who's the biggest mentalist you know, and what do they do that makes you think they are so mental?
alt: my niece has swapped horses for ballet "because trotting made her minnie hurt". what euphemisms did you use for delicate areas of the body when you were a kid?

altalt: went to a lecture this morning and the guy behind me crossed his legs and inadvertently stuck his shoe right up my arse. what has surprised you the most in a public arena recently?

altaltalt: lunch? i am going american today, balls and sliders all over the place...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 11:46, 159 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Sad to say you are missing a Chompy thread.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 11:49, Reply)

And such an excellent thread, too.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 11:52, Reply)

ffs hasn't he caught AIDS and died yet
come on then losers, answer my questions. you KNOW they will make good banter and restore this place to its glory days
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 11:53, Reply)

The biggest mentalists I 'know' are all people on here.
the number of nutjobs on happy pills in this dump is truly alarming.

Alt: 'cuntflaps'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:00, Reply)

Have you thought that maybe we wouldn't need happy pills if you weren't such a miserable old cunt?
Have you? Eh?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:03, Reply)

Yeah blame me for your dismal existences if it helps you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:04, Reply)

IT DOES
thank you very much.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:16, Reply)

No probz bbz x

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:17, Reply)

One of the guys I work with is a bit mental. He insists on saying hello to people on the tube and asking them how they are.
Alt: That is so hot.

Altalt: I am surprised he got his foot back.

AAA: I am going to make my sndwich today. I am sick of all the rubbish in the shops. Pate, cucmber and tomato I think. With salad cream.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:01, Reply)

He's still looking for his shoe, though.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:04, Reply)

Deacon lolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:06, Reply)

How wide is your arse?!
I bet when you take a shit your local sewage workers' report reads "Brown hippo nesting in tunnels"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:07, Reply)

The Bee Geeszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:17, Reply)

That would have been a much better song
Accompanied by a video of all three perma-grinning faces slowly being submerged by a rising tide of shite
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:20, Reply)

They were good songwriters.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:21, Reply)

aren't they second only to Lennon & McCartney in terms of sales?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:27, Reply)

Depends on the boundaries, surely?
I read somewhere that Rossi & Parfitt are in the British top 3
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:28, Reply)

Suppose it does, yeah

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:29, Reply)

I wouldn't be surprised if that were true.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:35, Reply)

It would explain the lack of fourth chords

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:40, Reply)

AAA: pub lunch
Unproductive afternoon beckons.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:08, Reply)

The biggest mentalist I know is so far past normal that he couldn't poke reality with a very long stick....
... Yet he manages to function in society quite well. Just don't ask him about:-
The Royal family
Magnets
Who actually runs the country
Death
How aircraft work
Etc etc
Alt: Goolies
Alt alt: The guy that cleared his nose footballer style INSIDE the local post office!
altaltalt: Probably a pasta dish. Big lunch today as supper will be late.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:14, Reply)

Is it CQ?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:18, Reply)

Is he David Icke?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:24, Reply)

It's Pooflake isn't it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:25, Reply)

Spanky more like
I bet he lives in a world where everything he sees is branded with a ludicrous descriptive metaphor.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:27, Reply)

They are cut from the same verbose cloth.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:30, Reply)

I've been to Coventry
and it would drive anyone to create various separate internet personalities just to keep themselves entertained
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:36, Reply)

But according to El Capitan here it's more attractive than London!
You can't *both* be right!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:43, Reply)

yeah, but Captain Placid has extremely pedestrian cultural tastes.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:44, Reply)

Speaking as a hardcore Twangker I disagree.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:48, Reply)

and where everything is a poorly-written sex lie

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:31, Reply)

It's not either of those guys
The mentalist in question shuns the internet 'not secure', was incandescent with rage when his employers stopped paying him weekly in cash, to the point of offering his resignation and lives on a canal boat so he's 'harder to trace'. He didn't like it when I pointed out that a canal is just one long watery road with no sidestreets.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:01, Reply)

fuck all you questions, I've been promoted and someone wants me to pay me to write something for them
Howd you like them apples?!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:28, Reply)

are you a reviewer of apples?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:28, Reply)

HEAD reviewer of apples now!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:30, Reply)

I repeat my (genuine) offer of proofreading it for you.
Might spare the old blushes.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:31, Reply)

very kind, but I have resources to help up here

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:35, Reply)

A dikshunary?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:43, Reply)

spelshek.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:43, Reply)

Ecsellint.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:47, Reply)

'I had sum appulz.
They we're niess. The edn.'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:48, Reply)

hahahaha!
*clickin dis*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:52, Reply)

