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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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so following the criminalisation of squatting in resi properties
squatters are now prefacing their "it's my home and i live here so ner" notices with "it's not resi but imma live here anyway". clever? or a pisstake?

alt: afternoon tea? cream then jam, or jam then cream?

actually it's secret option c: fuck your nasty jam and cream, just have it hot with butter, but you might as well think your opinion counts.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:53, 172 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
I like hot butter on my scones.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:54, Reply)
YES
i knew you were a man of taste

see also cheese scones. delicious.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:54, Reply)
*agreeing with swipe*

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:56, Reply)
correct!
Let's run away to a buttery cheesy sconey heaven.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:56, Reply)
Alright
my long-haired lover
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:57, Reply)
YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
I emailed you like twice and never heard back. I was worried about you.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:59, Reply)
You did?
I never got it. Let me gaz you the address again.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:01, Reply)
cool.
How have you been?
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:02, Reply)
Yeah, alright
Got three guitars for christmas, so I can't complain.
How are you? How's work treating you?
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:03, Reply)
been a bit full on really,
Got a new supervisor now though, and he seems pretty good, so work load should drop off a little, a d I can have some proper time off.

3 guitars? Anything good?
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:08, Reply)
Sweet, glad to hear it
Yeah, pretty happy with them. Waiting on some new strings for the acoustic though...the ones that come on Martin guitars are fucking awful. Like cheesewire.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:13, Reply)
I like a Martin.
My brother is at the guitar shop in Oxford now (I may have told you before) so he brings all sorts of goodies for me. LIKE PICKS SIGNED BY FAMOUS GUITARISTS. and a harmonica.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:18, Reply)
Wish I knew someone that worked in a guitar shop
The guys in Nevada are a bunch of pricks. ALL OF THEM!! AND I HOPE THEY'RE READING THIS!!
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:19, Reply)
I hosted the Christmas party for PMT.
They are top blokes.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:21, Reply)
Too many guitar shop people
are like Comic Book Guy. It's nice to know there are exceptions. The guys in Vintage & Rare in Bath are really cool too. They let me play a genuine 1962 Stratocaster. The fools!!!
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:25, Reply)
What guitars did you get?

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:08, Reply)
Got a Martin LXM
An Ibanez RG Bubinga with a Bareknuckle HB in the bridge, and my missus bought me this really old beat-up Japanese pile of crap, but it's because I had one when I was a kid.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:09, Reply)
More importantly do you say "gitar" or "geetar"?

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:10, Reply)
I say "gWHYtar"

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:11, Reply)
Oh man, you're way too cool for me.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:13, Reply)
I'd really like to get a decent acoustic.
So yeah, if you fancy getting me a Martin or maybe a Gibson J200 or something, that'd be great.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:14, Reply)
*makes a note*
Gotcha.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:17, Reply)
Hi Two Hats! How's the pub?
LOL
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:00, Reply)
Oh Kroney
I think I've missed you most of all x
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:02, Reply)
I'm glad you're back. Winders has had a right grump on without you here.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:04, Reply)
Bless his massive, ginger heart

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:07, Reply)
I like this.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:00, Reply)
I like this ^

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:08, Reply)
Welcome back.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:01, Reply)
Thanks Battered

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:04, Reply)
why aren't you dead?

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:06, Reply)
I'm not entirely sure to be honest, Glued
But I've got top men working on it....top men
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:07, Reply)
Hello Two Hats
Please come back on here more often. Thank you x
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:11, Reply)
Monce!
How are you, dear boy? How's the little 'un?

and by little 'un, I mean your daughter...not your worryingly small phallus
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:12, Reply)

Psst... Ixnay on the aughterday
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:15, Reply)
Oh, Sorry Monty...

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:17, Reply)
It's not good at all TH.
Truly soap opera shit and I am much too middle class for all this. It's frightful.

BUT HOW ARE YOU?
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:22, Reply)
I'm sorry to hear that
Yes, I'm ok thank you. My life is a constant stream of tragedy, comedy and unbridled sexual enthusiasm. You know how it is.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:24, Reply)
I sure do!!!!!

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:28, Reply)
hell yes

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:58, Reply)
cream teas is excellent, you are clearly a tea pleb
Squatters are scum and can burn for all i care
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:56, Reply)
we were on holiday in the lake district once when i was little
and this incredibly posh southern type popped her head around the door and drawled, "ai say, do you do cream teas?"

to which the girl behind the counter, who was to be fair one chromosome short of a troll, said, "no, only milk."
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:59, Reply)
The southern girl sounds hot.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:00, Reply)
god, she was about 65

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:02, Reply)
That'd make her about 110 now.
I fear I shall never lose this erection again.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:05, Reply)
Got a right 'baguette on', yeah?

