So what's all this about piston shitting in rachelswipe's cunt so bert could fuck her and pretend it was his brother?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:31, 129 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

That's the censored version of the story.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:32, Reply)

this post needs more pictures
You not wrestling today?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:34, Reply)

No point flouting the non existent rules if b3th isn't here to not mod.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:40, Reply)

wow you're so anarchic you're like 'Rick' from 'The Young Ones' or something

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:46, Reply)

You heard it right, bro.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:39, Reply)

There's no use making up stories about bert, the truth is stranger than fiction.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:40, Reply)

Why I never screengrabbed his dating profile I shall never know.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:43, Reply)

Too busy masturbating?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:43, Reply)

I'm sure this is very interesting.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:39, Reply)

I could post a picture if you like.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:41, Reply)

I think this thread can survive with or without me.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:46, Reply)

I've gone completely spastic in the last one if this one's not doing it for you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:48, Reply)

I saw, I find the inovation that's going into consumer electronics and in particular the new interface methods facinating.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:50, Reply)

innovation

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:51, Reply)

There is no export ban on trout.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:52, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1922100
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:58, Reply)

That's an export restriction, not a ban.
Retard.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:00, Reply)

woah, back the fuck up, who ever claim there was a ban?

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:01, Reply)

Your post says forbids the export of trout.
You need to change it to "imposes some restrictions to the export of trout" or else you'll look fucking thick.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:02, Reply)

well no, that's my sig and who honestly gives a fuck what I forbid, ok then I forbid you from posting again

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:02, Reply)

Who gives a fuck if I misspell innovation?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:03, Reply)

Who gives a fuck if correct your spelling?

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:04, Reply)

"If I"

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:06, Reply)

see what I mean?

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:07, Reply)

I got lost 5 replies ago

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:09, Reply)

just kiss me you fool

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:10, Reply)

I'm exactly the same!!!
I heard that Rumbelows own brand freezers MIGHT have a voice-activated ice cube tray in them!!!!! I'm mean at the moment it's just what people 'in the know' are talking about but who knows!!! Also I heard Marks and Spencers are possibly looking at changing their carrier bags BUT YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT FROM ME, OK?!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:54, Reply)

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:56, Reply)

I have my new TV now. I use it to watch Game of Thrones.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:58, Reply)

alright

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:40, Reply)

alright frank, how's your bumhole?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:41, Reply)

I just did a VERY healthy and satisfying plop, thanks for asking

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:42, Reply)

woah, check out my squishy post

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:43, Reply)

woah check 'em

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:59, Reply)

sweet

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:43, Reply)

have you had any really good bowel movements lately?

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:44, Reply)

AND YET I HAVE NOT FUCKED ANY OF YOU
FOR SHAME INTERNET
FOR SHAME
( Theoban What of it, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 13:55, Reply)

Frankly this is the worst dating site I have ever been on.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:01, Reply)

want me to do stuff on webcam?

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:02, Reply)

Would this require me to 'check them'?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:04, Reply)

HOLY SHIT ARE YOU A WIZARD?

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:05, Reply)

Jesus you really are tempting fate today
It’s like standing in front of a mirror saying “Candyman” 3 times

I reckon if you slip one more time today, Cavy and her madge vadge will turn up on your doorstep
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:03, Reply)

She ain't been on here for a while hh, think she might've been et by a grue
poor lass :(
( Theoban What of it, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:05, Reply)

Surely if something is fated, the temptation or otherwise is irrelevant?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:05, Reply)

Does anyone listen to "Band of Horses"?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:04, Reply)

no

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:04, Reply)

Not me, son.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:04, Reply)

I overheard a couple of sheep once

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:06, Reply)

I was given bad DIY advice by a gang of hens once

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:07, Reply)

well i can see that this question has revitalised the thread...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:06, Reply)

Not as much this (stolen from /talk0
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/grotesque-macabre-oil-painting-with-real-teeth-orville-glitter-/171016918171?pt=UK_art_Paintings_GL&hash=item27d167149b

I'd buy that for my brother if I had the money.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:08, Reply)

..the fuck......
who's teeth are they?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:10, Reply)

yours

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:10, Reply)

Savilles

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:11, Reply)

you could shit in your own pants for a week without taking them off
then unload over the paper before sitting in it and squidging around for a bit, like a dog with an itchy bumoley.

it would still be better than that piece of blue shit.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:15, Reply)

alright 'Brian Sewell' that'll do

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:20, Reply)

He would love it
but I don't think he has a lot of wall space - Lemmy is still propped up next to the stairs!
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 16:41, Reply)

No

( Theoban What of it, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:05, Reply)

My vegan flat mate did.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:08, Reply)

Yes.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:08, Reply)

No wait, no.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:09, Reply)

I thought they were a bit whinny.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:09, Reply)

haha, imagine a horse trying to play a guitar haha just imagine
crazy crazy shit right there
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:11, Reply)

Personality Horse hahah!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:12, Reply)

aaaaaaaahahaa comedy gold right there

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:14, Reply)

i have one of their songs on my ipod
which i like. but it came up as something itunes recommended to me, never heard anything else.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:14, Reply)

haha, that's a boring answer

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:15, Reply)

they're a pretty boring group

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:16, Reply)

soz, fell asleep reading that post

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:21, Reply)

yup!

