shocking sex fantasies.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:42, Reply)
i've got my detective hat on now
i'll find it and be back in ten
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:43, Reply)
He'd probably been drinking

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:43, Reply)
he's been keeping a very low profile,
I hope he's ok. We should try and help him move away from his sick fantasies, we should welcome him back, and get him some treatment.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:47, Reply)
To think he asked me to meet him for a pint

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:49, Reply)
+of cum

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:01, Reply)
Here you go.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPmfTRwsOys

Maybe NSFW.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:39, Reply)
i only click porn links

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:41, Reply)
I'm sittiing in my car behind an abandoned factory waiting for two girls

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:37, Reply)
+ with my favourite hammer under the seat.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:40, Reply)
Nah, it's lead pipe tuesday

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Cleudo wank fantasy

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:56, Reply)
that's another one for my list of top unused band names, Sporters.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:06, Reply)
I hope you'll correct the spelling when you add it to your list.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:07, Reply)
It's not displaced "spider wanking disaster"
I'll be honest.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:12, Reply)
Morning all
I disagree that O/T are cunts - however DV24/7 ARE cunts. I'm currently trying to get a reply from them regarding half a delivery that's still not turned up and their silence is deafening!
Other than that, the day goes well.

Alt: Try the rallying call 'ASPERGERS ASSEMBLE'. Might work.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:44, Reply)
Sounds like Emvs tribute mocksploitation film of popular superhero blockbuster 'Avengers Assemble'

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:46, Reply)
It's actually a film within a film.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:57, Reply)
It'll be because it's half a delivery
They are having a philosophical debate about whether it's possible. Like one hand clapping.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:47, Reply)
Schroedinger's delivery

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:48, Reply)
The mere act of opening the box causes whatever's inside it to break.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:53, Reply)
YES.
Or disappear.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:55, Reply)
he'll have to collapse the delivery wave function by observing the driver
otherwise he'll only learn about its position indirectly through a crumpled note crammed through his young's post slit
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:54, Reply)
You can only ever know where it is
or what it is, but never both.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:01, Reply)
don't start with that.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:49, Reply)
Sorry Winders.
I've just spent an hour on a conference call. I need some relief.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:54, Reply)
*trombones*

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:58, Reply)
Have you tried Madame Jojo's?

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:00, Reply)
I can get THAT kind of relief.
I meant relief from fucktardery.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:01, Reply)
I went to a Keb Darge 'Deep Funk' night there once. It was alright,
Not a tranny or woofter in sight.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:02, Reply)
Until you minced in

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:03, Reply)
MODS!!!!

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:04, Reply)
ROCKERS!!!!!
Let's get ready to rummmmmmmmmmmmblllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:05, Reply)
conference calls are shite,
I used to have a weekly one at the last place I worked, and all the area manager would do is read out an e~mail of the stuff that happened that week, that she had already sent to us. Always seemed a bit daft.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:05, Reply)
I see what you did there
Interesting philosophical point! I probably should have called it a 'part' delivery.
They're still cunts though.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:50, Reply)
They are cunts.
Each and every one.
Apart from the ones who are alright, they know who they are.*


*Not you Nakers.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:52, Reply)
:(

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:53, Reply)
Nah, you're alright really*

*For a cunt.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:57, Reply)
It's too late for apologies I'm on my way to KFC

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:59, Reply)
Ok.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:59, Reply)
That's was a cry for help TUiB and you ignored it
My blood will be on your hands, you mark my words
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:02, Reply)
Is KFC not open yet or something?

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:03, Reply)
Do they have a breakfast menu?
Chicken with egg, question is what comes first?
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:05, Reply)
The answer is:
Kill yourself.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:05, Reply)
I can't find any reference to when the post was actually deleted in the thread
can anybody tell me roughly what time Battered posted his filthy story?
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:53, Reply)
got it, mmps posted in the next thread, 12.59
the net is closing in
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:54, Reply)
This was my reply to the link he posted in the next thread:
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1763001
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 9:56, Reply)
I hope he gets stepped for this.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:00, Reply)
Someone will need to give him a boost up

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:03, Reply)
DAMMIT
it's this one, the first reply is even 'bit creepy.'but you can't see it, waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1763000
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1763001 is the 'bit creepy' reply :(
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:08, Reply)
As is the second:
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1763002
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:09, Reply)
gutted that it's gone

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:10, Reply)
and 2, 3 and 4 are similar replies :'(

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:09, Reply)
all that searching for nowt

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:10, Reply)
I told you this about 20 minutes ago
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1763925
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:11, Reply)
but i was sure i've accidentally come across deleted posts before

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:12, Reply)
the account might have been B& by a mod.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:18, Reply)
for being a midget rapeado?

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:19, Reply)
yup, it was a comedy account anyway.
he didn't post it from his battered account
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:21, Reply)
battered does comedy?

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:22, Reply)
Nah, it was his main account with a halloween name.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:23, Reply)
Morning, spunkbubble.
With all the cunts round here, it's like a gynaecology department.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:03, Reply)
hands up

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:03, Reply)
baby hands up

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:08, Reply)
+to the elbow

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:10, Reply)
I thought that, but decided against it.....

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:11, Reply)
Or the set of T4

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:04, Reply)
another hard day at the orifice

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:08, Reply)
b3th would you be REALLY super nice
and tell me if you can see this post?

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1763000
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:11, Reply)
That is only the link to the story.

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:11, Reply)
yeah which is what i want to know if she can see it, she's a mod you div-prick

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:12, Reply)
Of course she can see it, she's a mod you div-prick
She could find the story if she wanted to:
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1763689
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:22, Reply)
then i'm willing to offer, right here and right now
COLD HARD CASH if she copies/pastes it on this board

you hear that b3th?
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:23, Reply)
anotherwanker reckoned he gazzed it to b3th too.
You could ask him if he has it.
(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:25, Reply)
he probably gazzed the link

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:26, Reply)
Foiled again!

(, Tue 23 Oct 2012, 10:26, Reply)

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