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:06, Reply)
bread stick more like

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:10, Reply)
have you been speaking to the receptionist at his office too?

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:12, Reply)
Hah.
I'll tell you that story at some point. I was visibly cringing.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:16, Reply)
I thought it must have just been cold

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:23, Reply)
Filthy common Northerners

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:05, Reply)
Ugh. The swines.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:06, Reply)
Unlike your English, you feeble-minded imbecile.
NO OFFENCE.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:05, Reply)
Squatters can fuck off
Alt:
Cream then jam
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:56, Reply)
alt: Cream or butter is fine
not a fan of jam

Don't lawyers make a fortune out of such semantics anyway?
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 14:58, Reply)
Does the legislation differentiate between using the word "residence" as a verb or a noun?

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:00, Reply)
Isn't 'reside' the verb?

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:03, Reply)
Yes, it would be.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:06, Reply)
It more than 'would be' son, it fackin' is.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:12, Reply)
Shut up, Monty, they residence there and that's just the way it is.
Prick.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:15, Reply)
that sounds like something the cream tea lady would have said
darling, we residence in the south of france during the winter
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:16, Reply)
not enough

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:05, Reply)
Damn you Stunned for deleting your thread. It was a bit shit, but this one is worse.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:00, Reply)
it's what you make it, spunkpants

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:04, Reply)
You'd love a pair of my pants covered in spunk.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:05, Reply)
heave heave heave heave heave
retch
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:08, Reply)
+ said Battered's cock as he coaxed another load out onto his grey grundies

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:11, Reply)
maybe don't huff them quite so deeply next time

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:11, Reply)
I don't understand what you said about the squatters
Why aren't the other african countries sending troops to Mali?
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:00, Reply)
because you touch your grandmother at night

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:05, Reply)
can you expand on the squatters thing?
Say, some sort of link?
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:01, Reply)
*posts link to some horrible scat image*

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:02, Reply)
google is your friend
nutshell: squatters invariably erect a notice to say "this is my home and i live here" so that you have to go to court to get them out.

but now it's an offence to squat in a residential home.

so they have changed the notices to say "this is my home and i live here but it's not actually a dwellinghouse so you can't send me to prison".
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:04, Reply)
What is it then if a not a dwellighouse.
Esp if you have some poor cunt saying "'Ere that's my aaahse. I've only been in the Algarve for dos weeks"
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:11, Reply)
Mickey Flanagan is not poor.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:14, Reply)
Apart from in the sense of 'piss-poor'

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:14, Reply)
Do you want to come in my ass?

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:16, Reply)
FAGS MEAN GAYS IN AMERICA!!!!!!!!!

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:17, Reply)
offices, pubs, warehouses, car showrooms, sheds...

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:16, Reply)
None of which are really dwellinghouses.
So fuck 'em.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:18, Reply)
1. A pisstake
2. Not for me at all. Sweet food does fuck all for me. If forced to eat scones I prefer cheese ones. Preferably Clendrix's ones. However people who say 'scone' to rhyme with 'stone' should be punched into a bathful of cold water and then have a bar fire thrown in after them. Fucking Hyacinth Bucket serfs.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:01, Reply)
that's why the joke is what it is
what's the fastest thing in the kitchen?

scooooooone does not work.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:02, Reply)
Shit joke is like your face.
Shit.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:03, Reply)
I can't be bothered to find it and do it
but imagine your pic you posted a while ago with your face in a cone shape
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:07, Reply)
look, if you want to sit on my face that badly...

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:08, Reply)
I love you

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:11, Reply)
I would do anything for love....

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:12, Reply)
...but I won't do scat. Oh alright then.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:15, Reply)
That doesn't even make sense
Why would a man want to sit on a woman's face? Unless, of course, it was a last ditched attempt to avoid looking at it?
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:11, Reply)
rim job?

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:15, Reply)
Nobody actually does that, Nakers.
You're such a simpleton.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:16, Reply)
lies on the internet

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:17, Reply)
It's not. Nobody really does that stuff
It's just to gross out internet people.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:18, Reply)
I bet some people do it
i bet some gays get an arse full of man fat them sit on the face of other gays and shart it out
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:20, Reply)
You need to watch different films.
You're getting a head full of wrong.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:21, Reply)
i beg to differ
greggs hat's mate hired a hooker and PAID HER to let HIM RIM HER.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:21, Reply)
hmmm tasty hooker shit

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:21, Reply)
Did she have a wash first?