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:15, Reply)

my son the doveston introduced them to me actually

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:15, Reply)

wow, he knows them? haha, like introduced you to them like hello this is my friend Ed, Ed this is some band no one listens to get it

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:24, Reply)

haha no i didnt mean like that haha haha yeh

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:27, Reply)

haha, we have a right laugh here don't we

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:30, Reply)

haha yeh

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:31, Reply)

I'm listening to the Archers.
They're not moving to canada or something. His ribs hurt as well.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:12, Reply)

FUCK'S SAKE
I don't listen to it until the omnibus, I had no idea Chris and Alice had decided not to go
( Theoban What of it, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:13, Reply)

Someone isn't having sex now.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:13, Reply)

Bet it's Lillian
I hope her affair with Paul gets discovered bloody soon, even though Matt's a snake in the grass, he don't deserve this
( Theoban What of it, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:15, Reply)

Sex on the radio is weird.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:15, Reply)

Archers is the worst thing on the radio

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:13, Reply)

Only because you're banned from calling into TalkSport now.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:14, Reply)

I love the Archers, it's comforting and soothing, nothing really ever happens so the biggest drama comes from things like 'Pip didn't check the lambs properly'
Lovely stuff
( Theoban What of it, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:15, Reply)

You've clearly never listened to Quote Unquote.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:15, Reply)

Or the Now Show

( Theoban What of it, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:17, Reply)

Or Moneybox Live

( Theoban What of it, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:17, Reply)

i got one at home i can listen too

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:19, Reply)

yeah i have, it's pretty shit, but has it's small moments

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:18, Reply)

I don't get why the unfunny singing guy gets two slots.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:19, Reply)

It really doesn't
Oh great another champagne socialist rant from Marcus fucking Brigstock
Hey Punt and Dennis are going to do some jokes about Polish builders, cool
MAN SWEET I love musical comedy from an unfunny tit with a guitar, that's the best

I listened to about a minute of it last week, bled out my ears
( Theoban What of it, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:20, Reply)

Brigstock can be quite funny I reckon

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:25, Reply)

He's got a face that almost demands you push a pudgy fist into it at high speed

( Theoban What of it, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:26, Reply)

no

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:18, Reply)

you're so 2012

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:14, Reply)

alright rachelswipe

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:14, Reply)

alright gilgafrank
that moth on the pop page is actually bigger than momo.

shit just got real.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:16, Reply)

Momo's been climbing the blinds again
he wants to go outside and make friends with the magpies

so yeah, that'd be a runaway success
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:21, Reply)

does he ever go outside, like on a long lead?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:22, Reply)

no
also: no
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:24, Reply)

oh
poor momo
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:25, Reply)

useless twat would starve to death in half an hour
anyway he'd miss his toy froggy
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:26, Reply)

froggy the sex toy
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:45, Reply)

Froggy's had lumps chewed off his arms and legs
give it a month and he'll be quadriplegic
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:49, Reply)

poor froggy
momo is clearly not a gentle lover.

must have been taking tips from here.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:59, Reply)

to be fair
lots of his relatives make a good living in london, there's bloody hundreds of them

not with magpies though, thieving little cunts
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:32, Reply)

OK, so here's the story.
In about 2008, swipe first meets piston_broke. Obviously, when the internet's biggest sex-pest and the world's hottest man meet up, there was only ever going to be fireworks. After the sort of degrading sex usually only reserved for an EL James "novel", piston dumps her. Rumours are that she formed some basis for his later, award-winning stand-up routine.

Clearly swipe is devastated. Fate, however, had not finished with these star-crossed case studies for perversion. Around Feb/May 2011, they once again crossed paths and once again filled each others various orifices with oddly shaped root vegetables.

This time the break-up so destroyed swipe (and who can blame her, piston is all things to all men) that she ended up falling into a bad situation with a Gregg's hat wearing homosexual.
( Kroney, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:29, Reply)

tl;dr

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:30, Reply)

how can you type so much
with only one hand
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:32, Reply)

Autocomplete

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:38, Reply)

he's got it saved in a text file

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:39, Reply)

he keeps clingfilm on his monitor for just this kind of thing

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:45, Reply)

I've just had to change my pants, my trousers, my socks and my shoes.
I went off like Old Faithful.
( Kroney, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:46, Reply)

He's using four head dobbers

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:44, Reply)

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:56, Reply)

This thread has gone exactly as well as I thought it would.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:42, Reply)

start a new onee with a picture of something in your house

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:44, Reply)

Shut up it will be yet another BBC news link thread

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:46, Reply)

Like this?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:51, Reply)

How did you predict that this thread would do better than one about petrol prices?

( Kroney, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:45, Reply)

It's not. post count is pointless, posts per minute is what counts DUH

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:46, Reply)

Sounds to me like the sort of spin
used to make a bad stat look like a good one. Have you thought about a career in politics?
( Kroney, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:47, Reply)

Weren't you going to be an MEP for a while, Chompy?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:48, Reply)

I'll be getting on that gravy train soon Tangles

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:49, Reply)

Before or after you make your millions in landfill reprocessing?

( Kroney, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:50, Reply)

I'll use my my MEP position to make the contacts needed.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:51, Reply)

A sound strategy.

( Kroney, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:51, Reply)

2.2 posts per minute in my thread, ~1 post per minute in this one.
I'm more than twice as good at the interent.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:49, Reply)

internet

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:54, Reply)

Can you add a picture to this post.
TNX!
( Peej, Fri 5 Apr 2013, 14:45, Reply)