Enough of that bent spasticry
I just heard my own voice played back to me on a conference call and am forever reminded of how effete and shit it is.

What do you hate about yourself? Or, to make this question slightly more appropriate, what do you hate most about yourself?

Alt: How creative do we think Dozer's answer of "nothing" will be?

AltAlt: Sports Personality of the Year, don't pretend you don't care.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:02, 118 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Altalt: Brian Jacks

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:06, Reply)

He sounds like he should be in AC/DC
Not sure why, that is literally the first thought that popped into my head. Have a feeling their singer is called Brian J-something. Can't be bothered to look it up, they're not very good. Who's Brian Jacks?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:08, Reply)

80s judo sensation and Superstars, ah, superstar.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:09, Reply)

Brian Johnston.
Brian Jacks presented "superstars"

and was, by the law of everything right now, probably some kind of padeo.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:09, Reply)

Nah it's fine, that was the 80s. Paedophilia stopped after the 70s.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:10, Reply)

Ah, right so. Phew.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:11, Reply)

That's the beggar
Isn't he the most successful man ever to be born in Newcastle, or something? He should be. Johnston, not Jacks. Am not measuring success in "number of kids nobbed"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:11, Reply)

I thought he was from Shields, not Newcastle
/pedant
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:17, Reply)

Same place
Everywhere in the North East is basically Newcastle innit

/ducks and covers
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:18, Reply)

yeah, that's reet

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:20, Reply)

He was the lead singer of 'Geordie' in the 70s.
No 't' if we're playing at pedants.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:22, Reply)

Brian Johnson
Brian Jacks did Judo, then later competed on Superstars.

It's Monty's favourite joke, everytime Roota or I mentioned Brian Jacques (the author) in the past.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:10, Reply)

It's a very funy joke. Very funny INDEED, I'll have you know.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:11, Reply)

No it isn't.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:14, Reply)

Sorry, I should have said 'I kill you' over and over a-fucking-gain to be truly amusing.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:21, Reply)

Infidel

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:24, Reply)

:o(

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:25, Reply)

The only sportsman who has ever genuinely impressed me is Daley Thompson.
That Richard Pryor looking motherfucker was like fuckin' Superman.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:08, Reply)

impressedmolested

Did he blindfold you and let you practice throwing his javelin?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:29, Reply)

AltAlt: Eddie 'The Eagle' Edwards FTW.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:07, Reply)

I'm totally gonna answer this truthfully and give you lot more ammunition to bully me with
Altalt: dunno who's on the shortlist? Bradley Wiggins maybe?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:10, Reply)

I bet you, it's your hair.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:10, Reply)

Battered.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:11, Reply)

Hahahahahaha
I GET THIS
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:11, Reply)

I do not

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:22, Reply)

now I do
Lol
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:23, Reply)

Ha fucking ha.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:12, Reply)

Wiggins, who as the first Englishman to win TdF, probably the toughest trial in sport, will walk it
Also Mo Farah, Jess Ennis, Chris Hoy, Andy Murray, Ben Ainslie, Nicola Adams *cough*quotas to fill*cough*, Katherine Grainger, Rory McIlroy, David Weir, Sarah Storey and Ellie Simmonds.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:14, Reply)

He won't, though
because the general public are involved in the final decision, and the general public are fucktards.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:15, Reply)

Oh, no doubt, they most certainly are
But Wiggins not only won Olympic Gold but was already a national icon. The fact that this had more to do with his sideburns than his achievements is a bit tragic but everyone knows who he is. It'll be him, Ennis, Farah or Murray, for the "fucktards" reason you mention. Even though this will leave Ainslie wondering what he's got to achieve to get a nod.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:17, Reply)

Let's not forget Hoy.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:19, Reply)

Had his moment four years ago
Three Olympics golds and a knighthood isn't a bad return. Did he win SPoTY then too?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:24, Reply)

Maybe he just needs to use a little bit more 'Suzie salt'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:20, Reply)

1/10

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:27, Reply)

I kill you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:32, Reply)

Did he win the gold at the egg and spoon race?
Works well as as rhyming slang, food and sports related? Three for one MO-fuckers
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:27, Reply)

tee hee

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:30, Reply)

I dislike my body shape (i.e. fat), therefore I am making steps to improve this.
Alt: Not very.

AltAlt: The guy that threw the coin at Ferdinand.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:12, Reply)

haha, yeah, assaulting people with weapons is WELL LOLS.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:13, Reply)

Gonna have to call you on this one mate
That was fucking pathetic. A quite literal example of a fan throwing his toys out of the pram cos his team were about to lose a game it looked like they might draw, even though better refereeing would have meant they'd lost anyway.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:16, Reply)

Nah, I know, was quite clearly a joke answer. Won't deny it, was laughing my arse off when it looked like he'd just poked himself in the eye.
Wiggins would probably get my vote anyway.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:20, Reply)

I did think for a second he'd managed to shove his own shirt in his eye.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:21, Reply)

And let's not forget, for balance, for those who hate Rio Ferdinand
The guy has not only behaved like a complete neanderthal toddler violent prick, he's also made Ferdinand look good. Twice.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:21, Reply)

Oh, I can't stand Rio
Still shouldn't have things thrown at him, but it's gone the other way before, when United fans threw a coin at Bellamy.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:22, Reply)

which has approximately fuck all to do with what, again?
Because whichever way you look at it, you're now just attempting to defend something indefensible by going "yeah, but 10 years ago one of their lot did the same thing"

Which is a bit fucking pathetic, mate.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:25, Reply)

Not my intention in the slightest, I assure you
That comment was aimed at those who find it disgraceful that it could ever happen to their precious Rio. (although I'm not sure why, there aren't exactly any of them on here...)

