Moving on...
If you weren't doing the job you're pretending to do what would you be?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:18, 109 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Unemployed

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:18, Reply)

Oh sorry, I should have made myself clear.
If you chose a differnt path in life after education, what do you think you could have done?1?1?1
(PsychoChomp, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:19, Reply)

A sculptor.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:22, Reply)

But then again, no.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:22, Reply)

Have you considered the lifestyle of a travelling apothecary?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:24, Reply)

I used to wonder would have happened if I had left school after GCSEs and got a job.
I reckon I could've worked my way up and be in some highly paid senior management role by now.
But then I wouldn't have had five years of pissing it up the wall and I'm pretty sure I would've missed that.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:23, Reply)

I did both. The leaving after GCSE's and pissing it up.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:36, Reply)

Balls deep in your mum.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:23, Reply)

again.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:23, Reply)

RAF

( Kroney, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:27, Reply)

You could run away quicker in a jet fighter.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:28, Reply)

I think they take a dim view of cardigan-wearers though
first up for debagging in the Mess I bet
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:34, Reply)

de tea
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:36, Reply)

oof.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:39, Reply)

p +

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:40, Reply)

I think university would have made me unbearable
so probably a bit more of a twat
(socynicalsohip, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:30, Reply)

Ronin

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:36, Reply)

Raggy?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:38, Reply)

I would like to go into politics.
Prime Minister. Something like that.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:37, Reply)

I'd be a graphic designer - designing buildings.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:37, Reply)

aren't they called architects?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:38, Reply)

*pulls arms inside t shirt leaving hands hanging out the sleeves to look like a thalidomide, whilst belming*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:40, Reply)

I've never wanted you more.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:44, Reply)

No, I think they're definitely still called buildings

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:40, Reply)

Thanks for that 'Leslie Nielsen'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:41, Reply)

It's Blackwooodism Friday.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:40, Reply)

this is why I asked the question!!!!!

(PsychoChomp, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:42, Reply)

this is why I asked the question!!!!!

(PsychoChomp, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:42, Reply)

this is why Chompy asked the question!!!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:43, Reply)

does anyone know why Chompy asked the question????

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:26, Reply)

In a disturbing parallel to our cheese-eating surrender monkey friend
I'd have been in the RAF.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:38, Reply)

This makes your Top Gun photo that extra bit pitiful

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:40, Reply)

Oh, come on, you'd struggle to scrape any lower in bottom of the pity barrel for that.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:43, Reply)

What about this?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVMlC5w0tR4

This sets records.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:50, Reply)

My two favourite people

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:55, Reply)

Paperclip salesman

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:39, Reply)

Cool rapper

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:41, Reply)

There's already a couple of them
Ice T & Ice Cube
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:42, Reply)

Crapper.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:42, Reply)

you should do nerdcore

(PsychoChomp, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:43, Reply)

I could have been the next 'Mr B The Gentleman Rhymer' :o(

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:46, Reply)

I honestly can't think of anything else that I want to do.
That's sad and why I work in insurance.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:42, Reply)

My mum?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:43, Reply)

I've already had her, Tangers.
She stinks.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:44, Reply)

gizza job
i'd be well good at insuring and even better at stitching little old ladies out of payouts.
( Kroney, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:43, Reply)

It's not quite what I do but you're not far wrong.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:45, Reply)

I'd be well good at stitching companies out of payouts
when they get pirated by Somalis.
( Kroney, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:45, Reply)

You're a natural.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:46, Reply)

See?!
gizza job

I well like suits and lunchtime drinking and that.
( Kroney, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:47, Reply)

Alright Yosser Hughes

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:03, Reply)

When they showed that at our school,
they were aghast to find that the touching story of unemployed men's struggle to maintain dignity was met with hoots of hysterical laughter, pointing and impressions.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:05, Reply)

Pretty much the same reaction we had to Joey Deacon

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:15, Reply)

Same here
cf Ben Harwick, Herald of Free Enterprise, both Cambodian and Ethiopian famines, space shuttle disaster, Marchioness, Bopal chemical disaster, Chernobyl.....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:20, Reply)

Maybe Chef.
But it looks like hard work and long hours.

