Let's being some more misery to Valentines Day
Biggest relationship failure?

Alt: longest period of your adult life you've been single?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:28, 128 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Hahaha

( Kroney, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:30, Reply)

If you date anyone your age their biological clock will be ticking so hard it'll put you off your stroke

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:31, Reply)

No shit, I've gone out with a couple.
The look in their eyes is fucking scary.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:33, Reply)

FILL ME WITH YOUR SEEEEEEEEED!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:38, Reply)

i don't get this myth
friends my age and older who are single are much less likely to want to get tied down than younger girls. we're used to having everything our own way and having nice things and a good career etc etc, and it takes a lot to want to swap that for nappies and school run. i was much keener on the marriage/babies thing when i was about 25 in hindsight. now i've seen my brother's life with 3 sprogs, it's not that appealing!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:43, Reply)

My ex girlfriend was knocking on 40 and absolutely deperate to get married
She'd never been married before and clearly thought it was the ultimate achievement. The ink was still drying on my divorce so there was no way on earth it was happening. I finished it and she was 'totally devastated' apparently. So devastated that she had her claws into someone else within a couple of months and is now apparently engaged to another one having been going out with him for just 10 weeks. A bullet dodged there I think.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:54, Reply)

ridiculous
but i suppose it depends on circumstances. if you own your own place, have it just as you like it, go out every night and have a good career/income, then there's less incentive to change that, i guess.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:59, Reply)

She has most of that. Good job, nice house/car all that jazz.
But her mother is a complete fruitcake and measures success by whether you have a ring on your finger. Her dad bless him is a lovely old guy but isn't allowed an opinion on anything and is just a complete fucking doormat.

First time I met them I had a glimpse into my potential future and thought 'no ta'.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:04, Reply)

i have friends in relationships who are desperate for a ring
and keep giving out ultimatums and deadlines. i just don't get it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:06, Reply)

It's not a myth

( Kroney, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:55, Reply)

i have friends who were desperate to get married because they wanted to give up work
that's a bit different though
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:58, Reply)

Don't knock it, it's worked for b3th.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:04, Reply)

she had to make enormous sacrifices for that man
i mean, i've been to weston super mare.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)

Brilliant!
A crazy girl I used to know with is currently going through a very public break-up on facebook.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:32, Reply)

For future reference gentlemen - don't try & move into my bloody home & take over my life after dating me for three weeks - it doesn't bloody work!!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:32, Reply)

She sounds psycho

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:33, Reply)

She really is.
Pity really, she was quite attractive when I knew her.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:34, Reply)

Sounds like a similar experience I had as a teenager

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:34, Reply)

gizzus some details then

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:32, Reply)

screen shots tangles man, come on, do this right.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:33, Reply)

Give me a minute to edit out names etc.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:33, Reply)

I love the internet

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:39, Reply)

(◉‿◉)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:41, Reply)

BRILLIANT.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:41, Reply)

REBOUND REBOUND REBOUND

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:43, Reply)

Someone is way ahead of you, Gonz
As soon as the "...went from being "in a relationship" to "single"." post went up, someone was on there with a 'like' immediately.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:49, Reply)

The early worm gets the bird.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:52, Reply)

HONK
NICE GUY ALERT
PROBABLY ENJOYS FEDORAS
( Theoban What of it, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:46, Reply)

Why do people do this in public?

( Kroney, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:47, Reply)

I like how her first comment says she is "not having a row online in public"

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:47, Reply)

Aw she's deleted all the comments now :(

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:50, Reply)

Her spelling is fucking abysmal.
It's a 'no' from me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:52, Reply)

^^This

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:18, Reply)

But she's practiocally a grate speller!

( Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:20, Reply)

that is beautiful.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:56, Reply)

Fuck
How sad
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:59, Reply)

I really don't like people.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)

They're the WORST

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)

FB is so 2008. They should use Twitter.
Break up with someone in less than 140 characters.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:33, Reply)

Terrible Bullying of Cavy here

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:35, Reply)

@Yesterdays_News
Me = Mayor of Dumpsville; population, YOU. #Hasta_la_vista #gutted #loser
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:00, Reply)

Two Hats are you HAWT
and live near South Wales?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:04, Reply)

I'm tepid and in the South East.
Why do you ask?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)

This
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1863808
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)

There were certain aspects of my first marriage that probably weren't ideal, shall we say.
Alt - I was single for about 9 months when I was 19, and for about 7 or 8 just before I met my current wife. At the risk of being accused of sex lies, online, I have to say the amount of action you can get if you're single in your early thirties is breathtaking.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:33, Reply)

:D

( Kroney, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:33, Reply)

I did nearly have to coat a stick in shit, it got that touch and go.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:34, Reply)

This last year hasn't all been entirely bad.

( Kroney, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:36, Reply)

Not you, Gaston.
Sorry to be the etc.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:35, Reply)

:o(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:35, Reply)

In fairness, some of it is biological clock asploding in women of the same age
but there were a fair few in their early twenties just after some fun as well..
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:39, Reply)

I was totally in to this girl that used to come in to a pub I worked in,
One night I'm finishing my shift as her and her mates walk in, get chatting, join them for a beer, get on really well with them all, get a bit too pissed, take one of her mates home after girl of dreams leaves early, destroy all chances with girl of dreams.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:34, Reply)

I feel your pain.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:35, Reply)

Were you girl of dreams? is this my chance to do it right after all these years?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:36, Reply)

If only.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:38, Reply)

balls.
Well, of you're out there girl of dreams, and you haven't gotten fat, or had your face smashed up or got some horrible burns or anything. I'm still waiting.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:40, Reply)

The only way to fix this is to tell Mrs Pig the whole story
and see if she could maybe try to look and act a bit more like the dream girl. Then it's win-win.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:08, Reply)

Textbook shooting self in foot.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:35, Reply)

Oh yeah, I've done that.
Very attractive girl, pulled her guard dog at a pub. Worst possible move.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:37, Reply)

Guard dog = excellent.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:38, Reply)

i knew you and stunned were up to something when you went outside

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:40, Reply)

officelol at "guard dog"

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:41, Reply)

It's a delicate balance
paying more attention to the guard dog is good, you come across as sweeter and more sincere, and you get to demonstrate your winning personality, and at the end of the evening perhaps casually move a little more attention to the lady you're after.

Sadly, what usually happens is it all gets a bit hazy after two or three pints to many, you wake up next morning in an unfamiliar bed with a lead and collar on the floor and you have to gnaw one arm off to escape without waking her, and the other off to remind you not to do it again.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:42, Reply)

what a touching tale

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:43, Reply)

hey, I'm just channeling Kroney.
I'd never fall for the guard dog trap. Honest.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:44, Reply)

pffffffffft

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:46, Reply)

Well, in fairness I did once
but I then went out with her for about 9 months as in the course of the evening it became extremely obvious she was much more interesting, pleasant and funny than the original object of attention.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:49, Reply)

holy shit
kroney

read this. read it 15 times.

now re-read what we were discussing yesterday!

i love teh badger.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:54, Reply)

Once again, you entirely missed the point I was making
in favour of your own prejudice. Tut.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:56, Reply)

shut it, marriedboy

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:57, Reply)

I've heard this once described by the motto
"If you want a shot at the master, you have to go for the hounds first."
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:59, Reply)

I've never had a relationship because I'm a sweaty virgin.
Alt: all of it.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:37, Reply)

Alright Vag.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:38, Reply)

l

HE SURE IS!!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:39, Reply)

Alright Windy Pig.
All well?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:31, Reply)

I'll give you no guesses.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:37, Reply)

At least answer the alt

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:37, Reply)

dunno, soz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:54, Reply)

christ, where do we start?
the bedshitting cokesnorting boss who left me after 3 years to marry a german, and still texts me for sex every time she goes away for the weekend (needless to say i have never replied)

the "doctor" who turned out to be a mobile phone salesman. with a fiancee. and a fake dead sister.

