Bored of which b3tan would you...
So, a homeless man returns a ring and is £100,000 better off overnight. Is this a heartwarming story or is it just what he should have done in the first place? What would you do if you found a diamond ring (or £100,000)?

Alt: Who should be the new pope?

Altalt: Men who like to cook. A good thing or a bad thing?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:00, 142 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

I'd keep it.
Of course men cooking is a good thing.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:01, Reply)

as a joyring probably

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:02, Reply)

Mince Albert

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:03, Reply)

A what?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:04, Reply)

Roxette's new single

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:04, Reply)

Oh man they were BRILLIANT

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:06, Reply)

*gets The Look*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)

yeah
like you don't know what a joyring is
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:05, Reply)

I really don't.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:06, Reply)

I do
THICKO
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)

Well what is one then?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)

get a diamond ring
slip it over your cock

profit
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:10, Reply)

Ergh.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:10, Reply)

Angle the stone just right and it should stimulate the clit with each thrust
so about three times
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:11, Reply)

stimulate slice up
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:15, Reply)

I'd have handed it in, I'm nice like that
alt: brian Blessed

altalt: Good of course, what is this 1973?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:02, Reply)

I suppose you think women should have jobs too

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:03, Reply)

hey, it was you that wanted the vote and equality

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:04, Reply)

NINJA NINJA
sneaky ninja!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:06, Reply)

I'd hand it in - £100,000 cash I'd keep
Alt:
Achmed

AltAlt:
Why would it not be a good thing?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:03, Reply)

it depends if "cooking" also includes "clearing up after myself"

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:04, Reply)

Fuck that - bitches job

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:04, Reply)

The AltAlt sounds like a stupid question
but I love to cook, and I believe most male b3tans will now proclaim it to be a bad thing for for of being associated with me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:03, Reply)

well that's kind of why i asked it
most of the guys on here cook a lot - you, monty, gonz, battered - and yet none of my RL guy friends are into cooking. nor my dad/brothers.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:05, Reply)

That's quite odd actually
usually the gays love to cook
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:06, Reply)

o c
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:06, Reply)

Not really a verb Sporters
Well it is, but not in this context

Oh my god I'm doing grammar pedantry and its only Wednesday *kills self*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:08, Reply)

yes it is
as in "cock me, cock me like a black man"

"i think i am cocking you"

film is FUN
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:10, Reply)

I think that strikethrough should be applied to all subsequent posts in this thread

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:10, Reply)

Why cook when you get free pasties at work?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)

Vacuous friends

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:06, Reply)

If you like nice food and want to eat nice food at home then you need to learn to cook

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)

i prefer eating nice food in restaurants

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:12, Reply)

meh, can't do that every night

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:14, Reply)

She can

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:15, Reply)

erm

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:25, Reply)

I'd flog the fucker/keep the cash - but I would feel guilty about it so that's OK, that's what the church says, right? I'd repent my ass off in Jamaica.
Morals are for people who can afford them cf cannibalism in a survival situation.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:06, Reply)

I'd keep it and have the diamond ring mounted as a piercing just above my penis, it'd frame everything nicely.
Alt: Me, I'll do it. Go on, giz a job. Poping? I can do that.

Altalt: Women shouldn't cook, men shouldn't cook, we should just eat our meat raw as god intended, you're all abominations in the eyes of the LORD
( Theoban What of it, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)

I'd hand it in
as I'd imagine being the person who lost it and have a conscience attack.

alt: Peter Tatchell

altalt: Good thing. Ready meals are for benders who eat horses. Plus statistically men who cook for women get more sex.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:08, Reply)

Apart from Gonz

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:09, Reply)

i thought he had someone on the go at the moment?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:10, Reply)

a pint glass full of mince and a raw egg doesn't really count

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:11, Reply)

www.scatch.com

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:13, Reply)

He has a negative correlation on this

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:10, Reply)

I'd hand in the ring (ooer Mrs etc) and keep the £100k
Alt: Don't care.
Altalt: Everyone should be able to cook. How hard can it be? I mean, even the French can do it.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:08, Reply)

Alt: Michael Dorn
If the Catholic church wants to appear less, you know, twisted, corrupt and rapey, they should broaden their appeal by electing a gay black Pope with more brains than to believe in any of their voodoo nonsense.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:10, Reply)

Wait
Worf's gay?
( Theoban What of it, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:12, Reply)

Yeah man
Gay as the day is long
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:14, Reply)

This casts an entirely new light on his Bat'leth

( Theoban What of it, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:14, Reply)

Shame really
I bet he could get Uhura off a treat with his ribbed forehead
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:15, Reply)