Congrats

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:56, Reply)

lukewarm as ever, I see

(quintsy, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:03, Reply)

Craziest guy i know is an ex-regular,
Started off fairly normal, clearly a bit socially awkward, but clever, and sometimes quite interesting. Until he decided he didn't need his meds. Cue a lengthy downward spiral, starting with the occasional mutter under his breath, to talking to himself a bit, then he started doing the accents for a 4 way conversation, then finally to the point where he started screaming about slitting peoples throats, and fucking animals at the top of the lungs, at which point I bundled him out the door and called the police. Only took about 2 weeks to go from slightly odd to full on bag of hammers, screw in a washing machine, box of frogs keekee dee.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:28, Reply)

also,
You must have a pretty loose bum hole to have that sort of accident. Especially while, I assume for a lecture, clothed.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:31, Reply)

You've obviously never been to one of my lectures, Winders.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:44, Reply)

I've never been invited *flutters eyelids*

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:00, Reply)

There was the spanish guy that lived in our place
Punctuated each word with 'fuck', 'motherfucker' or 'fucking'. Ranted on and on about different things, but between his strong accent and the aforementioned punctuation, it was quite difficult to understand. Would wander round in pants. Not the most pleasant character to live with.

Alt: None that come to mind.

AltAlt: I'm surprised his foot fit up there.

AltAltAlt: Leek & potato soup.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:55, Reply)

I'm going to reply to you,
As you made the effort. Wonder why this place has gone to hell? Genuine attempts to answer the question and engage the thread are roundly ignored, while that bent spastic prattles on about being allowed to use the coloured pencils in flid class now he's stopped sticking the cheap ones up his bum. I've had enough, and will not stand for it any longer. WHO IS WITH ME? STAND UP AND BE COUNTED! REVOLUTION!
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:05, Reply)

RAAAAAHHHHHH

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:08, Reply)

Actually I'm busy eating my lunch. Can this wait, please?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:09, Reply)

sure,
I might grab a pint while I'm waiting.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:12, Reply)

Pour me a cider would you? Thanks.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:13, Reply)

It'll be warm and flat by the time you get here
I'll leave it in for you.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:20, Reply)

The mark of a proper landlord. Ta.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:25, Reply)

Chicken thigh and butter bean stew and rice, seeing as you asked.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:15, Reply)

Butter beans are the devil's food.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:19, Reply)

Well don't have any then OH WAIT A MINUTE I NEVER OFFERED ANYWAY

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:20, Reply)

I hope they give you chronic constipation for a month.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:24, Reply)

n
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:34, Reply)

KRA-HONEYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:44, Reply)

French onion soup with ham & piccalli rolls.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:58, Reply)

I love French onion soup but it repeats on me summat awful.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:03, Reply)

In other news; only 6 hours until my family return from the states. Cannot wait.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:04, Reply)

Good stuff.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:05, Reply)

I love French onion soup but it repeats on me summat awful.

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:34, Reply)

I love French onion soup but it repeats on me summat awful.

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:34, Reply)

etc.

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:34, Reply)

did you have me on ignore swipe?
This thread wasn't here 5 minutes ago
(quintsy, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 12:59, Reply)

she can't see this, she's ignoring you.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:15, Reply)

Could I just point out
that I haven't MOD EDITED anything in ages.

I don't know what was going on up there ^ as I've actually been doing some work for a change, but it sounds like my name was being taken in vain.

*does Paddington hard stare*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:05, Reply)

BOLLOCKS!

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:06, Reply)

About the no modding, or the actually doing work?
Either are equally unlikely, to be fair.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:09, Reply)

I dunno really b3th,
I got a bit over excited with my revolutionary speech. I might have a poo and calm down a touch.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:13, Reply)

A nice calming poo is just what you need.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:14, Reply)

and a touch wouldn't hurt either.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:14, Reply)

is this a proposition?
I think any sort of sordid b3ta romance should probably be kep to gaz.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:22, Reply)

*gazzes*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:25, Reply)

ga ji
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:37, Reply)

Wooo.
In the words of Toyah Willcocth, 'it-tha mythtery'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:07, Reply)

A complete mystery.
I mean, it's not like rory has a history of pretending I'm modding his posts or anything...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:10, Reply)

Yeah shut up b3th you MOD EDITing MOD EDIT.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:12, Reply)

Fuck's sake stop doing this!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:13, Reply)

BEST. MOD. EVER.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:13, Reply)

*MOD EDIT*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:15, Reply)

