I actually don't have parents
I was sort of hatched from a pod that fell from a very rare plant that grows only on the east side of...

Oh, I can't be bothered. Alright Monts.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 9:37, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

5.9.83.79/questions/offtopic/post1884945
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 9:40, Reply)

Just can't be arsed today Badmons
I've come into the office, but I cannot be arsed.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 9:44, Reply)

everyday twosie, everday
what do you do anyway?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 9:45, Reply)

Telecoms engineer
But a 'sit behind a desk telling what other people to do' type engineer, as opposed to the 'climbing up poles fixing wires' type.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:02, Reply)

Alright.
I was born from an egg on a mountain top, personally. It's true - ask any of my mates, Pigsy, Sandy...anyone.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 9:42, Reply)

"'Kill the pig! Cut his throat! Kill the pig! Bash him in!'"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 9:44, Reply)

^culture

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 9:47, Reply)

Tripitaka?
I hardly know her!
her him
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 9:44, Reply)

I reckon I was born in a kinda egg when it fell off the convayor belt and ended up in the factory's "mistakes" bin.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 9:48, Reply)

your ma probably spent about 24 hours in screaming agony
to shove you out through her twat rather like you having an orange pulled out of your nostril or a melon out of your arse.

i don't think she would appreciate you dismissing her suffering quite so lightly. i am surprised at you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 9:50, Reply)

Childbirth doesn't hurt. It's a conspiracy to make men sympathetic.
A conspiracy that doesn't work.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 9:52, Reply)

sym
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 9:53, Reply)

Fruit Woes :(

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 9:52, Reply)

I don't think it would be like that at all.
For one thing neither the nostril nor the arse have evolved to accomodate the expulsion of large objects such as oranges or melons.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 9:53, Reply)

yes, because the minge has evolved in a perfect way
that involves no screaming, no blood, no sweat, no tears, no agony, no drugs, and no women dying in childbirth.

pfffft!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 9:54, Reply)

You forgot the tearing and shitting

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:01, Reply)

Not in Swipe's case. I bet if someone knocked her up she'd have to walk on her hands for 9 months to stop the poor little fucker falling out.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:04, Reply)

i'd have flogged its spare parts for vodka long before then anyway

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:07, Reply)

I fail to see how this, slightly hysterical, point proves how childbirth is "rather like you having an orange pulled out of your nostril or a melon out of your arse."

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:02, Reply)

ask your wife as neither of us have done it
then come back to me
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:03, Reply)

I've witnessed it twice.
I'm sure I remember it better than she does.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:06, Reply)

Did they have a good vending machine?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:12, Reply)

This is in direct confliction to a number of documentary films I have seen on the internet

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 9:55, Reply)

Well... You could be right, it normally takes me a good 20 minutes to leave the house, by the time I've found my wallet and keys'n'stuff.
And anyone who knows me knows that I'm always 30 minutes behind from wherever I'm supposed to be.... And I get dates mixed up all the time,

So yup, you're probably right about that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:11, Reply)