Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Its 'conscientious objector day' or some shit.What do you make of that? On the one hand I think refusing to take part in perceived immoral warfare or atrocities and having the bottle to go to prison and become a paraiah for your convictions is perhaps admirable - but on the other, in some circumstances I think if you refuse to fight then you're a fucking coward. You joined the army to do a job and you do what you're fucking told, it's not a democracy and you have to follow orders or the whole thing's fucked.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:24,
187 replies,
latest was 12 years ago)
I would proudly straddle both definitions.I am a complete coward plus I have no desire to fight in any kind of war.
I have no qualms about becoming a pariah for either of these convictions.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:27,
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Pariah Carey is your favourite singer.(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:33,
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I'm just glad I am now too old to be called up if there was conscription.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:27,
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I'm just glad I am now too fat to be called up if there was conscription.(
Theoban What of it, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:53,
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SORRY I REFUSE TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:28,
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Fuck it, I'd stab some dune coons in the faceAnd probably eat their hearts as well
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:35,
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No you wouldn't, you'd be sitting in an office in Whitehall sending the likes of AA to their certain death.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:37,
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I used to really like MASH. That was a good show.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:35,
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Donno who that is, HotLips Hollahan?(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:43,
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You'd like any programme named after a bowl of butter and cream-sodden potatoes(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:37,
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I didn't like that badger one who was mad on the stuff. (
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:44,
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it was a hit show, the jokes were punchy - what's not to like for the young Windy about town?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:52,
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+until it looked at his bird's tits(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:52,
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According to Nakers list of days it is also "International day of Families"
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:36,
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Whoopspats shoulder "there, there"
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:38,
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I'll fight you. (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 May 2013, 9:36,
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+ for a caravan(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:37,
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I don't want to fight you really Monty Boyce. (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 May 2013, 9:43,
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Beware Chompy will 2.0 you for this(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:47,
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Did you expect it to be any different?(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:38,
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I thought it would be mindless funbut the fact it was a die hard, and shit just made me think about how good the first three were and what a waste of time this was.
John McClain was basically enjoying himself, which was never the point of the character, he was just a stubborn cunt who was pissed off, now he's a borderline psycho who says things like "Lets kill a bunch of bad guys"
(, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:41, Reply)
BBC 3 last night had this programme on about the best dance crazes EVAHthat was quite good
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:39,
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I've seen that one before, the twist and so on, right?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:40,
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It seems there are more programmesThis one had Gap bands "Ooops outside your head" Irene Cara's "flashdance" and Carl Douglas "Kung fu fighting" in it
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:42,
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Did he not pay, for first class deliverylast time you processed his order?
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:45,
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I saw him on a programme once going on about how he's had his stuff stolenfrom a locker in a leisure centre in Harlesden and how angry he was, it was super-LOL
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:50,
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Well he had to deal with Dozer the center managerIf it was me I would be angry to
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:52,
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Did someone mention Dozer working in a leisure centre?
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:54,
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Hahaha I still love this (
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:55,
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Lies.There's never been anything even remotely good on BBC3.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:41,
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I watched this last nighten.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miami_Connection
It was BRILLIANT
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:39,
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I've got two new dvds off my brother:Ninja Assassin, and Mongol which is about Genghis Khan and thus features a number of RED HOT YURT SCENES.
Actually they call them 'gers' in Mongolia but then you knew that already didn't you. You fucking YURT PRICK.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:41,
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I like how the tone of this post changes so quickly.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:43,
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"Ninja Assassin" is quite good, but it ain't no "Man with the iron fists"(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:44,
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You think Milton Keynes is ok to live inSo your opinion is not valid
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:46,
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I wouldn't know BECAUSE I HAVEN'T SEEN IT(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:51,
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I didn't listen to it but I will assuming I can find my headphones(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:53,
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PS does anyone know where I left them?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:53,
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Are you staying about from your bins?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:54,
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geddit tee hee
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:56,
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nah not my big headphones, my phone ones(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:59,
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i bet he didn't tie them up like you suggested and now they're all tangled up(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:58,
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+ in blue(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:59,
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If you voluntarily join the armed forces, then refuse to fight,you're either incredibly naive or fucking stupid.
If you're conscripted it's a bit different, though. Plus you have to look at it in the context of the time, e.g. in WWI killing several thousand of your own men in order to advance a scant few yards wasn't considered unusual, these days once the first body bag arrives back in the USA all hell breaks loose. Hence the increasing number of drones being used.
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I had a great thread ready But I didn't want to stomp
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:57,
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Poor old Plumdozer.You know he had an unhappy childhood right? I found an old picture of his family and now I really feel for the guy. His own mother commandeered his footwear for accomodation purposes, the poor sod must have had to go to school in his socks :o((((((
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 9:58,
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i don't need the story of your sex life thanks(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:55,
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I wouldn't be able to be in the army, anywayAsthma rules me out.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:01,
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Asthma = the fat kid's excuse for getting off PE.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:01,
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I am so old I need no excuse other than my age to not go clubbing.Can't think of many worse ways to spend an evening tbh.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:07,
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I have never been clubbing with a B3tan. Pub evenings that are finished by 12 are enough for me.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:19,
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We should organize a cyberpunk/steam punk/bdsm clubbing bash at torture garden or something.(, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:21, Reply)
You carry on. I'll give that a miss thanks. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:22,
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Your interpretation of getting 'fit' doesn't really help either"DROP AND GIVE ME 10"
*flaps about like a fish*
*swallows tongue*
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:06,
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That'd be true if I was fat when I was at school. I didn't get fat until I was 18.(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:56,
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I reckon next time we have a war, we send the women.See how they like it.