Okay, I'll give you that one.
But it was the first one in ages.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:15, Reply)

Awwww, thanks, babes!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:15, Reply)

Proper LOL

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:15, Reply)

You cheeky west country tart.
Proper mods please take note; abuse of power taking place. Please delete her account.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:16, Reply)

Aw.
I'll buy you a pint in Edinburgh, so cheer up, you tiny ball of anger.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:17, Reply)

'a pint'? Several more like.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:25, Reply)

More like a 'half pint'
if you get my drift.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:30, Reply)

Fuck, are you both invading my MANAAAAAAH?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:48, Reply)

Christmas & NY in Edinburgh with my inlaws. As usual.
As other B3tans (DG and others) will be in Edinburgh at the same time there is a loose plan to meet for a beer at some point.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:52, Reply)

I smell a conspiracy
they all just "happen" to be in the SAME city at the SAME time?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:55, Reply)

I'm there at that time every year.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:57, Reply)

So you're the ringleader then

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 14:01, Reply)

Yeah.
It's almost as if I "live" there.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:57, Reply)

fackin' slaaaags.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:57, Reply)

Do Doooooooo Do Do Dooo

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:52, Reply)

Yet again Swipe starts a thread mentioning her arse* and then doesn't participate

* a large topic


( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:19, Reply)

I thought that.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:22, Reply)

Nobody maintains any form of standards any more. Bring back National Service.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:24, Reply)

ervice ocialism
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:25, Reply)

sofa lol

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:26, Reply)

It's almost like the only time she posts is immediatly after I make a thread.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:26, Reply)

You should both grow up.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:28, Reply)

I often have this situation with HH doing that to me.
It's pretty needy shizzle.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:30, Reply)

Often?
When was the last time?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:39, Reply)

^ SEE! HE'S JUST DONE IT THERE!!!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:42, Reply)

GRASS

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:44, Reply)

^ NOW HE'S DOING IT TO ME!!!!
FFS, MOOOODDDDSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:48, Reply)

Fuck the MOD's
Time for the ROCKERS
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:51, Reply)

R PINK S
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:52, Reply)

You stomping on my pint?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:53, Reply)

ffs somebody buy this self-important hypocrite a spell checker

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 14:37, Reply)

I don't know any mentals, apart from on here
There's a bloke I vaguely knew who ended up moving to Kansas (from Coventry) and marrying a hippocrocapig and becoming a (or letting out his inner) Libertarian. Fond of "let them all die" style rants when any form of social safety net crops up in discussion. Okay I do know one.

Alt: Can't remember, too long ago.

AltAlt: Guy rollerblading past in a mankini and a Dr Who scarf. Nipples like chapel hatpegs, the poor bastard.

AltAltAlt: Patrami, Gherkin and Mustard Mayo sandwich with Prawn Cocktail flavour crisps. The crisps were on offer, it was them or Cheese and Onion so I went for the lesser of two evils.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:31, Reply)

sad crisp times, lighters.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:46, Reply)

How the Lighty are fallen, eh?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:49, Reply)

L.
T.
I.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:53, Reply)

Is there a worse crisp flavour than Cheese and Onion? I think not
(in general release, I mean, the "builders breakfast" ones they did a while back tasted of egg and almost made me vomit)
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:57, Reply)

Walkers steak and onion can GTFO
What was wrong with beef and onion the fucktards at Walkers know nuffink
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:59, Reply)

You've gone for the far superior crisp there, stop your whining.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 14:25, Reply)

From the BBC Website - Top searches of 2012
www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-20677541

Singer Whitney Houston, who died in February, was the most searched-for person, followed by "Kate Middleton", the Duchess of Cambridge.

The people list looked very different on rival search engine Bing, which revealed its top 2012 searches a few weeks ago.

Topping its global list was reality TV star Kim Kardashian, followed by singer Justin Bieber. Kim Kardashian also topped Yahoo's most searched-for list.

I think we can all agree that Bing users do not come out well in this comparison.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:36, Reply)

I'm fairly sure humanity doesn't come out at all well
out of the whole fucking thing.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:45, Reply)

Attention whores are most searched for
Colour me surprised
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:54, Reply)

Inprivate browsing has a lot to answer for

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:56, Reply)

Apparently Jenna Haze is the 10th most searched for in the US
same reason, probably
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:57, Reply)

I assume she's the main protaganist of a number of grumbleflicks?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 13:59, Reply)

grumble Bean
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 14:00, Reply)

The "hub", I believe.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 14:00, Reply)

*stops google search at work just in time*

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 11 Dec 2012, 14:02, Reply)