the first, last and only "online relationship" that seemed so amazing and was the dampest squib ever on meeting up. at least something was damp. it certainly wasn't me.

foreveralone is much much better than that shower of tip of the iceberg wankers. that said, the potential new boy makes me laugh a lot, so we'll see.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:40, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/relationships/post933575
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:43, Reply)

Oh gosh.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:48, Reply)

Your wife's reply is bang on.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:48, Reply)

It's the initial replies of 'yeah, well done there mate' that are the most depressing.
Right up there with Rin***yre defending the Wrong Trousers Bloke and various nonces.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:51, Reply)

Sometimes it's only the historic bellendery of previous posts on this site that makes it worth visiting.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:52, Reply)

What I always enjoy is when you point out that people are acting/have acted like monstrous bellends, then you're trolling.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:53, Reply)

And don't realise they're spoiling things by continually moaning that things have been spoilt.
Fucking Deacons.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:56, Reply)

ringofyre is hilarious.
He's like our Bob Carolgees or something. I loved his showdown with Shambles over charity work.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:20, Reply)

Fucking hell

(woocfot friends with Sacha Distel, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:00, Reply)

alright cowfoot

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:00, Reply)

Well by definition it has to be the ex
Because the only other one I've had is still going. Somehow.

Alt: about a week.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:43, Reply)

Probably the girl who thought she could control the weather
Or maybe the girl who believed in the gaia force and that ghosts were reaching beyond from the afterlife to tell people boring shit.

Alt: Four years, 2006-2010. Tough times, tough times. Except they were probably some of the best years I've had, weird innit.
( Theoban What of it, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:45, Reply)

Hey everyone! I've just received this! I'M GOING TO BE RICH!!111!!!!
I NEED YOUR TRUST

I am Mr,Badmons Dukaz,The Head of file Department in Bank Of Africa.I seek your assistance and i assured of your capability to champion this business opportunity to remit $31 million U.S.A dollars. Into your account if you are interested let me know so that i can send you the details of this transaction.

I agree that 30% of this money will be for you 10% will be set aside for expenses incurred during the business and 60% would be for me.

Regards,
Badmons Dukaz.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:49, Reply)

Surely this is merely small change to you?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:51, Reply)

I fucking wish.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:58, Reply)

This seems almost too good to be true!
Well good luck mate, this sounds like a winner :)
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:06, Reply)

Thanks!

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:06, Reply)

Badmons Dukaz is a fucking ace name.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:14, Reply)

It really is.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:16, Reply)

I am continuously budding off partners

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 10:55, Reply)

OK, so I guess I'll take some flowers or something.
I'm not buying a card, though. I hate cards.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:11, Reply)

Cards in the early stages of relationships are fucking hard work.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:13, Reply)

I don't even know how to play whist :(

( Kroney, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:15, Reply)

More of a shithead man aren't you?
I'M SAYING YOU'RE A SHITHEAD, IT'S ALSO THE NAME OF A CARD GAME IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW!!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:17, Reply)

Hunt the cunt surely

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:19, Reply)

^ found him ^

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:28, Reply)

Oh REALLY!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:32, Reply)

Cards are shit.
I will never send a card for any occasion.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:13, Reply)

Here's a card for you



( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:15, Reply)

Yeah funny cards are good too.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:18, Reply)

My Mrs, always writes fucking essays in her cards and does drawings and shit i however am not so good at card
Dear Whoever

happy Whatever

Love/best wishes Naked Ape
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:20, Reply)

The last time I wrote a card I put
Dear so-and-so

I hope you don't have some sort of horrendous accident. That'd be awful.

Love

Kroney.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:25, Reply)

Mothers day has always been painful in the Kroney househod

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:26, Reply)

Almost as confusing as Fathers Day.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:45, Reply)

All too painful to recall.
I just laugh nervously about it now.

Alt: About 16 months. But obviously I was getting loads of sex cos I am well handsome and sexy.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:58, Reply)