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:21, Reply)
funnily enough
i didn't ask
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:22, Reply)
No, he didn't.
He just SAID he did.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:21, Reply)
poor kroney
so so naive
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:22, Reply)
I bet that WAS Gregg's Hat. And not a "mate".

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:24, Reply)
Bebbeh!

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:24, Reply)
I lol every time I read that

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:24, Reply)
It's pure sleaze.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:26, Reply)
Right, seriously. Being rimmed might feel nice for the recipient. Fair enough.
But actually doing the rimming is very much a "oh, alright then" sort of deal. Why, WHY would you actually want to rim someone enough to pay a whore to drop her pants for you?
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:25, Reply)
A shit taste in women?

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:26, Reply)
the lols?

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:26, Reply)
"I'm licking somebody's shitknot lol?"
The world's gone mad.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:28, Reply)
your mum rims me once a week
She said it tastes like an old 2p piece
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:22, Reply)
Haha

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:23, Reply)
Your tuppence tastes of tuppence

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:25, Reply)
"mate"

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:24, Reply)
Wasn't baz's special move licking girls' bumholes?
Maybe that's the real reason Stunned killed him.
Perhaps he licked Mrs Stunned's bumhole.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:24, Reply)
He did like a lick

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:25, Reply)
I seen it in movies

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:18, Reply)
No thanks, I've just eaten

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:17, Reply)
haha

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:19, Reply)
sigh
he wants to picture my head shaped like a cone. so that he can sit on it.

ie he wants to sit on a cone.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:15, Reply)
I'm glad someone is brave enough to tackle the most important issue here.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:07, Reply)
Stupid fucking hippies.
Alt: Jam then cream. No tea though, thanks.

I prefer them cold if I have butter on them.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:04, Reply)
I fucking detest squatters.
One of my friends has spent most of his adult life avoiding getting a job in one form or another, which included going to live around europe in squats. He got taken in by those pricks, and I can't stand a single one of those smug cunts.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:04, Reply)
How old is he?

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:09, Reply)
Same age as me.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:19, Reply)
How old is that?

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:24, Reply)
Oh, 29.
It was sometime after his second attempt at uni, at 23, when he started doing the squat thing. Same upbringing as me, financially, not a bad one.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:25, Reply)
6 years of dossing around.
Nice work if you can get it.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:33, Reply)
More than that, both uni and both collage attempts were dissing too.
Openly admitted he only went for the life experience v
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:45, Reply)
afternoon tea is for the nearly dead

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:04, Reply)
afternoon tea is for getting cunted on champagne and ignoring the curling sandwiches
i can get on board with that
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:06, Reply)
You've got cunted written all over your face.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:09, Reply)
Curling sandwiches?
Bagsie not one of the broom guys.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:14, Reply)
you've got curling written all over your face

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:19, Reply)
Not much problem with squatter round here...
... mostly it's deluded landlords who think that, because of the semi-rural location, they can tout out any old crap for massively inflated prices.
Alt: Secret option c all the way! Good salty butter too - none of this unsalted forrin crap. Cheese scones are truly awesome too - I must make some soon!
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:06, Reply)
FYI it's cream then jam
and I do not like raisins in my scone
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:14, Reply)
I have never even seen that abomination. Must be some 'West London gay scene' shit.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:16, Reply)
A raisonless scone?

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:17, Reply)
The opposite.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:19, Reply)
A sconeless raison?

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:20, Reply)
BURN IT!

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:20, Reply)
Yes, that. You have it precisely.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:21, Reply)
I'm lost.
You've never seen a raisin?
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:23, Reply)
RAISINS. IN A SCONE.
HE-LLO??????
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:29, Reply)
What's the deal with that?

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:31, Reply)
*Seinfeld shrugging*
*Seinfeld not shrugging*
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:35, Reply)
i hate raisins
they are grapes that missed their vocation by not being turned into wine
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:22, Reply)
I like this

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:25, Reply)
They look like rabbit shit.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:25, Reply)
Not surprised it upsets you to see all that potential dried up.

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:25, Reply)
hahahaha!

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:26, Reply)
Haha

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:28, Reply)
I don't mean to brag I don't mean to boast
But I like hot butter on my breakfast toast.

Not really into scones, they're a bit middle class for me.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:30, Reply)
You're Scottish.
Thunderbird is a bit middle class for you.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:34, Reply)
McEwans is what I give to guests on very special occasions

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 15:36, Reply)

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