I like restaurants.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:43, Reply)

Good drinking opportunities.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:44, Reply)

Very hard work and not well paid
split shifts 6 days most weeks
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:44, Reply)

F that.
I was thinking 3 hours max and then getting on the guzzers.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:46, Reply)

Knock a couple sarnies together then help yourself to the bar

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:47, Reply)

Totes.
Crack on with the High End Drinking. Which, btw, I love.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:54, Reply)

I had no idea - we could be twins!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:55, Reply)

Lunch and dinner shift 5 hours a pop
My wife spent 15 years as a Chef shes now in Catering management earns shit loads more and works from 7.30-3.15pm each day
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:48, Reply)

Something about a badly made kebab.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:52, Reply)

People seem to think certain jobs are a walk in the park.
On of the best I heard was someone close to retiring talking about opening up a B&B near the coast not realising it's a 24hours a day job 7 days a week
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:01, Reply)

When you say 'certain jobs', you're really talking about 'park keeper' or 'dog walker' here aren't you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:04, Reply)

*facepalms*

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:05, Reply)

Nice quiet one in Margate or Great Yarmouth.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:04, Reply)

Fucking hell, I once went the Clacton on sea* that was dire
*it was work related not out of choice
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:07, Reply)

Until you have been to GY (as I am qualified to call it)
you are an amateur at all things in life.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:09, Reply)

I'll make a point of avoiding it

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:14, Reply)

I honestly think it's the worst place I have ever been.
And I have been round Monty's flat.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:19, Reply)

Hello?
I do read this site you know.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:25, Reply)

You could open up a rival chain to the motorway restaurants that Battered has.
Big chef.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:48, Reply)

+ heap i

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:48, Reply)

Why isn't it home time yet?

( Kroney, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:57, Reply)

How does he smell?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:58, Reply)

yes sir,yes sir, three bags full

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:59, Reply)

Tango's been home for two hours already.
The fucking mung bean WOMAD yurtprick.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 12:58, Reply)

I might have a meeting to attend at my house shortly.
No bastard in today.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:00, Reply)

You deffo do.
It'll keep you busy until that other meeting at 7pm, I expect.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:03, Reply)

I expect so.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:08, Reply)

Terrible things. the old 'meetings', eh.
Go on for ages.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:11, Reply)

Nightmare.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:19, Reply)

YOU'RE IN A ROOM

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:24, Reply)

Jealous

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:00, Reply)

Prick
I'm here until fucking 6pm whilst you go cap in hand to the council saying "please sir, can I have some more of Kroney's tax money so I can pump kid after kid out of my smelly sandal-sucking civil free love life partner's unwashed crack and sit around in my yurt up a tree blocking much needed bypasses and cheap starter homes?"

You fucking work-shy granola-botherer.
( Kroney, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:05, Reply)

Yeah, unwashed crack!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:08, Reply)

mmmm, crack.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:12, Reply)

Hanson'szzzzzzzzzzz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:14, Reply)

I fancied the bird out of Hanson.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:16, Reply)

Which one of them

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:17, Reply)

Alan

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:21, Reply)

phwoar

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:26, Reply)

Who didn't? Right, lads????

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:17, Reply)

I wish I had the stones to dress in woven flax.

( Kroney, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:18, Reply)

I am actually doing some on-line compliance training!
What has the world come to?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:20, Reply)

where's my fucking job offer?

( Kroney, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:20, Reply)

You only had 20 seconds in which to do it, yeah?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:21, Reply)

*outsmarts bullet*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:25, Reply)

It's the baggy grey yak-hair y-fronts wot AH loov, Kinghee.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:20, Reply)

And don't they look absolutely fucking chock-full of dignity.

( Kroney, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:22, Reply)

See below

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:22, Reply)

see below

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:27, Reply)

Dignity is having the stones to send your weeping child to school in a hand-woven felt cape
with a carob-and-lentil bar instead of a Trio in his sustainable oak lunchbox.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:24, Reply)

Dignity is about being confident with leaving work early
Dignity is having the stones to dress head to toe in hemp and live in a field with 1000s of people, knowing no one there, but having sex with a number of wonderful people, and impregnating them all.
Dignity is knowing what types of alfalfa you like and having the courage to let the world know you're not afraid to hide it.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:22, Reply)

I tell you what, if Nik Kershaw isn't sporting a partial right now
then I fucking am.
( Kroney, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:25, Reply)

hahahahahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:27, Reply)

RIGHT NEW FRED

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:27, Reply)

You're, too sexy for this thread?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 13:29, Reply)

I'd be a Polish policeman.
(Bum Bag Fashion Boy Burned a home made pizza on, Fri 7 Jun 2013, 16:26, Reply)