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Kroney, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:06,
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They can do anything a man can do.Didn't you know?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:06,
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Why are your women better at retreating than the men?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:07,
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FoolJust think how badly the tanks will be parked.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:11,
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I've just had a spam email from 'Ronnie Barker'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:14,
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Fucking hell. You've stooped to name dropping dead celebrities. Christ on a bike.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:15,
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Stop namedropping our Lord Jesus(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:17,
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Ring him up and make him say "Sorry"(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:15,
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was it offering you links to photos of an out of work contortionist who could no longer make ends meet?(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:17,
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Nah it was warning me about a lorryload of dogs which has overturned on the M4.Police say they have no leads.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:22,
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I'm glad I wasn't alive in the Seventies.Quite apart from almost certainly getting fiddled by a well-loved family name, the jokes were pure Jeff. Total doggerel.
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Kroney, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:23,
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How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:25,
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Thieves have stolen a lorry load of toilets.Police have nothing to go on.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:25,
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AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:25,
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A lorry load of tortoises has crashed in to a bus load of terrapins. It's a turtle disaster.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:27,
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The prime minister held a meeting with the cabinet today. He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the chest of drawers(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:29,
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Was he offering you fork handles?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:21,
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Nah it was warning me about a lorryload of hair restorer which has overturned on the M4.Police say they are combing the area.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:23,
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Hey watch out Kroney.Have you heard about that massive hole that's appeared in the M4?
Police say they are looking into it.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:25,
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Kroneys new wife thinks he's the salt of the earth,that's why she keeps him in the cellar.
(, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:27, Reply)
The man who invented the zip fastener was today honoured with a lifetime peerage. He will now be known as the Lord of the Flies(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:30,
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I heard that a burglar broke into Milton Keynes police station and stole all of the officers' glassesPolice wish to interview a dark grey blur.
(, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:39, Reply)
Jeff give Boyce his login back.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:24,
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Has anyone done an Open All Hours joke yet?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:24,
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No, I mean a warning about an explosion at a Japanese car plant near the M4Police say it is raining Datsun cogs
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:27,
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And we've just heard that a juggernaut of onions has shed its load all over the M-1. Motorists are advised to find a hard shoulder to cry on.(, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:27, Reply)
Best Ronnie Barker line:Next week we'll be investigating rumours that the president of the dairy council has become a Mason, and goes around giving his colleagues a secret milkshake
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:28,
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I liked jeff's turtle one better(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:30,
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Ah turtley get that joke ya kna(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:33,
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A plane load of spittle crashed in to the Atlantic ocean. There were no salivas.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:34,
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This sub-thread really was made for you, wasn't it?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:44,
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The search for the man who terrorises nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:47,
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I fucking love those gags, love them.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:37,
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Barker was excellent. Corbett is an unfunny Scottish wanker. Reminds me of Dozer.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:45,
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Nah Corbett is superb too, and doesn't get enough credit if you ask me(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:48,
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And we've just heard that in the English Channel, a ship carrying red paint has collided with a ship carrying purple paint. It is believed that both crews have been marooned.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:48,
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How can people not fucking love these?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:49,
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I used to love watching The Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:50,
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I spent years trying to get hold of the theme music from The Worm That Turnedand I fucking did it. It was originally the theme from The Hanged Man which was a TV show in the 60s, fact fans.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:52,
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And then what happened?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:53,
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You went away and listened to it, got hold of the reissue on DC records and sent me a grateful gaz(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:55,
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Haha it's funny because it's true.Damn you.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:56,
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Oh hang on, is this it?www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIKVyQeG_rU
I've already got that one.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 11:03,
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Because dad humour stopped being funny in 1986and those of us that don't remember it don't like it.
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Kroney, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:50,
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Look, when you've got a load of celebrities sticking their fingers in you, you take your laughs where you can get them.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:53,
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Yeah edgy alternative comedy is like loads funnier that the Two Ronnies andhas aged brilliantly'see an unfunny prick?'
'that's you that is'
Just hysterical.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:54,
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no, sorry. The other one. Stony-faced silence.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:59,
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Fucking terrible.The Mary Whitehouse Experience = a load of middle class Oxbridge wankers trying to be all edgy & cool.
Give me Tommy Cooper, Ronnie Barker, Frankie Howard, etc. anyday.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 11:01,
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Bob Monkhouse's standup was really good(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:58,
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I used to really dislike Bob MonkhouseUntil I saw him do "An Audience with"
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:59,
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same here, he did some dreadful shitbut in his later years when he'd packed in all the shit gameshows etc he was really good.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 11:01,
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Apparently very good as an after dinner speaker.Not now obvs.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 May 2013, 11:02,
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I have a signed Autograph of his from an after dinner thing back in the 60's(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 11:05,
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there's a fascinating 'secret life of bob monkhouse' documentary which is well worth tracking downHe was an obsessive archivist and had a treasure trove of otherwise-lost stuff apparently, thousands of hours of it
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 May 2013, 11:06,
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He's taller than Dozer(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:52,
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DEFENCE COMPANIESHUH!
*thrusts*
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:34,
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Ridding Europe of the threat of Fascism in the 1940s?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:41,
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they should have just fouight it out through some high end gaming(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:51,
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Future conflicts should totally be resolved via Call of Duty.(
Kroney, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:51,
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i get this, are you impressed by my nerd credentials(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:55,
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mario kartI'm wearing a green cardigan today brother
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:52,
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Im not sure 10 year olds calling each other "Fucking Cuntwankers"will help resolve any actual conflict.
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Peej, Wed 15 May 2013, 10:53,
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I done did a new thread(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 15 May 2013, 11:04,
Reply)
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