If he hadn't been born years after she died
IDIOT

Although his grandfather could have, and possibly did after Kirk & McCoy's trial in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:16, Reply)

NO TREKKIE PEDANTRY CHAT

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:18, Reply)

*adds to list*
So, that there football, eh?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:18, Reply)

Haha I typed something very similar up and then decided not to post it cos I don't need to look more like a nerd
YOU NERD
( Theoban What of it, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:18, Reply)

It is too late for me, son
I think the nick alone sees to that

You still have a chance to carve yourself out a reputation as a funky urban keyboard warrior
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:19, Reply)

That ship sailed years ago
I'm just trying to retain the last vestiges of my dignity
( Theoban What of it, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:22, Reply)

That usually works out for most b3tans

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:24, Reply)

Dude
I am both amused and appalled
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:15, Reply)

I have found things and would always try to return them to the rightful owner I would expect no reward
I believe in karma, and was delighted when my sons lost phone was returned last week.

Alt: King Zog of Albania

Alt:alt: I’m quite a decent cook; my wife’s main complaint is that I seem to use every pot/pant and utensil in the kitchen to cook even the most simplest of things.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:10, Reply)

your wife's point is exactly the one i was making
if it weren't for the fact that she married you, i'd say she was very sensible.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:25, Reply)

Heeeyyyyyyyyyy I'm a keeper
good husband, good farther, good earner and faithful
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:30, Reply)

define "good"

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:42, Reply)

Well this place is all fucking go innit
Someone call someone else a cunt and start a fight

Someone OTHER than Al

Dozer, you're a cunt
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:24, Reply)

it helps if you aim it at someone who's actually here

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:25, Reply)

Yeah but I don't think anyone who's actually here is a cunt
Can't be telling lies on the internet can I
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:27, Reply)

I've certainly never seen any lies on the internet.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:30, Reply)

And I won't be the one to start
Morning dear
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:31, Reply)

Morning darling.
You look FABulous today. Are those new shoes?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:34, Reply)

Why yes they are!
What a good eye you have for these things
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:37, Reply)

It was the sparkly sequins that gave it away.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:38, Reply)

And rhinestones
Don't forget the rhinestones
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:46, Reply)

Or someone who isn't universally known to be a cunt. And a moronic one at that.

( Bazongaloid, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:33, Reply)

there's even worse than dozer on here

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:39, Reply)

Yes but I've said not Al

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:42, Reply)

well he was the main one naturally
but there's also albert the nightstalker? knickerswithattitude? cancerjoy?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:49, Reply)

I don't know who any of those people are

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:51, Reply)

oh
oh dear oh dear
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:52, Reply)

If they're worse than Dozer
surely this is a good thing?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:55, Reply)

albert stalks underage girls
cancerjoy uses his kid as a benefit scam

both are worth reading for the LOL's and the "thank fuck that's not me"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:01, Reply)

+by
(and rearrange the letters a bit)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:03, Reply)

I just killed Chompy's thread.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:27, Reply)

's thread the stuff dreams are made of, eh
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:29, Reply)

also i got a muffin for breakfast just now (i like muffins because i only pick off the top bit and throw away the rest so i don't feel guilty)
and i was properly pissed because the careless cunts had sold out of chocolate ones. but actually this toffee and pecan one might be better. i mean, what is the world coming to.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:28, Reply)

Fatty.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:30, Reply)

You don't feel guilty for wasting food?
You heartless mare. There's people starving in Africa who would love that half muffin.

Actually, there's probably people closer to home who are starving, too. Could you not package them all up after a week or so and drop them round Monty's gaff?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:31, Reply)

i don't think he wants my half-chewed muffin somehow

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:32, Reply)

in
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:34, Reply)

This sounds so dirty.

( Bazongaloid, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:34, Reply)

My strikethrough sense is tingling...

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:35, Reply)

So did mine

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:36, Reply)

Especially if you've just picked the top off it

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:38, Reply)

haha!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:39, Reply)

Lemon and poppy seed is the best choice
Although I fail to see what teh poppy seeds add. I just like the lemon.
( Bazongaloid, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:34, Reply)

starbucks do a nice lemon and poppyseed one with lemon icing
you make a good point
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:35, Reply)

What's the fucking point of a cake if there's no chocolate in it?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:39, Reply)

toffee and pecan is a fairly good substitute
i can vouch for this
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:41, Reply)

8-16 years in Dubai

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:35, Reply)

Ah, the 'Bartleby Package Deal'.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:40, Reply)

CLICKETY CLICK

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:46, Reply)

Anyone want to see something funny?
http://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/celebrity/celebrity-news/2013/02/27/harry-styles-hit-by-flying-shoe-at-1d-gig
The curly haired twat from One Direction takes a shoe to the nuts.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:43, Reply)

hahaha!
I like this
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:46, Reply)

I love the slow collapse to the floor. I could watch that again and again...