As I say, I think it's fucking ridiculous, and I do hope that the one who threw the coin is punished in a suitable way.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:26, Reply)

fair enough.
But it doesn't matter who the comment was aimed at. It doesn't make it any less ridiculous to invoke the "yeah but they did it first"

But then that's half the problem with football. The combined IQ of the crowd wouldn't trouble a remedial maths class.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:29, Reply)

This is very true

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:30, Reply)

I would genuinely like to know what the actual fuck is wrong with football fans.
It's not about wealth or class or "tribalism" (Rugby League fans aren't utter cunts all the time) and it's certainly not intelligence (I watch a lot of live Rugby Union and, frankly, football has no fanbase monopoly on retards) ... so what is it? Something about the game? It's not the money, fans have been being cunts since way before the PL era.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:37, Reply)

It's their low IQs and working class-ness.
Frightful oaves, the lot of them.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:40, Reply)

You get the same people at cricket Monty, they just don't act as cuntish.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:41, Reply)

I've covered that, though. Same applies to Rugby League, without the same result.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:41, Reply)

I wish I knew.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:40, Reply)

I think the money has something to do with it
A lot of fans feel a sense of entitlement as a result of shelling out a fucking fortune to watch their team.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:42, Reply)

The 80s were pretty much "optimal cunt time" in football
it wasn't expensive back then. So not sure that's true.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:44, Reply)

Surely that had more to do with the rise of hooliganism?
Which is more about a small group of utter cunts making the rest of us look bad, no? Perhaps the lengths gone to in order to quash hooliganism have caused the frustration behind it to infect larger groups, the old "one bad apple" theory.

Perhaps this is utter bollocks.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:49, Reply)

It's probably no more or less bollocks than any other explanation.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:55, Reply)

newsthump.com/2012/01/29/shock-as-moron-discovered-in-45000-capacity-football-stadium/
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 11:04, Reply)

"With a packet of sweets and a cheeky smile, the opposing manager is great at kids parties"
Genius.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 11:35, Reply)

He should delete his account, if he's intelligent enough to use a computer,
and kill himself.

Ferdinand was really playing it up though. He was on the X Factor that evening and his trousers had run red with blood. Either than or he thought red trousers were a good idea.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:23, Reply)

wait .. you watch the X factor?
fucking hell.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:25, Reply)

I was forced against my will
That's the last time I choose Guantanamo Bay for my weekend excursion
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:28, Reply)

My voice actually sounds nothing at all like it does inside my head, if that makes any sense

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:20, Reply)

I'm afraid it doesn't. At all.
You have gone mad. Sorry to be etc.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:22, Reply)

I have been awake since 2am so this may well be true

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:29, Reply)

You poor sod.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:30, Reply)

I feel like death
not chicken at all :o(
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:33, Reply)

I've had real trouble sleeping the last few days
think it's cos I'm running a bit of a temperature. Early night tonight, given I'll probably collapse around 9pm.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:35, Reply)

I have two bottles of Badger beer to consume, followed by coma

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:36, Reply)

I keep finding myself still wide awake at three in the morning
then I can't focus in the morning till about twelve.
I think my brain is on American time.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:39, Reply)

it's because you don't touch yourself at night.
probably.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:40, Reply)

That's weird, I've done that the last two nights
One night I left the heating on low, one it was off. No idea what woke me.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:44, Reply)

'still' awake.
I wouldn't mind being woken up, as that would imply I'd had some sleep in the first place.

Also, I suspect you were woken by malevolent ghosts.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:46, Reply)

*something about ectoplasm*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:53, Reply)

I think it's because God hates you for being a bender.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:39, Reply)

I think it's because you touch yourself at night

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:40, Reply)

There are many, many things.
I don't take brainwrong pills just for fun, you know. I'm filled with self loathing.
Also, my voice sounds normal in my head, but played back to me, sounds like Violet Elizabeth Bott.

Altalt: Clare Balding.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:35, Reply)

+n +an +ing

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:35, Reply)

1/10

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:36, Reply)

At least a 2/10 I'd say

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:36, Reply)

Oh now, let's not go overboard.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:37, Reply)

very good
*golf claps*
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:37, Reply)

Oh, left field.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:43, Reply)

I'm choosing to interpret this
as your declaration of your desire to be "scissor sisters" with Ms Balding.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:38, Reply)

If that's what turns you on, dear.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:40, Reply)

well.... I dunno
it's a bit "niche"

I'd probably have to think about it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:42, Reply)

I'd rather you didn't think about my 'niche' at all, thank you very much.
I feel violated.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:44, Reply)

you wish.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:44, Reply)

Like a pair of limpet mines

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:40, Reply)

*drops monocle"

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:43, Reply)

Enough of such tribialities!

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:47, Reply)

i dunno really,
I'm pretty happy, other than having put on a little weight, giving me quite nasty love handles. My voice is rubbish too, but I think most people find the sound of their own voice weird.

Altalt: probably ought to give it to a flid.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:39, Reply)

Is battered even a sports personality?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:43, Reply)

No
sports
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:46, Reply)

Good morning, your fabulousness.
All good in your 'hood'?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Cheeky cunt.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:59, Reply)

how about Alistair Cooke?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:52, Reply)

The deceased author of "letter from America" ?
did he make some contribution to sport I am unaware of?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 10:54, Reply)

This is just great, isn't it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 11:15, Reply)

I done new thread

(PsychoChomp, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 11:16, Reply)

Fantastic
Mentioning the X-fucktor is a new low of #wtn
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 11:17, Reply)