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:48, Reply)

I see an animated gif coming soon

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:22, Reply)

rofl

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:46, Reply)

roll on floor limply?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:47, Reply)

Bloody good shot

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:47, Reply)

You can count on Glasgow to come through.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:48, Reply)

The way he topples over is hilarious
Like a drunk who's lost a bet
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:50, Reply)

They love a good shoeing

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:50, Reply)

his ex taylor swift gave him a verbal kicking too, when she performed "never ever getting back together"
and took the piss out of him in the middle of it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:53, Reply)

I bet he had a little cry about it
She looks like a doll
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:53, Reply)

she was quite funny in "valentines day"
at least she can take the piss out of herself
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:54, Reply)

sick burn

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:56, Reply)

She blatantly went out with him for a bet
She used to date Jake Gyllenhal for fucks sakes. There's lowering your standards and then there's that.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:56, Reply)

WHO CARES

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:57, Reply)

Sorry darling
Girl talk
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:58, Reply)

Nakers will you make us a new thread that isn't about celebrity relationships, so I don't have to choose between the chompy/swipe-off?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:59, Reply)

now hang on... i am not responsible for psychostomp's actions
i waited politely and patiently until he had died on his arse before starting a new thread of marvel and magic. it's not my fault he can dish it out but he can't take it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:00, Reply)

What did you make him take?
Actually... never mind.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:03, Reply)

your mind wants to go there doesn't it?
what's the matter with you?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:04, Reply)

How long have you got?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:05, Reply)

ask him that
i'm a girl, remember?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:06, Reply)

So you say
I've seen no evidence of this. And it's not like I haven't asked.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:13, Reply)

I'm not pointing fingers or taking sides.
I'm late to both of these threads and we're too thin on the ground to sustain them both.
A non-partisan thread seems a fair solution.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:04, Reply)

This is a well-reasoned and totally fair argument
You know what that means. A WITCH!!!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:05, Reply)

he chose to wah and employ 2.0
he shouldn't abuse it.

especially after preaching on here about how he "always checks to see if she has started a thread". more LIES on the internet, that's what it is. LIES on the INTERNET.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:05, Reply)

Has he any nuts to hit?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:50, Reply)

Not any more

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:51, Reply)

Him and Bieber could form a supergroup
Action Man Scrotum
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:52, Reply)

*shudders*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:53, Reply)

"Crotchless"
with their debut single "Nullo Kintyre"
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:57, Reply)

Bad thing. The world is divided into two types of job. Pink jobs and blue jobs.
WOrking on the car, putting up shelves, cutting the grass, these are all blue jobs. Cooking is a pink job.

Which is weird, because it's really just a different form of mechanics.
( Kroney, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:03, Reply)

ahhhhh
this is the kind of misogynistic world view i can understand
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:04, Reply)

Shut up and stick the kettle on, love.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:08, Reply)

Of course, all the best chefs are male
this is because men are intrinsically superior at whatever they choose to excel at. Not that some women can't be better than some men at some stuff, just that if a man, any man, chooses to really apply himself then he'll be better than any woman.
( Kroney, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:09, Reply)

see also hairdressers, which you'd also think of as a woman's job
nothing to do with unequal treatment for the sexes, oh no.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:12, Reply)

Cutting hair is definitely a pink job.

( Kroney, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:14, Reply)

I've never had my hair cut by a man.
It just don't seem right.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:21, Reply)

The trouble with male hairdressers
is that if you feel something warm on the back of your neck, it won't be boobs :(
( Kroney, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:22, Reply)

plus no boobs pressing into the back of your head
and if you're not getting that, what's the point of getting your hair cut?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:23, Reply)

Mechanics with chemistry.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:04, Reply)

I can see why a homeless guy in that situation would have kept and flogged it
so I take my hat off to him - if I wore one.

I'd like to think that I'd do the same. If it was a pound coin or something I'd have no problem keeping it, but if's something or enormous financial and/or sentimental value then of course I'd hand it back.

Alt: I couldn't give a tuppenny fuck. Maybe just select a convicted paedophile at random so at least that would circumvent the is he/isn't he questions.

Alt:Alt: Of course it fucking is. Daft question. My current GF succumbed to my charms after being wooed by my magnificent Sunday roast. And that is not a euphemism.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 27 Feb 2013, 12:07, Reply)